Author: Robyn

here, on Kristen’s site. You’re welcome. 🙂 Other searches: Cat food (we use Purina ONE, the Urinary Tract Health kind) +hair +washed (perhaps this has something to do with the movement toward not using shampoo anymore that several journalers/ bloggers are taking part in? I’m not doing that, because I can’t stand the thought of not washing my hair every day) haircut (I’m going for the next one on the 17th!) dogster (It’s here, but I don’t have a dog, so I’m not a part of it. I’m still waiting for Catster!) These are all searches on my site using the “Search this site” link over there to the right, by the way, not Google hits. (Did you know you could search my site? I have no way of knowing who’s searching on what, by the way, so search away to your heart’s content!) The Google hits have gone way down in the last few weeks, thank god.

* * * Fred got bitchy with me this morning because I told him I turned on his laptop and installed Trillian to give it a try. “I like it when my computers keep working!” he huffed at me. “I never have any problems with MY computer, but once you start installing shit, it all goes to hell!” Well, I NEVER. (Too bad it’s true!) Trillian seems pretty cool, thanks to y’all who suggested it. I think if I get a chance later today I’m going to install it on my computer and check out all the bells and whistles. Hey! We should schedule a weekly bitchypoo chat! That would be cool, eh? * * * So I’ve given up my boycott of Applebee’s, mainly because the spud wanted to go OUT for dinner Friday night, since we’ve had pizza every Friday night for about the last month. Also, I really wanted some chimicheesecakes. We left the house at four (we believe in eating early on Friday) and slowly made our way to Applebee’s in the pouring rain. When we got to Applebee’s, as I was looking for a place to park, a limo pulled around the corner and then sat in the way, blocking me for a few moments. “I wonder who’s in the limo!” the spud said excitedly, her mind no doubt dancing with images of that dreamy Elijah Wood. “No one famous, I’m sure,” I scoffed, then pulled into a parking space once the limo slowly drove past us and stopped again. “It’s probably just the limo driver getting something to eat.” We got out of the car and headed for the restaurant. Just ahead of us, two men – good ol’ boys if I’ve ever seen ’em – walked into the restaurant and headed for the bar. I could see part of one of their faces. That almost looks like Tim McGraw, I thought to myself. But I think Tim McGraw is taller than that. We walked into the restaurant and I requested a booth in the non-smoking section. The spud and I sat down and began trying to decide what we wanted. After we’d placed our drink orders and then our food orders (the spud got the Oriental Chicken Salad Wrap, and I got the Crispy Orange Chicken Skillet), I looked around the restaurant. At just after 4:00, it wasn’t terribly busy – which is one of the reasons we eat so early when we go out. At the bar sat several guys, including the two we’d seen walking into the restaurant just ahead of us. I could see just a sliver of the face of the guy I’d thought looked like Tim McGraw. I decided the only reason I’d thought he looked like Tim McGraw was because of the sideburns. This guy was definitely NOT Tim McGraw. And yet, there was something SO familiar about him… The light dawned. That guy, I thought to myself, looks an AWFUL lot like Larry the Cable Guy. Three chairs down from him sat a guy in a t-shirt with “GIT-R-DONE!” on the back. GIT-R-DONE is Larry the Cable Guy’s catch phrase, if you didn’t know. I sat and stared at the guy, hoping he’d turn so I could see more of his face. He never did turn around enough, but when I heard his voice I decided I was about 75% sure it was him. I pulled out my phone. I am pretty sure Larry the Cable Guy is sitting at the bar, I text messaged, because I didn’t want Larry or his entourage to hear me saying it out loud. Two minutes later, my phone rang. It was Fred, of course, saying “Did he say “GIT-R-DONE”?!” We talked for a few minutes, and then as I ended the call my food arrived. Crispy Orange Chicken Skillet? Two thumbs up. Yum-may! While I was eating, my phone rang. I answered it, and Fred said “He’s doing a show at the Von Braun center tonight! That’s got to be him!” Whereupon I began lamenting the fact that I had left the house without a camera, and also that my phone doesn’t take pictures. “If I had a camera, I’d go over there!” I said. “You can still go over there!” Fred said. “No, that’d be lame.” So I didn’t go over there, but I did spend the rest of my meal staring over at him, willing him to turn around just for a moment. I took a good look at the guys sitting around him, hoping maybe Ron “Tater Salad” White might be along for the ride, but no luck. I spent the weekend feeling very proud of myself for identifying him with only a sliver of his face to go by. And then this morning? I looked on his web page and realized that he was in Huntsville on THURSDAY, and by Friday evening was supposed to be doing a show in Illinois. FRED messed it up when he looked at Larry’s show schedule. I don’t know, though. Maybe Larry had to stay an extra night because of the weather or something. That guy sure did sound like him. * * * I was looking through some old pictures last night, and look what I found: That’s me, as a baby. That’s not my mother holding me, though, it’s a friend of my mother’s. That’s my mother sitting across the room SMOKING A CIGARETTE. When I talked to her last night and said “You were practically blowing smoke in my face!”, she got all indignant – “I’m SURE I wasn’t BLOWING SMOKE in your FACE!” Heh. That’s me, at the age of 3 1/2ish. I hated that friggin’ bathing suit. My mother made it for me, and there were two snaps at the crotch, and every time I came out of the water, the snaps had come undone, and I couldn’t snap them myself, so I’d scream for my mother to help, and her friends (who, I’m certain, were plastered) would laugh and laaaaaaaugh. Bastards. * * * I have no kitty pics for you today, but Fred did an all-Stanley-Bean entry over the weekend. Go check it out! ]]>

* * * The spud came downstairs as we were watching Extreme Makeover last night to report that her “enter” key was no longer working for her. Fred went upstairs to check it out, and ran AdAware to see what was going on. AdAware found over 200 things, only a fraction of which were cookies. The spud, it appears, will download anything. If something pops up and offers to install something on her system, she goes along with it. She had 12 huge, bulky screensavers, search bars on her desktop, and god knows what else. Clearly she takes after her mother. I was about to download AIM the other night when Fred stopped me and informed me that it hijacks your something or other and even if you uninstall it, it reinstalls the next time you open AIM. I guess I’ll stick with MSN Messenger, then.

* * * I’m such the Gladys Kravitz. The people next door are having some kind of work done on the interior of their house. A couple of guys have been running a saw for the better part of a week. I don’t know if they’re building shelves, or hardwooding the floors, or what, because they come out on the front porch to cut the wood they need, and then carry it back inside and shut the door. Every time I hear the saw go, I press my face to the window to see if I can figure it out, but there’s a part of their porch that blocks my view, and it’s driving me crazy. You suppose they’d mind if I went over after dark and pressed my face up against the window to see what’s going on? * * * What was… 1. …your first grade teacher’s name? You know, there was a time when I could name every single one of my teachers through the 8th grade, but that’s no longer true. I attended first grade on Kinchlo3 AFB in Michigan and I know I had a Mrs. Radecki for one of the grades I attended at that school, but I can’t swear it was first grade. 2. …your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? Bugs Bunny! Actually I think it was the Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner show, but I hated the hell out of that stupid Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. 3. …the name of your very first best friend? No clue. I remember a Candy Rhoades when we lived in Michigan, and also a Katie. When we lived in Guam, I had a friend named Sherri Roberson (or perhaps Robinson, I don’t remember which), and also Suzanne Dembinski. I can’t say for sure who my first best friend was, though. 4. …your favorite breakfast cereal? Fruity Pebbles! 5. …your favorite thing to do after school? When I was in middle school, I’d get home from school and watch the second half of As the World Turns I was hooked on that show for a good many years. * * * You’ve got to check out Fred’s blog link for today. It rocks! Well, if you’re a William Hung fan you’ll think it rocks, anyway. * * * “If I smack him really hard, will he get the hell out of my way?” ]]>

SURVIVOR ENTRY – SPOILERS WITHIN You know, I have to say that I really felt sorry for Sue. It was clear that what happened with Richard really bothered her on a deep level, and like I’ve said, NO one cries alone when I’m around. I felt really awful for her; I feel that she was genuinely in some emotional pain. She’s been a favorite of mine since the very first time I heard her refer to herself as a redneck, and I was sad to see her go. But I had to laugh when I saw Jeff’s face after Sue let him have it. He was NOT expecting that, and he looked a little shell-shocked. It’s interesting that when Jenna was ready to go, he put her through the third degree and solicited everyone’s opinion, but last night he only asked a couple of questions and then she was on her way. I hate that Sue’s tribe did the whole “Ding dong the witch is dead!” thing. It was inappropriate and not funny at all. Besides, who the hell wants to see Tom dancing around without a shirt on? I can’t wait to see what the twist is next week! It’s too early for the family reward challenge. Are they bringing voted-out survivors back? I want to see Rob C. back – I was telling Fred last night that I wish he hadn’t been voted out. Oh, and I wish Jerri would shut the hell up with the food talk. It’s as bad as Survivor: Australia when she and Amber laid around and moaned about food. It makes me want to smack her, and I’ve been liking her this time around. Also, Boston Rob? SHUT UP YOU ASSMONKEY. Why has no one voted his ass off yet? Colby’s really getting on my nerves, too. I hope that his ass gets voted off as soon as possible, and that Shii An says “Yeah, I felt it was time to MAKE A DECISION, YOU JACKASS!” as his torch is being snuffed out. Fred hates Shii An, but I love her. I also love Alicia. I’d love to see a final four of, say, Shii An, Alicia, Lex, and Rupert. I wouldn’t know who to root for!]]>

* * * We watched the first hour of Kingdom Hospital last night. We DVR’d the second hour, but I don’t think we’re going to bother to watch it, or the rest of the season. It was just too goofy. I love Stephen King to death, but I don’t think he has any business writing TV shows. I haven’t liked any of his miniseries aside from The Stand, and we didn’t even bother to watch Rose Red last year. But the next Dark Tower book come out on June 8th! Whoo!

* * * Tonight, Survivor! I can’t wait to see what happens – rumor has it it’s something big! * * * The spud and I spent an hour last night going through the course catalog and choosing classes for her to take next year. It was so friggin’ confusing, they way they had the course chart set up, but I think we got it right. Driver’s Ed is available to her next year, though she has to have her learner’s permit. Hell, she even gets half a credit for the class! When I was in high school, I took Driver’s Ed after school through a Driving Instruction company, and at the end we were given the test for our learner’s permit. I also didn’t get any credit for it. They have such cool classes available at her high school. I got gypped, going to a small high school! They have a HORTICULTURE class, they have an aerobics and body sculpting class, Floral Design, Family Dynamics, Housing Decisions, Robotics, Southern Literature, just anything you could imagine, they have a course for it. I think I need to go back to high school. * * * It appears that my father will, in fact, be going to Hawaii for three months and that my mother will be joining him for most of that time. The spud and I are going to go out for a week in July. I’ve never been to Hawaii and the flight there and back will suck, but it should be seriously cool. Hawaii! * * * He’s disgusted by something, god knows what. Maybe I was singing to him at the point that Fred took the picture… The Stump Cave!]]>

faaaaaaaaamous? (Scroll down to the March 2nd entry) You all have to refer to me as “Journaler and (soon-to-be-published) AUTHOR Ethan Hawke Robyn And3rson” from now on. I insist! Of course, the interesting question is, how do I explain this whole blog/ journal thing to my mother. Maybe I should just say nothing, and when the book turns out to be a runaway best seller and we’re all on Oprah I’ll make sure she doesn’t watch that episode. Oh! Or I’ll just fake my way through! “A bunch of women? On Oprah? Really? And they have what? What on EARTH are “BLOGS”, Mom? Huh. And she looked just like me, and when Oprah addressed her, she laughed goonily and drooled out the side of her mouth? Well, lord KNOWS it wasn’t me, I’d never do THAT, I’m FAR too classy. They say everyone has a twin, don’t they? What? She has the same NAME as me? That’s so odd! Gotta go! Bye!”

* * * I guess now would be a good time to tell y’all that I’ve restarted OneFatBitchypoo in another location. * * * Judging by the fact that I’ve seen no fewer than five dead possums laying by the side of the road in the past two days, it must be Spring. Also, it’s 60 degrees outside right now – it hasn’t even had a chance to get as warm as it will today! – and they’re saying it may get as high as 80 by Friday. This is absolutely the time of year when I am SO glad that I live in the south. Daffodils are starting to bloom – I even have one ready to bloom in my back yard! For some reason, the daffodils in my back yard are a little slower than those growing in other yards. There’s a big clump of daffodils in a deserted plot about a half mile from here, and every time I drive by, I think about stopping and picking them. Happy little daffodils. They make me happy just to see their sunny little faces! * * * You know, for a long time I liked James Patterson’s books, but it seems like in the last few years he just kind of lost his shit and started putting out a book every six weeks. He’s got the Alex Cross series, he’s got the Women’s Murder Club series, and he’s got random other books that aren’t part of a series. He needs to slow the fuck down, because every time I turn around, there’s another book by him coming out. I’ve stopped reading him because it’s overwhelming. I mean, I hate the fact that I have to wait a year between Stephanie Plum books, but part of the enjoyment of the book is that year of anticipation. Speaking of authors worth reading, I’ve devoured every book in Margaret Maron’s Deborah Knott series, and I highly recommend them. * * * Okay, I have three episodes of China Beach burning a hole in my DVR, so I think I’m going to go watch them. Have I mentioned that I adore my DVR? * * * “How YOU doin’?” ]]>

That BASTARD! He never shared any of his Tim Tams with ME! Big thanks to reader Raqual, who sent the scanned article to me about an hour after she found out what I needed. You Aussies rock! (For the record, Fred’s more amused by this than mad. Mostly because it makes him giggle with glee to think of the Australian Men’s Health editor saying “Oh, no one will ever know…” a few months ago, and then coming into his office today to find emails and phone calls letting him know he’s busted.)

* * * Pet store kitty pics are here. * * * If I had been successful in setting up a TV-and-movie blog last night, I would be able to direct you there, where I’d have a movie of William Hung singing She Bangs with BACKUP DANCERS on the American Idol special last night. However, although I created the blog, I wasn’t able to get the frickin’ entries to archive by category (wouldn’t it be a good idea to archive the entries by category, so that someone could click on, say, the American Idol category and read all the posts in that category?) and although I tried following the instructions I found online, I couldn’t get the damn thing to work, so I gave up in a huff and deleted the blog. Damn you, Movable Type! Damn you! Speaking of American Idol, was that a great show last night, or what? I mean, just seeing the Bulgarian girl with the really deep voice was worth it, let alone seeing William Hung sing TWO songs. The only one I wanted to see but didn’t was the girl whose voice was creeping Randy out, because every time she’d sing, lightning would crash outside. Seeing William Hung with backup singers was funny as shit, especially the way they all waved their arms in the air when he did. * * * Ever since I’ve been driving the Jeep that used to be Fred’s, I’ve been enjoying it. It has all the little amenities that my old Jeep didn’t, like seats that warm up (we’ve always called it “ass”, as in “DAMN it’s cold in here, give me some ass!”), a sunroof, a kick-ass stereo (in my old Jeep, the stereo sucked so badly that I could only listen to it out of the front right speaker, and that only as long as I didn’t turn the bass on), and leather seats. I mean, forgetting that we’ve spent way too much on repairs in the past year, this Jeep really rocks. There’s one thing that doesn’t rock at ALL, though, and that’s the door that lifts up so that you can get into the very back of the Jeep. You know, where you put groceries since there’s no trunk. The door opens just fine, and lifts up just fine, but as for staying up? Not so much. I discovered this lovely little fact when I was loading groceries into the back last week. As I turned to grab another bag out of the grocery cart*, the door swung down and smacked me on top of my head. And it fucking HURT, believe you me. I yelled “OW!”, and told myself to be more careful in the future. Since then, I’ve been smacked in the head two more times, each hurting more than the last. When there are things like big-ass bags of cat food in the back of the Jeep, and I need both hands to pick it up, and it APPEARS as though the door is going to stay up, I tend to take the chance. One of these days instead of slowly swinging down, the door is going to fly down at a rapid speed when I least expect it and ::clunk:: me on the top of my already sore noggin and I’ll drop like a bag of shit, and Fred’s going to come home from work to find me dead in a puddle of blood in the middle of the driveway, surrounded by melting groceries. And when that happens, dear readers, I expect you all to hound Fred so that he feels guilty until the very day that he dies for passing such a lemon on to me. (Perhaps it’s all part of his plan to kill me off so he can get his hands on Miz Poo?) * They call grocery carts “buggies” here in the south. For some reason, that cutesy word drives me NUTS. I loathe it! Gah! * * * ]]>

new logo at the top, this one created by the lovely and talented Kat. My GOD I love that picture of the Bean!

* * * NEEDED: An Australian who can buy a magazine (in Australia, naturally), scan an article, email it to me, and then snail-mail the magazine to me. I’ll pay you back by purchasing something for you from your wish list, fair enough? Time’s of the essence, here. Email me if you’re up for the task. (Note: I’ve got it! Big, big thanks to reader Raqual, who rocks!) * * * Following the link from Gwen‘s page on Saturday, I took this test at Match.com to determine what kind of look I find attractive. This is my new boyfriend. I call him Jimmy. It’s a difficult test to take, because it’s hard to tell anything about a person from a picture. I mean, how do I know that Jimmy isn’t one of those close-talkers or fast-blinkers? What if he just sits there with that smile on his face? I mean, the smile is probably what I like most about Jimmy, but if he just sits there and smiles like that all the time, I might begin to think he’s a bit simple-minded. Here’s what else my test results said: Interestingly, a lot of the features you liked are not especially popular. They’re not what usually defines “mainstream” attractiveness for men. Although you quickly knew who was not appealing to you, there were only a few common features that set them apart. See this short list below. Obviously, you just know what does and does not work for you physically. Looking at over 10,000 women in your age group who have taken the test, about 17% are attracted to the same types you are. You are open to seeing a variety of men as handsome. Sure, men with “movie star” good looks catch your eye, but you are often equally wowed by more normal “cute” guys. You’re not one to judge people based on their looks. In fact, you’re genuinely drawn to men that others might dismiss. Maybe it’s because you don’t buy into society’s checklist for “mainstream” attractiveness. You have a more open and accepting view of what makes a man handsome than a lot of other women your age. In the test, you didn’t pick the most “popular” men, but instead seemed to focus on your own personal tastes. Your choices suggest you like what scientists call the “Meso-Endomorph,” body type. In other words, you like big, strong guys. If he didn’t play defense in high school football, he was probably on the wrestling team. He has “big bones,” which you’ll notice in his wide shoulders and thick wrists. He has muscular shoulders, which are perfect for resting your head on, and big strong arms to wrap around you. I’d say the results were pretty accurate, for the most part. Fred took the test, too, and his results came back saying that he’s very picky when it comes to choosing women. I, on the other hand, am not picky at all. Heh! (Edited to add: Fred thinks that Jimmy looks strikingly like Francis on Malcolm in the Middle. I can definitely see the resemblance, and I do think Francis is pretty cute!) * * * This made me laugh out loud: I am currently being chastised by a woman who freely admits that she didn’t vote in the last presidential election and “could care less who wins this one”. She is outraged by the fact that I didn’t watch the Academy Awards and is calling me un-American. * * * Know what’s kinda cool? This. * * * Several people have recently asked whether the Tubby “Meh” swag would ever be available again. Let it not be said that I don’t love y’all – click on the “Bean Swag” picture over there on the sidebar, and it’ll take you to the CafePress store where I switched all the pictures back over to Tubby’s “Meh” picture. While I’m talking about the sidebar, you can see the new “Movie of the Week”, located under the “About” heading. This movie stars one whiny little Miz Poo who only wants lurrrrve. As a special treat at the end, you get to hear my goofy-ass high-pitched talking-to-the-kitties voice when I speak to Spanky, who wants to know why the HELL Miz Poo keeps whining. Is their food involved? And can he have some, please? * * * I have no idea what he was staring at, but he stared at it for a long, long time. (No, there were no birds up in the tree, I checked) So pretty. So dumb. Gotta love the Spanky.]]>

thread over at TUS wherein you can vote for the perfection of your relationship from 0 to 100 by 10s, with 0 being “I don’t know why we’re together” and 100 being “We are perfect together.” I rated my relationship 90, because to rate it 100 would be asking Fate to slap me down (“Oh, that perfect is it? Let’s add a little stress to the equation and see how well you deal! Let’s give YOU a brain tumor, shall we?”) There’s another thread regarding what you fight about. I have to say, we don’t really fight. We argue from time to time, we disagree about a whole host of shit, but we don’t really fight, because we’re big babies and neither of us can stand to have the other mad at us for more than 5 minutes. Seriously, I can’t stand it. That whole “don’t go to bed mad” thing? I could never go to bed mad, or rather having Fred mad at me. I’d be way too stressed out. Yeah, I’m a freak.

* * * On America’s Funniest Home Videos last week, there was a cat video. I dumped said cat video to a tape, and the tape to the camcorder, and THEN made a digital movie out of it. Because I’m a dork. It’s not the funniest cat video I’ve seen – that one’s reserved for “Harmoni-Cat”, which I have thus far been unable to find online anywhere – but it’s pretty cute. Right click on save it to your hard drive before viewing, if you will. I’ll leave it up for a week before I take it down to save on space. See it here. * * * One afternoon a few months ago, the phone rang. Although I usually check the caller ID before I pick up a call, the only person who calls during the day is Fred, and so I answered without checking. It was someone from the CDC, wanting me to answer a survey about immunizations. I sighed and rolled my eyes, but figured I might as well answer the questions – after all, how many could there possibly be? Two? “Do you have a child? Does your child get immunizations?” Yes and yes. So the guy starts with the questions – how many people under the age of 18 live in your house, how old is he/she, how many people total live in your house – and I answer them. Then he paused to again tell me the point of the survey and that it was completely anonymous. THEN he told me that it would take 20 to 30 minutes to complete the survey. TWENTY TO THIRTY MINUTES?!?! Dude, what the fuck? I don’t talk for 20 to 30 minutes on the phone to people I know and LIKE, let alone some strange man from the CDC! So I hung up. Oh, shut up. I figure anyone who calls me in my home and wants me to answer questions for TWENTY TO THIRTY MINUTES deserves to be hung up on. Time passes, and earlier this week we received mail from the Department of Health and Human Services, addressed to Fred. Assuming it was something to do with that Hepatitis he had a few years ago, I didn’t bother to open it, and left it on his desk. When he got home, he opened it and found a letter saying “The CDC needs your help! Recently your family was asked to participate in the survey” blahblahblah “Your household is very important to the study because it has been scientifically selected and we cannot substitute another household for yours”. The best part of this? There was a FIVE DOLLAR BILL clipped to the front of the letter. All we have to do, the letter says, is participate in the study when the interviewer calls. And if we do, they’ll send us another ten bucks! Your tax dollars at work, folks. Doesn’t it give you a warm fuzzy feeling to know that your government is sending out five dollar bills to random people like us? * * * I took a bath this morning instead of a shower. While I was laying in the tub reading, Miz Poo climbed up on the side of the tub, surveyed the situation, and then climbed up on me and curled up on my chest. It was kind of cool, actually. Until the Bean jumped up on the side of the tub to investigate, and Miz Poo dug her back claws into my chest to keep herself balanced, and smacked the hell out of the Bean with her front paws. Ouch. * * * Miz Poo wishes I’d stop all that friggin’ singing and just go the hell away. ]]>

SURVIVOR ENTRY; SKIP THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE YET! So all I can guess is that the warning for scenes that might be inappropriate for younger viewers was Rich rubbing his dick on Sue? I mean, I guess that’s what happened; we rewinded to watch it again, but still really couldn’t tell. If it were me, I think a firm grasp and really hard tug would have stopped that move right in it’s tracks. That, or just a hard elbow to the crotch – “Oops! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!” Plus, we probably would have been treated to a high-pitched scream. High-pitched screams are always damn funny. I like Rich, though, and didn’t want to see him go, despite his stupid-ass “Oh, I’m here with women. I’ll go nekkid and intimidate them!” shit. Rumor has it the Hatch weinis ain’t that intimidating… Not a fan of Colby this time around, but I’m liking Jerri. Poor Rupert can’t catch a break, can he? He builds a kick-ass raft, but it’s just too damn slow. I don’t think anyone on the dissolved tribe was sad to see it happen though, that’s for sure. Is it wrong that I’m looking forward to seeing Sue flip her lip next week? I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK. Wahhhh!]]>