Author: Robyn

Currently reading: Any Place I Hang My Hat, by Susan Isaacs. So far, it’s really good. I had a hard time putting it down last night, even though I could barely keep my eyes open. Recently finished: Plain Truth, by Jodi Picoult. It ended up being a good book, with a surprising little twist at the end that I totally didn’t see coming.

* * * Friday night, Fred and I watched Walk the Line. It was a movie I enjoyed a lot – I didn’t know much about Johnny Cash and June Carter – and I found it interesting. There was a lot of music, which I like in a movie about a singer, and when it ended I didn’t want it to. So the movie ended, and there was text on the screen telling what had happened with Johnny Cash, and it got to the part where June Carter Cash died in 2003, and Johnny Cash died four months later. I turned to Fred and said “I remember when she died, a lot of people said that he probably wasn’t going to be around much longer.” “That happens a lot,” Fred said. “Where one person dies and the other hangs on for a few months and then follows him or her.” “Yeah, YOU’LL probably hang on for fifty YEARS after I die!” I said. “Bessie,” he said. “I think we ALL know I’m going to die first.” “Why is that?” I said. And he began his litany of aches and pains. “My knees, my shoulders, my ankles!” “That’s got nothing to do with dying,” I scoffed. “You won’t DIE from that stuff, you’ll just end up in a wheelchair. I’ll end up wiping your ass for twenty years, and then they’ll have to make a movie about OUR great love story.” I headed for the bathroom to pee. “And they’ll have to call it Wipe the Ass!” Fred laughed, and by the time I came out of the bathroom, he was standing in the middle of the living room, arms spread wide. A grin on his face, he began singing, to the tune of Walk the Line: This wheelchair makes me dependent on my lass. I keep my mouth shut, I try not to harass. Cause when my farts have something more than gas – It is her task, To wipe my ass. Each day I fill my underpants with poo. Sometimes it’s firm, but often more like glue. And yet she knows, still knows just what to do. It is her task, To wipe my ass. This would be just one of the many reasons I love that man – his whole life is a musical. * * * I realized at 4 am Friday morning that I consider the cats to be my own personal security detail. I was half-awake because Sugarbutt was slurping on my neck and kneading on my chest. Suddenly, he stopping kneading and slurping, and came to attention, staring off out the doorway of my bedroom. I heard a sound that strongly resembled a dog barking – one short bark – and a second later, he and Miz Poo both FLEW off the bed and out the door. This got my attention because Sugarbutt will leap off the bed and go to investigate at the drop of a hat, but it about takes a stick of dynamite to get Miz Poo to move her ass. So I stood up and went toward the door to see if I could figure out what was going on, and I saw Mister Boogers, Spanky, Spot, and Tommy milling around the floor of my bedroom. They all seemed pretty disturbed by something, and I started to wonder if perhaps someone had broken into the house. (That’s always my first thought, because I’m a spaz.) So I put my nightgown on and slowly moved out into the hallway right outside my bedroom, and listened to see if I could hear anything. The cats continued to mill around, and then Spot walked by me, squeaked at me, and walked downstairs. And then I realized that the house was safe, because if there was a strange person in the house there is no WAY ON EARTH Spot would walk down the stairs. He would, in fact, be hiding under a bed or a couch and wouldn’t come out for three days. I went back to bed, safe and secure in the knowledge that I can count on the cats to let me know if my life is in danger. And I’m sure I’ll continue to believe that until the night I’m sound asleep and Sugarbutt leads someone directly into my room so they can viciously slaughter me in my sleep. * * * The Daddy is so hot that Tommy melts right off the pillow. Straws is yummy. Is it just me, or does Sugarbutt look like a stuffed bear? Sugarbutt, up close. All of today’s uploaded pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: No entry. 2004: No entry. 2003: Want some cats? 2002: I had no idea what to say – “Well, of COURSE you’re only going to date someone you think is cute!”? Then I’m anti-ugly. 2001: Except for that crying at the drop of a hat thing, she’s just fine. 2000: Do y’all ever do that, have moments where the startling realization that you’re a complete dumbass smacks you in the face? ]]>

* * * Lordy. Yesterday was a big errand-running day for me, again. I had a 1:30 appointment with the nutritionist, and after that I stopped at Target to return a mirror, Michael’s to buy a mirror, and the pet store to buy cat food and some cat toys (DESPERATELY NEEDED, I assure you!). By the time I got home and was unloading the car, Fred got home from work, so I made him carry the cat food upstairs since I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy stuff. (Don’t ask how the cat food got in the car. I think it was magic!) (I’m going to end up popping a hernia, and y’all will be “MmmHMMM, I KNEW that was going to happen, the dumb bitch was lifting shit long before she was supposed to!”) Anyway, it was nice to be out and running errands, because yesterday was gorgeously sunny and warm out – despite the forecasts that claimed it was going to be cold and rainy – and I drove around with my windows cracked and the country music a-blaring. The mirror I returned at Target was one I bought last week because I desperately need to hang a mirror in the bathroom in a location I can get very close to without having to lean over the sink – I can get up close and personal with the mirror over the sink, but it’s an awkward position to be in, and I’m prefer to be standing upright. Why, you are asking (unless you’ve fallen asleep), do I need to get very close to a mirror? Because at night before bed, I take my contacts out, and then I can’t see to put my rosacea cream and moisturizer on. And I don’t like to do it before I take my contacts out, ’cause then I’ll get goop on my contacts, that’s why. So I bought the smallest mirror they had at Target, but not soon after I bought it, I thought “I’m an idiot. I don’t like the mirror, and it’s too damn big for the space! Plus, Michael’s would probably have a mirror I’d like better and would work better for me.” Anyway, after I returned the mirror at Target, I went over to Michael’s, and would you believe that all I could find were big, full-length mirrors? I was frustrated and spent about half an hour browsing through the store before I stumbled upon some 5×7 and 8×10 mirror pieces with beveled edges. 5×7 was pretty much the size I was looking for, so I picked that up and went looking for a frame. I found a plain black frame, and voila! A simple mirror that I could hang, perfect for the space! Of course, I haven’t hung it up yet. I’m sure it’ll have to sit on the bathroom counter for a couple of weeks before I get around to THAT.

Currently reading: Plain Truth, by Jodi Picoult. I’m enjoying it – it’s about Amish people in Pennsylvania, and it’s really making me want to go up to Lawrenceburg, TN and visit the Mennonite community up there – but what bugs me about the book is the constant change of perspective. Sometimes it’s from the lawyer’s point of view, sometimes the detective’s, etc. It’s kind of jarring, and it annoys me a little. That said, I’m still liking it. * * * First, you sit there, and you just kind of feel like something’s not quite right. And then The Daddy comes along and messes with your head… “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.” “How YOU doin’?” “Who’s pickin’ a banjo here?” All of today’s uploaded pictures are hither. * * * Previously 2005: By the way, Erika: who watches your kids while you’re busy reading PEOPLE and firing off those indignant letters? 2004: You all have to refer to me as “Journaler and (soon-to-be-published) AUTHOR Ethan Hawke Robyn And3rson” from now on. I insist! 2003: Ah, you poor damn AOL users. 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: See? I always say “Thank you” to the freaking servers at fast food places. Yet all I get in return is rudeness.]]>

So I had a hair appointment yesterday morning at 9:00, and I had to be home by 11, because we were waiting for someone to come from the furniture store and fix the couch (a bolt underneath fell off and this is the second time it happened; the repair guy said that if it happens again to call him directly and he’d get us a new couch.). I left the hair fixin’ place at 10:45, which gave me plenty of time to get home, so rather than stopping at the grocery store – the grocery list was 63 miles long – I came straight home. And of COURSE the repair guy didn’t show up ’til almost 3:30. But all was not lost – when he hadn’t shown up by 2:00, I left and got groceries anyway. While I was waiting for him, I installed all the software I needed to install for my Brand! New! iPod!

I call him Bob. It came Tuesday night while we were watching American Idol, and I left the box on my desk to open yesterday when I’d have time to do everything I needed to do. There was a ton of software I needed to install and update, and then I looked through the book, and then I got all pissed off because I wanted to upload some podcasts to the iPod, only they weren’t in iTunes and when I imported them to iTunes, I couldn’t get them to go into the “Podcasts” directory and I couldn’t find ANYTHING ANYWHERE to tell me how to get something from, say, c://tmp/Podcasts to my iPod. So I called Fred and bitched for a while and he pretended to listen to me while surfing the web, then suggested that I ask y’all for help, and we hung up. Then I thought of a solution myself – I created a new playlist in iTunes, called it “Pods”, imported the podcasts, and uploaded it to my iPod. Problem solved! If y’all know of a less convoluted solution, let me know, would you? So far, I like Bob. No, scratch that – I LOVE Bob. My walk was much easier this morning, listening to skip-free Grey’s Anatomy podcasts. I’m not crazy about the ear buds, though, so I switched ’em out for the pair that came with my CD player. Oh, and I’m going to get Bob a yellow silicon cover, so he doesn’t get all scratched up. Have I mentioned that eBay rocks? * * * I think I’d like to find a new design for my site. I like this one – especially the color – but I’d like to have two sidebars, and I hate the way there’s a huge space between the title and list of each set of links. If anyone’s seen a design they think is very “me” (I can’t seem to find one I like, on my own), let me know. I like this one not only for the color, but also because it’s a simple, uncluttered design and I can change the header graphic every month. * * * Tuesday night, the oddest thing happened. Well, I guess it mostly started in the early afternoon. After I got done with all my cleaning and took my shower, I started feeling really tired. I thought about taking a nap, but decided not to. I stayed tired all afternoon, and then when we were watching American Idol, I realized I was cold – FREEZING cold. I had goosebumps and my teeth were chattering, and I was shivering. I turned on the fire for a little while, but that only warmed me up a little. I pulled the quilt (a lovely heavy old antique quilt Fred found in an antique store a few years ago: ) over me, but that didn’t warm me up much, either. The only thing that helped was to pull my arms into the inside of my shirt and warm them up under my boobs (an excellent spot for warming cold appendages), and even that didn’t help very much. When we went upstairs at bedtime, I was still shaking, and Fred was starting to get worried. He asked me about a thousand questions and seemed somewhat relieved to hear that I wasn’t in any pain. I was still shivering so hard my teeth were chattering and I felt a little nauseous, but I felt no pain anywhere. We couldn’t find the thermometer anywhere, but I thought maybe it was a low blood pressure issue, so Fred got out the blood pressure thingy and my blood pressure was fine. I brushed my teeth and got into bed, and Fred spooned with me, because he was really hot – the house was over 70, which to him is hot and to me is cold – and he figured he could warm me up and I could cool him down. He started sweating pretty quickly and I was still cold, so he put a quilt over me and I pulled the covers up to my chin. After a little while, he said “I could go to Walgreen’s and get a thermometer.” He did – he was there and back in, according to him, eight minutes. The thermometer said that I had a temperature of 100.3, which to me ain’t no fever – I don’t think it even counts ’til you get to 101, personally – but Fred got me some Tylenol and made me drink it. We talked for a while longer, then he went to bed, but not before putting a second quilt on top of me. I finally started to warm up a little, and then about two hours later I woke up, and I was very, very hot. I kicked off the quilts, and was just fine for the rest of the night. Wednesday morning I woke up just fine. I have no idea what was up Tuesday night; Fred hypothesized that I overdid it with the housecleaning, which I suppose could be true. I’m not supposed to be lifting anything over 10 pounds until I’m 6 weeks out from surgery, but I did carry the vacuum cleaner downstairs, so maybe that was not such a good thing to do. I think I should take the rest of the week off from housework just to be sure I don’t overdo it again. * * * Pardon the eye booger. I bet Tommy could jump high enough to catch one of those birds that keep teasing him. I love the ears-back look. All of today’s uploaded pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: Bouncing like that just can’t be a good thing. 2004: “DAMN it’s cold in here, give me some ass!” 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: Let’s just hope she wasn’t preparing him for the slaughter. 2000: No entry.]]>

new logo! This one was created by the lovely and talented Chrystal, ain’t it great? Thanks, Chrystal! Those of you who have sent me logos, don’t worry – I still love ’em, and they’re still in the queue; they’ll show up sooner or later!

* * * Today’s earworm: Let herself go on a singles cruise, To Vegas once, then to Honolulu. Let herself go to New York City: A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty. When he said he didn’t love her no more, She let herself go. (She Let Herself Go, by George Strait.) * * * I discovered yesterday that there’s a Super Suppers in Huntsville, and I spent a good ten minutes looking over the site and drooling. And then when I was cooking dinner (how awesome am I, cooking dinner I can’t eat? Luckily it’s something I’m not all that crazy about.) Fred came downstairs to put green beans and almonds in the microwave, and I said “Do you know what Super Suppers is?” “No,” he said. “It’s this place where you go, and they have all the fixins ready to make dinner, and you make it and bring it home and freeze it and eat it when you want.” Silence. Silence. Silence. “And this makes you a sucker?” he suggested. “No,” I said, laughing. “Super SUPPERS.” “Oh! I thought you said Super Suckers.” I totally need to get a job, so I can afford to (1) Hire cleaners, because GOD IN HEAVEN do I hate cleaning house and I don’t do it nearly often enough and (2) Visit Super Suppers once a month or so because GOD IN HEAVEN do I hate cooking, and I’ve had most of the last month off from cooking for Fred and the spud, but still? Hate it. HATE. I might have had the weight loss surgery, but it doesn’t deter me from going for the world title in laziness. I might have been beaten out by a tenth of a point last year (STUPID judges, “leech” does not equal “lazy”, there’s no WAY Kevin Federline deserved that title!), but this year I WILL PREVAIL. Anyway. It’s funny that I talk of how much I hate cleaning, because yesterday I spent about two hours cleaning, between scrubbing down the bathroom (which I JUST cleaned last Sunday! Did you feel the earth stop turning on its axis?) (PS: Those Mr. Clean Eraser sponges ROCK; I don’t know the last time the shower was that clean.), vacuuming the entire house, and doing laundry. The bad part about the cleaning was that I got a little too close to the cleaner fumes when I was in the shower, and I coughed so hard I shot a lung across the bathroom, where Sugarbutt grabbed it up and took off with it. I don’t know where it is now; either he ate it, or it’s sitting under a bed, covered with cat hair and dust. Good thing I have two of ’em! Still so much cleaning left to do, though. I haven’t mopped my downstairs floors since the day before I had surgery, and they’re in desperate need of cleaning. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow after I have my hairs did. Speaking of Fred misunderstanding me, I called him on Friday after I started reading The Working Poor, specifically the chapter on how people get screwed over by H & R Bl0ck. “Did you talk to the accountant about the fact that we shut down Thr3e T0es Pub1ishing, Inc?” I asked him. “I sent her an email. Why?” “Because I’m reading this book and the chapter’s about how people get screwed over by H & R Bl0ck, and it reminded me of taxes.” “Is it a good book?” he asked. “So far it is,” I said. “But it makes me feel like a bloated rich person.” (Not working makes me feel guilty when I read about how hard some people struggle just to make ends meet. But then, if I got a job I’d be taking it away from someone who needs it, right? Um… right? And it’s not like I’m wasting my ivy league education or anything. These are the justifications I give to convince myself I shouldn’t feel guilty. Doesn’t work, though.) Fred started laughing. “Did you – what did you say? Because what I heard sounded awfully funny!” “That I feel like a bloated rich person*?” “Oh,” he said, still laughing. “I thought you said ‘bloated French person’.” Either he needs a hearing aid or I need to be more careful about enunciating what I’m saying. *We are not rich people. We are not poor people. We are middle class-ish. If we were rich people, I’d HAVE cleaning people and a cook and would be driving a yellow mustang. (Not that I don’t love my E’gar. He’s a good little car!) I have no cat pictures for you today, so I thought I’d post some pictures of Sugarbutt and Tommy so we can marvel that they were ever that tiny. * * * Previously 2005: Tony: Yeah, sure. Jack: Okay, fine. 2004: This is my new boyfriend. I call him Jimmy. 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: “If you get a package that’s too big for your box,” he said carefully, “we. will. put. a. yellow. slip. in. your. box. You. should. bring. it. up. to. the. counter. and. we. will. get. the. package. for. you.” 2000: No entry.]]>

Discussion about 24 in this section. Skip it if you haven’t seen last night’s episode. I have only one thing to say about last night’s 24: for the brief moment when it appeared as though Aaron was dead, I was far, FAR more upset than I was about Palmer dying in the first episode. I LOVE me some Aaron. He’s one of the unwavering, absolute, without-a-doubt good guys. It’s weird to see him being a bit of an ass on the first season of CSI (as the sheriff). Also, how much does Jean Smart rock? She ROCKS. Can we get her back as president next season, maybe?

* * * Thanks to both Yvonne, who informed me that I could download Sunday’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy on SendSpace.com, and Veronica, who recommended I try YouTube.com. Y’all rock! I downloaded it from SendSpace.com, burned it to a DVD, and I’ll be watching it later today. Yay! So, was Desperate Housewives a rerun this week? I’m not seeing it on iTunes anywhere, and there appears to be no recap or discussion about it on MightyBigTV TelevisionWithoutPity. * * * Yesterday was one of those days. You know those days that start out good, but at a certain point you realize that everything you’ve done the entire days has been a great big fuckup or a struggle to finish? Yeah, one of those days. It started out really well, because I woke up to the sun shining, and I got out of bed and puttered around the house for a little while, then got my jacket on and went for a walk. I was a little annoyed by my CD/ MP3 player, because it skipped a lot during my walk (yes, it has skip protection, and it doesn’t work all that well; I CANNOT WAIT to get my iPod. It should be here tomorrow!), but other than that, it was a nice day out. When I got home from my walk, I went into the kitchen to make my breakfast, and immediately dropped an egg on the floor. And when I was wiping it up, I managed somehow to smack Sugarbutt right in the face, poor baby. By the time I tracked him down and soothed him, the pan on the stove in the kitchen was smoking (I’d put it on the stove and set the temperature on medium before I dropped the egg). I managed to clean the pan out and respray the Pam and and cook my eggs with no further problems. And then I sat at my computer and tried to write my entry, only my computer was super slow, and it took FORFUCKINGEVER – TWO HOURS! – to write it, because there were links I need to add to the entry, and I couldn’t connect to Flickr, and in the end I sat at Fred’s computer and finished up my entry, because HIS COMPUTER was working JUST FINE, of course. So I said “Fuck you, you piece of shit!” to my computer and shut it down, and went upstairs. Where I changed the sheets on my bed and on Fred’s. When I reached down to grab my comforter off the floor to put it back on the bed, Sugarbutt fell out (I didn’t know he was there!) and went tumbling across the floor into the wall. I guess if Sugarbutt had a journal, he’d be writing about how yesterday wasn’t his day, either. I comforted Sugarbutt again (with my luck, he’s going to start flinching when I reach for him) and then went into Fred’s room. Only I didn’t shut the door to Fred’s room fast enough, and Mister Boogers hauled ass through the door, and I had to spend ten minutes chasing his stupid ass around – I think his stump of a tail allows him to move faster than any other cat. Lack of wind resistance? – before I caught him and tossed him back out. Then I knocked over the stack of pillows, which I had piled up carefully beside the bed in a certain order, because Fred likes his pillows just so, and with them all knocked over, I didn’t know what went where, so I just guessed, and no doubt when Fred reads this, he’ll call me and say “Now I know why I didn’t sleep very well last night!” With the beds changed, I went into the laundry room to put the first load of sheets in, only there was laundry in the washer, so I put it in the dryer, shut the dryer door, and started the dryer. And then there was this thumping sound – way louder than the sound of laundry tumbling around – and an instant later, a sound as though Satan himself was tumbling around in the dryer and he WASN’T HAPPY hit my ears, and I screamed and opened the dryer door, and Tom Cullen shot out as though Satan was after HIM, and he hid under my bed for a good ten minutes, all fluffed up from head to toe (hey, that dryer is GOOD, it can fluff a cat in three seconds flat!) and trembling. Now, I always – ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS – look in the dryer before I shut the dryer door and start the dryer, because Sugarbutt and Tom Cullen always get all excited when I’m in there, like little kids who want to show off their bedroom “Look, Mom! This is where we keep the poop! Doesn’t it stink? Ain’t it great?!”, and I’ve always worried that one of them would get shut in the dryer and be tumbled around, I’m practically paranoid about it, and TODAY IT HAPPENED. And it scared the shit out of me. Also, I’m worried that Tommy will start pooping in the closet because he’s too scared to go into the laundry room and I’ll have to kill him. So I soothed Tommy for a little while, then went off to take my shower. And given how my morning had gone thus far, do you think that when I thought “I should shave my legs”, I rethought that thought and thought better of it? Why, no. I shaved my legs, and I ripped a nice long piece of skin from the back of my right calf and cut up my ankles AND my armpit. The left one. Annnnnnnnd then I went downstairs to soothe my troubles in front of Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy, but as I mentioned in my entry yesterday, the STUPID DVR didn’t tape either of them for some freakin’ reason UNKNOWN TO ME (that’s what I get for not double-checking to be sure they were taping, I suppose), and all I had was one sad little episode of Runway Moms and Oprah. I watched them and cross-stitched, and apparently there’s some kind of magic in cross-stitching, because after that my day improved. Though probably what this entry really needs for a closer is a story about how Mister Boogers and the kittens brought in a bird and viciously killed it while I sat, oblivious, ten feet away watching TV. Working out is exhausting. “Bob!” “I say, BOB! Bob, where the fuck ARE you?!” “If that little BITCH doesn’t stop calling me BOB, I am going to go in there and kick his fucking ASS.” All of today’s uploaded pictures are here. ]]>

So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before – I think I haven’t – but when I come across a cat somewhere in the house and he or she looks up at me, looking all cute, I tend to greet him or her with “What it doin’ (insert shortened version of cat’s name here)?” For instance, “What it doin’, Toms?”, “What it doin’, Boogs?”, etc. Friday I went upstairs to fold laundry and take my shower, and Miz Poo was sleeping on my bed. As I walked in the room, she woke up, stretched, and looked up at me. I opened myself to say “What it doin’, Poo?”, but what came out what “What it doin’, Boobs?” I swear to god, I have NO CONTROL over what comes out of my mouth sometimes.

* * * After watching three or four episodes of Olympic Ice last week (after Kymm recommended it so highly), I have come to the conclusion that while I love figure skating, I don’t really care all that much for the competition figure skating. I prefer the figure skating that’s entirely for entertainment. I loved the exhibition skating on Friday night, and I love it when big skaters get together and put on a show. The competition skating just isn’t my thing, I guess. * * * I watched a TON of television and movies this weekend. In fact, Sunday afternoon there was absolutely nothing taped on the DVR. NOTHING! I don’t know the last time that happened. Plus, I got three discs from Netflix on Friday and one on Saturday, so we were set for stuff to watch. Or so we thought. I might get flamed for this, but I have to say – I didn’t care for Rent at ALL. We watched fourty-five minutes of it and finally Fred asked if I really liked it. I had to admit that I didn’t, and he said, in exasperation, “They just must have gotten so many Tonys because everyone had AIDS!” And then he broke into a rousing rendition of Everyone has AIDS. So we took that out and put Thumbsucker in, and watched half an hour of that before I said to Fred, “You can take it out if you want.” “It sucks, doesn’t it?” he said. “It does.” And so he put North Country in, and third time’s a charm, because I thought it was a really good movie, and even The Grouch admitted that it wasn’t bad. On Saturday we got The Weatherman from Netflix, and we watched the trailer, and Fred decided he wasn’t interested in it at ALL, so we ended up watching CSI all night. Which was fine with me – because did I mention that’s a DAMN FINE show? Except that Jorja Fox’s face bugs me for some reason. But I don’t suppose you can have everything. I watched The Weather Man by myself on Sunday, and I liked it. It’s worth watching, if just for the “Tartar Sauce” sequence. I made Fred come sit down and watch that part of the movie, saying “They’ve captured you on film!”, and he laughed so hard he about cried. Then, Sunday afternoon, I watched the last disc of Season 2 of The O.C. Since I’m walking outside for exercise instead of using the elliptical, the disc has been sitting in the garage, unwatched, for a few weeks now. So I finished watching it (how long do I have to wait for Season 3 to come out on DVD, do you suppose? Sometime this summer?) and now there’s nothing for me to watch. Well, except for Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives, of course. * * * Over the weekend, I finally opened the cat door so that we could start teaching the kittens how to go through it. They picked it up pretty quickly (especially considering that that was the only way in and out of the house, since I didn’t open the back door), and although they don’t really like to have to push the flap open with their faces, they’ll do it to get outside. Sugarbutt doesn’t care to have his collar on – he scratches a lot – but I’m sure he’ll get used to it. The funny thing is that they get SO EXCITED when they come back into the house. Sugarbutt was zooming back and forth like a wild thing yesterday morning. They love to go out there and sniff around, then come inside, drink some water, and run around like their asses are afire. It’s still a little cold out to leave the cat door open all day long, but I think (hope!) that warmer weather’s coming, so Fred can collar up the cats and open the cat door before he leaves for work, and then we can close it when it’s starting to get dark. The collars seem to be deterring Sugarbutt and Tommy just fine. Miz Poo was hanging out in the daffodils the other day, which are up against the fence, and Tommy would start toward her, then remember he couldn’t go that far, and he’d just stop and watch her. I’d almost say she was teasing him, but of course (har!) she’s not that mean. * * * SuperSugs! Is there anything happier than a sleeping cat? I think NOT. What cracks me up the most is the long-suffering “Oh lord jesus, how much longer must I put up with The Daddy dangling the feather toy over my head and not letting me get it?” look on his face. Look at the HEIGHT on that jump! Not bad for a rapidly portlifying kitty. This picture just cracks me UP. All of the flying kitty pictures were taken by Himself. All of today’s pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: No entry. 2004: Dude, what the fuck? I don’t talk for 20 to 30 minutes on the phone to people I know and LIKE, let alone some strange man from the CDC! 2003: A Day in the Life of Mr. Fancypants. 2002: No entry. 2001: But I kinda like the irritability. 2000: My heart stopped, my jaw dropped, and I whispered “Oh, shiiiiiiiiiiit!”]]>

reading: The Working Poor, by David K. Shipler. Finished last night: Grave Sight, by Charlaine Harris. Oh, how I LURVE Charlaine Harris. This is the first in a new series, the Harper Connelly series. I loved it. Finished the night before last: She Got Up Off the Couch, by Haven Kimmel. I so very, very, very much didn’t want this book to end. I desperately didn’t want it to end. I went back and re-read a couple of chapters just so it wouldn’t end, but – like all good things – it ended. DAMNIT. If Haven Kimmel thinks she’s going to get away without doing another memoir, she has got ANOTHER THINK COMING. I want to know about her high school years, I want to know why Rose wasn’t mentioned in her dedication or acknowledgements, I want to know what life was like after her father left, I want to know how he died. I will hound that woman until she gives in and writes another memoir just out of self-preservation, I swear I will! And a very cool reader (Hi Cindy!) is lending me her copy of A Girl Named Zippy on CD, and I can’t wait!

* * * So, I started watching a show on WE called Daddy’s Spoiled Little Girl, and I thought for a little while it might become my new guilty pleasure, but then I saw the episode with Karly Urat@, and I got so pissed that I said to myself, I said “Self, it is RIDICULOUS to get this pissed off over someone you don’t know, will never know, and doesn’t know you even exist.” So I stopped taping them, at least for the time being. But let me TELL you a little about Karly Urat@. Karly Urat@ is 27 and has an older sister Kelly. Kelly was about to turn 30, so Karly decided to throw her a surprise party, at Daddy’s expense, of course. She picked Daddy up at the golf course, because she was taking him shopping for Kelly’s birthday present. She was thinking maybe a nice tennis bracelet, so she and Daddy went to a jewelry store and ended up spending (I think) $6,000 (of Daddy’s money) on a tennis bracelet. And then. AND THEN, Princess Karly starts lobbying for Daddy to buy her – Karly – a $90,000 car. This is Princess Karly’s reasoning: “You just bought Kelly a $6,000 tennis bracelet, it’s time to get something for me!” Yes, of course. I see the correlation – Kelly’s birthday present cost $6,000, therefore Karly is owed something that costs 15 times more. So what if it’s Kelly’s birthday and not Karly’s? Karly is OWED a $90,000 car, Daddy! So Karly drags Daddy to the car dealership and they test-drive the car, and Karly’s all “Oh, we’ll take it!” and Daddy’s all “No, we’re going to think about it”, and you know what happens, don’t you? Karly turns instantly into a pouty little bitch. The show goes on and Karly and Kelly and Daddy and a bunch of their friends go to Vegas, because Kelly doesn’t know about the surprise party, so she thinks that the trip to Vegas is her birthday. And of course they need DRESSES, so Daddy buys them dresses, and of course they need a spa day, so Daddy buys them a spa day. And then Daddy buys dinner for everyone, which if I recall correctly cost multiple thousands of dollars, and there is partying and hijinx. And then we come upon the day of Kelly’s birthday, the day of the surprise party, and Daddy shows up to tell Kelly and Karly to move along (possibly Kelly and Karly live together, I’m sure in a house THEY didn’t pay for), and Daddy tells Karly he has a surprise for her. And it’s the fucking $90,000 car. In the driveway. With a huge bow on it. ON KELLY’S BIRTHDAY. 1. Daddy clearly has too much money and needs to be hit over the head so he’ll stop spending. 2. I hate spoiled rotten princesses. 3. Way to make Kelly feel special on her birthday, Daddy. 4. The day my father spends $6,000 on a piece of jewelry for me is the day I slap his ass into a nursing home, ’cause he’ll have gone off his freakin’ rocker. I mean, I know it’s the guy’s money and he can spend it however he wants, and I’m sure a father likes to spoil his daughters from time to time, but GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. How is this helping to make those girls productive members of society, I ask you? That’s right – it DOESN’T. However, the Secret Lives of Women series still rocks the casbah. I watched Shopaholics today, and I’m looking forward to Plastic Surgery Addicts next week! * * * The attitudinous Meester Boogers. (He beesy) We refer to this as his “Paw Paw” look, because way back before we got him – before we were even seriously thinking of getting another cat – I saw his picture on the shelter’s web page (his name was Paw Paw back then), and he had this exact look on his face, and it cracked us up so much that when we WERE ready to get another cat, Fred said “Is Paw Paw here?”, and he was, and once we saw and held him, it was all over. “Sugarbutt! Front and center! I need some snuggle time!” “Mother, may I please go out and explore the garage?” Sugarbutt discovers that his purple nails have magical powers, and that he can FLY! All of today’s pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: “4.2 billion,” he said suddenly. “Not 4.7. Because a regular signed 32-bit integer only goes up just over 2.1 billion – that’s 2 to the 31st power – and an unsigned would be one more power of two onto that, so–” 2004: Is it easier to write bad poetry, or am I just naturally a bad poet (and didn’t know it)? 2003: Let’s see whether or not I can give Lisa what she wants! 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: Have you noticed that I feel like an idiot a lot?]]>

This one. Is it not the MOST adorable tattoo you’ve ever seen?? I can’t wait.

* * * So, a couple of nights ago I told Fred I wanted to start saving for an iPod. He gave me a hard time for a few minutes – since I just bought a $20 CD player that plays MP3s last week – then told me it was fine with him. Yesterday, some unexpected money dropped right into our laps, and he told me to go ahead and get an iPod. I didn’t get one of the newest ones, the ones that play videos and holds 632 years’ worth of songs (I mostly want the iPod for when I exercise in the morning, and I can’t see myself burning many calories trudging down the road watching videos on my iPod); instead, I got a refurbished 4GB iPod Mini. In blue! I am very VERY excited about getting an iPod; more excited that I should be, perhaps. But ever since I found out that there are Grey’s Anatomy podcasts and Lost podcasts, I’ve been pro-iPod. I know I could burn it to a CD and listen to it on my CD/ MP3 player, but I just… I don’t know! I want an iPod, damnit! I want to be one of the cool kids! Not as cool as the kids who can watch videos, but still! Cool! Oh, how stylin’ I will be, walking around the neighborhood every morning with my badass iPod. And when the snobs ignore me, I will hold my iPod up to them, and I will say “Bitches, you WISH you were as COOL as me!”, and they will watch me go with regretful hearts. Bitches. * * * By the way, I listened to all three of Kim‘s podcasts this morning while I was exercising – they’re called “What I Watched”, and are basically just Kim talking about what she’s watched recently on TV – and LOVED them. If you have a favorite podcast you think I might enjoy, tell me so in the comments, complete with link, please. Oh, and while I’m thinking of podcasts and stuff, several people have suggested that Fred and I should start our own podcasts. I think that Hell hasn’t quite reached the level of frigidity necessary for that. First of all, any podcast we made would be like such: Fred: Say something, Bessie! Robyn: Baby, what the fuck? What am I supposed to say. (baby talk) Hey, Suggie! Suggie-sugs, come say something into the microphone! Sugarbutt: (purr) Fred: (baby talk) Suggie! Hey, little Sugs! (/baby talk) Holy crap, was that necessary? Robyn: Was what? Oh MAN. Suggie, get your stinky butt out of here! And so on. Second of all, we both hate our voices and to release them forth into the world would be a cruelty beyond measure. So for now, we’ll be sticking to the written word. On the other hand, I think I said just last month “What would I need an iPod for?”, so times change. * * * For those of you who asked how the SoftPaws are working out for us: They seem to be working just fine, though Tommy and Sugarbutt have each lost a single cap, so we had to replace them last night. The downside to the SoftPaws is that since it doesn’t hurt when Sugarbutt kneads on me at night while he’s licking my neck, he kneads and licks FOREVER, and I finally have to say “Jesus god in heaven, do you MIND? I’d like to keep SOME of the skin on my neck, you freak!”, and he looks at me with glazed, love-drunk eyes, then gives a few more licks before he curls up on top of my upper arm and goes to sleep. And then I say “Enjoy it while you can, Sugarfreak, my upper arm’s not always going to be the size of a ham!”, kiss him on his little head, and go back to sleep. Every morning when Fred gets out of the shower, Sugarbutt adores licking the water from his hair. Boogie wants you to kiss him right THERE. Suggie goes after the feather toy. Which, coincidentally, matches his nails. “Word to yer mutha.” He believes he can fly. He believes he can touch the sky-y-y! All of today’s uploaded pictures (there are a ton) are here. * * * Previously 2005: Impromptu day off. 2004: I’m going to save a fortune on tampons, that’s for sure. 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: Damn that Sam’s. 2000: Heartless bastard.]]>

Spud, you don’t want to read this. Trust me. So, for a brief moment in time, I thought that Bonnie might end up getting her dearest wish. Well, her dearest And3rson-related wish, anyway. See, I had to go off the birth control pill two weeks before I was originally supposed to have surgery (January 23), so the last pill I took was on January 7th. It worked out well, because I had come to the end of the Seasonale pack anyway and was due to stop taking it for a week so I could have my period. Even though I ended up not having surgery until the 30th, I was still off the pill for more than the required two weeks, so I figured everything was fine. Except. Remember how Fred had a vasectomy last April? And remember how he was supposed to bring in a semen sample after he’d had sex a certain number of times? Guess who didn’t bother to do that? Guess who tossed out the specimen cups he was supposed to use to provide said samples? So between the time I finished my period and the time I had surgery, there were many instances of.. you know. You know what I’m getting at, right? HOT MONKEY SEX, that’s what. And me not on the pill, and Fred possibly shooting blanks, but possibly not. My period didn’t start, and didn’t start and didn’t start, and I couldn’t seem to figure out how long it had been since I’d last had my period, and I started to get paranoid. “What if I’m pregnant!” I frantically said to Fred. “You’re not pregnant,” he said. “If there’s anyone on this earth who’d have a vasectomy and have it not “take”, it’d be YOU,” I said. “There will be no more HOT MONKEY SEX until you have your semen sample evaluated by a professional. There is nothing I want on god’s green earth right now – or EVER in the future – less than a BABY.” “Why do you hate me?” Fred asked. “I don’t want to walk in there with a sample cup with EVERYONE in the waiting room knowing what I’ve been doing.” “I’ll TAKE the freaking sample cup to the doctor’s office,” I promised. But first I had to go to the doctor’s office and pick UP a sample cup since see above about someone who is not me tossing out the sample jars we had. And when I walked into the doctor’s office, the waiting room was packed to the gills with men, and I tried to be discreet when I said “I need to pick up a sample cup for my husband”, but the words seemed to come out of my mouth and echo around the room, and my face went bright flaming red. The receptionist gave me a sample cup and I flew out of there as fast as I could. And then, Monday morning (HEY EVERYBODY! GUESS WHAT FRED WAS DOING MONDAY MORNING!) I had to take the actual sample cup avec sample back to the same doctor’s office said sample cup all wrapped up in a plastic grocery bag – since we don’t have any kind of paper bag anywhere in the house – and this time when I walked in to the doctor’s waiting room there were only three people sitting there, but when the receptionist came to the window and I said “I’m dropping off a sample for my husband”, again the words echoed about the room and the three people who were in the waiting room stopped talking and – I presume, since they were behind me and I didn’t turn around to see – started listening. “Is his name on it?” the receptionist asked. I stared at her. “I don’t know,” I said, and let “And I’m not looking” remain unspoken. She gave me a piece of paper to write down his name and phone number. “Will he be answering at this number?” she asked sternly, as though I had taken a semen sample from him without his knowledge, to have it tested, and planned to keep the results from him. “Yes,” I said. And got the hell out of there. Several hours later, the doctor – or a nurse, I don’t know which – called and told Fred that he was all clear. No sperms flailing about, apparently. Let the HOT MONKEY SEX begin! Oh, and I started my period last Wednesday, so (HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF) no baby. Sorry, Bonnie!

* * * Brudderly love. Poor Tommy. He lays in this bed, sound asleep, and Sugarbutt comes up and plops down right on top of him. Hallelujah for the belly rub! All of today’s uploaded pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: I can tell you this – I’m not terribly fond of my mailman right now. 2004: No entry. 2003: No entry. 2002: Not bad, since it’s been ten years or so since I read the play, eh? 2001: Resolutions for 2001. 2000: Well, apparently “coke” sounded like “coffee” to the Einstein taking my order. ]]>

Mo!!!!

* * * Grey’s Anatomy spoilers in this section; skip to the next if you haven’t seen the most recent episode. First of all, Izzy totally fucked up when she told George that he needed to make Meredith listen to him. What I think she should have said was “George, you should take the fact that she doesn’t hear you as a sign. You deserve someone who not only hears you, but WANTS TO HEAR EVERY WORD YOU SAY.” I mean, Meredith and George? Um, NO. Her fucking eyebrows freak me out, because they’re too LONG for her face. Seriously, they’re about 6 inches longer than they need to be. Also, does anyone else think that McSteamy bears a striking resemblance to (an older, hotter) Leonardo DiCaprio? I think it’s the eyes, but the first time I saw him in the “Coming next week” commercial at the end of the last week’s episode, I totally thought it was Leo, and had to go back and rewatch it a few times before I determined that it wasn’t. * * * Sunday night Fred and I watched the first four episodes of the first season of CSI. Holy hot dog! That’s a good freakin’ show! (I know, I know, y’all TRIED to tell me!) The thing that’s really awesome is that we’ve discovered that we really like the show, so now we have five or six years’ worth of shows to watch! That’ll take us months! Woot! Gary Dourdan (Warrick Brown) has got the most beautiful eyes. I kept saying that while we were watching the show, “He’s got beautiful eyes!” They’re the most interesting grayish bluish green I’ve ever seen. Fred thinks George Eads looks just like Sean Hannity. I’ve loved Marg Helgenberger since she was KC on China Beach, and William Petersen since he was Will Graham in Manhunter. I’ve already been told that once we’re finished watching all the episodes of CSI that are out, we will NOT be checking out CSI: Miami, because Fred loathes the ultra pale and pasty David Caruso. And we probably won’t be watching CSI: New York, because I watched a couple of episodes when it first came on, and though I adore Gary Sinise I can’t stand the lighting on that show. I had no idea New York City has such a funny blue tinge to it. No wonder they’re always killing each other up there. * * * Currently reading: She Got Up Off the Couch, by Haven Kimmel. I started this book last night, and had the hardest time putting it down again. I’m wishing like hell I’d kept A Girl Named Zippy, because I’d love to re-read it after I finish She Got Up Off the Couch. I’ve never read any of Haven Kimmel’s fiction, but I have two of her books, and I think I’ll give them a try in the near future. Her memoirs are amazing books, and if you’re looking for something that’ll make you laugh out loud one minute and break your heart the next, I suggest you give these two a try. I’m having a run of really good books, lately – I finished Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult last night and loved it, and before that I read Cell by Stephen King, and loved that, as well. * * * Da Sugs. Look closely at his mouth. OH, how it cracks me UP. Here, here’s a closeup: Hee! Tommy in motion. Tommy in motion again. All of today’s uploaded pictures are here. * * * Previously 2005: Questions answered. 2004: No entry. 2003: “Why, god? Whyyyyy?” 2002: He was in the room with me for less than 90 seconds. Was I happy? Oh, yes. Thrilled. 2001: I don’t know about that man… 2000: New vehicle.]]>