1/5/09

So, I know that after I got back from visiting Nance and Rick after Thanksgiving, I mentioned that something – we suspected a hawk – had gotten our little white silkie. It was about the fourth chicken we’d lost in such a manner, and we decided it was time to start seriously figuring out a … Continue reading “1/5/09”

So, I know that after I got back from visiting Nance and Rick after Thanksgiving, I mentioned that something – we suspected a hawk – had gotten our little white silkie. It was about the fourth chicken we’d lost in such a manner, and we decided it was time to start seriously figuring out a way to protect the chickens from hawks and other predators.

We talked about dogs. We talked about donkeys. We talked about turkeys. About guineas. About moving the chickens back to a more protected, smaller yard. About putting shelters up in the middle of the back forty. We talked and discussed and talked some more, until I was ready to go out and kill all the chickens, just to stop the incessant talk about how to protect them.

We went to the flea market and eyeballed some peacocks. Or guineas. Or turkeys. I don’t even remember what we looked at, but I can tell you that getting big obnoxious birds to protect the littler (obnoxious) birds is an idea I wasn’t crazy about. I also didn’t want a donkey or goats.

Fred talked to a woman who worked with a Great Pyrenees rescue in Tennessee. She had two Great Pyrs that she thought would work for us. They wanted $250 for the dogs.

$250 each.

The idea of spending $500 to protect $3 chickens, well, it wasn’t something we were crazy about. We went to the flea market again. I still didn’t want turkeys or guineas or geese.

(I fucking HATE geese. Have hated them since one bit me ON THE ASS. Fuckers.)

On our way home, we swung by a small takeout chinese restaurant in Closeville to get lunch. On our way out, Fred pointed to the stack of free newspapers by the door. I grabbed one. As we drove home, I leafed through the paper, reading the classifieds.

“Here’s a guy in Tennesse with Great Pyr puppies,” I said to Fred. “$50 each.”

After putting it off for a while, Fred called the guy. The puppies were four and a half months old, they’d spent a lot of time around chickens, they were purebred Great Pyrenees, and the guy was desperate to get rid of them, because he had four adults and three puppies, and they were eating him out of house and home.

I tried to convinced Fred that we should drive up to Tennessee and see the puppies that night, but it was getting on toward dark, and we couldn’t be gone when the chickens needed to be locked in. We also couldn’t go the next day (Sunday) because the guy had choir practice and some other plans.

“You could take part of a day off from work, and we could drive up there,” I said to Fred. He didn’t want to do that.

Fred told the guy we’d think about it, and maybe drive up the next Saturday to see the puppies. He hung up the phone.

“What if he sells them before next weekend?” I asked worriedly. “Maybe you should call and tell him we’ll come up after dark tonight?”

Fred didn’t want to go up there in the dark.

“Take the goddamn day off and we’ll go up there on Monday!” I said.

Fred didn’t want to take the goddamn day off.

“THOSE ARE THE BEST PUPPIES EVER AND SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO GET THEM!” I fretted.

Keep in mind that we knew nothing about these puppies except that they’d been around chickens all their life and they were purebred Great Pyrenees.

In the end, Fred called the guy and told him we wanted two of the puppies, he’d pay the guy a little extra to meet us in Fayetteville the following Friday, and then he spent the next few days putting up an electric fence around the perimeter of the back forty. We also spent plenty of time saying “Oh shit, what if this is a stupid thing we’re doing? Are we idiots?”

He left work early on Friday, we went to Fayetteville, and waited at the Co-op there to meet the guy. When he showed up, he had all three puppies in a cage in the back of his truck. When we walked over to the cage, three puppies rushed over to meet us. One licked our hands vigorously, and two of them sniffed at us in a friendly manner.

Apparently these puppies were people-friendly.

In the end, we chose one male and one female. Though we’d brought carriers with us tied down in the back of the truck, we ended up putting them in the back seat of the truck. They were perfectly quiet on the ride home, didn’t howl or try to get out of the back seat – just sat there and looked around, and eventually fell asleep.

Meet George and Gracie.

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We brought them home on December 12th (and y’all think I can’t keep a secret!), and so far we’ve had a positive experience with them. We’ve begun training them – they’ve pretty much got “sit” down pat; we need to work on “stay” and training them to walk on leashes. We had to take them to the vet for their rabies shots and it wasn’t so much fun carrying them into the vet office because they don’t quite get what the leash is about – that was two weeks ago, and they weighed 43 and 53 pounds at that point.

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They live out in the back forty with the chickens. They’re in the back forty all the time except for the one time we had to take them to the vet (and we’ll be taking them next month to be spayed and neutered). We got them a Dogloo to sleep in, but they completely ignored that and took to sleeping under the chicken coop, so we decided the Dogloo wasn’t big enough, and Fred built them a dog house on the back side of the coop. Sometimes they sleep there, sometimes Gracie sleeps in the dog house and George sleeps under the coop, sometimes they both sleep out in the middle of the field. Whatever they feel like at the moment is what they do.

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(They thought Brian was THE BOMB.)

Gracie is a sweet, protective guardian who seems to notice the possibility of a threat before George does, and acts to protect the chickens. George is a sweet dunderhead who would happily show you where the silver is kept and help you carry it to your car, but he follows Gracie’s lead when it comes to protecting the chickens.

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One day Fred and I were in the chicken yard with the chickens and dogs, and a guy who buys eggs from us approached fence. (We knew he was coming over.) George was a little worried about the guy, but when he saw Fred talking to him he was okay with his presence. Gracie (who was on the back side of the coop) didn’t see the guy ’til he was already in the yard. She put herself between the guy and the chickens, and barked a few times until Fred told her it was okay.

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We’ve seen the dogs run off hawks at least three times.

One afternoon I was out gathering eggs from the chicken coop, and a couple approached the fence. I didn’t hear them coming until they were at the fence, and I happened to turn around and see them. They startled me, and I jumped, and both dogs barked at them the entire time we spoke (they were looking to buy eggs; I didn’t have any to sell that day. I’M SORRY, BUT HOW DIFFICULT IS TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF IF THE SIGN IS OUT, I HAVE EGGS TO SELL. IF IT’S NOT, I DON’T?!). I’d like to think that they picked up on my discomfort (the wife don’t take too kindly to strangers, as Fred might say) and were protecting me, but who knows?

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I like these dogs quite a lot (especially Gracie), but they are not pets. They have a job to do, protecting the chickens, and if they fail to do their job, we’ll find another home for them.

(I say that, knowing that so far they seem to be doing a really good job of protecting the chickens.)

As long as we can train them to sit when need be, to not bark at strangers if we assure them it’s okay, and we can get them into the truck for the occasional vet appointment, I’ll consider it a job well done. Great Pyrenees are notoriously hardheaded and not prone to follow directions, so it’s going to take some work.

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I’ll say it again – I like these dogs, but they’re working dogs, not pets. Will I give them treats and pats and scritches and tell them how pretty they are? Of course I will. (I also brush them occasionally, but rumor has it that their first great shedding won’t come ’til Spring, when they prepare for the summer.) Will they ever be spending time in my house? Nope. They’re in the back forty with the chickens, at all times. They don’t come into the back yard, they don’t come into contact with the cats (they bark at Maxi and Newt if they get too close to the back forty – just a bark that says “I see you, don’t you touch my chickens!” – but for the most part they ignore the cats. They can see into the back yard, and at first they’d bark at Tommy if they saw him out there (I don’t know if it was because they know Tommy’s secretly a chicken-killer at heart or because he was just easier to see or what), but now they pretty much ignore the cats in the back yard. The cats pretty much ignore the dogs, too, and go about their business wandering around the yard.

So, there you go. We has us some dogs, and some pretty damn good ones, at that.

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(And we kept it a secret for a few weeks because after the last time we adopted a dog and the time before, we wanted to make sure this time the dogs were going to work out. The fact that they’re working dogs instead of in-my-face dogs in the house (or right in the back yard, in Sadie’s case) seems to make a big, big difference.)

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Also, we’ve started watching The Dog Whisperer, and Cesar Millan cracks me UP when he starts imitating dogs.

If there was one dog on this planet that I would want to come live with me, it’d be Daddy. He is just such a cool, laid-back, sweet guy that every time Cesar brings him in to assist, I squeal and clap my hands.

(Yes, I’m a dork.)

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“We don’t need no stinkin’ dogs. I coulda run those hawks off.”

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Previously
2008: No entry.
2007: Oh look! It’s been two years since the last time we adopted a dog.
2006: Home again, home again.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: How we met.
2000: And that’s all I have to say ’bout that.

1/2/09

New month, new logo! Thank you to Aly, who whipped up a banner for me in no time flat! Thanks, Aly. You rock! & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &   We left out of here mid-morning yesterday because … Continue reading “1/2/09”

New month, new logo! Thank you to Aly, who whipped up a banner for me in no time flat!

Thanks, Aly. You rock!

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We left out of here mid-morning yesterday because Fred had no pressing projects to do, so we decided to head up to Amish country (Lawrenceburg, TN) for a few hours.

To our surprise, none of our usual stops were open. New Year’s Day is a holiday and lots of places close on that day! Huh. Who the hell knew?

Since the little general store in Bodenham wasn’t open (we’d been hoping to buy a breakfast sandwich there, since we were both starving), we ended up stopping at a gas station to pee, and then bought a “Hunk A Pizza” to split.

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We’ve been mocking the Hunt Brothers and their “Hunk A Pizza” for years now, but as it turns out, it’s pretty damn good pizza. Especially when you’re very hungry!

We drove around the Amish houses in Ethridge, but we didn’t dare to approach any houses, because we didn’t know whether they were sleeping off their wild New Years celebrations, so after an hour or so of driving around, we headed for home.

There were a LOT of hawks out and about. Well – I don’t know that they were hawks, they apparently could have been turkey buzzards according to Fred. Whatever they were, there were a lot of them!

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I’d much rather see them in Tennessee than hovering over our chickens, that’s for sure.

We stopped and ate lunch at Chaparral’s Steak House (steak salads for both of us), then headed home.

It was a pretty pointless trip, but it was a lovely day and we got out of the house for a few hours, so I’m calling it good enough!

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Speaking of dreams, I had a horrible dream last night that I came home from work to find a bunch of stray cats on my porch. We already have 5 cats (all were strays we SWORE we were not going to keep, ahem) and I was crying trying to figure out how I was going to find homes for them all. Then I realized one of them was Delmar and I was so upset thinking that you must be going nuts looking for him and wondering how I was going to get him back to you!

Hmm… or more likely I knew there’s a sucker at your house who provides homes for stray cats, and I left him there! 🙂

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I have an old floor-to-ceiling cat tree that is structurally sound, but desperately needs to be recarpeted — at least the shredded legs if I’m willing to live with the faded blue of the horizontal pieces (which, being very lazy, I probably am). Have you or any of your readers ever carpeted a cat tree? Do you glue the carpet down, and if so, what kind of glue? Or do you use those huge staples that shoot out of a gun? Any recommendations on what kind of carpet is best (other than cheap remnants)?

I’ve never recarpeted a cat tree, but if anyone out there has experience, I’d love to hear about it!

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I googled build cat tree and found a lot of sites that will sell you a plan, but also this site, which has a section entitled “Do you feel up to building a cat tree?” I thought that was a great question.

One of the links is to Ron Hazelton’s Housecalls, and he has a video about how to build a cat tree. I don’t have time to watch the video right now, but I’ve bookmarked his site. I can drool over ALL the do-it-yourself projects I’m too lazy to ever actually do. Although I might actually carpet an existing cat tree because I think I’m more cheap than I am lazy.

Very interesting – thanks for the links!

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How did Mr. Boogers lose his tail?

We don’t know for sure, but we suspect he was born with just a stump of a tail. He was that way when we adopted him at about 6 months of age, so either he was born that way, or something happened shortly after birth. Either way, I cannot even begin to imagine him with a full-length tail, he wouldn’t look right!

For the record, my sister says that Mister Boogers’ tail looks longer in pictures. It’s about four inches long, if you’re curious.

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I have a feeling that when it’s time for the fosters to go to the store for adoption, they’re all going to rebel and refuse to go. Sounds like they’ve gotten a little too comfy at Crooked Acres!

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Think so? I don’t know, they look pretty miserable to me…!

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This made me think of your posts talking about Tim Tams! I am going to have to watch for them!

Mmmm… Tim Tams!

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Oh Robyn, didn’t you know YouTube was around all the way back in 1985?

Thanks for sharing the old video. I love Tubby, he always reminds me of Cartman when I see him. And my own slightly tubby cat, of course!

Oddly enough, I said that exact thing to Fred after I watched the video. He’s especially Cartman-like when he’s rolling around on his back looking bitchy.

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We just adopted a 3 year old cat out of foster care and we’ve found that he only drinks water out of the running faucet! He’s a sweet boy but he will howl and howl until we turn on the water. I cannot afford to have my water running all the time. Do you have any tips to break him from this habit and to just drink from his water bowl?

You absolutely need a Drinkwell fountain (look on eBay, you can probably find it much cheaper). The water imitates the water from a faucet, it runs all the time, it keeps the water clean, it’s pretty easy to clean (I clean mine about every ten days), and most of our cats love it to death. We also have a Petmate fountain upstairs, and the cats like that one, too. The Drinkwell most closely imitates the action of a faucet, in my opinion, so I’d suggest you start there.

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NINETY?! I told someone the other day that you had 45 chickens. Are you sure they’re not rabbits that just LOOK like chickens?

We haven’t actually let the chickens hatch that many of them. For a while there, it seemed like every time we went somewhere, we were picking up eggs to hatch in the incubator. Even now, when it’s really too cold to hatch eggs, Fred is agitating to hatch some featherhead eggs, ’cause he wants to know what a white-crested black polish crossed with one of McLovin’s sons would turn out to look like.

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I still haven’t tried or seen Tim Tams. I looked them up on google and it said that they include malted biscuits. Does that mean malted like “Whoppers” candies are malted? Just curious!

and then someone else said:

Hi Elissa,
Not sure about the malted biscuit part but if you like a crunchy chocolate cookie, chocolate soft frosting and chocolate coating on your tongue, then these cookies or biscuits (if you are British or Australian) are worth a try. Of course, I would check on the availability of rehab before you try them. There is no going back.

I’ll agree with that!

I don’t find any part of the Tim Tams comparable to Whoppers, really, but perhaps I need to buy a package later today (since I’m going to be RIGHT there by Target!) and double-check!

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I live about 20 minutes from Dulles! Not that you care or anything.

If I’d known that Christmas Eve, I might have called you up and asked you to run over to the Hyatt with some food for my sister and nephew! 🙂

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What can I do to keep my 8 mo old kitten, “Snickers” (He sent you his Christmas photo) from chewing up paper. He is also into destroying book corners. Last week it was the spine of a library book. We had to shut him away from the Christmas tree as he was ripping off the wrappings on the gifts. Help! I need advice.

and someone said:

Catsy,
My cats are 12 and still like chewing up paper, destroying books, and unwrapping presents. The best advice is to keep the stuff you want to keep away from the cat. I don’t think you can “train” them not to do it.

For the most part, you can train your cats not to chew paper or whatever while you’re around with the help of a can of compressed air or a spray bottle of water, but once you leave the room, all bets are off. You really do have to train yourself not to leave anything you don’t want destroyed or chewed upon out for the cat to get hold of. Maybe when he gets older he’ll calm down a little, but you can’t count on it.

(Loved the picture of Snickers, by the way! What a cutie.)

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I was reading your egg salad recipe, and I noticed that the yolk part of your eggs is very yellow. I seem to remember you guys (maybe Fred?) commenting that the yolks of your fresh eggs were a much darker color? The reason I’m asking is because we get fresh eggs here in England from the dairy down the road, and the yolks are SO dark they’re more of a burnt orange color than yellow. Even when boiled. I’ll have to take a pic for you.

and someone else said:

Egg yolks will be more or less yellow depending on what the hen ate. Lots of corn (high in carotenoids) in chicken feed will result in yellower egg yolks. If memory serves, flaxseed also has a lot of carotenoids and will darken egg yolks.

Where I live in Canada, the preference is strongly towards really pale yolks. The regional preference for egg yolk colour fascinates me. Visitors to my part of the world are often disturbed by how light our eggs are. (As I would be by a burnt orange coloured yolk).

Our yolks do tend to be a much darker orange than the eggs we (used to) get at the store. Our chickens eat layer rations from the co-op, the occasional handful of cracked corn, and lots and lots of bugs and grass and weeds. I also think our eggs taste a lot better than the ones from the store, but I might be the teeniest bit prejudiced.

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Wow, Brian turned into a handsome young man, didn’t he! Is he tall too?

He’s just a smidge under six feet tall. He’s awfully skinny, too, which makes him look even taller than he is. He’s a string bean!

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By the way- you guys look like Robodorks hugging on that chicken.

Well, that’s because we ARE robodorks, and proud of it!

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I LOVE the chicken. I need to know where he is so we can go visit him someday.

He’s at Exit 6 off highway 65 in Elkton, TN. Go visit him, he needs the company!

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It looks like the chicken just birthed you in the first pic.

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Good, ’cause that’s what I was going for! Heh.

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It’s Robyn! In jeans! Which brand did you finally decide on?

I ended up finding the Fashion Bug LA Blues Wilshires the most comfortable. They suggested the size 11 petites for me, so I ordered them, got them, and found them too big. I ordered 9 petites instead, and they fit just right. I need to order a few more pair, though – I currently only have two pair, and need a couple more to get me through the week between laundry days!

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A tip if you ever do go back to Red Robin, any of the burgers with beef patties you can ask to have petite size and it’s a smaller patty & bun, and it’s a buck less.

I’ll definitely do that next time!

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No trip to Trader Joe’s when you went to Nashville?! I was sure you’d hit it up.

No trip to Trader Joe’s this time, because we weren’t going home ’til late at night, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll want to buy stuff that needs to be refrigerated. A trip to Trader Joe’s is definitely in my future, though!

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I miss Opryland, the amusement park they tore down to build Opry Mills. But their IMAX theater is very cool. Red Robin is wonderful! Did anyone get the burger with the egg on it? I tried one of those the first time I went and it was so GOOD.

Fred always talks glowingly about Opryland and wishes it was still around, too!

None of us tried the burger with the egg on it, but I have my eye on it for the next time I visit!

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I just noticed your new(ish?) profile pic in the upper right hand corner of the page. When did Bitchypoo bring the sex-ay? It must have been before the SCOOP HANDS! Or do SCOOP HANDS! make you sexy? Seriously, you look mysterious, and can I say, beautiful in that pic. I highly approve!

::Blush:: Awww, go on, you! To be fair I had the camera set on some super-flattering setting, apparently, one I haven’t been able to duplicate since. Also, I was laying down, which helped reduce my wattle, and I was apparently having a good hair day.

(Also, SCOOP HANDS can never hurt!)

I think this is a fairer representation of what I look like on a day-to-day basis:

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(In the gas station bathroom at Lawrenceburg, TN where we bought our “Hunk A Pizza.” I am clearly exhausted from the 9 hours of sleep I had the night before.)

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I’m still snorting about you all deciding to go out instead of just ‘sitting around’ and then going to Madison to check your PO Box! Whoop-ta-ha!

Didn’t I mention that we live large ’round these parts? We totally do!

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Tell me, how do you pronounce pecan? Is it pee-can or p-caun with the emphasis on the caun?

I usually pronounce it pee-can, though I occasionally go the p-caun route for no particular reason. Fred always pronounces it p-caun and mocks me for using pee-can.

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You MUST make sugared pecans! Must, must, must.

Anything that starts with ‘sugared’ HAS to be good!

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How did you like Cherryholmes? I love them!

I LOVED them! I love their sound, and they did a song that resulted in a standing ovation. And for that matter, thanks for the reminder – I wanted to download some of their songs on iTunes!

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So…Furminator. I’m about to buy one. A link you have shows a large one. Is this the size you have? Are the brushes the same for cats and dogs, except different widths?

The brush we have is this one, not the large one. I think when I bought the Furminator we have, they either didn’t have the ones specifically for cats, or I just didn’t realize they existed. I expect they’re probably the same – I use the one meant for dogs on the cats, and it works really, really well. I highly recommend the Furminator!

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Doesn’t Miz Poo just look terribly miserable? Poor neglected baby!

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Previously
2007: I LURVE THE LOBSTER.
2007: I’m surprised the damn government didn’t declare a “National Day of Celebration” for Wednesday to commemorate Saddam Hussein’s death, just so they could stop the mail delivery for a third day in a row.
2006: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Note to self
2002: (“Damn, Robyn sure is impressed with herself, isn’t she?”)
2001: Robyn’s Resolutions for 2001.
2000: Exciting, no?

12-24-08

In honor of Festivus (for the rest of us), go air your grievances in MaryBeth’s comments. If she hits 2,000 unique hits and/ or 150 comments by midnight Christmas night, she’ll recreate the George Costanza chaise lounge portrait. Personally, I’d like to see that! Go, read, comment! & & & & & & & & … Continue reading “12-24-08”

In honor of Festivus (for the rest of us), go air your grievances in MaryBeth’s comments. If she hits 2,000 unique hits and/ or 150 comments by midnight Christmas night, she’ll recreate the George Costanza chaise lounge portrait. Personally, I’d like to see that! Go, read, comment!

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I have things to do – vacuum the house, take out the trash, make up the guest bedroom bed, make a Poppy Seed cake for Fred to take to his father and stepmother’s tonight – so it’s going to be a short entry.

My sister and nephew are coming to visit, they’ll be here this evening and staying through ’til late Tuesday. We have a jam-packed schedule (okay, maybe not JAM-packed. But we have a few things planned!) and I’m really looking forward to their visit.

Since they’re going to be arriving this evening, Fred’s going to the Christmas gathering at his father’s house without me. It’s okay – I saw his parents at Thanksgiving, so I think they’ll survive the pain of not seeing me.

I spent a lot of time baking yesterday, made Crunchy Fudge Sandwiches, Chocolate-Peanut Butter Bark, Holiday Pretzel Treats, and then was going to make a batch of Rolo Cookies (only with mini Snickers instead of Rolos) when I thought “Jesus, there’s only four of us, and we’re going to be gone half the time. How much stuff do I think I need to bake anyway?!” So I didn’t make the cookies.

(But I’ve got all the ingredients if we need to do some emergency baking!)

We’re not having a big fancy dinner on Christmas day – we’re having a big breakfast in the morning consisting of Crooked Acres-grown food – sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, the like – and then in the afternoon we’ll have chicken and rice casserole, sweet potato casserole, and a few side dishes – deviled eggs! cranberry sauce! (the jellied stuff from the can, shaddup, I love that stuff) cheese-stuffed celery! – that we usually only have around holidays.

Then, of course, the aforementioned baked goods. I think we’ll have enough food so that we can do the usual holiday rolling around, groaning about how full we are before we head off to the movies.

Since I’ve got stuff to do, how about some chicken pictures? You know you wanna see ’em!

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Michelle sure does remind me a LOT of his father. Good ol’ McLovin’.

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Michelle and his wimmin.

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Featherhead keeps an eye on you.

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This Buff is one of the original twelve. Remember back when we got our first twelve chicks? It seems like forever ago! (As an aside, I canNOT believe we’ve gone from 12 to 90 in a year and nine months. We are NUTS.)

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I was checking for eggs, and George got all bitchy with me. She doesn’t like it when I go poking around under her.

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“Do you believe this shit?”

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The little ones have hit their gawky stage.

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This one’s my favorite. She’s a Partridge Rock, I think.

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We grew a few pumpkins in the garden this Fall. When we were supposed to get our first frost, we pulled them up and put them on the front porch (they weren’t yet ripe). They ripened, but rather than make a pumpkin pie from them, I opted to split them and give them to the chickens. Who apparently approved.

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I think the Rhode Island Reds are so pretty.

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The Silkie, perched on the side of the feeder, back before the hawk got her (obviously).

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The chicks we got from the flea market are turning out to be rather pretty.

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Since she needs to turn her report into Santa by noon, Kara’s keeping a specially-close eye on YOU.

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Previously
2007: I had no idea 11 years ago that Fred was going to turn into a Handyman.
2006: What a difference a year makes.
2005: No entry.
2004: Fred thought it was funny that his sister had to explain to her boyfriend, who is from France, what “French toast” is.
2003: THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND I WAS IN TARGET! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.
1999: No entry.

12-19-08

Get yer calendars!!! & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &   You know you’ve been in a wardrobe rut when you go to have your hair cut and colored by the same woman who’s been cutting and coloring it … Continue reading “12-19-08”

Get yer calendars!!!

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You know you’ve been in a wardrobe rut when you go to have your hair cut and colored by the same woman who’s been cutting and coloring it for years and you walk in, and she exclaims “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans before!”

I’m sure she hasn’t – I’ve been wearing gray cotton pants for as long as I can remember. I’m sure the world shifted on its axis a bit when I left the house in jeans instead!

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Chickens have knees? Is that where the nuggets come from?

Of course not. The nuggets come from the tenderest part of the chicken buttocks. The meat on their knees would be far too tough for dipping in tasty, tasty sweet and sour sauce!

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Beware the road trip to Trader Joe’s! You’ll take home your loot, taste some of it and spend your life plotting a way to get back there again! Seriously though, we bought one of their brined turkeys for Thanksgiving and it was hands down the best turkey we’ve ever had. Their orange-cranberry tea scones rock the house too! Beware…. BEWARE!

All you’re doing is making me want to go THAT MUCH MORE, you realize? I’m calling for a road trip, soon, and if Fred won’t go with me, I’ll go by myself!

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Not a fitness magazine, but I work for Eating Well magazine and it’s a food magazine with a focus on nutrition. It’s great if you love food that is healthy for you, but not just tofu and mung beans. I hope you all go out and get a subscription or 6 for the holidays!

I really like the Recipes Makeovers section!

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This is a site that you can order and they sent the person a package that allows them to pick whatever magazine they want the subscription for
https://subs.timeinc.net/giftscriptions/sitehome.jhtml

That’s such a good idea, I love it!

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I love the flooded pic of the back 40, that is so neat looking! I also like the leaves and how they match the chickens. You arranged that didn’t you? Come on, you can tell us!

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Not only did I not arrange the leaves to match the chickens, I didn’t even notice ’til I read your comment that they matched!

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Has the back forty always flooded like that? Or is it because the ground is froze and not letting the water drain properly?

It floods like that when we get a lot of rain in a short amount of time, usually in the spring. We got something like ten inches of rain in less than twenty-four hours. Fred was starting to worry that the water was going to come up to the house and flood us out. The water’s gone down a lot, but we still have more standing water than I’d like to see.

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Robyn, are you closer to Nashville than you are to Atlanta? Because we have Trader Joe’s here too. Just sayin. In a total non-stalkery way of course. Ahem.

Yeah, we’re quite a bit closer to Nashville than Atlanta. It takes about two hours to get to Nashville, and twice that to get to Atlanta. If I really like my trip to the Nashville Trader Joe’s, I might have to institute a country-wide tour of all the Trader Joes’!

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Not sure if you know this but they sell static electricity sprays that you just spray a little on and you wont get shocked anymore. I think there’s a cheaper version as well.. you just mix some fabric softener in water and spray a little on you.

Not only do I know about that spray, but I have some of it. I haven’t had much of a static problem this year, which is why I haven’t been using it. But it was like once I got the super zap in Publix, it opened the floodgates for me for the rest of the day. I hate that!

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Hey, was the 1999 pregnancy planning for serious, or was it a very early setup for an April Fool’s joke?

It was serious, actually. Fred was more into the idea than I was back in ’99, but I was certainly willing to have another kid. But then time went by and after a few years we decided that we really didn’t want to have a kid, which is why he eventually had a vasectomy.

When I re-read that 1999 entry the other night, I said to Fred, “Imagine if I’d gone off the pill and we had a kid! We could have a 7 or 8 year-old running around right now!” It’s kind of weird to think about, actually. I asked him if he had any regrets that we hadn’t had a kid, and he reported that he didn’t have the tiniest iota of a regret, so that makes two of us.

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How do you know which eggs have been fertilized and are going to hatch and which eggs you can eat?

You can’t tell if an egg is fertile unless you stick it in an incubator, wait 7 – 10 days, and then candle it to see if anything’s growing in there. You can eat fertile eggs – there’s no taste difference between a fertile egg and a non-fertile egg at all. When we decide to incubate and hatch eggs, we gather a bunch of them to account for the non-fertile eggs, and after Fred candles them he discards the non-fertile ones.

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Beautiful picture of you, Robyn! It reminds me of this one, except your pic is not tragic.

I am compelled to tell y’all that in that picture, I was laying down (which made it so that my chin flab kind of disappeared) and the lighting was particularly flattering. I think this picture is a truer representation of what I really look like (though you’ll note I didn’t capture my chin flab in the picture!)

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One hardly dares to wonder how the cashier knows what kind of underwear her (presumably adult) neighbor’s son wears.

It never even occurred to me to ask! Maybe she’s a freaky stalker type who sneaks over and goes through her neighbor’s son’s drawers!

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Why do the kittens look So. Pissed. Off. in that picture??? Were you teasing them about their belly fat? Did you bruise their wee kitty egos? Or did you tell them that the dream I had last night was NOT, in fact, a dream, and that all of them are coming to live with me in Houston? (My first Robyn dream! I feel like I’m part of an elite club now!!!)

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I think they look so annoyed because I ran upstairs and woke them up, and they weren’t fully awake yet. I do not tease them about their belly fat, I only play with their belly fat when it’s within reach. I can’t help myself!

I always love hearing about it when y’all dream about me. Is that weird?

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“Women after my own heart” So glad you added that. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m not a mom and even I know that!

Oh, I did my share of bribing the spud with Happy Meals when she was little. I just thought it was funny that all those mothers, in a row, were bribing their kids with McDonald’s. No one was offering KFC or Taco Bell. I guess every kid really does love Mickey D’s!

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Heck, we humans are all sensitive about our belly fat…..why should a cat be any different?

Too true. If someone reached out and played with my belly fat, they’d be drawing back a nub!

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I always look at the snippets of “On this day in year X” things at the bottom of your posts. I almost never click, though. However, I could not resist “Fred leaned down and SNIFFED MEESTER BOOGERS’ ASS AGAIN.” I laughed so hard I was sitting here with TEARS streaming down my face.

I have to admit, I went and re-read that entry, and laughed my ASS off. Fred mocks me when I laugh at something I’ve written, but damn – I can’t help it. I’m a funny motherfucker sometimes!

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I don’t think the making of the cat tree is the hard part – it’s the sticking on of the freakin’ carpet that sucks.

Amen to that. I’ve told him I’m willing to take care of the carpet-sticking and the sisal rope-wrapping, if he’ll just build the damn thing for me. I need a second cat tree for the foster kitty room!

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Call me antique-identification challenged, but what is that curli-cue thing on the floor in the background of the photo of Tommy?

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That’s not an antique, it’s a scratcher. I got it at the pet store. The cats mostly ignore it, although every now and then a kitten will sit on it and sharpen their claws. (Which do NOT need sharpening, believe you me!)

Also – Robyn …. Wally Lamb’s latest book is out as of last month. It’s called *The Hour I First Believed* and I got it yesterday – can hardly put it down. So far, I highly recommend it.

I just added it to my wish list, I’m sure I’ll pick it up at Target soon. So far, I’ve liked everything I’ve read by Wally Lamb, I’m looking forward to reading it.

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You have to check out these last minute xmas gifts on Gattina’s blog. They are hilarious.. especially the Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure. Funny how things can make you think of someone you have never even met.. 😛

She doesn’t come with enough cats! Is there a pack of additional cats you can buy, I wonder?

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LP

License plate guesses:

Dixon something, I didn’t even think about that. But I see a lot of vanity plates where it looks like their initials…maybe it’s like DX and (‘n) BX. Although I don’t know anyone whose last name starts with X, so who knows.

I think it’s boring old initials. Dan Xbing N Beth Xbing. Maybe their last name doesn’t really start w. X.

I think the plate’s owner is a hunter – So my guess would be… ducks and bucks.

It is “Docs in box”.

I think it is Dixon and Blixen – the Southern reindeer. or maybe Detox and Botox.

I bet they are dog-lovers, and it stands for dachshund … something… dachshund boxer?

I like dicks in a box. That’s what she said. (HA!)

It must be dick in a box. I just know it. Have you seen the follow-up jizzed in my pants?

I hadn’t ’til now – that is just WRONG. Hee.

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Those kittens are killing me with the cute. Delmar and Lem are coming downstairs more and more during the day. Every once in a while, I’ll hear Delmar in the next room, meowing sadly like he’s suddenly realized that he is in need of love and doesn’t know where the love supply is kept. When I call him, he runs to me and I pick him up and kiss him and pet him and snuggle him, and he purrs and purrs and purrs.

I go upstairs at least a couple of times during the day, and all four kittens always join me and snuggle up to me and purr and purr and purr.

The girls are still more skittish than the boys, but compared to how they were when we first got them, it’s like night and day. I thought for a long time that Claudette would never ask to be petted, and now she demands love from me regularly.

LOVE DEM KITTEHS.

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More kitten pics over at Love & Hisses.

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Joe Bob has found himself a box. And he is studiously ignoring Mister Boogers, who’s sniffing around and ready to make trouble.

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Previously
2007: I believe the phrase “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” were bellowed in my car about sixteen different times.
2006: I think my favorite part of the video is at the end when the boys are eating and Miz Poo is so intent on getting a snootful of Booger ass that she is uninterested in Snack Time.
2005: I’m sure that if Rachel McAdams knew that pictures of her nipples were going to be splashed all over the internet she would have yanked out the hairs just to spare the Dork Brigade the sheer horror of having to be aware of the fact that she’s a living, breathing human and exists for purposes beyond serving as an image for them to jerk off to.
2004: I’d swear to never use Amazon again, but it’s so FREAKING convenient I just can’t help myself.
2003: Clearly we were in the presence of REALLY important people.
2002: Because I’m just that good.
2001: That’s right, damnit, I’m a chick magnet!
2000: We’re standing strong in the face of those two snowflakes.
1999: Though I guess “substance” would be a matter of opinion.

12-15-08

I went to Publix yesterday to get groceries and when I touched the metal shelf the sour cream was sitting on, someone must have yelled “CLEAR!” because I got the worst zap of my entire life. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. THAT SHIT HURTS. It’s not been a good … Continue reading “12-15-08”

I went to Publix yesterday to get groceries and when I touched the metal shelf the sour cream was sitting on, someone must have yelled “CLEAR!” because I got the worst zap of my entire life. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.

THAT SHIT HURTS.

It’s not been a good time to be a finger on the hand of Robyn And3rson lately. The other night I was talking on the phone and was putting dishes in the dishwasher away. When the dishes were all put away, I went to close the dishwasher door, and I slammed it right on my thumb. I did the silent, open-mouthed Dance of Pain where I ran in place for several steps. Fred, who was standing behind me managed to pantomime “Are you okay?” before he collapsed in gales of silent laughter.

He said later that I looked like Turk high-stepping it onto the dance floor in this clip from Scrubs.

I slammed my hand in the screen door at some point on Saturday, Saturday night Delmar gave me a damn puncture wound to the bone with his sharp little bastard teeth (okay, maybe it’s more my fault than his – but when he lays on my lap and shows his little belly to me, I cannot resist squeezing his belly fat), and then yesterday was the aforementioned Zap of Doom.

And of course once I got zapped in the dairy aisle, every goddamn thing I touched until I left the store zapped the shit out of me.

I love you, Publix, but HOW ABOUT SOME HUMIDIFIERS?

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So, I know I’ve mentioned recently that we were talking about putting the door back in the doorway between the kitchen and the laundry room because leaving the back door open so the cats could go in and out through the cat door in the screen door was making the back part of the house really freakin’ cold.

But we talked about the door and we looked at the doorway, and putting the door back just wasn’t going to work, because the laundry room is big, but there are so many food bowls and litter boxes and storage shelves back there, that there’s no way it would be feasible to have a door in the way, because we’ve have to move, at minimum, the food dishes to another location, and the storage shelves would need to be moved, too.

Then we talked about getting some heavy curtains and just hanging them across the doorway. The cats could push through the doorway easily, and it would at least keep some of the cold air out of the kitchen and the rest of the house.

But I didn’t like the idea of how that would look, and I actually spend more time than you’d think standing in the kitchen and looking through the laundry room and out the back door to see what the chickens are doing.

So we were at an impasse, and I was toying with the idea of having a cutoff – like, if it’s under 50 degrees, the cats can just keep their asses inside, but on the days I don’t let the cats out (like with the super-rainy days we had last week), the cats tend to be a pain in the ass. They don’t necessarily want to be outside, but they DO want the option. Sometimes they express their displeasure by peeing on something.

(If I ever commit a heinous crime, I will be brought before the judge and my lawyer will simply say “Cat urine.” and the judge will proclaim “CASE DISMISSED!”)

Friday night we were watching TV and I was reading blogs on my laptop, and I was reading [noise], specifically this post, and I lifted my head and looked at Fred, and I said “We are goddamn idiots.”

Because we HAVE a screen door with a cat door in the bottom of it. What else do they make? STORM DOORS with pet doors in the bottom. You know, STORM DOORS, which might not hold back ALL the cold, but for sure it’s got to be better than having a fucking screen door, which holds back NONE of the cold.

“Does L0we’s carry them?” Fred asked, and I went to their web page to look, and lo and behold. They DO.

So Saturday morning I went on the web page and I placed the order for the storm door, to be picked up at the store, and not three minutes after I hit “submit” on the order, Fred’s cell phone rang and it was L0we’s, telling us to come get our storm door!

We did, and Fred was going to install the storm door yesterday, but found that it’s a little beyond his skill set, so we’ve got someone coming later this week to do so.

Like I said, I don’t think it’ll completely hold back the cold, but it’ll certainly HELP the situation.

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The moon was very big Friday night (which I only noticed because Fred pointed it out to me).

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I don’t know what setting I was using on the camera when I took these pictures, but it was a flattering one. The lighting on the first one almost makes it look like a painting.

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I bought an electric throw at Walmart to keep in the living room and to use in the evenings when we’re watching TV. It works really well, and one day one of the cats accidentally (or WAS IT an accident?!) stepped on the control and turned it on, and Spanky wandered across it and found that it was warm, and he declared that it was good, and so every day Spanky sleeps on this blanket on the couch, even though it hasn’t been accidentally turned on since.

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We stopped by the feed store where we visited a few weeks ago – remember the place with the newborn pot-bellied pigs? – to pick up some more cat food. We got to see the baby pot-bellied pigs again, and they are ADORABLE, but alas, Crooked Acres only grows pigs to eat, not to be pets, so no pot-bellied pigs for us.

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Head rooster Michelle gets prettier by the day, I swear.

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Saturday morning, very very early, I heard the banging sound of kittens wanting OUT of their room, OUT OUT OUT NOW PLEASE. I rolled over and looked at the clock and it wasn’t even 4:00. I tried ignoring them, but when they (Lem, I suspect) get to banging at the door, they are persistent and loud.

I went and blew a blast of compressed air under the door, which startled them into being quiet for a little while, but fifteen minutes later the banging started again. I blew another blast of air under the door and again there was quiet for a little while and then the banging began again.

I threw up my hands and gave up, opening the door so that the kittens could come out. They did what they always do when I let them out, which is that they climb up onto the bed and purr at me, get petted, and then wander off to make trouble elsewhere.

I complained about being woken up early to Fred, and he suggested that we try just leaving the kittens out instead of locking them up overnight. I decided to give it a try – why not, right? – so Saturday night we just left the door open.

Fred went to bed, and I stayed up to read, and by 10:15 it became pretty clear that leaving the kittens out wasn’t going to work. Marion, Claudette, and Lem were racing around the house like their tails were on fire, and Delmar was under the covers with me, and every time I moved my legs, he pounced on me and kicked and bit at me.

I got up and herded them all into the foster room and shut the door.

I suppose I can live with being woken up at 4 in the morning, stumbling to the door, and opening it to let them out into the house. It’s not like I can’t go back to sleep, and not like I have to get up and be at work or anything, right?

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Such a smug little brat.

More pics over at Love & Hisses.

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I’ll take “Things I never expected to see in this lifetime without a lot of hissing and growling on Miz Poo’s part” for a thousand, Alex.

Seriously. Tommy needed a place to sleep, he saw a bit of room in Miz Poo’s bed, and he climbed right in. She moved over a little and completely ignored him. No hissing, no growling, no hysterical swatting. It’s a Christmas miracle!

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Previously
2007: When one has to peck the ground for bugs and worms, one gets mud on one’s beak.
2006: So that’s the story of my search for the perfect bra, and how I found it.
2005: I probably have a brain tumor.
2004: I swear, my Grinchly heart grew three sizes right then and there.
2003: A tree with glass ornaments? In a house with five cats?
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: I told Fred we should hire her out to the local police agencies and she could tell them when someone looks like a “drug person.”
1999: Fred and I came to an agreement last night. The end of March, I’m going off the birth control, and we’re going to start trying to get pregnant. (HahahahahahaHAHA! My, how times have changed!)

12-12-08

I live in Los Angeles and have recently been fostering dogs through a rescue called Paw’d Squad. They rescue cats and dogs. Here in L.A. there are many abused/mishandled Rottweilers and Pit Bulls. I am currently fostering my third Rottweiler. His name is Jeffrey. He was rescued when he was just about dead from starvation … Continue reading “12-12-08”

I live in Los Angeles and have recently been fostering dogs through a rescue called Paw’d Squad. They rescue cats and dogs. Here in L.A. there
are many abused/mishandled Rottweilers and Pit Bulls. I am currently fostering my third Rottweiler. His name is Jeffrey. He was rescued when he was just about dead from starvation and mange. Please check him out on the Paw’d Squad website. Also please read this and check out his pictures.

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(Jeffrey, before.)

The reason I am asking you to take a look is because I have noticed you putting good charitable causes up on your journal so that your readers can donate if they want to. I am sure people would be
interested in Jeffrey’s plight. I would certainly appreciate it, as would Jeffrey and his non-profit rescue. Please tell people who donate to reference Vituperation /Bitchypoo so we can log how much gets donated.

By the way, Jeffrey has been with me for three weeks now. He is getting better and better every day. He has food, cozy beds, a roof over his head, toys, medicine and most importantly…love. None of which he has had before. He is kind and gentle, even with my nineteen year old cat Casper.

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Hey, Huntsville/ Madison area residents – buy a toy, get a free haircut!

We’re running a Christmas toy drive! If you bring in a new unwrapped toy in it’s original box for Toys forTots on Monday, December 15th from 9 to 5, you get a free haircut! Stop on by for a great new look for Christmas and a chance to brighten someone else’s life. Appointments recommended, but we will serve on a first come-first serve basis. Merry Christmas!!

A Cut in Time is located on Wall-Triana Highway in Madison. Want to drop off a toy or two and not get a cut? You can do that, too!

(Thanks to Katherine for the heads-up!)

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If you go to this web site, you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can’t pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services with your name and town.

(Snopes confirms that this is for real.)

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It has been raining like a motherfucker here, and yesterday afternoon about half the back forty was under a few inches of water. The chickens were thrilled.

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The area right around the coop wasn’t under water, but they didn’t have to venture far to stomp through puddles, and I was actually surprised at how many of them were standing around knee-deep in the water. I was under the impression that chickens don’t like to be wet at all, but they seemed to be handling it pretty well.

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I had to go across the ditch late in the afternoon to check on them, and though I was wearing boots that come to right under my knees, I was afraid they weren’t going to be tall enough. They were – just – so I didn’t end up with boots full of water. Thank god, ’cause that was some cold-ass water.

The parka that was handed down to me when my nephew outgrew it, a Columbia parka (which I’m wearing in this picture here), came in mighty handy when it came to keeping the rain off of me yesterday.

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I actually didn’t get home yesterday until around noon. I did my morning stint at the pet store, trained a new volunteer who’s taking over Thursday mornings, went to Amazon and killed some time, went back to the pet store to buy some food (which was dumb, because they’re on holiday hours ’til the 23rd and the store was actually open when I left), went to Michael’s to buy some fake poinsettias for the front porch (among other things), went over to Goody’s to browse, went by the post office (99% of the Christmas cards are mailed!), then came home and unloaded the car.

Naturally, the minute I pulled into the driveway, it went from a desultory drizzle to a fucking Noah-and-the-ark downpour, and OF FUCKING COURSE when the weather is like this you cannot just put your goddamn key in the lock and open it, you have to turn the key with one hand and pull on the door with the other so the goddamn lock will turn and so by the time I got the goddamn door open I’d dropped half of what I was carrying, so I flung the door open, bellowed “JESUS GODDAMN FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY”, and kicked all my packages across the room.

Cats scattered in every direction.

With the car unloaded and most of the stuff I’d bought piled on the table (thank god we never use that table, I don’t know where I’d put all my crap otherwise), I headed back out to visit my beloved Publix.

And it was every bit the glorious experience I’d imagined. I managed to refrain – barely – from kissing all the Publix employees square on the mouth, but believe you me I WANTED to. Despite the fact that the store was packed with other area residents who LOVE PUBLIX BECAUSE IT ROCKS, I was out of there in no time flat.

I do believe I would marry that store, if it’d have me.

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Spoilers for the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Skip this section if you haven’t seen it yet (or aren’t interested)!

Six minutes into this episode, I had a heart attack when it was revealed that Jeanna paid EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS for her bedroom linen. There’s not even any FURNITURE involved in that sum! You can get a good used CAR for that kind of money. THAT IS MADNESS.

When Jeanna said that about Matt having the perfect body and being great in bed IN FRONT OF KARA, I howled. I think Kara wanted to run screaming from the table. I can’t stand hearing about how Matt is mean to Jeanna. I don’t think she should let him stay with her when he’s up to visit the kids – she needs space, and he’s SUCH an asshole. Jeanna’s got such pretty eyes, I wish I had silvery blue eyes like that.

Vicki and the “Woo hooooooooooo!”s are going to be the death of me.

Lauri and George have 7 kids between them? How did I not realize there were so many?? Josh is struggling with a heroin addiction – that is some scary stuff, I really feel bad for Lauri. It’s got to be heartbreaking to watch your child go through that. I’m not surprised that Lauri opted to leave the show – I think she made it clear last week that she’s kind of over the cattiness and drama and I don’t think that the publicity the show brings to Josh’s life does him any good.

Wine-tasting looks borrrrrring (it probably doesn’t help that I don’t like wine!), but the grape-stomping looked kind of fun. It was nice to see Vicki and Don actually relax a little bit together. I did NOT need to see Tamra cavorting around in lingerie and I SO did not need to hear her talking about how she and Simon ‘sealed the deal’ before they met Vicki and Don for dinner. EW EW EW. (On the other hand, if I had a body like Tamra’s, I’d probably cavort in lingerie 24 hours a day!) That restaurant was weird and confusing, and I’ll stick with Applebee’s THANKS. I’m clearly not meant for high-end restaurants!

And then the part where Vicki and Tamra were picking on Don and then Vicki started crying – boy, they know how to have a good time, huh? Unnnnncomfortable!

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Now that the supercoop is finished, how about another project for Fred:

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

I think it would be SO COOL to have something like that in the foster room!

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I know you get asked this all the dang time, but Dave would like to know what camera you use. He loves your pictures.

I actually use two cameras – our big camera with the huge zoom lens is a Sony DSLR-A100. I use that one to take pictures of the chickens or the cats outdoors usually, but it’s such a heavy camera that I don’t take it on road trips or carry it around in my purse.

The one I carry around in my purse is a Sony DSC-W300. I take the majority of my pictures with that one, especially the ones on road trips, or upstairs with the kittens. It’s quicker to use, and I like the pictures I get with it.

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OMG!!!! I got my Daisy (her name was Sylvia) from Paw’d Squad! I adopted her back in March of 2006! She is the love of my life! She has her own blog, and everything. She also has a face book account and we have been posting on Jefferys page!

How cool is that!

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Do you imagine having a kitty like this one?

I’m surprised Joe Bob’s not a toy thief. That boy smiles too damn much to NOT be a criminal.

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I swear I heard the angels sing the first time I walked through the doors of my new Super Target. I adore that place. We have Trader Joes, Marsh (locally owned and very nice thank you)and Kroger as our big grocery stores. I need Hannafords apparently. And what is Peapod?

I am VERY jealous of the fact that you’re close to Trader Joe’s. I’ve never been there, but I wanna visit! The closest one’s in Nashville. I smell a road trip in my future.

Peapod‘s the online grocery shopping site. It doesn’t deliver in our area, unfortunately, or I’m sure I’d be all over that!

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That ho shops at Safeway in Edmonton Alberta too. In the express lane, with a cheque and yapping with her friend and rearranging the items in and out of her little old lady cart.
Bitch please.

I suspect that woman has doppelgangers all OVER the world, existing solely to cause aneurysms and spread hate and anger wherever she wanders.

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I agree with Christina N, above – “While you’re waiting for radio-fetcher/battery-decision-maker to get back, let’s go ahead and ring my purchase up instead of wasting everyone’s time. It’s only a few items, so even if Other Customer does come back before we’re done, she won’t have to wait too long.” Not a question, a statement.

You know, I would have considered saying something like that, but I honestly never expected that the checkout process would last so freakin’ long – I kept thinking it was allllllllmost over, and yet it dragged on and on and on.

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What’s wrong with Porkkly Dorkkly? I mean, I know your last visit was painful but it can’t always be bad like that, can it? Or is it that Publix is just wonderful in comparison? I haven’t been to a Porkkly Dorkkly in decades and I’ve never been to a Publix, so I was just wondering.

It’s partly that the store sucks (last time I was in Porkkly Dorkkly, they were out of onions. ONIONS. Who the hell runs out of onions?) and partly that Publix is so awesome that Porkkly Dorkkly suffers by comparison.

(I do have to admit that if Porkkly Dorkkly has a really good sale, I’ll likely force myself to stop by and stock up!)

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Question for Friday – what is your favorite fitness magazine? I am looking for a xmas present for my sister.

I think the only fitness magazine I subscribe to these days is Self, and I really, really like it. I used to read Women’s Health, but if I recall correctly it tends to be so full of ads that there was no real content to the magazine.

Anyone else have a fitness magazine suggestion?

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Oh, I have a horror story. I sold real estate for a few years. Agents would sometimes send me e-mails with info for my clients — and sometimes there would be catty, nasty comments made by the realtor about my clients or theirs. (Real estate can be very high pressure and people can go a little insane when selling or buying a house. I think agents sometimes vented by being bitchy — I never did!!! I appreciated my clients!) So I would edit out the nastiness about the client and forward the e-mail on with only the pertinent info that the client needed to know, (dates, money amounts, etc.)

Little did I know that when I made the edits and forwarded the e-mail, the ORIGINAL E-MAIL SENT TO ME WAS ATTACHED. So the clients could read my edited e-mail and then the nasty e-mail sent to me by the other agent. We had an archaic e-mail system at the time that didn’t save a copy of the e-mail being sent, so it took a fairly long time for me to figure out what was happening. If I recall right, one day I cc’d myself on something I sent a client and I figured it out. I felt really sorry for the clients who read mean things about themselves. No one ever said anything, though.

and

That reminds of a time when I sent a very smartass remark regarding a coworker to THAT ACTUAL COWORKER! I’d absentmindedly put her name in the address book instead of the intended recipient. OMG, I had to pretend like it was a joke. Luckily, she seemed to buy it. I still cringe when I think about it though.

Ohhhh, these stories just make me cringe! But at the same time it’s kind of reassuring to know that I’m not alone!

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Relevant to absolutely nothing (but cats), this is too funny; my kids and I quote the end every day!

Too funny!

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Have you thought about guineas? I know those little mothers are LOUD. They squawk when someone drives up and they squawk when something (dog, etc) gets close. As for protecting, I don’t know, just know that they’re some kind of “watch dog”.

and

I think someone mentioned guinea hens (I probably spelled that wrong). My uncle had quite a few on his ranch and as I remember they were quite dumb and continually got run over because they would run toward cars. Possibly trying to be protective but it just didn’t work out. You had to drive in quite a long way on a dirt road to get to the ranch house and those birds would literally lunge toward any cars. They would see their bird friends get run over and then they would do it too. Just a vicious cycle of poor dumb guinea hens – possibly they really aren’t all that dumb, maybe he had a bad batch!

Kamikaze guinea hens!

My concern with guinea hens is that they’d be so obnoxiously loud that it would disturb our next door neighbor, and she’s such a good neighbor that I don’t want to annoy her.

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I see you have a control knob on your cute little piggie [humidifier] – does it make a big difference between the different settings mist production wise? I want to get one for when the kids rooms for when they are sick, but their rooms are so small that using a regular vaporizer with their doors closed makes horrible condensation (read: indoor rain) on the ceiling and walls. (We 2 have naughty cats that drive the kids nuts at night, so we keep their doors closed.)

Yep, the control knob makes a big difference – when it’s turned all the way up, the steam shoots out the pig’s ears. When it’s turned all the way down, steam barely comes out the pig’s ears.

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do you ever get lonely since the spud left?

Actually, not really. I miss the spud, but even when she lived here, she was gone a lot. We text and talk frequently, so I get to know what she’s up to.

I’m really looking forward to her visiting next month, though!

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We had a serious discussion about the Christmas budget. The adults agreed to scale back and we (with my son’s approval) decided to take 10% of the budget to buy food for the animal shelter. He helped buy and deliver it this past weekend. We are certainly doing other things as well, but the shelters here are really in need of donations – more than we are in need of more stuff.

This is SUCH a good idea!

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Hey Robyn. Just a word of caution-anyone who has cats should definitely steer clear of liquid potpourri. It is sweet like anti-freeze and once ingested is deadly. My orange tabby who looks just like Suggie got into this a few years back and ended up with a fever of 105 and a hole burned through his tongue. I threw that shit out faster than you can say HUGE VET BILL!!!!

That’s some scary stuff, thanks for the warning!

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It appears that Tommy isn’t particular about which orange cat he snuggles with. The other night Lem climbed into the cat bed with Tommy, and Tommy was all “Okay, I guess you need a bath!”, and he licked and licked and licked Lem.

2008-12-12 (5)

2008-12-12 (4)

And then Lem apparently got too big for his britches and required a smackdown, and Tommy was only too happy to comply.

2008-12-12 (3)

Then Lem stomped off, and Tommy stretched out alone in his bed for a few minutes of uninterrupted slumber.

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Previously
2007: I’m telling you, the book-buying thing. It’s an illness!
2006: I did a lot of nothing yesterday
2005: (If you must know, it’s the “Tinferl” that really hit my funny bone. I don’t know. Don’t look at me like that. Shaddup.)
2004: Those two just make me shudder. And not in a good way.
2003: “Hey!” he thought to himself. “I think that might be the same bird and the same feeder!”
2002: “That’s okay, Bessie. I hate you sometimes, too,” he said.
2001: No entry.
2000: A blue spark leapt from my tender, sensitive pinky finger to the door of the Jeep in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and I all but screamed.
1999: But if I end up MIA, y’all know where to tell the cops to look…

12-10-08

I’m not sure that I’m actually the fire-making prodigy I’d like to think I am. I’ve set the smoke detector off twice in the past week and I’m still not sure why the house got so smoky. The good part is that the smoke detector is tied into our security system so rather than having … Continue reading “12-10-08”

I’m not sure that I’m actually the fire-making prodigy I’d like to think I am. I’ve set the smoke detector off twice in the past week and I’m still not sure why the house got so smoky.

The good part is that the smoke detector is tied into our security system so rather than having to get up on a chair and unhook the smoke detector and yank the batteries out to turn it off, I can just input the code into the security box (whatever the fuck it’s called) and turn it off that way.

The bad part is that I didn’t know that the first time the smoke detector went off, so I got up on a chair, unhooked the smoke detector, yanked the batteries out to turn it off, and still had to turn off the alarm on the security system.

I didn’t make a fire yesterday because it was in the 60s. Last night it was supposed to get down into the 40s, but it’s in the mid-50s right now, so I don’t think today will be a fire day either.

It rained like hell last night and a third of the back forty is under a few inches of water. The chickens aren’t complaining, though – they’re walking around drinking out of the puddles and splashing through puddles and kicking at the ground to get at the bugs the rain brought out.

Winter in the south. Ugh.

The good part is that it’s practically over; come February it’ll start warming up again while y’all in the colder parts of the country are still all bundled up.

The bad part is that I’m still so far from the ocean.

I think we oughta move to Florida, personally.

Except that moving all those animals would be the motherfucking death of me.

(Besides, I kinda like it here. Except when it gets cold. Of course, “cold” is subjective. I don’t know how on earth I ever made it through the cold-ass Maine winters, I’m such a delicate flower.)

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I’m beside myself with excitement.

Wait.

Let me try that again.

I AM BESIDE MYSELF WITH EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As of this morning, I never ever ever have to shop at the local grocery store chain – let’s call it Porkkly Dorkkly – ever ever again. They’re opening a Publix in Nearville, and I’ve been eyeballing it eagerly these past few months, afraid that it would just never ever open, but the day has come! My beloved Publix has come to a location only five minutes from me, and I will shop there all the days of my life.

Yesterday morning I actually had to venture into town to go to Porkkly Dorkkly because Fred was completely out of cottage cheese, which he eats every morning as part of his lunch, and I couldn’t put it off ’til this morning.

It’s like the universe wanted to make sure I knew how very much I was going to love shopping at Publix and how very grateful I should be that I wouldn’t have to shop at Porkkly Dorkkly again. I went through the store quickly, picked up cottage cheese, oatmeal, and two loaves of bread. And then I went to the one lane that was open. There was only one woman in the process of being checked out, she didn’t have many items, so I figured I’d be out of there pretty quickly.

Not so much.

First, she had to write a check, and did you know that you can’t start writing at check at ALL until you know what the total is? Nope, you certainly can’t write in the payee’s name or the date or sign the check. You must know exactly what the total is, and THEN the check-writing process can begin.

Also, you must not have your license out and ready to be presented. Instead, once the check is written you must have to dig around in your purse for your license, to be held out to the cashier, who must punch the number into the cash register, AND SO ON.

But I’ve had to suffer through that sort of thing before, no big deal, even though I wanted OUT of there, so I amused myself by reading the front of the magazines.

So, items rung up, check slowly written out, license presented to cashier, all that accomplished – which must mean it’s my turn, right?

NOT SO FAST, SPARKY.

Instead, a conversation about weather radios commenced, and did you know that they sell weather radios at Porkkly Dorkkly? Indeed they do. They keep them behind the customer service desk, and so when customers decide they want a weather radio and it’s too early in the morning for someone to be at Customer Service permanently, someone must be paged because it appears that the cashier cannot leave her cash register to walk the fifteen feet to the weather radios, grab one, and bring it back.

So someone was paged, and she showed up and grabbed the weather radio and walked it over to the cash register, and the radio-fetcher went off to finish unloading the delivery truck or whatever she’d been doing, and guess what?

The customer wanted TWO radios. Didn’t she mention that? HA HA HA I’m so scattered this morning! LOL! ROFL! Time to page the radio-fetcher again!

Radio-fetcher looked less than pleased to be called again, and she stomped behind the customer service desk and stomped over to the cash register and plunked down the weather radio and asked “Anything else?”, and the customer and the cashier allowed that they thought that’d about do it.

And the second radio was rung up and the total was given, and the laborious check-writing process was underway and I could just about taste my freedom.

But wait! WAIT!

Did you know that these weather radios take batteries? They take batteries, and they don’t COME with batteries, that is such a gyp, I know. But the batteries are right there – see that sign three aisles away – and you might want to grab some batteries for your radios, they’d certainly be no good without batteries, right?

LOL! ROFL!

Guess what? Cashier can’t see anywhere on the box where it says what kind of batteries the radios take! So customer is three aisles away yelling “What kind do I need? How many?” and cashier is yelling “Hold on…!”

Time to page radio-fetcher! Radio-fetcher is pleased to be called away from what she was doing yet again, let me tell you. Radio-fetcher growls that the radios take three triple-A batteries each. Cashier yells this information to customer. Customer takes a LONG FUCKING TIME to decide that the big pack of batteries is the financially responsible choice. Customer wanders back to cash register.

The check-writing process begins yet again.

Customer and cashier chat it up. LOL! ROFL! O happy day, when I get to spend fifteen minutes waiting to buy two loaves of bread, cottage cheese, and oatmeal in the store that I am loathing more as every minute passes.

Customer finally finishes paying and wanders off. I answer the cashier’s “Good morning, how are you?” with NOT my usual perky “Great! How are you?”, but rather with a tight-lipped smile.

I don’t need to write a check, buy a weather radio, or wander around looking at batteries, so my checking-out process takes about a minute and a half.

On my way out the door, I silently wish Porkkly Dorkkly a nice life. You know, for the two days it takes for area residents to realize that Publix KICKS ASS and Porkkly Dorkkly quietly folds and goes out of business.

I’m going to Publix later today, and I don’t even need anything. I just want to bask in the glorious glow that is Publix and be happy in the knowledge that I will never have to visit Porkkly Dorkkly again.

(Which is not to say that I won’t if they have some good sales – just that I don’t HAVE to if I don’t want to.)

And when I am dancing through the aisles of Publix, I will probably stop and hug every Publix employee who greets me. I might even kiss ’em square on the lips.

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2008-12-10 (6)
“I just wanted to walk across that lady’s desk and give her a head-butt, but that mean old gray cat with the stumpy tail growled and growled at me and I was SKEERED!”

More pictures over at Love & Hisses.

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2008-12-10 (7)
Miz Poo keeps an eye on the squirrels.

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Previously
2007: It’s a pisser that the things that are the least fun – cleaning, laundry – are a neverending cycle.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: I want to marry you, Consumer Reports.
2003: The Bean’s nickname for today is “Stanley Rotten.”
2002: Xmas meme.
2001: And then Miz Poo SMACKS him again.
2000: No entry.
1999: I’m just saying.

12/02/08

Keep an eye on Nance’s site – she’s going to start uploading our video podcasts (which we made late last night) at some point, and I know you all want to see the true Bitchypoo-Nebshit experience, which has to be seen to be believed. It’s just THAT exciting! & & & & & & & … Continue reading “12/02/08”

Keep an eye on Nance’s site – she’s going to start uploading our video podcasts (which we made late last night) at some point, and I know you all want to see the true Bitchypoo-Nebshit experience, which has to be seen to be believed. It’s just THAT exciting!

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I’m flying home today, so to tide you over, pictures that have been sitting in my “to post” queue. Click on any image to see the full-sized version!


The little chicks (not the littlest ones we have now, but the ones we hatched from the eggs we bought in Amish country, and the ones we bought at the flea market) on their roosts in the little coop. This is before we moved all of them to the big coop.


What I love is that the Silkie (the fluffy white chick next to the brownish-red Rhode Island Red) has blue ears. BLUE EARS. See ’em? How fucking cool is that?


Newt will make himself at home anywhere in the house. He happened across the towels we store in the bottom of the washstand that belonged to Fred’s grandmother, and he said “Hey. This looks like a good place to nap!” And it was.


Fred called me one day from work and said “Go out toward the Poltergeist tree and tell me if you see anything.” I wandered around for several minutes before I discovered what he’d discovered the night before. See where the arrow ends?


Turns out a bird had hollowed out a nest and every night, he (or she) can be found peering out of that hollowed-out nest. I can’t be positive, but I’m pretty sure it’s a nuthatch. If it’s dusk and I look up at the hole and don’t see the bird, I jiggle the branch a little bit and he pops his head out and glares at me.


Oh my Suggie, you are such a mess with the perpetual gunk in the corners of your eyes and the dry nose, but you are such a sweet thing that I’m only amazed I haven’t squeezed you completely to death.


One day last week I was going into the kitchen to start dinner, and I glanced out the kitchen window to see, way back at the very back of the back forty, two deer grazing. The larger one went off through the woods (the land on the other side of that strip of woods is owned by a nursery, and I believe a lot of deer hang out there) but the smaller one stayed and grazed for a long time. She looks like she’s about the size of a donkey in that second picture, doesn’t she? (The fence is five feet tall, if that helps any.)


Hawks, eyeballing the chickens.


Michelle the rooster does not appreciate the hawks eyeballing his wimminfolk.


Fall has arrived in Alabama, believe you me.


When we went to the local feed store (the one that had the dogs and pot-bellied pigs and chickens and goats and ducks and geese), I failed to post a few of the pictures I took. This bird lives in the store. It’s BIG, but will politely greet you with “Hello.” Then when you’re least expecting it, it shrieks for no apparent reason. (I have no idea what kind of bird it is, but I expect Debra knows!)


Pot-bellied pig at the feed store.


Worried-looking dogs, discussing their attack plans. “You get ’em at the knees, I’ll chew their faces off!”


The chickens were rather fond of the compost heap.

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Previously
2007: Forbidden Love.
2006: No entry.
2005: Ha on her! I DO have a kid! AND a husband! AND 6,000 cats! Look at me, I’ve got it ALLLLLLLLL!
2004: The internet just ROCKS, doesn’t it?
2003: Her date (”But not a DATE date!”) was more dressed-up than she.
2002: I did mention that I have airhead tendencies, did I not?
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.
1999: I am obviously not one to wallow.

11-28-08

I am actually going to be traveling today, but because I love you, I did my usual Comment-Answering Extravaganza late last night. & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &   It’s that time of year! If you want a holiday … Continue reading “11-28-08”

I am actually going to be traveling today, but because I love you, I did my usual Comment-Answering Extravaganza late last night.

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It’s that time of year! If you want a holiday card from Crooked Acres, go here and follow the directions. I will absolutely send cards to other countries. If you’d like to send me a card (definitely not required, but always appreciated), you can send it to PO Box 565, Madison, Alabama, 35758.

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Get yer calendars!!!

2009 Crooked Acres Calendar. ~~~~~ 2009 And3rson Kitties Calendar. ~~~ 2009 And3rson Foster Kitties Calendar.

(All calendars are marked one dollar above base price; all proceeds are donated to the local no-kill cat shelter I volunteer for.)

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2008-11-28 (9) 2008-11-28 (8)
I put makeup on exactly twice a year – once at Thanksgiving, once at Christmas – and I always feel compelled to document the result.

2008-11-28 (6) 2008-11-28 (5)

2008-11-28 (4) 2008-11-28 (3)

2008-11-28 (2_

Thanksgiving breakfast was FABULOUS. Fred made cinnamon rolls (and it pisses me off that he can do things like make cinnamon rolls with no recipe whatsoever and they come out SO DAMN GOOD), and the bacon and sausage was a big hit, and so was the sausage gravy. Fred went off to take a nap after everyone left, and I vegged out in front of the computer, then did laundry and packed so I wouldn’t have to get up this morning and do that.

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What it’s like when you walk into the new chicken yard. Note that the pigs get bitchy because I don’t have any food for them. They are spoiled ROTTEN.

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I must know: your thoughts on the True Blood season finale AND the Atlanta Housewives Reunion! (To the latter let me just say: OY.)

True Blood spoilers in this section.

I actually forgot that Rene was the bad guy – it’s been so long since I read the book that there’s a lot I just don’t remember. I still adore Sam, I am not surprised that Bill practically sacrificed himself to save Sookie, and I cannot stand that Maryann chick. Was she in the book? I don’t like her. And I can’t believe we have to wait ’til next Summer to see more of the series, damnit.

Atlanta Housewives Reunion spoilers in this section.

NeNe was just loaded for bear, wasn’t she? She was intense and confrontational, and I had a hard time even looking at the TV when she was yelling at Kim! I cracked UP when she rolled her eyes when Kim was talking about her album coming out in January (my guess: either the album will never come out, or it’ll be someone else’s voice!). Boy, you just always know where you stand with NeNe, don’t you? She doesn’t hesitate to tell you what she thinks! And the whole thing where Kim told NeNe that NeNe KNEW Kim was sick and NeNe saying “No, I didn’t, no one ever told me that!” – how good friends were they really if Kim never told NeNe that she had (as Lisa put it) “Cancer.” I find that whole “My doctor said it was 90% certain that I had cancer” and then just left it, and the interviewer (I can never remember his name) had to say “So, you don’t have cancer?” “No, but I have other things wrong that I’m not prepared to talk about” – I find that kind of suspect!

I was so surprised by Lisa just going OFF on Kim, I felt like it kind of came out of nowhere – not that Lisa didn’t have a reason to go off, it was just that she went from zero to 60 in no time flat. I had to rewind to make sure I hadn’t missed something that set her off!

DeShawn might be simple, but damn – she’s the most diplomatic of the bunch and she wasn’t going to give anyone any kind of ammunition to use against her! She was the only one who didn’t get caught up in the trash-talking (well, Sheree didn’t either, did she? I don’t remember that she did, maybe I’m just not remembering.)

Dwight needs to lose the long hair. He’s not a bad-looking man (though when you see him talking from the side, it’s apparent that he’s had some sort of chin plastic surgery!), but he looks so much better without that dreadful weave!

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Robyn, don’t shorten those curtains from the bottom. Cut off the top edge, and sew a new “pocket” for the curtain rod. Much easier than dealing with the scalloped hem. All you need to do is measure and sew a few straight lines on the machine!

The curtains were made of very sheer, gauzy material and I’m pretty sure they were beyond my sewing skills, I can’t imagine trying to sew that stuff!

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Robyn, do you drink tea? If you (or any readers!) do, you have to try a Tim Tam Slam. Bite off opposing corners (diagonal from each other), put one corner in the tea, your mouth on the other corner. Suck in the tea just until it hits your lips, and then very quickly put the entire thing in your mouth. You’ll thank me.

After Monday, when I ate so many Tim Tams I spent the evening clutching at my gut and bemoaning my stupidity, I think it’s best that Tim Tams be banned from the premises. I am breaking up with the Tim Tams (at least until I see the display at Target and packages of Tim Tams throw themselves in my cart, that is).

I don’t drink tea, but I’ve certainly heard about the Tim Tam Slam, and I’ve encouraged Fred to give it a try.

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Isn’t it funny, when Oreos first became available here Downunder people went crazy. Tim Tams were so … ho hum. Send me your address and I shall send you a TimTam package.

I can’t blame y’all for being crazy about Oreos – those things are damn good. I can see being ho-hum about them, though. If you can get them any ol’ time, there’s not the sense of urgency to have as many as you can cram in your mouth, right?

And thanks for offering to send me a package, but see above about how I’ve broken up with the Tim Tams. Those things are too damn good.

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For anyone wanting to learn more about all things homesteady — gardening, chickens, GOATS 😉 I highly recommend you head over to http://www.homesteadingtoday.com

I love that site – I don’t get around to visiting it very often, but I enjoy it when I do.

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The calendars are very cute!! But on a more serious note – do you think you can do anything about the Plain-Jane situation?

It’s only happenstance that Jane updated yesterday, you understand. Otherwise I’d be answering this question by saying that Jane’s gearing up to manage Holly’s campaign for the 2040 presidency and can’t be updating all the time. Apparently I’m wrong, and she can totally neglect the campaign to update her journal. That campaign’s not going to run itself, Jane!

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You know, Robyn, if you guys bought a dairy cow (or even a goat) you’d never have to go grocery shopping. You’d be making your own butter to cook your own eggs and potatoes. To eat with your own bacon. And put on your own veggies. ‘Course you’d have to grow some wheat so you could mill it and bake your own bread, too.

You know what annoys me? That there’s no way we could ever be completely free of having to visit the grocery store and purchase certain things, like flour, sugar… kitty litter, cat food. You know, the important things we can’t create ourselves (or at least not on 4 1/2 acres! We need more land, pronto.)

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Where did you find the big humidifier? it’s it free standing? Will you tell me if you like it? For some reason I have had the hardest time finding one. grrrr.

I ordered mine off the Gaiam site, this one.

(If that link doesn’t work, go to Gaiam.com and search on “humidifier”; it’s the whole-house humidifier) It’s more than I’d hoped to spend, but hopefully it’s quiet and will work for the whole house (at least the whole first floor!); I’ll definitely let you know if I like it; I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

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I went to Target specifically to get Tim Tams and couldn’t find any! Either I didn’t look close enough or they haven’t made their way to Arkansas yet.

I found them in two locations in our local Target – at the end of one of the cash registers, about halfway down the row of registers. They’re also, surprisingly enough, in the cookie aisle. Look closely, they kind of look like any other package of Pepperidge Farm cookies.

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Do any of your cats put things in their food and water bowls? My cat likes to get her puff balls, my pony tail holders, that little ring around the milk jug, a plastic ring she found of my daughters, etc. She also likes to bring stuff and put it in my bed. Last night I was blessed with a soaking wet puff ball and most mornings I wake up with her black and red ribbon in my bed.

I’ve had cats put toys and other stuff in their water – though none of our current cats do it much. It can be a way to help them figure out where the top of the water is. You can cut up a straw and float the pieces in the water to help them see where the water begins, and see if that helps.

Also, what is with the infernal licking? She’s an inside cat, terrified of the outdoors (guess I shouldn’t have named her “Bad Ass Ninja Cat”) and cleans herself constantly. Annoyingly constantly. Every time I pet her she has to clean herself and/or me. Licking, licking, licking, licking. GAH.

Some cats are just constant groomers – but keep an eye on her. Some cats groom as a nervous habit, and it can get to be a problem. If you see any bare spots or the skin underneath her fur seems inflamed, you might need to take a trip to the vet.

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The best humidifiers are from Crane’s on Amazon. I have the Hello Kitty one and the froggie and I heart them.

It’s possible I might have ordered the Crane’s pig humidifier. DAMN YOU, Astruc! I am weak in the face of cuteness.

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In this dream, there were a shortage of pigs on the planet and humans were being used as surrogates. Here I was, pregnant with piglets, and you happened to be the only qualified human/piglet midwife. So I made the 5 minute drive from Maryland to Alabama so that you could deliver my piglets.

Thought you might want to know… May be a new career for you!

Hmmm. I wonder how much schooling I’d need to become a human/ piglet midwife? It certainly sounds interesting – and baby piglets are so cute. I bet I could birth the HELL out of piglets with SCOOP HANDS.

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Well, well, well. You are so far ahead of the curve; this link is soooooo two weeks ago.

http://mightyhaus.com/archives/2008/11/bear-claw-scoops

Heh.

It’s hard to resist the SCOOP HANDS. Remember where you heard about ’em first!

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I thought Alabama was part of the humid south. Am I wrong?

It’s plenty humid here in the summer, but in the winter, the cold weather brings very dry air along with it. I’d guess that it’s rare to have much humidity in any location where the weather gets cold in the fall and winter.

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Why Robyn Has Caused Me to Need Therapy: Tim Tams sounded interesting. When I was at Target, I looked for them but couldn’t find them. So I just thought I’d go on Amazon and see if they had them, or what they looked like so I would know what I was looking for. I entered “Tim Tam” in the search box. This is what came up:

http://tinyurl.com/5kmckc

I think I have lost interest in Tim Tams.

What, you don’t want a meal of haggis and spotted dick with some Tim Tams to wash it down with?

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Mister Boogers is not snuggling with Newt. He is trying to push him out of the bed so he can have it all to himself. Newt is trying to hang on for dear life.

and

Was Newt actually curled up IN that cat bed? If he was, Mister Boogers sure snuggled him right out of it. Newt doesn’t look at all comfortable. He’s going to wake up any minute and ask WTF?!!!

and

Poor Newtles! How long did it take him to realize that most of him had been scootched out of the cat bed?

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Here’s how it went – Mister Boogers was laying in Fred’s desk chair, so Fred picked him up and put him on my desk (I was off watching TV, I think). Mister Boogers went over to the cat bed where Newt was sleeping, and just sat there and looked out the window for a long time. Eventually, he curled up and went to sleep, snuggled up to Newt. Newt apparently didn’t mind the snuggling, but over the course of about an hour Mister Boogers expanded to take up more and more of the cat bed, and Newt kept having to move to get comfortable, and as you can see, he ended up with more of him hanging out of the bed than there was of him IN the bed. He finally woke up and found a more hospitable place to sleep, which only reinforced to Mister Boogers that whatever Boogie wants, Boogie gets!

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Hello! Can you remind me (probably again since you’ve probably explained it but I don’t remember) how you guys ended up with Newt and Maxi? Didn’t they belong to some neighbors? Did the neighbors give them up or did you guys just slowly, over time, end up with the two cats? I remember them being outdoor-only and I remember the box that you guys made on the porch but I don’t remember when they made the switch to indoor/”your” cats.

Maxi and Newt were originally stray cats, kinda (though we found out later that Maxi actually belonged to the people who sold us this house – who just left her here. Grrrr!), and when Maxi showed up on our front porch with a litter of kittens, Fred talked to the lady two doors down, who told us that they (Maxi and Newt) had just kind of appeared one day. Since they didn’t belong to anyone, we asked the Challenger’s House (the shelter I volunteer for) manager if we could foster the kittens and adopt them out via Challenger’s House. She was okay with that, and the lady who lives two doors down said she’d take Newt and Maxi. We had them spayed and neutered, and the lady took them in, but they were so miserable being inside that that didn’t last long, and they started coming to our house pretty regularly. When the weather got cold, Fred was worried that they’d freeze to death, so he built them a (heated!) cat house. He started letting them in the house for a little while at a time, and then one night it was supposed to get really, really cold and he was worried about them, so we brought them in and kept them inside (in the foster kitten room) overnight. That kind of broke the dam as far as the cats were concerned, so we started letting them in and out whenever they wanted, and they just kind of became ours. They hang out at the lady’s house (two doors down) during the day sometimes, but I think we all pretty much agree that they belong to us! 🙂

Also, have you been watching “Ruby” on the Style Network? The show is about an overweight woman from Savannah who is struggling to lose weight because of the health-related issues with being almost 500 lbs. Just curious if you’ve seen it and what you think.

I watched the first episode of “Ruby” and enjoyed it, but I need to set up to tape the rest of them! The thing that struck me about the show was when Ruby went to her friend’s house for dinner, and her friend was making, I don’t even remember what it was, lard-coated lard deep-fried in lard or something (actually, I think it was the mac & cheese that caught my attention) and talked about how they’d go on diets together but they never lasted, and I don’t know. I understand not wanting to make her unhappy by denying her the foods she loves, but the friends aren’t helping, if they really are concerned about helping her lose the weight she wants to lose. I’m looking forward to seeing how the rest of the series goes.

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I do have a question for you: What is the spud doing for Thanksgiving? Has she ever missed a major holiday with you?

(I’m not asking to make you sad, and I hope the question doesn’t — I’ll be away from both my kids on Thanksgiving and just wondered how you felt about it).

The spud spent Thanksgiving with her father and stepmother, just the three of them for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

She’s actually lived in Rhode Island for about a year and a half now, so I didn’t see her for Thanksgiving last year, nor for Christmas (though I did see her in January, when I flew to Maine and then drove down to Rhode Island with my sister and mother to spend the day with her). I figure, I got to have her for each and every major holiday for the first 19 years of her life (except the Christmas when she was 10 or 11, which she spent in Rhode Island with her father), so I guess it’s her father’s turn for a few years!

We do text and talk pretty often, and while it’s certainly not the same as having her here, it definitely does help!

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FYI…Steve & Barry’s is going out of business, so if you want to stock up on t-shirts, now is the time to do it!

Damn, I wish I’d realized that when I was at the mall on Monday. I guess it’s another trip to the mall for me next week! Steve & Barry’s has THE best t-shirts, bar none.

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when you have kitteh duty at the pet store, you often mention how you have to go back to buy something because they’re not open. Well, how do you get in? Is someone there to let you in, or does Challenger’s House have a key? Or do volunteers break and enter on a daily basis?

We volunteers are like Santa. We just slide down the chimney!

Actually, there are pet store employees at the store from 6:30 or so onward (and actually, the little grooming place inside the store is open earlier than the store is), so if the door hasn’t been left unlocked (which it rarely is), we can ring the doorbell and an employee will come and let us in. Then we have to find a manager with the key to the cat room to let us in there. If I can’t find a manager (they’re usually busy doing something, and I can’t always tell who’s a manager and who isn’t), I throw myself on the mercy of one of the store employees, and they always offer to find a manager for me. The employees of the pet store are without a doubt the most helpful employees of just about any store I’ve been in!

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Bet you didn’t know your chickens can do this….

I did not! When we went out to visit with the chickens after breakfast/ dinner yesterday (we like to drag the relatives out to admire the chickens. They don’t seem to mind too much!) Fred picked up a chicken and demonstrated that very thing for his parents. I shoulda had the video camera with me!

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That is one fine stalker rooster! You must have more than one rooster I am thinking though. Do they get along or is there a head rooster?

We have two adult roosters right now (and one that’s just starting to try to crow, so he’s got a ways to go for he’s completely mature). Michelle seems to be the head rooster, and he and the golden rooster don’t seem to fight too much – the golden rooster seems to be fully aware of the fact that Michelle’s King Shit.

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Maybe next year you could raise your own turkey:-)

At this point, we’re actually planning on getting a handful of turkeys when we get our spring chicks, and definitely intend to provide next year’s Thanksgiving turkey!

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Hopefully the kittens won’t forget me while I’m gone. Fred’s under strict orders to give them extra love to make up for my absence!

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“Humans is tasty.”

More pictures over at Love & Hisses.

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Pretty Stinkerbelle. You can’t tell from this picture, but she really is a sweet thing.

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Previously
2007: So I’ve signed up for Holidailies, and I’ll be updating every day in December.
2006: Go! Shop! Buy!
2005: “Well, GODDAMN,” I said. “NOT NOW, I won’t! I was GOING to, but now that I know you’d be sitting there all horrified about me reclining my seat in front of your parents, all worried that they’d be thinking ‘Good christ, look at her over there, so fucking LAZY she can’t expend the ENERGY to sit upright!’, I won’t! I wouldn’t DREAM of reclining on my OWN couch in my OWN home, I would HATE to embarrass you!”
2004: No entry.
2003: Fred’s sister nodded. “That’s what I figured.”
2002: I forgot that teenagers are, on the whole (though yours may be different, or at least pulling the wool over your eyes) bone idle.
2001: McAfee rocks.
2000: Recent purchases.
1999: I informed him that there was no way he was getting out of taking me to the emergency room for this.

11-27-08

It’s that time of year! If you want a holiday card from Crooked Acres, go here and follow the directions. I will absolutely send cards to other countries. If you’d like to send me a card (definitely not required, but always appreciated), you can send it to PO Box 565, Madison, Alabama, 35758. & & … Continue reading “11-27-08”

It’s that time of year! If you want a holiday card from Crooked Acres, go here and follow the directions. I will absolutely send cards to other countries. If you’d like to send me a card (definitely not required, but always appreciated), you can send it to PO Box 565, Madison, Alabama, 35758.

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Get yer calendars!!!

2009 Crooked Acres Calendar. ~~~~~ 2009 And3rson Kitties Calendar. ~~~ 2009 And3rson Foster Kitties Calendar.

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2008-11-27
Thankful that someone will bring her inside and clean her behind. Also, that she’s not part of Thanksgiving dinner. (THIS year.)

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Thankful that the humans found this pumpkin pie had too much nutmeg in it, so the chickens benefited.

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Thankful for Reddi-Wip.

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(Check out the little dollop of whipped cream on her head.)

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Thankful for too-much-nutmeg pumpkin pie.

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Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!!!!

(And Happy Thursday to the rest of you!!!)

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Previously
2007: Oprah hates gum-chewing, did you know that?
2006: I’m a bit of a pyromaniac (really, who isn’t?), so my eyes twirled and glittered like Beavis’, and I had to restrain the urge to yell “Fire! Fire! Fire!”
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: You were always what I needed. I thought you always would be.
2002: Then I snorted. “But *I* am not going to do ANYTHING with the turkey, ’cause it’s not MY job!”
2001: Thankyajeezus for hooking me up with a geek.
2000: I’m going crazy with wanting you, and crazier still to know that I can never have you.
1999: spud: Momma let her go into heat!