Hanne Blank‘s LiveJournal this weekend (EVERYONE has a LiveJournal, don’t they?), this entry (a very good one) in particular, and this paragraph made me want to stand up and cheer:
(And if you feel the need to have any of those rants, or start foaming at the mouth about how superior you are to “people like that” because you’re “childfree,” take it somewhere else because I don’t want to hear it. If you want there to be someone around to wipe your ass and make sure you get your meds when you’re 93 and in the rest home, someone else is going to have to do the hard work of rearing some children, so quit your self-righteous bitching and be grateful that they’re doing so.)
I suspect the spud is really looking forward to when Fred and I are old and decrepit, so she can pay us back for the torture we’ve inflicted on her in her youth. It’ll be great, ’til the first time she hides in the closet and jumps out at Fred to scare him (like he’s scared her so many times) and he clutches his heart and keels over dead.
* * *
The other night I was telling Fred about an episode of Oprah I’d seen that day, the one with New York Jets wide receiver
Laveranues Coles, (that first name is pronounced “Luh-VERN-ee-us”) talking about being molested from the ages of 10 to 13 by his stepfather. I was going on and on about what a brave move it was on his part, and that he seemed very uncomfortable talking about the subject and yet very determined to do so, when I noticed a smirk on Fred’s face.
“You are NOT about to make a JOKE about this, are you?” I said indignantly.
“Of course not!” he said. Then he smirked again. “I was just thinking that Lavernicus would be an excellent name.”
The room was silent as we pondered what he’d said.
“That makes me want to get pregnant and have a baby, just so I can name it Lavernicus,” I admitted. “That WOULD be an excellent name.”
“We could name it Lavernicus Cholulabean*,” Fred suggested.
And we laughed.
But not at Laveranues Coles, who is an awesome guy. And, I assume, a really good baseball player.
(Please note that the “baseball player” is a joke. I was KIDDING. Even I know there are no wide receivers in baseball. Plus, they put up about a thousand pictures of Laveranues Coles playing football on Oprah.)
*Fred loves to put
Cholula on his popcorn, on his red beans and rice – on just about everything, really. One evening he was saucing up his red beans and rice, and he said “Cholula would be an excellent name for a kid.” He paused and considered, and added “Cholulabean would be even better.” So next time we need to name foster kittens, chances are good that one of them is going to be named Cholulabean. Or Cholula Bean. Depends on the kitten, I suppose.
* * *
I think I’ve injured my shoulder. My RIGHT shoulder which also happens to be the shoulder that Fred’s having problems (ie, the one he had arthroscopic surgery on) with. He thinks I’m just having sympathy pains, because he’s afraid I’ll take all the painful-shoulder attention away from him.
Actually, I suspect that his shoulder is hurting more than mine – in fact, I can pretty much guarantee it – because the pain I’m having isn’t constant (actually, I don’t think his shoulder pain is constant either), and I can move my arm in all directions without being stopped by the pain. It really feels more sore than painful, as though I’d lifted weights heavier than usual.
That also happens to be the side I sleep on most of the time. So this morning when I went to the pet store, my shoulder was already a little achy, and then I had to pick up a particularly heavy cat, and I felt a twinge in my shoulder, and it’s been aching ever since. I guess I should take some Advil and see if that helps, eh?
Maybe if I’m really REALLY lucky, I’ll get to have arthroscopic surgery for my 38th birthday, and then Fred and I will have matching badass scars!
(I bet not, though.)
* * *
The exterminator from a local pest control company is coming this afternoon to spray the outside of the house and the yard to get rid of those damn ants. We finally banished them from the kitten room (with the liberal use of duct tape, because we really ARE white-trash rednecks), and the very next morning the spud found a trail of ants in her bathroom.
We know when we’re beat.
We spent the weekend getting rid of the ants in her bathroom (though there were never nearly as many in her bathroom as there were in the kitten room), and I haven’t seen a single ant since yesterday morning, but we’re still having the exterminator come. We’re also buying the yearly package, so that if they need to come back and spray inside the house, it’ll be included in the yearly package. Said yearly package will really come in handy next Spring when the kitchen ants start showing up again. You bet your ass that for the next year every time I see a single solitary ant in the house, I’ll be calling the exterminator. It’s kind of like having a lawyer on retainer, only classier. The exterminator will probably become a part of the family. I’ll have to invite him to the spud’s wedding and introduce him around. “Have you met Bob? He’s OUR EXTERMINATOR!”, and people will tremble in fear.
Or, you know, not.
* * *
Last week it was sunny and in the 80s all week long and then, just like that, it’s not going to even get up to 60 today, and the overnight temperatures are dropping into the 30s. I expect we’ll get some more warm weather before it’s all said and done, but I think this is the beginning of the end of summer.
I know y’all in the cold-weather states are feeling realllly sorry for me right now.
* * *
Someone mentioned in my comments that they wanted a certain picture on notecards, and since I am nothing but WONDERFUL to y’all, you can get those notecards
here. As always, they’re marked up by a dollar, and all profits go to the cat shelter I volunteer (and foster) for.
If you look in the sidebar, you’ll note that you can get
Flossie swag,
Tubby swag,
Stupid swag (t-shirts with a picture of General Russel Honore and the words “Don’t get stuck on stupid”, or just a plain “Don’t get stuck on stupid” bumper sticker), and now
Kitten swag. Like I’ve said before, if any of y’all see a picture you particularly like and would like to see on a t-shirt or mouse pad or whatever, just say the word. It only takes a few minutes to set up.
* * *
Sugarbutt, I am convinced, is the second coming of
Tubby. He’s got the same barrel-chested bow-legged stance, and he’s a total pig. He’s figured out how to jump up onto the table, and from the table to the kitchen counters, where he can sniff around for something to eat. And when you’re eating, you need to keep a can of air handy, or he’ll just climb up into your plate and make himself at home.
He sure is cute. And no, we’re still not keeping him (though Fred does, half-jokingly, keep saying that we should put Miz Poo to sleep so we can keep Sugarbutt. At least I THINK he’s joking…). If anyone’s seriously interested in adopting him, let me know and I’ll give you the number to the shelter, and you can discuss it with the shelter manager.
The sweet, innocent “Who, me?” look.
The bad boy look.
“Bring it ON, man. You see these claws? I will MESS you UP.”
“Hey lady, you want to lower that toy a little? We can’t REACH.”
“Brains. Braaaaaaaains!”
* * *]]>
I want to see more pictures of the humans of the household holding the felines on their laps, or in their arms, or laying on their tummies, or whatever. Just so I can go “Awwwww…..”
Moon looks like he’s giving the finger in that badass photo. LOL!
Or wait, I meant the “I will fuck you up” photo. Heh!
Um, I think you meant to say that Coles is a really good FOOTball player.
“I know y’all in the cold-weather states are feeling realllly sorry for me right now.”
Actually, it’s 67°F and sunny here in Montana right now so I do kinda feel sorry for you…. This weather is bizarre.
Aw geez. Again,either you got me laughing in that WHEEZY-almost-pee-my-pants style.
It was the bad ass photo that got me thinking how it’d be a good Halloween cat photo and immediately afterwards I scroll down onto the F.U up photo.
NO ONE can have a bad day or negative thought after reading your Kitty Kaptions.
I know you have a myriad of sites already,but how about putting all of your captioned cat pics on one page? T’would be my fav page to visit!
I love the zombie Sugarbutt! I forgot I left it up on my monitor, and when I came back I started laughing all over again!
Zombie vs. Fuck you up! I vote zombie!
Ditto Melanie! He was just traded (or whatever) from my home team, the Washington Redskins, and is missed greatly!!! Sorry I missed him on Oprah but I just cannot stand to watch her anymore. Oh, btw, is it just me or does your Giveaway page link under Other not work? Just thought you’d want to know…
Melanie & Patti: It was a joke. Even *I* know that there are no wide receivers in baseball. 🙂
Also, the Giveaway Page link is fixed. Thanks for the heads-up! 🙂
Hee, “Lavernicus Cholulabean” would totally be our next kitten name! Unless, you know, you guys decide to use it. Mr. deeje is all about the Cholula, on everything, at every meal.
I gotta vote for the “fuck you up” photo.
(And if you feel the need to have any of those rants, or start foaming at the mouth about how superior you are to “people like that” because you’re “childfree,” take it somewhere else because I don’t want to hear it. If you want there to be someone around to wipe your ass and make sure you get your meds when you’re 93 and in the rest home, someone else is going to have to do the hard work of rearing some children, so quit your self-righteous bitching and be grateful that they’re doing so.)
I’m not going to bitch self-righteously (I promise), but this grates my nerves. My husband and I are childfree, and neither of us even likes children (no, not even babies. No, I don’t care how cute they are). But I’m not a rabid, foaming psycho because of it. And I don’t understand why so many people get up in arms about childfree…ness? -dom?. I have to endure people inquiring about the state of my uterus on an almost daily basis (“when are you and your hubby going to have kids? what do you mean you’re not? oh, you’ll change your minds. why are so opposed to having kids? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”). As if I’m mentally deficient because I don’t want to procreate. So I think it’s hypocritical when these sorts of people then turn around and complain about childfree people who get frustrated. Sadly, as happens with pretty much everything in life, it seems that both sides then take to generalizing: the child-having side thinking of the childfree as selfish, self-righteous, etc.; and the childfree thinking basically the same things about the child-having.
Personally, I’m not grateful that anyone is having children. And I plan to kill myself before I have to go into a nursing home. But that’s just because I’m so thoughtful of others. 😉
Whitters: Oh, sistah. I think anyone who harps on the “When are you going to have babies?!” question should be drawn and quartered. I think it’s the matter of extremes that I hate so much – if you’re (the figurative you, not the specific you, Whitters 🙂 ) not going to have kids, that’s A-OK with me – but don’t froth at the mouth about “breeders” and how kids shouldn’t be allowed out in public.
On the other hand, if you want 16 kids, that’s A-OK with me too – but for the love of god, at least make an effort to keep them under control while in public and don’t haul the whole bunch to a fancy French adult restaurant* and then get huffy when you get dirty looks.
There’s got to be a happy medium between no kids anywhere ever, and kids everywhere, always.
*”Adult restaurant” sounds like there’d be p0rn and s3x toys available on the dessert cart, doesn’t it?
Deeje: There’s room for more than one Lavernicus Cholulabean in this world! Feel free to use it. 🙂
but i love sugarbutt. did you tell fred that if you don’t keep him i will cry? 🙂
I think your shoulder problem might be something called bursitis. It’s an inflammation of the bursa sacks, and happens in shoulders and hips, because of the unique construction of the joint. It also tends to be more prevalent in women.
Symptoms are a twinge of sharp pain when the arm is held in certain positions (usually when raising or lowering the arm) and stiffness, especially after waking up from having slept on the affected shoulder.
You can either stock up on Aleve, or get a cortisone shot (big needle, right into the joint). Both work, although the cortisone tends to work for about six months.
How do I know all this? I’ve suffered from it since I was 15. Lucky me.
It’s genetic, so if anyone else in your family tends towards the same symptoms, you probably have it.
The good news is that some people can go for years without an attack. My mom is one of them. I’m not. I usually get it a few times a year, around the weather changes.
Sorry this is so long, but it’s a lot of info. =)