Author: Robyn

here.

* * * So, I saw the gastroenterologist today (and may I digress for a moment to say, those fuckers! They told me my appointment was at 8:30, so I show up 10 minutes early (to fill out the paperwork), and she tells me my appointment is actually at 9! Bastards! Luckily I had a book with me). I was less concerned about the idea that I’d find out something horrible, and more worried that he’d take one look at me, think “Oh, yeah. She’s fat. I’ll tell her to try diet and exercise!” and I was ready to rip off his head and shit down his throat – just ask Fred – but I worried for nothing. He was AWESOME. You know how sometimes a doctor will ask you questions and you answer them, but you get the feeling they’re not really paying attention, maybe thinking about their 2:00 tee time? Not this guy. He asked questions, he really listened to the answers, and he was just really a nice guy. (Come to find out he’s 5 days older than me. Ahhh, that explains it. Capricorns rock!) Anyway, he said that it could be something called autoimmune hepatitis and explained what it is. He doesn’t think it’s a strong possibility, since I haven’t had any of the symptoms, but he wanted to do bloodwork to rule out the possibility. He wanted to check a few other things but seemed to lean – not surprisingly – toward the idea that it was a fatty liver. Which is a benign condition, he told me, though it rarely turns into other things. Also, diet and exercise – “Stop right there!” I said. “Before you go any further!” And I got up and started dancing a jig as I sang more of the Meatloaf song, the lyrics of which escape me at this moment. “I’ve exercised 45 out of the last 46 days,” I said. “And I count calories. I’ve eaten between 1200 and 1500 calories a day for the last 46 days. Except for Friday, when I relax it a little. Also, I lost 125 pounds three years ago and have been at a standstill ever since.” He was impressed and what did he tell me? Why, he said “Keep up the good work!” BECAUSE I ROCK. Anyway. So they took three gallons of blood upon which they’re going to perform various and sundry tests. When he gets the results, he’s going to call me, and we’ll see where we’ll go from there. Oh! And YOU PEOPLE who keep bringing up LIVER BIOPSIES and scaring the SHIT out of me! (Because that sound PAINFUL!) He said that if all the tests came back negative, what he’d want to do is monitor my liver enzymes and if they get worse, THEN he’d want to do a liver biopsy. I think I lurve him. In a purely platonic doctor-patient way, of course. Though he did touch my knee when he was all excited about explaining exactly what the fatty liver thing is. Anyway, I’ll keep y’all apprised of what-all’s going on with me and my shadow liver’s fat ass. * * * Anyway. There were several amazingly brilliant and laugh-out-loud paragraphs right here, but in my haste to run to the bathroom and pee, I fucked something up and they disappeared into the ether, and I want to go to Sam’s now, so I’ll have to do my best to re-create them tomorrow. Sorry ’bout that. * * * An illustration of why Fred calls Miz Poo “Snaggletooth.” ]]>

* * * Oh, look. It must be a day that ends in “y.” I can only seem to connect to the Knology mail server about once an hour YET A-FUCKING-GAIN. Good thing we’re not paying way too much money for our internet – oh, wait! Yes we are! Fucking fuckers.

* * * The spud has a band concert tonight. She’s opted not to take band next year. Is my heart breaking? Why, no. No it’s not. I believe I’ll do a dance of joy at the idea of never having to attend another ear-shattering band concert. Of course, with my luck she’ll decide to take up cheerleading next year, and I’ll have to attend every last football game. Gah. * * * In the past few weeks, Fred and I have started taping and watching Nip/ Tuck – FX is showing reruns of the first season at various times, in preparation for Season 2, which starts in mid-June. I didn’t hold out much hope – I mean, a show about plastic surgeons? Snore. Turns out, it’s a pretty damn good show, though. And even if it wasn’t, being able to stare at Julian McMahon (Christian) for an hour is nothin’ to sneeze at. We also started watching Season One of 24. We rented the DVD with episodes 4 – 8 and watched them back-to-back Saturday night. That’s a damn fine show! How come none of you ever told me?! I wanted to go out and rent the next DVD after we’d watched those four shows, but Fred spouted off some crap about how we should savor each show like a fine wine, to which I maturely responded by making some obnoxious gagging noises. Lastly, I stayed up late last night to finish reading Wendy Shanker’s The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life. Good book! I highly recommend it, and I’m going to even keep my copy – and y’all know I NEVER keep my books, so that should tell you how much I liked it. * * * He’s Spot! He’s Spot! He’s Spot! He’s in his BED! ]]>

The Bachelor. I actually found a pair that I like even better than those on eBay, though, for $20! So thanks for offering, April and Lindsey, and I’ll keep you in mind for the future. And do you ever watch “Judging Amy”? Does Amy’s kid look like Spud or does she just look like she could be Robyn’s kid? I was wondering this last night. I might just be on crack though- because I was watching that lame-ass show to begin with. I don’t watch Judging Amy and didn’t know what the kid looked like, so I hit the CBS page to check it out. I don’t think she looks much like the spud, but she DOES look an awful lot like Lily’s youngest daughter on Once and Again. Cute kid, in any case. As the owner of a perpetually dandruffy cat, could you tell me the name of the oil that you got at the vet for Miz Poo? If I could clear up The Bug’s flakeage in a matter of days it would make everyone in my household so much happier. It’s called Derm Caps ES Liquid, and our bottle says “Extra strength for Medium and Large Breeds.” Should I be insulted that the vet is implying that Miz Poo is fat? ‘Cause she’s not fat. She’s just portly. Anyway, after almost a week of use, Miz Poo’s dandruff has almost completely gone away, and her coat has never been so soft and shiny. Oh, and even though we got it from our vet, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could get it in any petstore. I’m glad to hear that your liver looks o.k.! Does this mean that cancer has been ruled out??? I hope so!! It sucks having to deal with all these things at once, but the upside is that you won’t likely have to deal with any of this crap after the next week or so! It’s better than constantly going to the doctor every few months with something new! Trust me! 🙂 I think it probably has been ruled out, since my doctor didn’t see anything tumor-like on the ultrasound pictures, but I’m still going to be seeing the gastroenterologist next week so he can say for sure. I have a feeling it’s going to come down to being a fatty liver. Re: Seinfeld: Has anyone ever told you they reminded you of Elaine’s character? I’ve never met you, and yet you remind me of her (or, you remind me of a friend who reminds me of Elaine). I hope you don’t take that as an insult! Hell, Elaine’s the coolest one on that show! At least you didn’t say I remind you of George. Heh. But I’m only posting a comment to say that baby oil applied with a paper towel is really good for making stainless steel surfaces look their best. Try it! I did, and it does a great job! Thanks for the suggestion! Got a question? Leave it in the comments. Need advice? Visit Smart & Sassy!

* * * Chick Chat. 1. Should You Wear White After Labor Day? Strictly speaking, I understand you’re not supposed to, but I don’t know a lot of people who care about that particular rule anymore. Besides, I never ever ever wear white, anyway, so it’s moot for me. 2. Do You Wear Sandals w/ Socks (be honest)? Nope – but the spud wears socks with her Birkenstocks. Which I think is okay. 3. Panty Lines must be Avoiced at All Costs (T or F)? Nah, there are more important things to worry about. 4. Do You Own a “Little Black Dress”? I own one dress, and it’s black, but I bought it to wear to Fred’s grandmother’s funeral a few years ago and it’s anything but little. 5. Favorite Article of Clothing? My nightgown! Which is so old it’s practically transparent and about to fall apart, but I don’t care. It’s comfy as hell. The Friday Foofah. 1. It’s late at night, you’re alone at the computer and everybody else is fast asleep. Suddenly you hear the unmistakable sound of the front door creaking open. What do you do? I go wake up Fred to check it out, of course! Although the way our house is set up, if I were sitting at the computer I’d have to go by the front door to wake Fred up, so I’d probably take a butcher knife with me. 2. You’re sound asleep dreaming of pleasant things when you hear a loud roar “I am Sambooza, and you are…lunch!” What do you do? Roll over and go back to sleep? 3. You’re walking to the grocery store on a sunny, cloudless day. You suddenly notice that oddly enough, there’s nobody else on the streets. Just as you’re pondering over that, it gets dark, as if something huge had covered the sun. You look up and see – what? This time of year? A funnel cloud, headed straight for me. Eek! * * * Meester Boogers hopes you have a good weekend!]]>

Forbes Magazine, and by the end of five minutes, I was squinting my best, but couldn’t make out a single damn word in the magazine. All of those, while fun, simply don’t compare to the absolute funnest part of the morning: the part where I got to stick the shade thingy between my glasses and my eyes, so that I could see well enough to drive home. Am I not stylin’? The good news: the pit Dr. B saw in my left eye is a scar on the side of my optical nerve that I’ve had since childhood, and which was either caused by an infection, or is congenital. The more good news: if the scar had formed on the other side of the optical nerve, it would have interfered with my vision; since it didn’t, my vision is fine and I won’t have any vision problems from the scar. The even more good news: there is no bad news! I’ll be happy when my eyes un-dilate, though. Look! I’ve got soul-sucking eyes, just like Diana Degarmo!

* * * Help me out here, folks. I was watching The Bachelor this morning, and one of the women (Tara) was wearing earrings that I just LOVE. I tried to get a picture of them, but couldn’t get a very good one. Surely someone out there knows where I can pick up a cheap knockoff pair that looks just like those? Pleeeeease? I lurve them, and want my own pair! If anyone knows where I can find some, it’s y’all. I have faith in you! * * * Thanks for all your cool supportive comments about the spud situation. (Hee! “The Spud Situation” makes me think of “The Bonnie Situation.”) Anyway, though she was briefly upset on Saturday, she’s gotten over being, as the boy put it in his Xanga blog, “dumped”. I asked her yesterday if she’s still friends with him, and she said “Yes.”, as if I were a moron for asking. Like, OBVIOUSLY I am still friends with him, MOTHER, why WOULDN’T I be, how can you be so STUPID and still be ALIVE at the age of 36?! Then she went on to tell me that he’d met another girl over the weekend and liked her, and though I searched her soul with my soul-sucking eyes (see above), I saw no trace of hurt or anger or pain. I suspect, in the end, that she was more interested in the idea of having a boyfriend than in this particular boy. But I still think his parents are assmonkeys. * * * “Mother, can a doofy cat not sit in the sun and mind his own damn business without you pointing that frickin’ camera at me? Uh, him?” ]]>

Smart and Sassy yesterday and want to know why your answer wasn’t published today, it’s because we’ve got a million questions in the queue, and we’re answering them in the order in which we received them. We could answer every one of them right now, but that would preclude a life and cut into my valuable “What if I AM going blind?” worry time, and we simply cannot have THAT. So be patient – it may take a while, but we’ll get to you!

* * * So, the spud was recently asked out on a date with the boy she went to the Homecoming Dance last Fall. She told him yes, and negotiations began as to when exactly The Big Date would take place. In the meantime, he started referring to her as his girlfriend in his Xanga blog. (No, I’m not sharing the link. Do I look that dumb?) There ensued much discussion about what movie they wanted to see, and they decided Van Helsing. Then ensued much more discussion about what time the movie was on – neither of them seemed to understand the concept of logging on to al.com and clicking on the “movie” link to find out the time – and what night they could go. They were going to go this past Saturday, but he had some church function to attend, so they decided on Friday instead. Friday, the spud came home and said “We’re not going on our date tonight. His parents have a group-date policy.” That is, he couldn’t go out on a date unless there was a whole group of people going. Alllllllrighty, then. “Did he not know his parents had this policy before he asked you out?” I asked. She shrugged and rolled her eyes at me for asking such a stupid question, and then went upstairs to IM with him some more. Saturday I was out in the back yard sweeping some grass off the patio, when she came to the door. “The date isn’t going to happen,” she said, eyes red as if she’d been crying. “How come?” I asked. Well, well, WELL. It appears that his parents told him that he couldn’t have a girlfriend who isn’t Christian (ie, attend church regularly) and that he had a choice of “saving” her or breaking up with her. And here’s where I’m really proud of her. She said to him “Then I guess you’d better break up with me.” You know what? Fuck that. “Save” her? Maybe before they start worrying about the immortal soul of a child they’ve never met, they should be a little more concerned that their own child seems to have no grasp of how to use punctuation. Argh. First the child is rejected by a boy’s parents because she’s white, and then by another set entirely because she doesn’t attend church. She’s going to get a complex. What fucking century are we living in, again? I guess this is what we get for living in the Bible Belt, isn’t it? * * * It’s not a good time, medically speaking, to be part of the And3rson family. Not only do I have it goin’ on with the potential eye, liver, and skin cancer (Fred: “At least it’s not ass cancer!” Me: “Oh, I’m sure I have that TOO!”), but Miz Poo’s lip, due to constant grooming (which in turn was due to pretty nasty dandruff), had puffed up to twice it’s usual size. Fred took her to the vet Monday. The vet gave her a steroid shot, prescribed an antibiotic for her lip (he thought it might be infected), and gave Fred a bottle of oil to help out with the dandruff. After two days, the dandruff is gone. Also, the lip is back to normal size, and Miz Poo is back to her grouchy self. Yay! * * * Attention, Marty and Erin followers: They’re going to be on Dr. Phil not only tomorrow, but also Friday! Will Marty snap and bury Erin in the backyard along with the thirty bodies already there? Tune in and see!!! * * * That’s a bird feeder she’s curled up in, by the way. “What?” “Mother, MUST I come kick your ass?” ]]>

Nance’s entry about it (she puts it way better than I could have), and then visit the new site!

Nance deserves the credit for the design, which just rocks! And she and Jane discussed the layout of the site a lot, while I just sat here and looked dumb (luckily, that’s my specialty). I think we’re going to have an awful lot of fun with this. * * * Hey, did you know you could have carpal tunnel syndrome in your knees? No, I don’t have it (that I KNOW of), but I got to talking to the mail lady last week, and she told me she’d been out of work for a while, because she had to have surgery on her knee for carpal tunnel. Which is kind of interesting, but it makes sense if you think about how many times she probably has to switch her foot from the gas to the brake every day (she estimated 1,000 times a day). This is apparently a big problem for UPS and Fedex workers, as well. Y’learn something new every day, that’s all I can say. * * * I adore Jennifer Weiner’s blog, by the way, especially this entry. * * * Y’know, I’ve just got nothin’, folks. I spent the morning exercising and cleaning, the afternoon answering a few emails and running to Target for sushi rolls (yes, our Target carries sushi rolls, because I live smack-dab in the middle of Yuppieville) and salad, and Dr. Phil is going to come on in a few short minutes. I’m going to slap up a picture of the Bean and call this an entry, even though it really isn’t much of one. You can’t have genius every day, y’know. * * * Did I mention that you should go visit the new site? * * * His stumpy little tail just cracks me up.]]>

I just love Mac. And I love my husband even more.

* * * I had my physical this morning. The good news: my blood sugar is down into solidly normal territory (amazing what exercising an hour a day for over a month will do, ain’t it?), all my bloodwork (except the liver stuff) came back perfectly normal, my blood pressure and pulse are normal. However. Thursday I’ll be seeing an eye doctor because my doctor found dark pits in the back of my left eye. Next Tuesday I’ll be seeing the aforementioned Gastroenterologist for my liver (though Dr. B told me that she’d looked at the ultrasound pictures of my liver and it looks fine). Next Wednesday I’ll be going back to see Dr. B so she can remove the humongous dark mole from the middle of my back, an operation that involves lovely words like “stitches” and which I am SURE will result in her telling me that I have skin cancer and only 23 minutes to live. Aaaaaaaand when I go back to have the stitches taken out, I’ll be having the humongous dark mole on my stomach removed. That’ll also involve stitches. Who has more fun than me, kids? That’s right, NO ONE! (And the cherry on top of the shit sundae? My doctor, Dr. B, who is lovely and warm and nice and friendly and really listens when I answer her questions, is leaving Madison in mid-June to join a practice in Rogersville. Wahhhhhh!) * * * I had pizza for dinner on Friday night, and by the time Fred and I went to bed, it felt like I’d swallowed a small furry animal (perhaps Julio the squirrel?), who was running around in circles, desperately looking for a way out. I’ll not share the details, but I will say that I’m mighty glad Fred keeps a book by the toilet. I spent Saturday morning feeling so crappy and weak that I didn’t exercise, thus breaking my 37 (I think)-day exercise streak. Hmph. Sunday for Mother’s Day dinner we had scrambled eggs with mushrooms, tomato, and onions cooked in and a side order of toast, prepared by Fred. And it was FABULOUS. Also, I got a book from Fred and a book from the spud as Mother’s Day presents, so it was a good day all around. * * * Someone posted in my comments Friday calling for a movie of the week. Which is funny, because I had JUST finished making a little movie of the Bean! Click on “Movie of the Week” over there in the sidebar under “Other”, and you’ll see that goofy Bean in action. As usual, right click and save to your hard drive if you’ll be watching it repeatedly (and you know you will!). * * * If you look very, very closely, you might see the droplet of water on Spanky’s nose.]]>

you have a beautiful yard..do you ever go outside and just sit out there and read? Sadly, although we have plenty of places to sit on the back patio, I rarely go out there and read. If I’m cold I’ll go out and sit there – and the cats always get excited and follow me out and flop onto the ground and roll around while purring loudly. I should make a point of going out and enjoying the gorgeous weather more often, though. And when I say gorgeous weather, I’m not joking – it’s been sunny and mid-80s for the last two or three days. My sister and I have a question for you. What do you use to keep the cats out of your flowers? None of our bulbs are coming up this year because the kitties go potty in all the fresh dirt. Actually, I haven’t done anything. When I planted the bulbs in the fall, though, rather than dig a bed and plant the bulbs, I used a drill attachment to dig a hole for each bulb, so there wasn’t actually fresh dirt for the cats to hang out in. The downside to doing that is that grass and weeds have grown all around my daffodils are, so it looks horrible right now. I need to get out there and weed like crazy… but then, I’ve been telling myself that for about a month now, so who knows whether it’ll ever happen? Speaking of bulbs, my lilies have started blooming already. For some reason, I thought that lilies don’t bloom until summer, but I guess I was wrong about that.

Robyn, you have also converted me to the f-ed up world of Dr. Phil. Does he ever NOT yell in the faces of his guests? I mean yes, most of them deserve it, but it’s distracting! I think it’s pretty rare that he doesn’t yell in the faces of his guests – Dr. Phil is clearly a believer in the tough love! But he’s got the most finely tuned bullshit detector I’ve ever seen and he doesn’t hesitate to use it. Which definitely is distracting, but he does get good results! Speaking of Dr. Phil, one of the people from his Weight Loss Challenge – Monika – was on Extreme Makeover last night. They did a pretty damn good job with her and she looked so happy! I think Dr. Phil should have actually shown up at the end for the unveiling, but I suppose he had something else going on and couldn’t be there. Hmph. (Got a question? Leave it in the comments!) * * * My back still hurts, damnit. The Aleve is helping, but this morning I didn’t dare to lift weights, because I was afraid of hurting my back even further. I ended up doing only cardio, and hopefully doing just cardio over the weekend will heal my back. Stupid back. * * * When was the last time you: Checked or changed your furnace filters? I think that Fred vacuumed it sometime last month. But it had been about six months before that… Cleaned your curtains? We don’t have curtains, though I desperately need to clean the blinds all through the house, because they are nas-tay. Washed your windows (inside and out)? Would you believe I actually cleaned the windows in the downstairs portion of the house so that I wouldn’t have to say that I’ve never cleaned the windows in this house? We’ve been here 2 1/2 years, by the way. Yes, that is gross. Shut up. Cleaned behind the fridge? It’s probably been about three months or thereabouts. It’s not something I think of very often; it’s probably time to do it again, if only because I’m sure there are 45 toy mice behind there. Checked your dryer hoses? I had no idea this was something you’re supposed to do regularly. Is it? Because I’ve never looked at a dryer hose in my life. I have no idea how to check it, or what I’m checking for. My mother didn’t teach me these things! Wah! Washed the walls and the ceiling? I don’t wash the walls and the ceiling, but I do use a swiffer duster, taped to the end of a broomstick to clean the cobwebs and dirt off the ceilings and walls about twice a year. Y’all should clearly never come visit me in my nasty, dirty house. * * * Oh, hey. I keep forgetting to mention this – you know how Fred and I were on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit! last year? Well, the show is out on DVD and in video stores if you’re interested in seeing it. Just remember – I’m not that much of a dork in real life…. (Shaddup.) * * * I hit the button too soon on this one, and by the time I hit the button again, the yawn was over. Hmph. Mister Boogers in the kayak. You have no idea how dearly I would love to see Fred take him out in the kayak. I don’t think that’s going to happen, though. ]]>

* * * I was exercising this morning (this makes 34 days in a row, whoo!) and was on my last set of twisting crunches, when the muscle in the middle of my back between my shoulder blades pulled. It hurt for a little while, but was mostly gone by the time I got to the hospital for my ultrasound. After the ultrasound I was getting in Fred’s car, and I pulled the same motherfucking muscle again. For the entire ride back to Fred’s office (where I had left my Jeep), it hurt to breathe. It doesn’t hurt quite as much now, and I just took a couple of Aleves, which will hopefully help. As long as I don’t turn my head or breathe too deeply, I should be just fine.

* * * We like to say that the Bean is Tubby reincarnated (though of course that’s impossible, since the Bean was born long before Tubby died), because he has many Tubby-like qualities, not the least of which is his bitchy meow. He’s a photogenic as Tubby was, and when we’re eating dinner he sits on the floor and meows bitchily for us to share with him. I got some photographic proof to compare him to Tubby. Tubby in the basket… Mister Boogers in the basket. Tubby under the bird feeders… Mister Boogers under the bird feeders. * * * I’m calling it a day for this entry – I have an episode of The Bachelor to watch and I’m going to go nurse my aching back and watch it. See you tomorrow… ]]>

* * * Pet store kitty pics from Monday are here.

* * * From my comments yesterday: Robyn, your reading lists amaze me. Can I ask you if you set aside a certain amount of time each day to read? Thanks to you, I’ve found some really good books…. I don’t actually set aside a certain amount of time to read each day. I usually end up – depending on what time I get around to taking a shower, and what else I have planned for the day – sitting in the chair in the corner of my bedroom for a while, between half an hour and sometimes as long as a couple of hours (though that’s rare), and read. Sometimes I read for half an hour or so between 6:30 and 7:00 before our TV shows come on, and if we’re watching a show “real time” instead of something we’ve DVR’d, I read during the commercials. I always, always read before I go to sleep, though. Fred goes to bed around 10 and I read for at least an hour and a half, sometimes two (depending on how close I am to the end of the book and how hard it is to put down) before I turn the light off. And of course, if I have a doctor’s appointment or have to sit in line at the bank, I bring whatever I’m currently reading with me, too. Which always makes me wonder – what the hell do people who don’t read do? Just sit there in the doctor’s office and stare into space like Puddy from Seinfeld, or what? (By the way, I’m glad you’ve found some good books due to my recommendation. 🙂 Also in my comments: Dude, I’ve seen Les Miz like six times (once ON BROADWAY, mofos) and every time I am reminded that you need to, like, read a synopsis before you watch it, because newbies are always hella confused. And I don’t know about you, but I never cry when that Gavroche gets killed. I’m like, thank god, no more cheesy urchin! “We may look easy pickins but we got some bite” my ass. Jane‘s right about the need to read a synopsis, ’cause the show definitely gets confusing. After the show, Fred said “Did you realize that Valjean was carrying Marius through the sewers? Was that clear?” and I said “Yeah, I knew that, because of the way the lights were (the light appeared to be filtered through sewer grates). Oh, and because I knew the story!” No doubt I would have been lost if I didn’t know the story. (I wouldn’t have whispered questions through the entire show, though. Because I’m not an assmonkey.) Also, Gavroche. I like Gavroche for one reason and one reason only. The part where he’s at the barricade and says “Everybody! Everybody, listen!” and it’s quiet and he says “General Lamarque is dead!” and there’s a heavy silence and Enjolras, with a dead serious look on his face, stares into the air and sings “Lamarque is dead…” Cracks me up every single time. That, and Javert singing “A mem’ry stirs…” Both are lines I like to just sing out of nowhere, because it amuses me to do so. Hard to believe that I’d never ever seen a musical before I met Fred, isn’t it? Got a question? Ask in the comments! * * * Speaking of Seinfeld, we happened to catch an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (the Larry David show) a few nights ago, and it was pretty funny. It’s kind of hit or miss with us and that show. Sometimes we find it funny, and sometimes we watch several minutes of it and say “This is stupid. Change the channel.” I don’t really like Larry David, he strikes me as a jackass. Which is funny because I loved George Constanza on Seinfeld (clearly the Larry David character in that show), while Fred and my friend Liz absolutely loathe him. Seinfeld still rocks. I see commercials for it occasionally, and it always makes me laugh. Last night they advertised the show where Jerry tells someone he’s lactose intolerant and she says “Really?” and he says “I have no patience for dairy!” Heh. I wish that show was still on. * * * The spud takes a Spanish class, and the teacher decided they would celebrate Cinco de Mayo by each making something hispanic to eat and bringing it in for the class to share. The spud searched desperately for something to make, and finally decided on (with a little help from Fred) making polvorones. Polvorones are Mexican sugar cookies, and they’re pretty easy to make. The spud made a batch last night and had enough for her class and a bunch left over, too. She gave me one (shut up, it was like the size of a QUARTER) and it was FABULOUS. Amazing what mixing together butter, sugar and flour can make, eh? Good thing she had to bring them to school today, though. If I’d had to be alone in the house with all those cookies, it wouldn’t have been pretty… * * * So on Dr. Phil tomorrow is going to be the other Dr. Phil Family, Stacey and Chris. Stacey has had multiple affairs (and can I just say what the fuck? Is Dr. Phil ever going to have a Dr. Phil Family where one of the spouses hasn’t been screwing around? ‘Cause I’d kind of like to see that) and during one of her affairs she got pregnant, had the baby, and gave it up for adoption. She’s pregnant again (this time with her husband’s child) because all she has to do to get pregnant is have a man look at her sideways, apparently. ANYway, the commercials for tomorrow’s show are looking pretty good. Because Chris is refusing to take his relationship with Stacey “to the next level” (I assume this means he won’t have sex with her; I missed a few shows, so I can’t be positive), and the commercials have Dr. Phil saying “You’re afraid you’ll have an affair to get back at Stacey, aren’t you?”, and then it shows Stacey saying “He doesn’t have the balls to have an affair.” Okay, girlfriend? Just how fucking stupid ARE you? If that’s not a challenge to Chris, I don’t know what the fuck is. “She doesn’t think I have the balls, I’ll show HER!” Good lord. Dr. Phil has had some seriously good TV going on lately, that’s all I can say. * * * Her Majesty is displeased. Probably because Fred was in her face with the camera. ]]>