Bitchypoo – Page 83 – An acidic and hostile place: since 1999

April 21, 2009 (Tuesday)

After today, I’m taking the rest of the week off from journaling, just ’cause I’m feeling uninspired. I’ll be back Monday bright and early! I’ll be updating over at Love & Hisses through the week, though, if you’re craving cute kitten pics. **dividerlinewillmissyousodividerlinebegspleasedontgonooneeverlistenstodividerlinesobsobsob** Recently I was looking at the pictures that my Flickr contacts … Continue reading “April 21, 2009 (Tuesday)”

After today, I’m taking the rest of the week off from journaling, just ’cause I’m feeling uninspired. I’ll be back Monday bright and early!

I’ll be updating over at Love & Hisses through the week, though, if you’re craving cute kitten pics.

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Recently I was looking at the pictures that my Flickr contacts had uploaded, and I came across a cool picture Aimee had taken. Immediately, I knew I was going to try it myself. I took two cups, filled them with vinegar, and put an egg in each cup – then hid them in the laundry room cabinets.

The next day, I took out one of the cups and rinsed off the egg to find – voila! The shell was gone, and there was just a flexible membrane holding the egg together. I showed it to my parents, told them NOT to tell Fred, and went out and put it in a nest box in the little coop. Since Fred broke Sassy McGee of her broodiness several days ago, she hasn’t been laying eggs, and we’d just discussed that fact the day before.

When Fred got home, he went out to feed the pigs and check for eggs and all that. Trying not to be obvious, I watched him as he went to the small coop to check Sassy’s nest box. Then I grinned like a fool as he walked back to the house. He walked through the door and looked at me with suspicion.

“What are you grinning about?” he asked suspiciously.

“I, uh, just an email,” I stammered.

“Want to see something really cool?” he said.

“What’s that?”

“Hold out your hand.”

I obeyed.

He put the egg in my hand and as he did so, he said “Sassy has started laying again!”

Then he went out and showed my parents, and they ooohed and ahhhed appreciatively.

“I told you they aren’t getting enough calcium!” I said, and then “We should try to hatch it!”

Then he started talking about making a video of himself breaking open the egg and putting it up on YouTube, and I couldn’t help myself – I got a great big shit-eating grin on my face, and he scowled at me and said “Am I being Punk’d?” I admitted that he was, and he said “You know, I should have known when I walked through the door and you were grinning!”

Too bad I can’t keep a secret, ’cause I was ready to keep the weird eggs coming for a few weeks before I told him the truth.

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I saw this “garbage bowl” in Kohl’s. A “garbage bowl” made of some lightweight material. $19.99.

Are you fucking kidding me? A special bowl to put by the sink and toss your scraps in? Is everyone aware that you can use ANY bowl for that, a bowl you already own, not a $19.99 bowl?

I wanted to station myself next to the display of bowls and if anyone looked particularly interested in buying the bowl, offering them $5 NOT to buy the goddamn thing.

Okay, I’ll say it: if you’re buying a $19.99 bowl to put your kitchen scraps in just because it has Rachel Ray’s name on it, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY.

Better to just set that $19.99 (plus tax) on fire. At least it’ll keep you warm.

The “garbage bowl” will not.

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This remind anyone else of those “best friend” necklaces, where you get one half and your best friend gets the other, and you wear them around and everyone envies your friendship? No?

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If this thing hadn’t cost $59.99 (at TJ Maxx), I totally would have bought it for Nance‘s birthday (which is next month), just to fuck with her. I can only imagine her opening up the (big-ass) package and saying “What the fuck…?” and it makes me laugh.

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This is the bird’s nest that a bird (possibly a Nuthatch, but I’m not positive) built in the tarp above the littlest chicken coop. I put up a picture of the nest with the momma bird on it, but I happened by this past weekend when the momma bird was absent, so I took advantage of her absence to stick the camera in there and get a closeup of the nest.

Two eggs, looks like, and what I think is super cool is that there’s dog hair in the nest. When Fred brushes the dogs, I tell him to toss the hair outside the fence so any birds building their nests can use it. It’s nice to see they actually do.

Though with the amount of dog hair he gets when he brushes the dogs, an entire country full of birds could use nothing but George and Gracie hair to line their nests!

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Bluebird, keeping an eye on me through the kitchen window. That he’s still around is a good thing, right? Probably he has a nest somewhere close by?

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The eggs the Silkie was sitting on hatched on Sunday. Baby chickens are cute – baby chickens sticking their heads out from under their Momma are cute times 10,000.

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Elijah, Ezra, Jasper and Phinneas are all going to be neutered on Thursday.

I’d say “poor babies”, but in my experience once I get the boy cats home at the end of the day, they don’t seem to realize anything’s happened at all. I’m sure Thursday evening they’ll be bouncing around without a care in the world!

“THIS ARE MY KITTY CONDO YOU STAY AWAY!”

She’s such a pretty girl.

“Helloooooo good-looking!”

“Who, me? No, what? I didn’t do it!”

Caleb has earned himself the nickname “Trouble.” He was chewing on the cord to an alarm clock, so I unplugged it. He immediately went over to the wall where the end of a cable cord is sticking out, and started chewing on it.

Crazy eyes!

If I’d had any idea THIS was about to happen, I would have lifted the camera a little and used the flash to get it in focus. It makes me laugh and laugh.

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Miz Poo tried to get my parents to take her home with them. She was unsuccessful. Probably for the best – she’d miss Mister Boogers far too much. (HA.)

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Previously
2008: I KNEW SOMEONE HAD STOLEN MY FELIWAY! GIVE IT BACK!
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: I want to hear “Fine, thanks. Here’s your Supah-sized Diet Coke. Have a nice day!” Understood? I swear, I’m just going to STOP asking, that’s all.
2003: Some day I’ll create a housecleaning schedule and actually keep to it. Ha!
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: So, my last official day at work. Ho-hum.

4/20/09 (Monday)

My parents left for home yesterday morning, taking the nice weather with them. It rained all freakin’ day long, and after I made a batch of Piggerdoodles and a batch of dog treats, I vacuumed the downstairs, hung out with the kittens, puttered around the house, and then Fred and I spent the afternoon watching … Continue reading “4/20/09 (Monday)”

Well, he watched a movie – I stretched out on the couch with a pile of little kittens snuggled up to (and on) me, and snoozed during most of the movie.

The house is quiet without my parents here. I hope they enjoyed their vacation, although we didn’t really do anything exciting. I think they enjoyed watching the kitten circus racing through the house, anyway.

They went up into town Friday and walked on the walking path that goes, in part, around the high school. They reported back that there was going to be a plant sale on Saturday from 9 – 2, and though Fred wasn’t interested at first, I talked him into going and checking it out.

We walked into the greenhouse (yes, the local high school is small, but they have a greenhouse!) and Fred asked the woman working there how much the plants were. When he found out that the flats of 6 plants were $1 each, I thought he was going to pass out from sheer excitement.

We ended up spending $12 and got pepper and tomato plants, and some flowers for the front porch. Now, did we NEED pepper and tomato plants? No, not at all. But for a price like that, we figured we could make some room in the garden.

$12! (I had to go back later and get eggplant plants.)

Last year, I had some issue or another with the way Fred planted and/ or cared for the tomato plants (I no longer remember what the issue was), so earlier this year I declared that the tomatoes were going to be MY responsibility and he should just back off. When we were coming home with 36 tomato plants, Fred gleefully said “I guess you’re going to be doing a lot of planting!”

Ugh. I SO did not want to do the planting. I’m a pretty, pretty princess, and I shouldn’t have to woooooork, should I?

But I did, I planted every one of those 36 tomato plants. Those 36 tomato plants, plus the five Black Russian tomato plants I ordered through the mail (which Fred planted last week) took up one row and about a quarter of a second row. There are more tomato plants slowly growing upstairs in the garage, and when they’re ready to be planted, they’ll take up the rest of the second row.

Last Fall we decreed that this year we’d only have one row of tomato plants, since I don’t intend to make tomato sauce this year. Now we’re going to have two rows.

Two long rows of tomatoes for two people. That’s not too much, is it?

It’s hard to believe that I loathed tomatoes when I was a kid.

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The monkeys had their usual Saturday weigh-in. Beulah just refuses to hit one pound – she weighed in at 15 7/8 ounces, and I swear she gave me a triumphant look before she ran over to the food bowl to eat.

She eats often, but not a lot at one sitting; I guess that’s how she plans to keep her kittenish figure.

Four kittens – Jasper, Elijah, Ezra, and Phinneas – are over two pounds. Phinneas is well over two pounds, he weighed in at two pounds, nine ounces. I’m going to call in a little while to make an appointment for the four who are over two pounds to be neutered this week; I think it makes sense to do it that way rather than wait ’til they’re all over two pounds. The way Beulah’s gaining weight, it could be two months before she hits two pounds!

My parents were here visiting, and I think they enjoyed seeing the kittens run around like wild things. My mother fell in love with Elijah and Caleb (who is earning himself the nickname “Trouble”), and Beulah considered my father to be her own personal playground.

How is it that the recliner gets so torn up? It’s truly a mystery.

“Hey, yady, where my snack?”

These kittens sure do like to fluff up at the slightest provocation.

“Hey, Mister, you sure smell purty!” All the girlies sure do love that Tom.

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Sheriff Mama keeps an intense eye on the back yard. There’ll be no tomfoolery when she’s around!

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Previously
2008: No entry.
2007: “Baby, I think someone in my comments just called me a complete idiot.”
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: So, to sum up: for almost a year, they’ve spent time staring up their property line, ostentatiously walked up and down it, yet it’s never occurred to them to come knock on the door and say “Hi, blah blah our side of the property line, blah blah, stop? Thanks!”
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: “If we manufactured bon-bons, I would have sent you a package of those. Instead, this package should assuage the pain and horror of not working while you lay on the couch and watch Oprah and the soaps.”

4/17/09 (Friday)

I’m sorry the divider line thing confused a bunch of you yesterday – I tend to just type ’em in and then not think about them again. I’m glad you figured it out. I’ll beat divider line with a wet kitten and hopefully it won’t happen again. (But you know it will!) **dividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingconfusedtheedividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingconfusedthee** Yesterday … Continue reading “4/17/09 (Friday)”

(But you know it will!)

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Yesterday my mother and I got out of the house and did some shopping. We hit TJ Maxx and Kohl’s, and then stopped by PetSmart to pick up some cat food. I was intent on buying nothing but cat food, but the minute I walked through the door, the employee who greeted me pointed out that there were a bunch of cat toys on sale, and although the last thing our damn cats need is more toys, I stocked up anyway.

(What can I say? They were priced REALLY well, and I’m a sucker for cat toys.)

And hey – if anyone out there subscribes to Cat Fancy magazine and wants to send that coupon for a free 3.5-pound bag of Royal Canin Babycat my way, feel free!

So after we browsed through PetSmart, we headed to the mall. I ran out of the Victoria’s Secret So Sexy shampoo I’ve been using for years (I always imagine a man with a cheesy mustache crooning “My lady is soooooo sexy” when I say the name of the damn shampoo) a few weeks ago and I bought some cheap-ass stuff at Big Lots, but I’ve really been missing the So Sexy (I love the smell of it), so it was time to get some more.

We wandered through the mall a bit, browsed Bath and Body Works, checked out Dillard’s, then I bought my shampoo and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. I’d never been there before and we had no idea how things work (you choose what you want, then choose what kind of BBQ sauce you want on it, then what you want for a side. We were a little confused, to say the least.) It was good, but I don’t know that I’d ever go out of my way to eat there again.

She’d mentioned maybe looking for a Coldwater Creek, and I knew that Bridge Street Town Centre had one, so I took her there. It was really the first time I’d been there (except for a trip to Red Robin when my sister and Brian were here), and it was nice to walk and look at the stores, but it’s mostly upscale clothing stores, so I didn’t buy anything. I did find out that Bath and Body Works and Victoria’s Secret both have stores there. Given that Bridge Street is very close to the mall, I’m wondering how long stores in both locations will stay open.

Then we came home, where my father was hanging out with the kittens (he was more than happy to stay home rather than go shopping. Go figure!), hung out for a while, and then had dinner at Logan’s Roadhouse, which was excellent as always.

(I discovered that my mother and Fred both share a dislike of cheese. Well. They like cheese, just not on a salad. Or a burger. I never knew that about my mother before now.)

Today, I need to get some dog treats made ’cause we’re running low. Also, I’ve got to wrangle the baby chickens and release them into the fenced area around the little chicken coop. Baby chickens outside in the sun are some happy little birds, believe you me.

(Also, this house desperately needs vacuuming, especially the foster room!)

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That baby kitteh is creepy looking. She reminds me of Gollum. Every time you post a picture of her, I think I hear her hissing, “Where is my preciousssssssss.”

Awww, mean! (But funny – and I have to admit that I can see it!)

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If you do end up with Beulah, how many cat beds will you need to purchase? Don’t want to tick Miz Poo off – she might swatch poor Beulah out of a bed, and she would go flying out the window…

I think if we get any more cat beds, we very well might have to get a whole new house to put the cat beds in. We’re running out of room for them unless I just start randomly putting them in the middle of the rooms.

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OMG, that kitty is SO cute… hmm – how about for names, Gizmo? (he’s the gremlin dude)… or Stripe was the other… but, Gizzy sounds pretty cool

Well, my brother has a cat named Gizmo, actually, so it’d be kind of weird to give one of our cats the same name – assuming we’re keeping her, that is, and at this point we’re kind of swinging the other way on that decision. We’ll see.

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I am THRILLED that Beulah/~ is on the road to becoming a permanent member of the household!!! And Val asked the question I intended to ask. I’m guessing, what, four or five beds per cat?

Without actually walking through the house and counting them, we have approximately 21 cat beds in the house – that’s just actual cat beds and does not include places to sleep on the cat tree, or kitty condos and things of that sort. It also includes the five cat beds we usually keep in the guest bedroom, so that number drops by five whenever we have guests.

10 cats, 21 beds. That’s not so outrageous, is it?

Oh, wait. Make that 22 – I just remembered the one on Fred’s desk!

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My grandma used to have these white glass eggs that she put under the hens. Were those to make broody hens lay eggs? I can’t remember and she and my Daddy are gone so I can’t ask either one of them. DAMN–there is always some unasked question I want answered by those two!!!

I believe – and Fred can correct me if I’m wrong – that they put golf balls in nest boxes so that the hens know where to lay, so maybe the glass eggs were for the same reason. Though if the glass eggs your grandma put under the hens were cold, maybe it was to break them from being broody? I know that one of the things you can do to break a broody hen is to put ice under her.

Having a block of ice under me would cure me of my broodiness right damn quick!

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You haven’t mentioned that the Countess is separated from her husband! I wonder if she can still call herself Countess after the divorce is final? Jill’s apartment is hideous! And I wonder what they did with all their old stuff because it didn’t look like they kept a single thing. I just hope the New Jersey housewives are as entertaining and batshit crazy.

I’m pretty sure the Countess will be keeping her title – I’ve read that in several places, at least. Though I wonder how that happens – if the Count remarries, does his new wife not get the title, or do all his exes get to keep their title, or what?

I’ve watched the New Jersey housewives premiere, and so far it looks very The Real Housewives of The Sopranos to me.

If someone could explain to me why so many of these women are under the mistaken impression that fake tans are something to strive for, I’d appreciate it.

(Also, that blonde is a dead ringer for a young Lorraine Bracco.)

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Boy, the picture of Ms. B and Mr. E really shows how tiny Ms. B. really is. She’s not the runt of the litter, she’s THE RUNT!

She’s like a superhero, wearing a tiny little cape and flying through the air with the greatest of ease (or being carried through the air with the greatest of ease, anyway). SUPER RUNT!

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I don’t know why you’re thinking of renaming Beulah. She looks like a Beulah. I think it fits her perfectly! And yes, you’re keeping her!

While I do agree that she looks like a Beulah, my great-grandmother’s name was Beulah, and I think it’d be weird to have a cat named after her.

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Can you ask your vast readership a question for me, please? Does anyone know of a cell phone you can get that doesn’t have an activation fee or monthly fees and has minutes that don’t expire? I am trying to find one for my grandmother who will maybe use the phone once every decade. I just want her to have one in case of an emergency when she’s out driving. The “disposable” phones I have tried thus far don’t have activation/monthly fees, but you can only purchase minutes that last for a certain length of time before they expire. & of course, the less you spend, the sooner the minutes expire. It’s so frustrating, especially because this kind of information isn’t listed on the packaging. Is there really no such thing as an “emergency only” cell phone?

Lots of people had suggestions in my comments, but just in case anyone out there doesn’t read my comments regularly and didn’t see Shelly’s question, I’m posting it here in case one of you has any additional ideas.

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This is an article about the new Jackie Warner show on Bravo.

Is it wrong that I’m kind of disappointed? I’d much rather see Jackie Warner and her hot trainers (to be truthful, I’m more interested in the hot trainers than Jackie. I don’t have a crush on Jackie, because she scares me a little. She’s so intense!) than Jackie Warner taking over a gym and making it run right.

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you made me cry with the baby chick that was getting pecked! damn chickens. leave the baybee alone!

If it helps any, they weren’t really picking on the baby chick – someone pecked at the top of her head because they thought it might be food, made her bleed, and seeing blood made the other baby chicks peck too. The Blue Kote both disinfects the wound and covers the red so that the other chicks won’t peck at her. She’ll be fine, don’t worry about her.

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I was watching Alton Brown the other day and he was making some french chicken dish (Co Co La Vin or something like that) and it calls for a rooster. He went thru a speech saying the stores won’t carry them etc etc…and I thought wow, Robyn could make it correctly. Well, until I saw all the steps and said Robyn has way too many more interesting things to do with her time than to make that dish. lol

and

I think Audri is correct; I think you have much more important things to do than make this! But it sure sounds really good!

It does sound really good, but just looking at the ingredient list made me need a nap. The entire recipe made me need two naps. I’m not sure I’ll ever be up for making anything that requires that much work for one dish.

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I belong to kiva.org and I’ve made 13 loans of $25 each so far (many of them with the money I’ve been repaid from the first people I’ve loaned to). Have you ever considered making a loan to an entrepreneur in a third-world country? For some reason, this woman made me think of you. 🙂

That very well might be the neatest thing I’ve seen this week! It’s kind of amazing what you can help accomplish with $25, isn’t it?

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My mom always said that when you can’t find them (cats/kittens), but you know that they are there; that they have gone into Cat Space. It’s like a 4th dimension that humans can’t see. Our cats would always do that.

I’m imagining cats in tiny space suits, floating around and trying to jump on each other in a zero gravity setting. Phinneas would kick ass as a kitty astronaut!

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I thought Beulah was going to be called “Pip”? *nudge nudge wink wink*!!

After she spent ten minutes perching on my shoulder yesterday morning, I’m thinking Polly might be a good name for her, too! (Also, given her size, Polly Pocket!)

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So Tommy the Playa likes the younger women, huh?

He’s a man whore with an eye for the younger ladies, and they likes him back.

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It would be helpful if you could also put the day of the week at the top of your entries too so I can tell at a glance if you’ve updated or not, i.e. Thursday April 16. Thanks for your consideration.

Howzabout the date, with the day in parentheses after? I can’t guarantee I’ll remember every time, but I’ll certainly give it the ol’ college try.

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Robyn, can you repost the recipe for the mushroom risotto? There’s nothing at the link on your recipe page.

Can you see it now? If not, let me know and I’ll post it in my Monday entry (or email it to you if you need it before then! We’re actually having it tonight with mushrooms).

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Beulah does look like an alien! I love the photos with her next to the other cats, she looks so tiny and precious! That first photo with her and Tommy looks like she is saying “I can has coolness?”

I have to confess – Tommy was actually less than impressed with Super Runt, and he had just hissed at her when I snapped the picture. She immediately went submissive and laid down in front of him.

Tommy likes ’em submissive.

Oh, my question: Have you ever submitted your pictures to Cute Overload?

Every time someone says “You should totally submit this picture to Cute Overload”, I do. Apparently they’re not impressed. Bastards!

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I used to shop WalMart exclusively. But then, something happened. It got more crowded, and with ruder people. People who didn’t look where they were going with their carts, who didn’t mind bumping into you while you were standing considerately on the sideline scrutinizing your choices. And then WalMart implied I should ring up and bag my own purchases (which sounded good to me at first) but then sabotaged the experience with the whiny B voice ordering me to bag an item or accusing me of not bagging a light one. Gah.

That goddamn “PLACE YOUR ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA” really makes me want to go on a shooting rampage, and I avoid the self-checkout as much as possible, but when I have to deal with the self-checkout and that fucking voice starts up with me, I tend to talk back to it. I don’t swear at it, but I am SERIOUSLY TEMPTED.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I was one of those annoying-ass people who was blocking the end of the aisle the other day. I was just hanging out there, talking to my parents, and then I turned around and saw a woman patiently standing there waiting to get by me. At least I immediately moved and apologized when I saw her. That gets me points, right?

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I remember that a while back you used sisal rope on the cat tree in the foster kitty room. Was there a certain way you wrapped it around the poles? Did you glue it into place? I am sick of the little bits of carpet coming off our cat tree from the shredded carpet on the poles, so I’m going to buy some sisal rope and try to get some more life out of that cat tree.

I’m embarrassed to admit that while I did get a shit-ton of sisal from an eBay auction, it’s still in the unopened box and it’s been six months or more since I got it.

Me = procrastinator.

I do remember reading up on it, though, and what I recall is that you’re supposed to use glue, wind the rope around the pole as tightly as possible (use a hammer to tamp the rope down regularly during the winding process), then put a nail in the end of the sisal to help hold it all in place.

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You can’t think of three things you can’t live without??? Uhm…Miz Poo, Sugarbutt, and Beulah ring a bell??? As much as I curse about my cats, I can’t imagine a day without them.

In the question, I understood “things” to mean “possessions”, and since I consider our cats to be part of our family and not “things”, they certainly didn’t come to mind. Which I think was clear by the answer I gave.

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Go to the Land o Lakes website and you can print coupons, to use on top of that Walmart price. There are some great coupon sites out there telling you how to save. Try www.hip2save.com and check out some of her links to other sites.

Great link! I’ve already added it to my list of sites to check first thing in the morning!

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So, to be honest, I’m waffling about whether I want to permanently keep Beulah. I do like her, and she’s a sweet little thing, but the peace among our cats is tenuous in the best of times, and I really don’t know that I want to add another cat to the permanent population.

I know, I know. Y’all love her and you want to see her grow up and you don’t believe I could ever give her up, but y’all say that about AN AWFUL LOT OF THE KITTENS I FOSTER.

No permanent decision has been made and I’m sure there’ll be plenty of waffling ahead, but if anyone out there is seriously interested in adopting her – or any of the fosters! – let me know and I’ll send you the name and number for the shelter manager.

Though the kittens are enthralled with Miz Poo, she hasn’t got much use for them. I did catch her playing with them briefly yesterday, though. She’s like Ouiser from Steel Magnolias – (I’m pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch ‘fore I couldn’t help myself.) She saw the kittens playing, and she played with them before she could help herself. But then she caught herself and hissed at them and ran away.

**dividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingoffendedtheedividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingoffendedthee**

Smilin’ Joe Bob. He’s such a bad boy!

**dividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingconfusedtheedividerlineisheartilysorryforhavingconfusedthee**

Previously
2008: “So, would you want a pregnant cat?” she asked hopefully.
2007: It can’t happen soon enough, if you ask me.
2006: Taking the week off.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: “Helloooooo, Fancypants! Hey, buddy, whatchoo doin’?” I said in my special Fancypants voice.
2002: Know what I’m thinking? Psycho stalker, desperate to come into the house, rape and rob us and leave us for dead, stealing the computers and the big-screen TV on the way out.
2001: I should have stayed in bed this morning.
2000: No entry.

4/16/09

So on Monday, I had to get groceries. I decided that I’d do my initial grocery-getting at Wal-Mart, since the list wasn’t too terribly long, and then I’d get the things that Wal-Mart doesn’t carry (2% large-curd cottage cheese. Don’t look at me, Fred’s the one who eats it.) at my beloved Publix. Most of … Continue reading “4/16/09”

Most of the stuff I was buying at Wal-Mart was in the baking aisle, and I was out of butter, so I needed to get some of that. I absentmindedly jotted down the price of the yeast and bread flour I was buying, just because I was curious how much cheaper Wal-Mart really is than Publix. Then I moseyed down to grab a pound of butter (typing that makes me feel particularly fat.) and when I saw the price, my eyes bugged clean out of my head.

A pound of unsalted Land o’ Lakes butter at Publix: $3+. A pound of unsalted Land o’ Lakes butter at Wal-Mart: 2 for $4.

I bought six pounds of the damn stuff, because you can freeze it ’til you need it.

(KATG listeners, imagine me saying that in Keith’s “fat voice,” please.)

When I got to Publix, I went down the baking aisle first and found that a package of yeast at Publix is fifty cents more than at Wal-Mart. Now granted, it’s only 50 cents, but damn. DAMN. That can add up!

(Newsflash: Stupid Alabama woman is the last person in existence to realize that shit is less expensive at Wal-Mart than the local yuppy grocery store.)

So I grabbed the things I needed to get – frozen fruit, half-price Easter candy (Which conveniently can also be stored in the freezer. OR MY BELLY. Whichever.), something else I don’t recall – and I stood in line and had quite a nice conversation with the cashier as she rang up my purchases. We commiserated over the fact that there were no Reese’s peanut butter eggs in the half-price cart and how damn good those things are, and then I finished paying, we thanked each other, and I went out to the car.

Luckily, I hadn’t actually left the parking lot when I realized that the number one most important thing I’d visited Publix for? You know, the cottage cheese? I’d forgotten to buy any. So I went back in, grabbed eight cartons of the cottage cheese (it was on sale, and they last for weeks. Shaddup. Why am I defending my purchases to you, I highly suspect you don’t care all that much. Do you? Ah, you do, I can see it in your crazy stalker eyes. Nevermind.) and ended up back in line at the exact same cash register.

You know, the one where we’d had a deep, meaningful conversation about the Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs literally three minutes before?

She rang up my cottage cheese, asked why I was buying so many, and asked if I’d ever tried the store brand cottage cheese, and nodded sympathetically when I told her it was for my husband and he’s not picky about many things, but he’s picky about his cottage cheese.

And never once did she indicate in any way that she’d ever seen my face before in her life.

So anyway, much as I hate Wal-Mart, and much as I hate the fact that they are assfaces to their employees, I cannot deny that a penny saved is a penny motherfucking earned. In the face of saving 50 cents on yeast and over a dollar on butter, I will likely be doing the bulk of my grocery shopping at Wal-Mart from here on out.

I AM SINGLEHANDEDLY KILLING THE ECONOMY.

Ooh, but you know what? They have this AISLE now, this brand-new aisle of mostly food items that are priced at $1 or less. I like that aisle. I introduced my mother to this aisle, and she likes it too. Won’t you come to Wal-Mart and meet the $1 or less aisle?

I imagine us all wandering blank-faced into Wal-Mart like zombies, moaning “One dollar! One dollarrrrrrrr!”

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To round out this entry, a meme. It’s from the “Sunday Stealing” site and it’s not Sunday, but who cares, right?

Sunday Stealing: The Green Meme

1. What is your current obsession? More ways to save money – and is it cheaper to shop at the Dollar General Market than Wal-Mart or not?

2. What’s a good coffee place? What is this “good coffee” you speak of? I don’t drink coffee, so to me it’s all the same.

3. Who was the last person that you hugged? Fred, I’m sure.

4. Do you nap a lot? I can’t remember the last time I took a nap, so no. Wait, that’s a lie, I do remember – last week on the floor of the foster kitten room, with warm and purring kittens piled atop me. I dared not move lest I wake them up, so I figured I might as well nap, too. (Usually, though, I’m not a napper.)

5. Tonight, what’s for dinner? We’re taking my parents to Logan’s Roadhouse.

6. What was the last thing that you bought? Birthday presents for my littlest nephew’s 4th birthday at Wal-Mart yesterday.

7. What is your favorite weather? 73 and sunny, maybe a gentle breeze.

8. Tell us something about one blogger who you think will play this week? I… do not know.

9. If you were given a free house that was fully furnished, where in the world would you like it to be? Somewhere where it’s 73 and sunny year-round. Oh, and if there were ocean nearby, that would be smashing.

10. Name three things that you could not live without. My heart. My liver (I assume). My brain. HAR. I can’t think of one possession I would die without, so I’m going to say nothing at all. Everything can be replaced. Don’t get me wrong – I’d be sad if my house burned down and I lost all the pictures I’ve taken over the years, but I wouldn’t die without them.

11. What would you like in your hands right now? Um. ::smirk::

12. What’s one of your guilty pleasures? Those damn Real Housewives shows. I don’t actually feel all that guilty about watching them, though.

13. What would you change or eliminate about yourself? My wattle. It drives me nuts.

14. As a child, what type of career did you want? Depended on what moment you asked me. For a while I wanted to be a vet, ’til I realized how much school it involved. When I had the tumor removed from my knee, I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeo. I think I wanted to be a nurse, also a secretary (I would kick ASS at being a secretary, I’m excellent at determining and meeting expectations before the person having the expectations knows they even expect them), Psychologist, and something to do with computers.

15. What are you missing right now? Heat. GODDAMN it’s cold in here right now!

16. What are you currently reading? Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless. Also, the latest Playboy. I haven’t been reading much lately, though.

17. What do you fear the most? Having a stroke or in some way being incapacitated and bedridden permanently.

18. What’s the best movie that you’ve seen recently? I really liked Yes Man. I could watch Jim Carrey read his grocery list out loud for two hours, as long as he made those faces and threw himself around. (On a side note, have Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper ever been in a movie together? Because I suspect the earth would implode from the impact of having so much pretty in one movie.)

19. What’s your favorite book from the past year? Find Me, by Carol O’Connell. Just thinking about the end makes me teary-eyed.

20. Is there a comfort food from your childhood that you still enjoy? Whoopie pies. Is lobster comfort food? I’ll say lobster, too.

**dividerlineknowsthatmemecentricentriesarecheaterentriesdividerlineisashamedtobedividingthisentry**

My parents are visiting, and to my dismay Beulah loves my father more than she loves me. In fact, she loves my mother more than she loves me, too. The only thing she wants me for is to give her food that she can gulp down before she goes back to hang out on my father or mother.

JUST STOMP ON MY HEART, BEULAH, YOU HEARTLESS BRAT.

More pics over at L&H.

**dividerlineknowsthatmemecentricentriesarecheaterentriesdividerlineisashamedtobedividingthisentry**

I’m fairly certain heads would roll if Stinkerbelle got an eyeful of THIS situation.

**dividerlineknowsthatmemecentricentriesarecheaterentriesdividerlineisashamedtobedividingthisentry**

Previously
2008: And then I will duct-tape the stupid thing to me so that I don’t lose it!
2007: It’s a rough fucking life.
2006: No entry.
2005: The freakin’ notify list.
2004: You could take notes, motherfucker.
2003: Okay, okay! Just please stop asking!
2002: I guess I was a doofus even way back then.
2001: DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, EMAIL AND ASK IF I HAVE ANYTHING ON THIS LIST, STILL. I DO NOT
2000: I had to refrain from picking her up and squeezing her to bits.

4/15/09

Sights from around Crooked Acres: The Crooked Acres Bluebird. (I told my father that we had one Bluebird hanging around. He said “They don’t hang around singly, they’re in pairs!” I told him I’d only seen the one – yesterday, I realized that female Bluebirds look quite a bit different (in fact, they look like … Continue reading “4/15/09”

Sights from around Crooked Acres:

The Crooked Acres Bluebird. (I told my father that we had one Bluebird hanging around. He said “They don’t hang around singly, they’re in pairs!” I told him I’d only seen the one – yesterday, I realized that female Bluebirds look quite a bit different (in fact, they look like Mockingbirds to me), so it’s entirely possible (probably likely) that there’s a female around, I just didn’t realize it.)

Baby chickens – two weeks old, I think? The others had been pecking at this one’s head, causing her to bleed, so we had to put Blue Kote on her to disinfect the wound and stop the other chickens from pecking. So far, so good.

Such pretty little things.

What I love about chickens is that I see the pretty little ones like this, and I say “I can’t wait to see what it looks like when it’s grown!”, and I don’t have to wait years and years to find out, only a few months.

Polish cross with a mohawk. This one’s gotta be a rooster.

“You has food for us?”

Fred and my father built a longer, less steep ramp for Charlie, the chicken with the twisted-up toes. Yes, that is correct – our chickens now have a handicapped-accessible ramp. The chickens who are pretty, and the chickens who are friendly are doing it wrong – apparently engendering pity in your owners is what gives Crooked Acres chickens a longer life span.

Twisted-up toes and Blue Kote on her neck. She’s a mess, god love her, but she’s the queen of the baby chicken/ maternity coop and yard.

Broody mamas, each sitting on three or four eggs. The Silkie is due to start hatching this weekend. Hopefully Silkies really are the good mothers they’re purported to be!

Rooster in the sun.

It appears that Michelle – formerly the head rooster of the chicken yard – has been toppled from the throne by this pretty Buff rooster. It makes me sad to see the other roosters chasing Michelle off – and Michelle sleeps in a nest box rather than roosting with his wimmins. I hate seeing it. Poor Michelle.

Michelle performs the maneuver we refer to as “umbrella neck.” The wimmins seem unimpressed.

This white rooster (one we hatched ourselves last Fall from a batch of eggs we got in Amish country in Tennessee – therefore, we call him “The Amish Rooster”, of course) seems poised to kick the Buff rooster off his throne. I have to say, I’d like to see him kick some Buff butt.

Still love the rock star.

This might be Mr. Friendly – who isn’t as friendly as he used to be. In fact, when I check for eggs, he comes and supervises and gets all up in my space. He’s not showing me the proper respect, and I’ve told him that he better stop harassing me, or we’ll be eating Mr. Friendly stew.

I’m not impressed by the umbrella neck, Mr. Friendly.

This rolled-up fencing lives in the wood shed ’til the time comes that Fred needs it.

They’ll build nests anywhere, won’t they?

This tarp covers a rain shelter by the littlest (unused for now) coop. This bird built a nest in it, and I assume she’s sitting on eggs. I snapped this picture, then the bird freaked out and flew off and scolded us, so I left it alone. I want to get better pictures, but I don’t want her to abandon her nest, so I’ll behave. Maybe. (I don’t know what kind of bird it is – I think it might be a Nuthatch.)

“You has food for us?”

Such good puppies, waiting for their treats.

Did I mention pretty?

“Do ya feeling lucky, punk? Well? Do ya?”

**dividerlinewouldliketolodgeacomplaintthisisSPRINGgoddamnitSPRINGnotWINTER**

Naturally, as soon as I said how we were going to deal with letting the kittens out into the rest of the house, that changed. Yesterday morning I went up and let them out of their room, and they promptly went to the bottom of the stairs and meowed sadly at how all they wanted in this world was to be let out into the rest of the house, but that mean lady wouldn’t let them.

I can only stand so much sad meowing from tiny kittens, so I caved pretty quickly.

Everyone except Beulah immediately came down and spread out through the house. Our cats were NOT impressed with the tiny interlopers, but they didn’t actually smack anyone, just hissed a lot.

After a couple of hours of the kittens exploring and sniffing at the big cats and eating some of their food, I realized it was pretty quiet, and then I heard an inquisitive meow. Miss Beulah had figured out those stairs and come to see where everyone else had gone. Where was everyone? All curled up in a cat bed, looking kind of scared and lost.

I put them back in their room for a few hours, and then let them out again in the evening. When they’d been out for a few more hours, we decided to put them back in their room (so we wouldn’t be racing around trying to find them at bedtime), and we located everyone but Phinneas and Beulah immediately.

We could not find Beulah and Phinneas ANYWHERE. We looked in all the nooks and crannies of the house, called and called for them, and nothing. I wasn’t worried, because I knew they had to be in the house somewhere, but I WAS very confused.

I was looking around in my room, then suddenly heard a wee meow. I turned around, and Beulah was coming out from behind my laundry basket, looking sleepy. So now we had everyone but Phinneas, and after five more minutes of searching, he just kind of appeared in the middle of my bedroom.

In retrospect, I think that he and Beulah had gotten behind my bookcase – there’s a gap between the bookcase and the wall – curled up in the hollow place under the bookcase (you can’t see under the bookcase from the front, because there’s wood there) and gone to sleep.

Kittens find the most amazing places to curl up and hide, don’t they?

Kittens looking through the screen at Miz Poo, who cannot be bothered to even look their way.

Possibly this would be a better picture if I could ever hold the camera straight, ya think?

Snoozin’ Jasper.

“Tryin’ to sleep here, lady!”

**dividerlinewouldliketolodgeacomplaintthisisSPRINGgoddamnitSPRINGnotWINTER**

She has such intense eyes. She scares me a little.

**dividerlinewouldliketolodgeacomplaintthisisSPRINGgoddamnitSPRINGnotWINTER**

Previously
2008: It just looked like a great big blob of tumor, is what it looked like.
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: “Light” my ass!
2004: An odd duck, that one.
2003: Unfortunately, he lived.
2002: 10 Things I Learned Last Week
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.

4/14/09

Recently I was catching up on my blog reading. I am perpetually behind and usually have 500+ unread items in my Google Reader – sometimes it gets up over 1000 unread items (in which case Google Reader doesn’t even tell you how many unread items you have, just “1000+”) and then I delete the Tastespotting posts without reading them all (I do glance through the titles before I mark them as “read”) and usually that makes it drop back down below 1,000. Apparently 1,000 is the number that drives me crazy when it comes to Google Reader – what really sucks is that I tend to work my way down the list alphabetically, so if your blog title starts with one of the first few letters of the alphabet, I’m generally up to date on reading you. If, on the other hand, you are XKCD then I hope I haven’t missed anything in the past six weeks or so.

Well – that’s an exaggeration, actually. Sometimes I go to the end of the list and work my way back up. If you’re in the middle of the alphabet, god knows when I last read you.

Anyway. What was I saying?

Oh, right. So I was laying in bed last night catching up on blog reading (I love my laptop!), and I read this entry of Melting Mama’s, and I got kind of confused. Is it just me? I never thought that the Easter Bunny actually LAID those eggs s/he left behind, I thought s/he… Well, I don’t know where the hell I thought the Easter Bunny got the eggs and the candy, but I never thought they came OUT OF the Bunny.

Am I alone in this belief, or am I the only one on earth who didn’t know that the Easter Bunny laid ten million eggs (and candy items) before delivering them to the bad little heathens of the world?

**dividerlineisallfulluponeastercandynomnomnomdividerlinesuredoeslovethereeseseggsnom**

Okay, people, you gotta help me out – does anyone know if there’s going to be another season of Work Out on Bravo? I have Googled high and low and I can’t seem to find any kind of concrete answer. I can’t find ANYTHING on the Bravo site, and the Work Out section of their site doesn’t appear to be working any more, and I MUST KNOW. Will I get to see a bunch of pretty trainers prancing around, flirting and sleeping with each other, and putting their clients through their paces, OR NOT?

Anyone know anything? Help?

**dividerlineisallfulluponeastercandynomnomnomdividerlinesuredoeslovethereeseseggsnom**

So on Friday I bitched about people who put up way too fucking many pictures of the recipe they’re creating and posting. I said something along the lines of “I don’t need to see a picture of what the salt looks like, then a picture of the salt being measured, then a picture of your face as you ponder the salt, then a picture of the salt being added to the mixing bowl. A picture of the ingredients, the finished product, and then the recipe is JUST FINE.”

On Saturday Pioneer Woman wrote about how badly she wants to have chickens.

You know what happened next, right?

To my horror, Ashleas (please report to me so I can beat you soundly with a kitten) posted in the comments (kudos for being only the 5th person to post in her comments – she gets like 300 comments in the first ten minutes after she posts!) that some crazy bitch in Alabama (me) and her equally crazy husband (him) have 120 chickens, I write about it, and she enjoys reading about their antics.

So hundreds of people read that comment, flocked to my site, and were greeted by a profanity-filled diatribe about how I hate it when people take picture after picture of the cooking/ baking process.

For the record, I actually wasn’t talking about Pioneer Woman when I wrote that. I mean, it does annoy me, the myriad pictures of the cooking/ baking process, but it’s not like I don’t KNOW she does that in every single post on her Cooking site, and I usually just scroll directly to the bottom of the page to see the difficulty of the recipe if I’m interested in it. I’m not going to say who it was that caused the annoyance, someone whose blog I read (who does not read me – it’s NOT YOU) though if you’re dying to know email me and I’ll tell you. Trust me, though, it ain’t that exciting.

It took me about 2.3 seconds to decide to delete that section of Friday’s entry, because Pioneer Woman drives some serious traffic, and I really didn’t want any of her readers deciding I was talking about her and coming after me. She has a lot of devoted readers and as badass as I (like to think I) am, I can’t really fight off thousands of pissed-off women.

Okay, well, I COULD. But that’d just be showing off.

**dividerlineisallfulluponeastercandynomnomnomdividerlinesuredoeslovethereeseseggsnom**

Naturally, because I said yesterday that the kittens have shown no interest in climbing over the gate keeping them in their room and the bathroom, Fred was walking down the hall and found that a curious little kitten was wandering down the stairs.

(He might not have noticed, except that Sugarbutt walked by the bottom of the stairs, turned and stared at the kitten, hissed, and ran away.)

It was Caleb, and I picked him up and went upstairs to see what was going on, and as I approached the top of the stairs, Beulah came over to look at me. As it turned out, all the kittens had climbed over the gate and were wandering around the upstairs.

So yesterday morning I put up the baby gates at the bottom of the stairs and let the kittens have the run of the entire upstairs. They LOVED it, of course. Kittens always love having new territory to conquer. They spent most of their time playing in my room, raced back and forth, and then curled up on my bed with me to take a nap.

Every now and then everyone but Beulah would come to the bottom of the stairs (the stairs are still a little too much for Miss Beulah) to see what they could see, and I’d hear a sad little “Why can’t we come out THERE?” meow.

All in time, little kittens. We’re going to keep them confined to the upstairs for a few more days, then see what it’s like to let them have the run of the house.

Like a circus, is what I expect it’ll be like!

More kitten pics over at L&H.

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“Really? You’re going to kick me out of the upstairs so those rotten kittens can have room to run? I don’t think so.” (I did.)

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Previously
2008: Places where the Feliway bottle is NOT
2007: No entry.
2006: God save me from the permed ‘fro.
2005: Why do I bother to make New Year’s resolutions, I ask you?
2004: Bastard.
2003: “That’s right, you LITTLE SHIT, get the hell out of here!” I yelled, stomping at him.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: Not much of an entry.

4/13/09

So yes, we had some “severe” weather in Alabama on Friday, but luckily not around here. All I knew at the beginning of the day was that it might get stormy later on, and then around noon Fred called and told me that it was supposed to get really bad in about 45 minutes. 45 minutes later as I was sitting in the living room with my parents, half-watching the weatherman on TV, he called back again to let me know that it was going to be SUPER BAD in “about 45 minutes” and I told him I didn’t believe him and sure enough – we got some rain and a lot of wind and the tornado sirens went off a few times, but that was about it.

As the wind was blowing, I said to my mother “Wouldn’t your other kids get pissed off if you came on vacation to Alabama and got killed by a tornado while you were here?” and she laughed.

No tornado, no big tree in the front yard falling onto the house, thank god.

I did notice, when we were hanging out with the kittens (Beulah took a liking to my mother and climbed up on her legs and fell asleep not once, but twice) that every time the wind blew particularly hard, the kittens would pause and look around like little meerkats.

My parents arrived here Thursday afternoon, and it was bright and sunny and warm. Friday was a wash, weather-wise, and Saturday was cold and gray. Yesterday they went to Tuscaloosa to visit my father’s sister (they’ll be back Tuesday), and it was warm and sunny until late afternoon. Last night, rain. Today, rain. Tomorrow? Who knows? Maybe more rain.

I hope they’re having nicer weather in Tuscaloosa!

Fred got the garden tilled yesterday after dithering about it – it was really too wet, but with the rain coming last night and the next stretch of rain-free days not coming along anytime soon, yesterday was really the only day he could do it. He did it, and got the planting done, and I think you know that we can’t WAIT ’til the next few months go by and we’re eating fresh squash and tomatoes on a regular basis.

So far we’ve fed my parents a Crooked Acres chicken (in the form of chicken pot pie), some Crooked Acres pig (in the form of ham steaks, which they agreed tastes very much like beef), lots of Crooked Acres vegetables (corn on the cob, vegetable medley), and Saturday morning we had a big breakfast (bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, biscuits).

Come to Crooked Acres! We’ll feed you animals we raised ourselves!, that’s our motto.

I also made a batch of Surprise Cookies on Saturday, and I’d say they were a hit (I put milk chocolate chips in half the batch and semi-sweet chips in the other half). I think they’d actually be just as good without the glaze on top, but I might think that because I have NO skillz when it comes to drizzling glaze on cookies – or on anything, for that matter.

We haven’t really done anything but hang around the house, but I’m planning to drag my mother to the movies after they get back from Tuscaloosa, and I’m sure we can find other things to do (I did get her to walk to the post office and dollar store with me on Saturday; hopefully the excitement wasn’t too much for her!).

Spanky and Sugarbutt targeted my mother as being the one most likely to give them some human food at dinnertime. Thursday and Friday night Spanky politely stood on his hind legs next to my mother and politely patted at her arm. Saturday, Sugarbutt joined in on the other side, and she gave in and they each got a little bit of pork steak and wanted more.

Rude little brats.

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In addition to being a published auuuuuuuthor, Fred is now also a published photographer, kinda. In the book How to Raise Poultry, which will be released April 15th, the following can be seen:

Luckily, aside from crowing about how he’s going to spend “all that extra money” on hookers and blow (he was paid $0.00 and a free copy of the book, if you’re curious), he’s not letting it go to his head.

The Rock Star and the Featherhead, on the other hand, are demanding fresh bugs three times daily and their own waterer so they won’t have to mix with “the commoners.”

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So, I took this Real Age test recently, and I have to say – I’m a bit skeptical.

My “virtual age” is 25.3? I sincerely doubt it. Also, I’m pretty sure I have no real desire to live to be 90. I think early 80s is just about as far as I want to go.

(Ask me again when I’m 78, though!)

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I weighed the kittens Saturday evening, and can announce two things, regarding our wee Miss Beulah:

1. She gained TWO AND A HALF OUNCES in the last week, bringing her up to a whopping 13.5 ounces.

2. (More impressive, as far as I’m concerned) She can now use the litter box and NOT immediately tromp through her poo!

Fred continues to think she’s funny-looking (he also agreed Saturday that “Pip” would be a good name for her!), but I think she just gets cuter. She’s been a lot more willing to pick fights with her brothers and sister lately, and it’s kind of funny to see a kitten more than twice her size squealing because this tiny little thing is biting his or her tail.

Phinneas and Ezra are both just over two pounds now – once the rest of the kittens are at least three ounces over two pounds, I’ll take the whole bunch (except Beulah) in to be spayed and neutered. It’ll be a few more weeks, I’m guessing.

The kittens are continuing to have the run of their room and the bathroom most days. There’s a very tall litter box in the bathroom, and the kittens insist on using it even though it’s pretty difficult for them to climb into it. They’ll get in there two or three at a time and kick the litter around – it’s funny to see how thrilled they are.

For now, since they’re not showing any real interest in moving beyond the bathroom, I’m going to keep them confined to the foster room and bathroom. My parents are visiting, and the guest bedroom is where Stinkerbelle likes to hang out – since she can’t hang out in there (we make all guests keep the bedroom door closed at all times so a cat can’t sneak in and pee on something; yes, that’s right, we ARE a class act around here!) she hangs out in my room. So since I don’t want to block off her access to my room, I won’t let the kittens go into my room ’til Stinkerbelle can hang out in the guest bedroom again.

I love how Beulah is hugging Elijah like he’s a big ol’ body pillow.

Tellin’ secrets.

More kitten pics over at L&H.

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Brudderly love. I love the fact that they’ll turn 4 at the end of June, and they still groom each other and snuggle all the time.

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Previously
2008: No entry.
2007: Feel free to cut and paste, assholes, though I fully understand if you prefer something with a few more misspellings.
2006: Must… resist… evil… urge…
2005: “Ah JEEZUS, here she goes again with the Gatlinburg! She goes for four days and talks about it for four weeks!”
2004: Oh. My. Eyes.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: Entries I liked.
2000: No entry.

4/10/09

Hey, did you know that Sunday is Easter? I had no idea ’til I looked at the calendar yesterday and saw it written there. Who the fuck knew? dividerlinecantwaittosleepintomorrowmorningdividerlineisaslackeratheart Can you hear the sound? I tested the website with some of the younger staff at my office. They hear the noise and tell me … Continue reading “4/10/09”

Hey, did you know that Sunday is Easter? I had no idea ’til I looked at the calendar yesterday and saw it written there.

Who the fuck knew?

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Can you hear the sound? I tested the website with some of the younger staff at my office. They hear the noise and tell me it’s rather annoying. I could not tell you – no noise for me or a couple of my co-workers in my age range – 35-45.

I did hear it, actually! And then I made Fred sit down and listen, and the first time he didn’t hear it, and the second time he could “kind of” hear it. This must mean I have young ears, right? It sure does seem like everyone’s mumbling a lot lately, though.

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While you count up the chicks, they may be counting y’all, too.

“Chicks can do basic arithmetic“

Too neat!

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Do you find living near the church noisy? You two wake up early so I guess it’s ok.

I actually don’t ever hear anything from the church. The only annoying thing is that on Wednesdays and Sundays, George and Gracie feel the need to defend our property from the churchgoing interlopers, and they bark and bark and bark. Other than that, I hardly ever notice the church is there at all.

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In your 2006 Previously, you said that Fred was no help because he was standing there laughing his ass off. Wasn’t that what he was doing the other day when you were stuck in the mud? Does he do this often? Ha ha!

Apparently he does it ALL THE TIME, I just never noticed before. The unhelpful bastard!

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Hmmm…. I’m wondering if you would consider trading a year of blog banners for Beulah? My 17yo cat, Katie, died nearly a year ago, and we’ve not gotten another. Perhaps it’s time we think about getting a new kitty? Just thinking (typing) out loud here…

Um. Perhaps not Beulah… 🙂

For the record, anyone adopting one of our foster kittens would have to go through Challenger’s House, the shelter I volunteer for (the fosters don’t actually belong to me) and there’s an adoption fee involved.

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Your freaky kitten reminds me of gremlins. For years after the movie came out, I had nightmares about the creepy gremlins. *Bright light! Bright light!*

I have to admit – I can see that!

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Ok – just go ahead and adopt Beulah! By the time the girl hits 2 pounds, she will be so interwined into your family, you won’t be able to part with her. So just go ahead and do it so we don’t have to be in suspense for the next 4 or 5 months.

Shhhh… I have a plan. Don’t tell Fred (I didn’t copy him on the notify email, so I’m sure he’ll never read this), but I expect it to take months before she’s big enough to be spayed. Then I’m sure I can eke another 6 months by telling him there’s just no room at the pet store, and after that, I guarantee he’ll have forgotten that he objected to her becoming another one of ours.

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One way to avoid getting sick from chicken is an old-timey Caribbean way of cleaning your chicken; take a lime or lemon and some salt and scrub the chicken with it and then rinse well. I always do this with our chicken (sometimes I skip the salt), but always with the lemon/lime. I think it’s the citric acid that helps prevent salmonella. Also, the rinsing doesn’t leave a lemon or lime taste to the chicken.

Conveniently, I just bought a big bag o’ lemons at Sam’s! I knew they’d come in handy eventually!

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With the kittens out and about, you have 17 cats running around your house?

Once they actually have free reign of the house, yeah. There’ll be 17. I feel a little faint at the thought.

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Spanky = Barry White. Yeah. That photo made me think that. Like Spanky has this alter ego that sashays off to an undisclosed Crooked Acre room where he slips on a velvet smoking jacket and tickles the ivories…. Wait a minute. Isn’t Spanky the one who meower is broken? Good thing I came back to reality before the singing commenced.

No, that was Spot! Spanky’s got a perfectly good meower, and he uses it regularly. Here’s a movie of his verbal prowess I shot back when we lived in Madison:

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I recently received a Harriet Carter brochure in the mail and when I came across this item I thought of you and the egg buyers.

I’m not sure it would work for me because I’m so spooked by everything already that the alarm would probably scare me as much as strangers showing up in my yard unannounced. For instance, I tried one of those timed air fresheners and all it did was scare the bejesus out of me every 9 minutes, had to throw it away.

I also saw this and thought of you.

For some reason I love those Harriet Carter brochures although I have yet to buy anything from them.

I ADORE the Harriet Carter catalogs, I get them too, and I always look through them. I don’t believe I’ve ever actually bought anything from them, but that doesn’t stop them from sending them to me!

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ARGH! I HATE the term panties-it just sends shivers down my spine and makes me think of an old, nasty pedophile lusting after young children. A co-worker once found out I hate this word, and spent the better part of a week using it in almost every sentence.

My sister and I once found out that our friend Liz hates the word “snatch”, so we tried to work it into every conversation. “Don’t snatch that out of my hand!” and “Snatch that CD and hand it to me, would you?” We are so juvenile.

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A day late and a dollar short, but I really HATE when people feel the need to use an apostrophe for plurals. I’ve been noticing it more and more lately. I actually have a cousin who is VERY stupid and named her child Lar’s. WITH AN APOSTROPHE!!! GAH!!!!!

BEST COMMENT OF THE WEEK. This made me HOWL.

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If I taught English and someone handed me in an essay with text-speak, I would put U FAIL LOL at the top, followed by, NO SRSLY; NO A 4 U, and KTXBAI!

OTHER BEST COMMENT OF THE WEEK. HEE.

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Two things. First, I think you should keep Beulah, she is just too small and you and Fred are the only ones that will take excellent care of her. (At least that sounds like a good excuse. Doesn’t it?) Second, did you watch RHoNY and then a sneak peek at RHoNJ? Man, I would just like to smack Kelly!!!! She is on something, no one can act that weird/goofy/strange. And do you think she has rosacea, or her own tanning bed? My husband hates the RH shows, but I cannot turn them off. Is there something wrong with me?

Last night, I made a crucial step in the Beulah Project – I got Fred to discuss names for her. We were watching Yes Man (which was a really damn funny movie – I love Jim Carrey. And could Bradley Cooper be any prettier? That is one pretty, pretty man.) and I said “Tillie would be a perfect name for her!”

He immediately said “NO!” (as in, “No, we’re not keeping that kitten!”) But later on when we were laying in bed talking, he said “Well, it should be short for something, shouldn’t it?” and I said “Matilda!” Then we started joking around, and I said we should name her “Matilde” and call her “Tilde” and spell it like this: ~

(We probably found that far too amusing, for we are dorks.)

I did get a chance to watch the Real Housewives yesterday, and I say:

1. Mario is a douchebag and he and Ramona take themselves FAR too importantly. Have you ever noticed that the people least deserving of respect love to go on and on about how they’re being disrespected? I love that Bethenny thought of Simon to play with Jill, but man – Simon needs some new tennis clothes. I still think he’s creepy, but watching him play the worst game of tennis ever made me laugh and laugh. LOVED the sweatband.

2. I think that’s a fake tan Kelly has going on. It just looks wrong to me. And she can go on and on about that guy (what the hell was his name?) being so good-looking, but I’m not seeing it. I guess he’s marginally good-looking, and he seems like a nice guy, but I’m not blown away by him or anything. I can absolutely see what Bethenny means about Kelly not being genuine; ever moment of that date rang false to me, like Kelly was putting on a show. I don’t like her, but bless her for coming through for the charity (although I recently read that her ex-husband is refusing to follow through on taking the winning bidder’s portrait and Bethenny is offering up her ex-boyfriend (I’m assuming the photographer Kelly spent all that time flirting with) to do the job.)

3. I don’t really care for the new look of Jill’s apartment – Bethenny was right about it looking like Liberace lived there – and I really don’t like those little mirrored tables, but I think it kind of suits Jill. Actually, now that I think about it, it looks a little Graceland-y to me.

If loving the cheesy reality Housewives shows is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

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She is too cute – is she a little crosseyed?

She’s actually a bit wall-eyed. Katherine sent me an email earlier this week that made me laugh and laugh.

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I had a Beulah comment too – is it okay for her to be that tiny? It sounds like she’s still gaining weight, but she just seems so itty bitty.

She seems perfectly healthy, and she’s gaining weight, all her systems seem to work okay (she’s a champ in the litter box, if we can just get her to stomp tromping through her poo!), so I think she’s fine. She’s just wee!

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Robyn, that little Beulah is so adorable. She looks so fragile so my heart says you must keep her and love her and protect her forever. Also, when I hear her name is reminds me of the times I stayed with my maternal grandparents on their farm and my grandmother would sing a hymn that went, “I’ve got home in Beulah-land that outshines the sun”. Has anyone ever heard of this song? Such good memories from those days on the farm where my grandmother raised chickens and my grandfather milked cows and had a milk route. I was a city girl and loved staying on their farm. You are living my childhood dreams, Robyn.

and Elayne said:

Jillybean: I’m familiar with the song, but have always heard it as “Glory Land” (aka heaven). (Google turns up references for both, to my surprise – I thought it’d be an individual adaptation.) Here’s a wiki article that explains how Beulah Land comes to equal heaven:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beulah_Land

Interesting!

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PS – remind me again why hens being broody is a bad thing? I know someone asked but I don’t remember the answer and don’t feel like googling (and getting sucked into six more hours of fascinating but time-sucking clickage).

I’m going to guess – and be kind to me if I’m wrong, because I’m totally ignorant, chicken-wise – that a broody hen doesn’t lay any more eggs because her body/hormones/whatever chickens have is focused on hatching the eggs that are already underneath her, so it’s undesirable for them to be broody because then they stop laying?

Yep, that’s exactly right – once they go broody and have a clutch of eggs underneath them, they stop laying, take up nesting boxes, and we end up with more chicks that we don’t really need!

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More kitten pics over at L&H.

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Miz Poo does not believe we need any more kittens in this here house.

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Previously
2008: Which means no entry for you!
2007: “Is it true that you’re fucking that evil woman, who just informed me that you are in love?”
2006: (See various entries I’ve written wherein I said that I’m bad in an emergency)
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Questions answered.
2002: No entry.
2001: Spring cleaning.
2000: No entry.

4/9/09

Recently, we’ve had hens going broody left and right. Fred built a box that he attached to the wall of the big coop – it’s got a screen floor, and when a hen goes broody he puts her in the box with food and water for a day or two. Since she can’t get heat beneath her, the broody instinct goes away (or something – I’m not completely clear just exactly how it works, only that it usually does). There were a couple of hens who refused to be broken, though, so Fred brought them to the blue coop – where the 34 chickens we hatched at the beginning of March, and the 7 we hatched three weeks before that are currently living. Now the blue coop appears to be the maternity ward/ little chicken coop/ sick ward (since that’s where Charlie lives ever since she hurt her wing). Last night we realized another hen had gone broody – this time a Rhode Island Red – so Fred added her to the maternity coop and stuck three eggs under her.

I have to say, without any obnoxious roosters around, it’s kind of peaceful over there. The broody hens – the white Silkie and a Buff Orpington, one of the hens from our original batch of 12, and now the Rhode Island Red – spend the majority of their time on their nests, taking the occasional break to run outside, scratch around, and then back they go into the coop to sit on their eggs.

No, we don’t need more chickens, but when a hen is insisting upon being broody, what can you do? I think Fred’s got each of them on three or four eggs, and when he candled the eggs the Silkie was sitting on, they all appear to be viable and growing little baby chicks. We’ll see what we end up with in a few more weeks.

And speaking of baby chicks, out of the 41 Copper Black Marans eggs we received in the mail, we ended up with 11 chicks. One of them died last night. Since we’d decided that if we got 10 or more Marans we’d go ahead with building a flock of them, it appears that we’ll be doing so. Marans lay dark eggs, so this way we can keep Charlie in the Marans yard and not worry about mixing her eggs in with the Marans eggs.

I know, fascinating, right?

Here – this is what it was like in the chicken yard when we had too goddamn many roosters – if you watch carefully, you should see at least two instances of chicken sex.

Untitled from Robyn Anderson on Vimeo.

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One thing I discovered about making hamburger rolls from the Amish White Bread dough is that it’s really heavier than you’d like a hamburger roll to be – BUT if you cut the roll in half and toast it, then put some Brummel and Brown on it, it is FABULOUS. I’ve been eating half a toasted roll with my scrambled eggs this week for breakfast, and it’s really damn good.

Which reminds me of a question I had, o bread bakers out there – just out of curiosity, what (if anything) would happen if I let my dough rise an additional time? That is, following the recipe, you make the dough, you let it rise, you punch it down, divide it, and let it rise again before baking it. What would happen if you punched it down a second time and let it rise yet again before baking it? Anything?

Just curious. Inquiring minds and all, y’know.

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So, the great freedom-letting has begun! Yesterday I put up the baby gates (one stacked atop the other to provide a daunting barrier that the kittens could climb if they realized it, but no one’s realized it just yet) in the hallway so that they can go into the upstairs bathroom in addition to their room. At first they were AMAZED at the bathroom. They crowded in there, they sniffed around, they examined every inch of the bathroom, they said “Did you SEE the toilet scrubber? You gotta check that out, it’s CRAYZEE, man!” Now they investigate the bathroom from time to time, but spend most of their time in their room, still.

The upside to having the baby gates up, so they can see out into the rest of the hallway is that they can see me coming and it’s not such a surprising event for them. Earlier today I went upstairs to hang out with them, and they were napping. They lifted their heads when they heard me coming, then went back to sleep.

In a few more days I’ll move the gates further down the hallway so they’ll have access to my room, and then I suspect the fun and games will begin (and I suspect my comforter will have little claw marks in it in no time flat). After about a week of having that much access, I’ll move the baby gates to the bottom of the stairs, so they’ll have the staircase to run up and down, too.

(I am skeptical whether Beulah will be able to get up and down those stairs, though!)

Please note that Beulah fits entirely in my hand.

More kitten pics over at L&H.

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Stinkerbelle and Tommy, trying to get some quality snuggling time in. In the background, Boogie is the usual class act.

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Previously
2008: Now if I can just convince him to get going on that closet for the corner of the computer room….
2007: “What the fuck did you DO?” I accused Sugarbutt, who looked up at me with the most innocent face in existence.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: Stupid Steven Cojocaru.
2003: I think I speak for most Alabamans in this area when I say “Uh, what the FUCK?!”
2002: sights from my walk
2001: I am SO PISSED OFF.
2000: It’s not stealing if I give them credit, right? Uh… right?

4/8/09

Y’all are some grumpy motherfuckers, aren’t you? Your comments yesterday cracked me UP. I have to admit that loud chewers can get on my nerves, too. I can be guilty of chomping my gum too loudly (but usually only when I’m agitated!) Lisa, I agree with you about Jorja Fox, she’s got quite the smackable … Continue reading “4/8/09”

Y’all are some grumpy motherfuckers, aren’t you? Your comments yesterday cracked me UP.

I have to admit that loud chewers can get on my nerves, too. I can be guilty of chomping my gum too loudly (but usually only when I’m agitated!)

Lisa, I agree with you about Jorja Fox, she’s got quite the smackable face!

I have to agree with Leonore’s comment:

I teach writing and English lit at a community college. You know it’s bad when “could of” isn’t even the most annoying mistake anymore (though it will always produce the same apoplexy in me as it does in Robyn, I’m sure, as will their/there/they’re, your/you’re, and many others). See, there’s a new trend for people to forget that an essay is NOT, in fact, A CELL PHONE!! and so they feel perfectly comfortable writing such things as: “Their are ways u can help urself quit a bad habit coz sum ppl don’t know to quit and its bad to keep doing that habit.” The vein starts to twitch when I see the letter u sitting all by itself. I refuse to use it even on the very rare occasion that I text anyone on an actual call phone (maybe once every other month?) Even my 42-year-old sister is started to speak in text shortcuts! STOP IT! I SAID STOP!

The happiest day of my life (okay, maybe the happiest day of my week) was when I got a cell phone with a keyboard on it, so I can easily type out text messages without having to resort to “u” and “4” and “did u get ur msg?” and the like.

Rachel hates the word “undies” – I can’t say I care for it either, but “panties” annoys me even more.

Leslie: People who ask, “Where is it at?” Hello-o-o, you don’t need to add a useless preposition to the end of the question. Also – this really bugs me: If I am in a store and I say thank you to the cashier or bagger, and the automatic is, “No problem.” I didn’t THINK I was causing a problem by expecting you to do your job. I was just being polite, and the correct response is “YOU’RE WELCOME.” Also: Road Boulders – people who drive at or below the speed limit in the fast lane, so everyone else has to pass them on the right.

That reminds me that “We’re going to the store. You wanna go with?” bugs the shit out of me. Why not just “You wanna go?” Why you gotta add that “with” on the end? IT’S WASTEFUL. Also, I rarely say “You’re welcome,” it was beaten into me (figuratively speaking) when I worked at McDonald’s as a teenager that you answer “Thank you” with “Thank YOU!”, and it’s kind of a knee-jerk reaction for me. It’s not obnoxious, is it? The bagger at the grocery store always looks a little surprised when I thank her after she’s thanked me.

Cara: Pet peeves: People walking around in the grocery store talking on a cell — not just a brief chat, but long, drawn-out conversations/shouting-matches/etc. Don’t they realize EVERYONE can hear what they are saying? Sigh.

God yes, and the people who talk on their cell phone while they’re checking out. And they don’t END the call or say “Let me call you back,” they just keep talking because they are just THAT important. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in line behind someone holding a Very Important Conversation and rolled my eyes at the poor cashier.

Michelle: You can also add these games for my twitch factor: “I know I heard a cat barfing somewhere, now WHERE IS IT?” and “Stop it stop it STOP IT with the growling and hissing and chasing I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

What’s worse than knowing there’s cat barf in the house and not being able to find it is NOT knowing it’s there, and stepping in it. Gah.

Val: It’s “Good, Good, Good” that makes me twitch. A former boss said it all the time. He wasn’t a good boss. I can take Good, Good, but throw that 3rd good in the mix and my skin crawls and my ears bleed.

I say “Good, good, good,” but only when I am extremely super over-the-top pissed off. Imagine that the last “good” is bellowed at the top of my lungs.

Aimee: Everyone’s twitchy grammar stuff reminds me of what the girl at mcdonald’s said to me yesterday. “here goes your coke.”

Were you tempted to say “Where’s it going? Can I go too?” Hee.

Elaine: Ah man, I am with Devil on the “could care less” twitch. I run through the difference in my mind EVERY time I hear someone say it. Must be my little OCD issue. I cannot stand constant motion. Why for the love of God is it impossible for some people to be still, if only for a minute or two? I hate that only women are shown singing to their toilets on television. I am sure there are men out there that burst into song everytime they get to stick their scrubby paws into the toilet. Supposebly. ARRRGGGHHHH. I hate corporate speak. Some ahole is always going to Tee Up some Low Hanging Fruit for a Shot on Goal while we get Granular and Organic on some project. Help me Obi Wan.

“Supposably” reminds me of the episode of Friends when Chandler said something about idiots who use the word, and then after he left the room, Joey repeats it to himself a few times, and then nods like he knows it’s the right word. I sure do miss Friends. ::sigh::

Leanne: Anyone who uses the term “ax” as in, “I axed you a question”. !? Add to that “fustrated” and “subbosably”. I swear I am THIS CLOSE to murdering stupid people when they insist on talking like IDIOTS.

My friend Liz cracks me up because she (jokingly) likes to say “If you don’t know, you better AX SOMEONE!”

Also Leanne: As well, as a basement dweller, my issue is with people who live in upstairs apartments who have no consideration for the people below them.

When I was pregnant with the spud, my ex-husband and I lived in a basement apartment, and the woman who lived upstairs got up every morning at 5:00, and she apparently IMMEDIATELY put her heels on, and she walked back and forth. And back and forth. And back and forth. One morning I counted how many times she stomped back and forth, and it was about 40 trips back and forth across the kitchen – which was directly above our bedroom.

To my surprise, no one brought up the usage of quotation marks when they’re not called for – such as the recent sign I saw that proclaimed We don’t take “checks.”

There were lots of good comments yesterday, those are just a few of them. Y’all ought to check them out if you’re not in the habit of reading them regularly!

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Thanks, you guys, for your hand lotion suggestions. I’ve written them down, and I will start working my way down the list ’til I find something that works for me. If I’m lucky, the first thing I try will work. A girl can dream, right?

So, I got plenty done yesterday, despite the fact that it was too freakin’ cold outside and I didn’t want to do anything but go back to bed. I did lots of cleaning, plenty of laundry, and I even cleaned a window or two. I’m not going to go overboard* cleaning, because the house is really in pretty good shape, just needs dusting and decluttering. I moved a bunch of stuff around in the front room, and I think the side of the front room we never use looks a lot better.

I think we ought to put up a wall to divide off the unused portion of the front room and turn it into another cat room or a sitting room or something. It’s going to waste the way it is right now, but I’m at a loss what else to do over there. We spend the majority of our day in the computer room, and just a couple of hours in the evening in the front room – there’s that whole unused space over there. It’s a CRYING SHAME, is what it is.

One thing I never did do yesterday is take my jeans off the clothesline. They’ve been there drying for three days now. I wonder if the neighbors shake their heads at how long I leave stuff on the line sometimes. I bought a tote bag at the Hard Rock Cafe back at Christmas time, and I think it’s made out of recycled material (or mostly recycled material). I don’t know what the problem is, but that bag fucking REEKS. I ran it through the washer twice and have let it hang on the line for three and a half months, and it still stinks.

It’s like Nance’s Purse o’ Stank, now that I think of it! I’m such a freakin’ copycat. I’m sure that next I’ll get myself a MacBook.

Maybe I’ll just turn the damn bag into a clothespin bag and let it live out on the line. Except then would it transfer The Stank to the clothespins and ultimately to the clothes the clothespins are holding on the line? I guess we’ll see.

*Remind me I said that when I’m frantically scrubbing under the bed in the guest bedroom and alphabetizing my lotions Thursday morning, would you?

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Ezra can’t quite seem to get over the lip of the kitty condo…

“Ezra, give me your paws! I’ll help pull you up!”
“It sure is a long way down…”

Jasper: “Can’t… pull… you… up. You’re too heavy! Caleb! Get something soft for Ezra to land on!”
Ezra: “I have so much to live for! I’m so young! I haven’t even had my snack today! I don’t want to die!”
Caleb: “I likes to chew on this rope.”

“Hold on, brother! I won’t let go of you!”

Jasper: “Can’t… hold… on! My grasp is slipping!”
Ezra: “TELL MOM I LOVE HER IF YOU EVER SEE HER AGAIN! TELL HER I MADE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! TELL HER I WAS A CONTENDUH!”

Jasper: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Ezra: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Caleb: “This is just some tasty, tasty rope. I wonder if it’s some of that special Italian rope?”

Ezra: “Huh.”
Jasper: “He’s alive! He’s ALIVE! IT’S A MIRACLE!”

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During the time before we let the fosters out into the house, we need a way to stop them from getting away when we open the door to the room where they are. We were using a box, but it was flimsy. I tried to get Fred to build something for me, but before he got around to it, I saw the fireplace screen and a lightbulb went on over my head. It’s the right size, the kittens can’t push it over, and they don’t really try to climb it. It’s perfect!

You’ll note that they’re all trying to get Tommy’s attention, but he cannot be bothered to give them the time of day.

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Previously
2008: Detective Boogerton, the grizzled, cranky veteran detective who has seen it all, is disgruntled that his day off has been interrupted.
2007: No entry.
2006: FYI.
2005: Meme.
2004: Lime green would work.
2003: I called Fred at one point and said “Maybe it’s SARS!”
2002: Well, you can just bite my coconut-scented, soft, smooth, butt.
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.