Author: Robyn

3/06/07

Elayne’s blog was down, and then it came back up, and she sent out an email to those of us who are a little more special than the rest of you (pardon me while I preen) letting us know she was back up and running. And I intended to post something here to let y’all know (I know some of you read her as well), but I kept forgetting and kept forgetting until I was looking through my email inbox and found her email from like TWO WEEKS AGO, so here you go: Elayne’s blog is up and running again! Yay! Go say hi!

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My hormones are all whacked to hell and back and I haven’t had a period in.. a while. If I really wanted to know how long it had been I’d drag my calendar out of my purse, but I’m too damn lazy to do that right now, so you’ll have to trust me – it’s been awhile. I’ve been eating like it’s going out of style, my boobs are swollen and I feel all jiggly and wobbly. I know it’s normal to have the hormones all whacked out after losing so much weight in such a short amount of time, but despite the fact that Fred has been neutered (hee!), I still got all worried that I might be pregnant, so bought a pregnancy test yesterday (and tried to hide the fact that the entire reason I was in the grocery store was to buy a damn pregnancy test by buying a bunch of shit I didn’t need) and when I got home I took the pregnancy test, and the pregnancy test looked at me and said “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re the least pregnant woman EVER, stop being a freakin’ spaz!” And I did a little hallelujah dance. I know I need to go to the gynecologist, it’s been two years since my last confession since my last visit, and that is BAD. I know it’s bad, you know it’s bad, don’t lecture me.
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Yesterday, after spending two and a half hours making dinners to get us through the rest of the week (last night, pork chops and mashed sweet potatoes! Tonight, ranch chicken, corn and veggies! Tomorrow, Tex-Mex! Thursday, Pancit! Friday, Taco Beef Skillet! Also, I miscalculated and made jambalaya, so I guess we’re all set for next Monday, too!) and another hour and a half packing (got most of the upstairs done, woot!), I ate lunch and then at 2:40 picked up the phone and called Fred at work. “I’m going upstairs,” I said. “Yeah?” “And I’m taking off my pants,” I said. “Uh huh…” “And I’m climbing into bed,” I said. “Oh realllly….” “And I’m taking a nap, so don’t give me shit!” He laughed. “I thought this was a booty call!” “Well, I DO need to be woken up from my nap so I can warm up dinner,” I said. Did I mention my hormones are all out of whack?
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Okay, I’m off to Smallville to do cleaning and painting. My goal for today is to get the laundry room, kitchen, and hallway cleaned, trim painted, and walls touched up. Keep your fingers crossed that I actually get it all done!
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“Behind you! A serial killer! With a knife! Or maybe there’s nothing there at all! Who knows!”
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Previously 2006: “And they’ll have to call it Wipe the Ass!” 2005: No entry. 2004: No entry. 2003: Want some cats? 2002: I had no idea what to say – “Well, of COURSE you’re only going to date someone you think is cute!”? Then I’m anti-ugly. 2001: Except for that crying at the drop of a hat thing, she’s just fine. 2000: Do y’all ever do that, have moments where the startling realization that you’re a complete dumbass smacks you in the face? ]]>

3/05/07

Check out Donna’s kitties, grooming each other. Sugarbutt and Tom Cullen still love to groom each other like that, though they get too worked up and start fighting about ten seconds in to the lurve session.

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Yes, it was River Phoenix my sister was thinking of at Christmas time. I don’t know why we all have this mental link between River Phoenix and Christian Slater – possibly because they kind of resemble each other. I think they were about the same age, so there’s that, and maybe they ran around with the same crowd. Who knows? I’m just glad I’m not the only one who knew immediately who she was talking about. (Faith, you cracked me up with your Jack Nicholson guess!) Can you believe it’s been 14 years since River Phoenix died?
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Saturday we went to the house early – I’ve been getting up around 6 because Mister Boogers invariably starts acting an ass right on the dot of 6 am for some reason (I call him my “Boogie alarm”) – stopping on the way for breakfast at our favorite little country restaurant. The place where two people can eat a very filling breakfast for about $10. We won’t be going back there anytime soon, I think. Not only was there a roachlike insect on the table when we sat down, there was another one crawling across the floor behind Fred. I managed to put it out of my mind and not think about it while I was eating breakfast, but I don’t know that I’m going to go out of my way to go back there (not that it’s out of the way – it’s only 2 minutes from the Smallville house and we drive by there to get to the house, but you get my point). We worked in the house for about an hour – we moved a bunch of stuff from the house to the shed and the burn pile, then Fred went upstairs and did some caulking in the bathroom and on the stairs* while I started moving stuff out of the dining room so I could clean the walls and paint the trim (I did that in the computer room and half bath on Friday). We left the house a while later and stopped by a carpet store to order a piece of carpet and padding for the spud’s bedroom. Her room is located directly above mine, and she stays up way later than I do, usually. Whatever we can do to muffle the sounds of her moving around in her room, we’re going to do. After the carpet store, we stopped by a lighting store. We were having issues with the bathroom light in the upstairs bathroom (the light over the mirror hangs down too far, so that it’s impossible to open the medicine cabinet, and that’s not acceptable as far as I’m concerned), so talked to a woman at the lighting store, who pointed out that we could turn the light the other way to make it work. We hadn’t even thought of that, so thanked her and left. From there, we went to several different furniture stores to look for a bed. The bed I’m currently sleeping in is just too damn high. I really really hate having to climb into my bed every night, and so we decided that Fred would take my bed, we’d get me a new bed, and we’d get rid of (probably Freecycle) his king-size bed. None of the stores we went into had anything I liked, though they all had beds that Fred liked. I like really simple, straight furniture with clean lines, and he likes the ugliest, most ornate furniture god ever put on this planet. Since we were shopping for me, I got to veto the ugly, ornate stuff. We didn’t find anything we like, so we went back to the house and did some more work. I don’t remember what Fred did – caulked and hung stuff and worked on a door from the spud’s closet to the attic, I think. I finally got the dining room walls wiped down, cleared off the mantel, and cleaned out the fireplace before I painted the trim around the bottom of the room. Once I was done with that, I painted the doors in the computer room (leading to outside), thought about staining the quarter-round we’re putting in the guest bedroom closet and the spud’s closet, couldn’t find the stain, and then we left. We stopped on the way home at one last furniture store, and there I found a sleigh bed that I really like, so we ordered that in the queen-size version (there was another I liked that had drawers underneath it, but it was WAY too expensive) along with a mattess and boxspring. The only issue with the bed is that it might or might not be delivered before we move my stuff into the house, so I might be sleeping on the couch for a few nights. We’ll see how THAT goes. It’s funny – Fred said “I feel like I accomplished a lot today!” and I said “I feel like I accomplished NOTHING!” At Lowe’s, we were in the parking lot and Fred said “Oh look, it’s Guy.” Guy used to work for Fred’s company when I worked there (for those of you new to the Bitchypoo chronicles, I was the office manager for Fred’s company for several years, then quit to fulfill my lifelong dream of sitting on my ass. It’s worked out well for me.), and I haaaaaaaated him. I found him a pompous know-it-all pain in the ass and was thrilled to never have to deal with him again. Anyway. I said, “Guy?” And Fred said “Yeah, who used to work for us?” “Oh, HIM,” I said. I looked him over as he took his kid’s hand and headed for the store. “He’s lost a lot of hair, huh?” “Yeah,” Fred said. Then Guy turned so his back was to us, and I said “Wow. He’s lost a LOT of hair.” “Yeah, it’s really fleein’ the interview,” Fred said. Just as I started laughing, Guy turned around, saw Fred, and waved. Fred waved back. I just sat and looked like a snooty bitch BECAUSE I CAN. *This led to many hilarious moments ie, “Your caulk is getting all over the stairs!”, “Your caulk is dribbling all over the stairs!” and “I like to fill up cracks with my caulk.”
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We got out to Smallville around 8 on Sunday, and set immediately to work. After three hours of wiping down walls and baseboards, puttying, and painting trim, I stomped downstairs to the laundry room (where the only comfortable piece of furniture (a recliner) is located) and slurped down a bottle of water while fuming. Then I dragged Fred out to the front porch (it’s our “thing” when one or the other of us is tired of doing whatever we’re doing, or at a stopping point, to declare “Let’s take five!” and sit on the front porch in the rocking chairs and talk or just watch the traffic go by) and said “It’s 11:21 and I am officially BURNT OUT!” He tried to point out that we were so close to being done and I said “I don’t care! I’m tired of it! I don’t want to putty or caulk or paint! I don’t want to scrub floors or walls or baseboards! I don’t want to carry shit out of the house and empty the garbage can twice a day! I don’t want to paint! I want to just sit around and do nothing AND I AM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT AGAIN!” “It’s almost over,” he pointed out. “IT WILL NEVER BE OVER!” I bellowed. Then I threw a little more of a hissy fit, and I felt better. I finished painting the trim in the spud’s bedroom, puttied the holes in the upstairs bathroom, then we hung the door in the downstairs bathroom and Fred hung blinds in the spud’s bedroom while I transplanted sugar snap peas from the little bitty containers the seeds were planted in, to slightly bigger peat pots (everything we’ve planted is growing, but the sugar snap peas are growing like mad), vacuumed, Swiffered, and mopped the floor in the spud’s bedroom, and then got on my hands and knees with cleaning rags and sprayed and wiped down every inch of the spud’s bedroom floor. Rooms that are now completely done (except for curtains): The half bath (except for the cap things that need to be put on the screws holding the toilet down), the computer room (though I really need to put another coat of paint on the doors), and the spud’s bedroom. Still to be done: The rest of the fucking house. See what I mean about it never being done? UGH.
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Saturday night, while Fred lolled about in the bathtub reading and singing to the cats** I started packing up the master bedroom. I didn’t get too terribly far – just the bookcase and the stuff in the closet – but may I say that I just have too damn many books? The bookcase in the bedroom holds all the “I haven’t read these yet” books, and I filled up five boxes with books. Today, in and amongst all the cooking I’ll be doing to get us through the rest of the week, I intend to get Fred’s bedroom packed up (we store a lot of stuff in there), along with the rest of the master bedroom, whatever’s in the guest bedroom that needs to go, and probably I’ll toss all the stuff in the foster cat room into a box while I’m at it. Oh yeah, and the hall closet. UGH. **Last weekend I wasn’t feeling well and went upstairs to lay on the bed and take a nap. Fred was in the bathtub and didn’t know I was in the bedroom. He sang to the cats, and sang to the cats, and sang some more. I fell asleep and woke fifteen minutes later, and he was still singing. That musical episode of Scrubs? That’s his fantasy world. He would ADORE living in a world where people sang to each other all the time.
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Sugarbutt does his Popeye impression. He cracks me up when he sits around with one eye open. “Hey! You! GUYYYYYYYYYS!” Such a sweet boy.
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Previously 2006: No entry. 2005: No entry. 2004: You suppose they’d mind if I went over after dark and pressed my face up against the window to see what’s going on? 2003: Maybe I should go for the dreadlocks look… 2002: Any resemblance to persons living or dead are completely coincidental. I don’t fart. 2001: every Mulvaney shat gold upon command three times a day. 2000: Here at casa bitchypoo, we believe in extremely lazy Sundays.]]>

3/2/07

poor kids in Enterprise, but we got nothing but wind and rain here. I hope that’s true in Smallville as well – I’m about to head out there to work and clean all day. Then I think I’ll come home and pack some boxes. Fun!

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Check out this cool link, sent to me by awesome reader Pam. We should totally do that in the foster kitty room once we get it built, dontchathink?
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The other night we were watching TV (Deal or No Deal, our new addiction – Anya is my favorite model, I think she’s just button cute) and I decided that I was a little hungry, so I went and dug through the pantry to see what little snack-type thing I could find to eat. In the very back was a little packet of walnuts, and I decided that would fit the bill quite nicely. So I put them on a little plate (I hate having to dig to the bottom of a little plastic bag to get the remnants of food) and sat down on the couch and resumed watching TV. I tossed several pieces of walnut in my mouth and began chewing. And then Fred laughed and said “What’s that face for?” Since the walnuts had pretty much liquified in my mouth, I had no choice but to swallow. “UGH,” I said. “I think these walnuts are REALLY FUCKING OLD. I think they’ve gone rancid!” “That bad, huh?” “Yes, they’re AWFUL. They taste like my grandmother’s attic*!” Fred guffawed “I thought you were going to say they tasted like your grandmother’s ass.” Needless to say, I tossed the rest of the walnuts in the trash. *Actually, they tasted like my grandmother’s basement smelled. You know that antique store smell? These walnuts tasted exactly like that smell. I like the antique store smell, but the taste leaves a lot to be desired.
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At Christmas time, when I was in Pigeon Forge with my family, my sister and I were watching TV in our bedroom one evening, and I think that some “news” show was on E! I don’t remember what they were talking about, but they said something about Christian Slater. “Christian Slater,” Debbie said. “Isn’t he dead?” “No,” I said. “You’re thinking of ————–.” “That’s right! How the hell did you know who I was thinking of?” she asked, amazed. “I don’t know, I just did!” I said. A few weeks later, I told Fred of the conversation, leaving out the name of the celebrity she’d been thinking of. I asked if he knew who she was thinking of, and he knew immediately. So my question here is, how many of you know which celebrity she was thinking of? Leave a comment if you knew immediately. I’m just curious.
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You’ve got questions! I would also like to know what all the caulk is for. I’m worried that I’m missing out on caulk that I didn’t know I needed. and What exactly are you caulking for all this time? I’ve been caulking at the point where the baseboards and the shoe molding meet. Also, in some places I’ve been caulking the place where the coves and the baseboards meet. In addition to that, I’m caulking the cracks around the doorways and windows. I haven’t even really touched the caulking that needs to be done, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to let some of it go, or we won’t be moving into the house for another six months.
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So I guess the Smallville house now has both caulk and balls? Ho ho, it does! ::snicker::
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ok, i am so addicted to the jewelry site!! i’ve already ordered 4 things. not sure how you can go there and NOT order anything Robyn. I adore that jewelry site. I leave the site open all the time, and when something new goes up, there’s a little musical chime sound that plays, and I always click over there as fast as I can. I’ve actually ordered a ring and a pair of earrings (don’t tell Fred!!!!) and am waiting for them to arrive. I have one hell of a time not ordering EVERYTHING, but I really don’t wear that much jewelry, so it would be pointless.
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How long is the commute from one house to the other? 20 minutes from one door to the other, depending on traffic and such.
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So is the lady on the iams multicat food commercial right? She says that “Cats are like potato chips and you can’t have just one.” I think I’d find it easier to eat just one potato chip than to have just one cat. I find it pretty rare that anyone has just one cat; most people who have cats seem to have two or more.
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Why are you moving to Smallville before Fred and Spud? Because we need to get as much furniture as possible – and all the cats – out of the Madison house so we can touch-up paint and recarpet it. We wanted the spud to be able to stay in Madison as long as possible, so she won’t have that drive from Smallville, and the cats and our belongings can’t really stay in Smallville alone. Originally, Fred was going to move to Smallville and the spud and I were going to stay in Madison, but it makes more sense for Fred to stay in Madison, since it’s closer to work for him. On the weekends we’ll probably occasionally switch, with him staying in Smallville and me staying in Madison.
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Can we have a Maddy update? Also, do you think the recipe requiring the tortillas would be just as good with whole wheat tortillas? Maddy’s a hellion who’s making life miserable for everyone she comes into contact with, I hear – Nance puts up pictures of her all the time, you can see them on her site. Probably the recipe requiring the tortillas would be fine with whole wheat tortillas. What I like about that recipe is that the tortillas take on an almost cheesy texture when you cook them.
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I have to admit, I got a little teary-eyed when I read about Joe Bob going off to the pet store to be adopted. Maybe I’m hormonal, I’m not sure. But I really don’t know how you can stand to spend all that time loving on those cats and then let someone else have them. Too bad you can’t get all your readers to adopt your fosters, like Nance and Rick did! It’s hard to give them up, I won’t deny that – but keeping in mind that they will undoubtedly go to a really good home (the adoption counselors for the shelter are very careful about who they allow to adopt the cats) helps a lot. As does the admonition from Fred that if we ever adopt another foster cat we’ll never be able to foster cats again!
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Have you ever used one of the Super Suppers, Let’s Dish or Dream Dinners? There’s a Super Suppers in Huntsville, and I’ve eyeballed their web site many times, but never actually gotten anything from them. Mostly, it’s a lazy thing – I don’t want to drive all the way to Huntsville and pick up the meals. Also, it’s a money thing – it’s far cheaper to do it at home, even if it’s a pain in the ass and takes up most of the day.
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I’m going to miss all the Joe Bob pictures. Has his sister found a home yet? and Did Princess Screecher (Joe Bob’s sister) get adopted? Myrtle hadn’t been adopted as of Monday. I still have hope for her, though – people definitely look at her, and she’s such a sweetheart that I have a feeling she’ll eventually be adopted. Sometimes it just takes time – Fantine was a total sweetheart, but it still took a month before she got adopted.
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‘god willing and the creek don’t rise’…..? Yes, we don’t want the creek to rise because… it would flood out the road and make life difficult? I guess? I don’t know, it’s a saying I picked up somewhere, I don’t question it.
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Are you and Fred gonna give a name to your new home? Kinda like in the old Southern Plantation Tradition? (forgive me, I watched “Gone With The Wind” yesterday and I have “Tara” on the brain….) We’ve considered “Horseshit Alley” (I always said that if I won the lottery, I was going to buy a huge mansion and name it Horseshit Alley to horrify the neighbors), but at this point we haven’t really decided if we’re going to name it. I guess chances are good we’ll just call it “home.”
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When I buy a new house, will you and Fred come to Texas to help me fix it up before I move in? I’ll… um… I’ll… let you take pictures of my kitties! I would be SO TERRIFIED to try to do anything to anyone else’s home, afraid that I’d fuck it up. I’d have to make you sign a contract absolving me of any damage done, I suppose, but hell! Sure, I’ll come to Texas! I’ve never been there!
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Are the hinges on your cabinet doors adjustable? Ours (European style hinges) have little adjustment screws to raise and lower and move them in and out so they can be perfectly aligned. As far as I can tell, they’re not adjustable, but I’ll have to look closer when I’m actually out there. That would rock, if they were!
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Robyn, I need your cat advice. I haven’t raised a kitten in twenty years, and I seriously do not remember the last one being half so naughty as this little black monster. He’s about in his catly teens – say, ten months old? (I’d have to count on my fingers, but that’s close.) But SUCH a hellion! I’m really ready for the ankle biting and the leaping and grabbing to stop already. Your air-can trick worked wonders with the Christmas tree, but the three of us can hardly carry those around with us in holsters in case he zooms around the corner to accost our knees. Or faces, in Seamus’ case, which I do not find amusing. Please tell me it’s just a phase… It’s just a phase! Okay, I don’t know that, but it sounds like it’s probably just a phase. Young cats are of The Debil and always run around like their asses are on fire. What I would advise you to do is teach the little hellion what “no” means. I started working on it with Maddy before Nance and Rick whisked her away from me. She was a biter even back then (I tried to warn them!). Anyway, she’d go to bite me, I’d flick her on the end of her ear (cats HATE that) and either say “no” or do the “uh UH” noise. She was starting to “get” it – I swear she was! – but it’s something you really have to be consistent with. I’d teach your hellion what “no” means and after a certain point he’ll understand the word. I don’t know how realistic that advice is, though, if he stalks you and attacks you when you’re not expecting it. Maybe snatch him up when he does it, flick his ear, and say “NO” very sternly? I bet he’ll start to calm down in a few months, though. I hope for Seamus’s sake he does! Also, if he jumps on you guys and digs his claws in, I’d recommend you either go with SoftPaws or trim his claws.
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I’ve been playing a LOT of diner dash and diner dash 2 lately and I was struck by how much you look like Flo in the pictures included in this entry. Crazy!! I didn’t know who this Flo was, so I Googled her up, and I have to say, I can see a resemblance! I think it’s the sideways smile, mostly.
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Best picture of Spanky, EVER.
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Previously 2006: I call him Bob. 2005: Bouncing like that just can’t be a good thing. 2004: “DAMN it’s cold in here, give me some ass!” 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: Let’s just hope she wasn’t preparing him for the slaughter. 2000: No entry. ]]>

3/1/07

Edited to add, 5:30 pm central time: We’re fine. The tornado that hit was a couple of hours south of us, and last I heard, the really bad weather’s expected to go around us. I hope it does! Edited to add, 9:00 pm central time: Still no bad weather – just wind and rain – and it looks like the bad weather’s done for the night. I’m amazed that Survivor wasn’t pre-empted by the weather coverage, because I swear to god, every time we have bad weather it’s on a Thursday and Survivor gets fucked up!

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New month, new logo! This one was created by talented reader Aly. Every time I look at it, it makes me giggle. Thanks, Aly!!!
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This page cracked me UP. Thanks for sharing, Andrea!
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I watched Shut Up and Sing the other day (Monday, in fact, while I spent the entire day cooking dinners so I’d not have to cook again this week. I’m an excellent multi-tasker, and got lots of TV watching in while I was cooking.). I actually liked the movie, enough that I might want to watch it again in the future. I’ve always liked the Dixie Chicks’ music, and I LOVE Not Ready to Make Nice. Natalie Maines could use some wardrobe advice, though, and I hope I’m not trampling all over her Right to Freely Dress Like a Bag Lady when I say that. (“Robyn,” you are saying right now. “Just what exactly are YOU wearing, that you feel secure in putting down the way Natalie Maines dresses?” And to you I say: “Shaddup.”*) One of the weirdly interesting parts of the movie was when the husbands would show up for a minute or two. Natalie’s married to Adrian Pasdar (the guy from Heroes – but don’t ask me what role he plays in the show, I haven’t watched it since the first episode, which is something we might remedy when it comes out on DVD this Summer/ Fall) and he was around a few different times. Emily’s married to Charlie Robison, who sings El Cerrito Place, which is a song I adore (Emily is, correct me if I’m wrong, the one who’s got the dark hair) and he was in there a couple of times. Martie’s married to some guy I don’t know, and he showed up a couple of times, but since he’s not anyone I’ve ever heard of, I have nothing to say about him. He seemed nice, though, how’s that? Anyway, good movie, I liked it, check it out. *Gray cotton pants, a gray long-sleeved Myrtle Beach t-shirt, and very warm blue socks. Did I mention “Shaddup”?
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I spent all day Tuesday and all day Wednesday out at the house, puttying and caulking*. I hate caulking**. Cannot stand the caulk***. Don’t ever want to see any more caulk**** again, as long as I live. At least it’s mostly done. Not only did I caulk, I found that a couple of pieces of quarter-round hadn’t been nailed down (Fred measures for the quarter round, cuts the quarter-round, then nails down all but the end pieces of the quarter-round so I can paint the ends), so I got me the nail gun and nailed those suckers down. I can guarantee you, back before we closed on this house it never would have occurred to me that I could use the nail gun my own self to nail down quarter-round. I would have waited for Fred to do it. I’ve done a lot of things in this house I couldn’t have imagined last Fall: painting the entire upstairs bathroom, painted the majority of the trim in the house, caulked*****, puttied, switched out outlets and switches, created a brush pile and helped burn it down, kept a fire going in the big fireplace, tried to convince Fred we need a pellet stove, burned piles and piles of leaves, cleaned out an entire overgrown ditch. I’m sure there are other things, I’m just too damn tired to try to think of them. What else did I do? Oh, right – I stained the ends of the quarter-round for the stairs, then worried that the ends looked too dark, so instead of putting polyurethane on them, I left them so Fred could inspect them (he decided they looked fine, so I polyurethaned them before I left), and caulked***** my closet so now all that needs to be done in there, is the trim around the doorway needs to be painted, and a couple of shelves hung. I had no idea the closet was going to take so damn long to get done, but it’s a FINE looking closet and one I’m happy with, and considering I’m going from a walk-in closet to a much smaller one, that’s an amazing thing. We are so very close to being done with the house, which means of course that the worst weather ever is headed our way. I’m sure that when I head out to the house tomorrow morning for another all-day work session, I’ll find that the huge-ass tree we love so much has landed on the house, crushing the holy hell out of it, and rendering the house a complete and utter loss. Good times! *Hee! **::giggle:: ***::snort:: ****::smirk:: ****::g r i n:: *****::snicker::
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Pictures from around the house: The gum trees that are dropping gum balls all over the place. Someone said that pruning back the trees would result in less gum balls, but I don’t know that that’s an option for us, since they’re so big. They’re pretty, but the gum balls are a little bit on my nerves. Between the shed and garage. Behind the garage. One of the things I love about our new house is that there are random daffodils growing all over the place. Daffodils being my favorite flower, I think this is a good sign. I cannot recommend enough the lovely, citrusy scent of winter honeysuckle. I love to sit on the porch and sniff the air. This stuff smells amazing.
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“Hey, lady! How many times you going to flash that thing at me?” Smackdown Stage 1: The Taunting. (ie, “Newt’s mouth writes a check his butt can’t back up.”) Smackdown Stage 2: The Butt-Kicking. (ie,”Momma always was stronger, faster, and meaner than Newt realized.”) Smackdown Stage 3: Confusion. (ie, “Wha’ happa’?”) Previously 2006: It was so friggin’ cute I made Fred listen to it, too. 2005: I have my finger on the pulse of pop culture, apparently. 2004: A day in the life. 2003: What makes me crazy. 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: Okay, enough of the wallowing.]]>

2/28/07

MEMO From: Reggie Reginald, CEO, Acme Water Company To: All Bob, Jim, James, Albert, Susan, and the rest of the Public Relations team – Please see the attached report, which states that the “Free Hellcat with each case of water purchased” campaign turned out to be more successful than we could have ever imagined. We admittedly had a few glitches to work out at first (Susan, so sorry to hear about your pinky. The first round of Hellcats were unfortunately faster and meaner than we expected.), but once we realized that the Hellcats had to be muzzled until removed from the case of water, things went smoothly. Congratulations on a job well done, all of you! If everyone hadn’t pitched in, I suspect this promotion wouldn’t have gone nearly as well. (Bob, so sorry to hear about the eye. Who knew that Hellcats enjoy ripping eyeballs from your face and then batting them around the room? For that matter, who knew eyeballs would bounce so well?) Since the Hellcat promotion ended there have been many extremely upset families who want to know, in the words of one unhappy father “Where the hell our Hellcat is.” He went on to add “We been promisin’ Cecil that if he passed second grade we’d get ‘im one o’ them Hellcats. Does I gotta sue you assholes to get my Hellcat?” Joe in Legal did point out that since we kept the Hellcat promotion going up until the end date stated in size 1 font at the bottom of every ad, we fulfilled our legal obligation and while families can tie us up in court for a few years, their cases will ultimately be tossed out. (Speaking of Joe in Legal, please make sure that at least one person from Public Relations is seen at his sister’s funeral. Who knew that two Hellcats in one house could cause a house to actually move three feet off the foundation, squishing like a grape anyone who happens to be working in her garden at the time?) But we do like to make families happy – the screams of joy from families who have their own Hellcats ring in my ears every evening and make me smile as I walk down my street after dinner – and so Alfred and David (may they rest in peace) finished up research into a new project shortly before the lab was taken over by those angry cats who set fire to both men before escaping through an inconveniently open window (who knew that animals with no opposable thumbs could work lighters?). Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the new campaign for March 2007: “Free HateCat with each case of water”! Find attached pictures of a sample case which has had the aforementioned HateCat (we went with a gray prototype this time around) inserted and is ready for shipping. The stump of a tail rather than a full-length tail prevents cases from jamming up on the shipping queue (a rather ingenius suggestion from the late Dr. Craig); I feel certain that we’ve worked out the glitches involved in the HellCat promotion. This is going to be our biggest promotion yet; please be sure you review all the attached materials, and whoever in Public Relations bears no sign of Hellcat injury (Jim? I know you lost a couple of toes and a chunk of your right thigh, but those injuries are easily covered.) needs to take responsibility for being the face of Acme for the duration of this promotion. Again – job well done, folks. If you have any questions, feel free to contact Mark in Containment and Taming. Dealing with the HateCats is quite similar to dealing with the HellCats – don’t make eye contact, be sure you’re wearing mesh suits (face covering too, please, as I’m sure Ned in Shipping would tell you, if his lips hadn’t been ripped off and eaten by a remnant HellCat last week), keep one hand on your can of mace at all times (in the eyes, folks, or the mace has no effect at all. You have to aim – panicking and spraying mace in the general direction of the HateCat does none of us any good) and a bag of organic catnip in the other at all times. I know you all know this, but I’ll repeat it just in case: should you inadvertently make eye contact with a HateCat, look away immediately, throw an open bag of catnip at him, and run like hell. If they run you down, go limp. They’ll chew on any exposed flesh for a few minutes, but chances are good they’ll leave you alive. (Pete in Receiving being the exception that proves the rule, of course.) The HateCat is a patented volatile mix of Ah Needs me Some Love® mixed with the highly secret formula (developed by the late Dr. Craig before his unfortunate death) hereafter known as Ah Hets Yew®; for the love of god, don’t be lulled into complacency by the deep musical purr and stumpy-tail-thumping of this animal. Be on guard at all times. We managed to only lose 17 people with the HellCat promotion, but another 167 were seriously injured and are on leave indefinitely. I’d like a lower number during the HateCat campaign. Everyone have a safe day – and be careful out there! ~Reg Attached photos for your review: HateCat, closeup; HateCat, inserted; HateCat hating.

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Previously 2006: Yeah, one of those days. 2005: So sue me. 2004: Always. 2003: What keeps me sane. 2002: No entry. 2001: Plants. 2000: Translation: I’m going to get a gown that will cover your fat ass.]]>

2/27/07

Dinyel has gotten me completely and totally hooked on this site. I haven’t ordered anything (yet!), but I lovelovelove looking at the jewelry. They have some really pretty stuff, and I always think about ordering anything with a topaz in it (such a pretty stone!), but have held strong, so far. I saw some really pretty earrings I liked, but they had the wire back on them rather than the straight pin with the back, and I can’t wear wire-backed earrings, because the end of the wire gives me a rash under my ear. It’s only in the last few years that I’ve come to realize I prefer silver over gold – though I do own jewelry in both, and even wear them together sometimes. Not that I wear much jewelry, but when I do, I don’t hesitate to mix gold and silver. I wear white after Labor Day, too. Life’s too short to stress that shit, don’tchathink?

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What I spent yesterday doing: Cooking, cooking, cooking… and cooking! Since I’m spending today and tomorrow out in Smallville, I don’t want to have to worry about cooking dinner before I leave, so I made Tex-Mex, Taco Beef stuff, Chicken and Rice Casserole, and then pork chops and sweet potato crack for dinner last night. I packaged all of the three first meals into single-serving containers, froze some, refrigerated some, and god willing and the creek don’t rise, I won’t have to cook again for the rest of the week, except for vegetables to go with the meals. I also made a CORE Salsa Meatloaf and a spaghetti squash, so for the next few weeks I’ll be eating meatloaf with a side of spaghetti squash for lunch most days. Just call me Betty Homemaker. I wasn’t thrilled to spend such a large part of the day cooking, but I was able to watch TV while I cooked (potential problem in Smallville: Can’t see the TV from the kitchen!) and get several shows erased off the DVR. Plus, I won’t have to cook again for the rest of the week, so that kinda makes the time spent now worth not having to spend time doing it in the future, if that makes any sense.
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I’ll be leaving Smallville around 4 this afternoon to drive to Madison, pick up Joe Bob, and take him to the pet store. Yes, after he’s been with us for something like two months, it’s time for him to go and possibly be adopted. He’s adapted really well to life here and he’s such a sweet boy, but I really think that seven cats is just too many for us to have on a permanent basis. Six really feels like the right number for us – add a seventh, and I feel like there are cats every three inches, and I’m always stepping on or kicking one of them (by accident, you understand). Also, I was told by a hateful man that if we adopted Joe Bob, I’d never be allowed to foster again, ever, so off Joe Bob goes. Another woman who fosters for the same shelter once told me, basically, “I love the hell out of them while I’ve got them, and then when it’s time, I pass them along for someone else to love. It’s never easy.” She’s right, it’s never easy – but I know someone’s going to love the hell out of Joe Bob, and now that he’s healthy it’s time for him to go be where they can find him.
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What kind of improvements need to be made to the foster kitty area above the garage? Are you going to move in before you fix it up? Basically, the foster kitty area above the garage needs to be completely built. There’s nothing on the upper floor of the garage except a floor. We need to drywall the walls, put in insulation, replace the windows, put in a heating/ air conditioning window unit, and build the room. We’re only using about half the upper floor as a foster cat room (the other half will be for storage), so we need to put up walls to define the room. So it’s not going to happen real soon. There are other things that need to happen first – the small deck/ steps off the computer room door to the outside, the chicken coop, the backyard fenced in, the big shed Fred wants to build – before the cat room becomes a priority. For the time being, I’ll be using the guest bedroom as a cat foster room (when I get more fosters, that is), until we get the room over the garage built.
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I will expect, however, some seriously funny posts about how the cats are adjusting to the move. I do hope your house sells fast – you kitties NEED their mommy there at night – they need a body to drape upon, walk over, knead (poor suggie) and otherwise pester. I hope you are gearing up for some pitiful looks and Look O’ Hate ™ (from Mr. Boog) when you get to Smallville in the mornings. Actually, the kitties will have their mommy there at night – we were originally going to have Fred move to Smallville and stay out there nights, while I stayed in Madison with the spud. But really, it makes more sense to have him stay in Madison with the spud, since it’s closer to work for him. So I’ll be sleeping out in Smallville with the cats and spending part of the day there, then driving to Madison to hang out with Fred and the spud, make dinner, and make sure the house is presentable for any buyers who want to check it out. And some days they’ll come out to Smallville and hang out (though there won’t be any cable or internet connection in Smallville until we’re all living there). All the driving back and forth won’t be fun, but I think we’ll deal with it okay. Hopefully we’ll get the house sold quickly!
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“See yas. I’m off to find a home where they don’t yell at me for pulling food out of the garbage can. That’s what it’s THERE FOR, people! What am I SUPPOSED to do when I want a snack?”
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Previously 2006: I swear to god, I have NO CONTROL over what comes out of my mouth sometimes. 2005: No entry. 2004: Dude, what the fuck? I don’t talk for 20 to 30 minutes on the phone to people I know and LIKE, let alone some strange man from the CDC! 2003: A Day in the Life of Mr. Fancypants. 2002: No entry. 2001: But I kinda like the irritability. 2000: My heart stopped, my jaw dropped, and I whispered “Oh, shiiiiiiiiiiit!”]]>

2/26/07

* * * Dear all readers: It’s perfectly fine to say “hi” to me, should you stumble across me in the future. I’ll probably be a little freaked out, but I’ll get over it quickly, I promise. If you’re too shy to come say “hi” and I already noticed the bug-eyed look you gave me, a subtle nod and wave before you run in the other direction will do. Sincerely, Bitchypoo

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Christ, what a weekend we had. We spent Saturday and Sunday working on the house and I feel like I didn’t get shit accomplished. Saturday I don’t think I did anything but caulk and do whatever piddly little things that needed to be done (quarter-round moulding painted, stuff like that). Before Friday I’d never caulked before, but now I’m just a caulking machine. I’ll be spending all day tomorrow out at the house trying to get the rest of the rooms caulked (I only got the computer room, dining room, and kitchen caulked over the weekend) and puttied, before I start scrubbing down the walls (the floors guys used their “dustless” system, which still managed to leave quite a large amount of dust on the walls), taping the rooms, and painting the trim. I’m really looking forward to painting all the trim in the house, not to mention scrubbing down all the walls. I think you can imagine how very much I’m looking forward to it. Also, the tile in the bathrooms needs to be sealed, but I think I’ll leave that for Fred (or not, we’ll see). Other thing I did this weekend that I had never done before: stained wood. We’re putting quarter-round moulding down on the stairs. I thought it should be stained, Fred thought it should be white. I won out, and got to actually stain said quarter-round moulding. I’d never done it before, but it wasn’t all that hard, really. We had issues with the bathrooms. We (I) tossed out important items that have to do with the bathtub fixtures and thought Fred was going to have a stroke trying to deal with them. Finally he said “This doesn’t have to be done today,” and went on to do other things, like hang the new medicine cabinet in the two downstairs bathrooms. In fact, the back half-bath is completely done except for touch-up painting, and the front bathroom is done except for hanging the door and putting the fixtures on the tub. Oh, and hanging the shower rod and buying a shower curtain for both the showers. The more I think about it, the more I remember stuff that needs to be done. Ugh. Also, it looks like our bathrooms are going to be half brushed nickel (the sink fixtures, the towel bars) and half chrome (the shower fixtures). I don’t love the idea, but I can live with it. Unless someone’s looking closer than they oughta at our bathroom fixtures, they probably won’t notice – the difference isn’t glaring. Yeah, mock me. You don’t have to live there, so shaddup. I just won’t invite you to dinner. Most of the blinds downstairs are hung, and it makes a surprising difference in the feel of the house. I stood in the computer room for almost ten minutes yesterday afternoon planning how and where I was going to put my desk (in front of the set of windows, so the cats sleeping on my desk can look outside, in case you were wondering). We’re on track to do the first big move in two weeks, I think. Dudes, the house is really coming together! Eek! Also, I didn’t take a picture to show this because I suck, but there are 10 million gumballs from the gumball trees behind the garage and shed. They’re laying all over the driveway and the lawn, and they annoy the hell out of me. I told Fred we should rake them up and burn them, but then I heard the gumball trees laaaaaaaaaugh and say “Yeah, you rake them up. There are another 10 million where those came from, lady!” Hmph. The winter honeysuckle bushes on either side of the porch smell absolutely fabulous. They’re lemony and citrusy and very light and springy smelling. I like them a lot. I’m not so crazy about what I think are spirea bushes planted next to the honeysuckle bushes, but I’m going to wait to see them do their thing before I decide whether I want to yank them up and put butterfly bushes in their place or not. I’m thinking the front flower beds are going to consist of just bushes – azaleas and something else, I don’t know what at the moment – and I can do the flower thing in pots sitting on and hanging from the front porch. There’s going to be some serious petunias going on in Smallville this summer, I tell you what. A single, solitary crocus growing in the middle of the lawn. The camellia bush is starting to bloom. Apparently it enjoys its spot next to the septic tank.
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I don’t know when you can expect an entry from me next. I’ll be spending all day Tuesday and all day Wednesday out at the house working. If I get a chance I’ll do entries on those days, but if not I guess I’ll see you on Thursday!
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Previously 2006: No entry. 2005: No entry. 2004: God, why why WHY do women do this to themselves? 2003: A Day in the Life of Spanky. 2002: No entry. 2001: Saturday was my dumbass day. 2000: No entry.]]>

2/23/07


(In case you were wanting to find a good place to send some of that tax refund money!)
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If someone out there has the mad skillz to go to Keith and the Girl, click on “All episodes”, download show #444: I Heart Orgasms, and make for me an mp3 of the song Chemda sings at the end of the show, I would totally pay you back by linking to you. I would also love you forever, because I am loving the hell out of that song, and I want to be able to listen to it without having to fast-forward to the end of the podcast. (Got it! BLESS YOU, Bonkrood!!!)
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You’ve got questions, I’ve got answers. How did you find out about the free trees thing? I’m sure they’re tiny babies, but still, that’s cool. Fred’s business partner told him about it. Very cool, isn’t it? (For those of you who didn’t catch it in yesterday’s entry, if you sign up for a membership at the National Arbor Day Foundation, you get ten free trees. I’m sure they’ll just be sticks when they get here, but I’ve grown things from sticks before (the butterfly bush we had in the side yard, for one), and they’ve grown pretty well. I’m looking forward to figuring out where we’re going to plant these trees! We’ve got room, though, and plenty of it.
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Do your cats fight over the right to sleep in the top of that cat tree thing? Ours do AND they use it as a launching point when they are racing around the house crazy style. PLUS they all LOVE to hang out and play in the bathtub. Do your cats do that? The only cat who seems interested in sleeping in the top platform of the cat tree is Sugarbutt, most of the time. Sometimes someone else will hang out up there, but the majority of the time, it’s just Sugarbutt. Tommy has visiting privileges, though. Sugarbutt and Tommy love to hang out in the bathtub and play – if you throw a toy mouse in there, they’ll play for hours. But they’re just as happy to just lay there or chase a piece of food around the bathtub, too.
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Hey Robyn, I know you enjoy chick lit so I was wondering if you ever read anything by Rachel Gibson. I just finished one of her books, “The Trouble with Valentine’s Day” and it had me laugh out loud so many times I just have to read another one. It’s the oddest thing – I could have sworn I’d read something by her – her name seems very very familiar – but after checking out my reading list, I didn’t find a single thing on there by her. So I guess I haven’t! I’ll definitely check her out, though.
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Not a comment, but a question – do you, or where do you plan to put your exercise equipment that you currently have in your garage when you move to Smallville? And how is your workout routine going? Are you back to it? We’re going to put the exercise equipment in the garage in Smallville, of course. In fact, the garage there is bigger than our garage in Madison, so we should be able to park at least one car inside, if not two. We talked about putting the exercise equipment on the second floor of the garage, but it’s far too heavy for that, so we’ll be putting it in the back of the garage. As far as my workout routine, it’s not going at all. The entirety of my working out seems to be working on the Smallville house. Until now that was because the weather was so damn cold, but I don’t have that as an excuse any longer, so I guess I’d better get back to it!
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is that cat poo on the floor? a dead mouse? and Me thinks one of the cats was so PO’ed he POOPED on your carpet! THAT IS NOT CAT POO ON THE FLOOR (in this picture). Seriously, I might be a bit lackadaisical in my housekeeping, but I wouldn’t let CAT POO sit around on the floor, let alone let it show up in a picture! That’s a toy mouse, of which there are approximately 10,000 scattered around the house.
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Um, do you find it odd selling your “gently” used bras on ebay? Does it matter if a stalker wins them? Just curious, not judging. I’ve never sold mine because I’d be fraid — especially since my return addy is on the package! I don’t find the selling of them so odd as the fact that there are actually people out there willing to buy them. I figure if someone wants to buy them, let ’em – no matter what creepy things they intend to use them for (which I try not to think about). As far as return addresses, I use my PO Box address for everything. If someone wants to stalk me, they’ll have to find a better way than buying something of mine from eBay. I’m more concerned that someone might find a hair or skin cell on the bra or package and clone me, then do nefarious things with my clone. CREEPY.
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I was curious as to what snacks/foods you take to Smallville with you — I don’t recall you mentioning having a full refrigerator (or a refrigerator at all for that matter) (for you & Fred, not the cats HA). I have been using the Sparkpeople free site for weight loss tracking online support and am doing pretty good (14 lbs. gone so far!). Have you checked it out? It has lots of blogs to read, to kill time with Ha Ha. We actually do have a full-sized refrigerator at the Smallville house. We realized pretty quickly that the refrigerator we have in Madison wasn’t going to fit the spot in Smallville, so bought an inexpensive, smaller one. We’re going to put the refrigerator we have in the Madison house, in the laundry room in Smallville for extra fridge space. For meals in Smallville, we just take leftovers from the freezer, most of the time. I have taken eggs and a pan out there from time to time to make a small omelet for breakfast, but that got to be a pain, so I eat a low-carb bagel for breakfast (with peanut butter), and then whatever leftovers I brought with me, for lunch. We don’t really snack while we’re out there, though there’s a bag of mini rice cakes that have been sitting on the counter for a couple of weeks now. I haven’t had a chance to really check out the Sparkpeople site yet, but hope to when I get a little more time and things calm down around here!
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I don’t know about the I-Pod, but I can assure you, if you drop your Razr into your drink, it will surely die. Dead. Never to return. Be careful out there. and If you drop your cell phone in cheese dip it will die. Been there – done that. Evil mobile phone company said that was a first – even though I’d been a NEW customer with preferred treatment the week B4 – I was now an OLD customer with a phone dunked in cheese. No insurance – had to buy a new phone, full price. I was kind of planning to mock y’all for your dropsy tendencies, but to tell the truth, I can TOTALLY imagine dropping my phone in a cup of water or hot cocoa, so I won’t.
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I was wondering, does Fred’s business close for all the gov’t holidays because they do most of their work for the gov’t or is it normal for businesses in Alabama to be closed on the holidays? Yep, the only reason Fred has all those government holidays off is because they’re government contractors, and if the government offices are closed, there’s no work to be done. I think Fred would personally prefer to work on the government holidays and have odd holidays off – like St. Patrick’s Day or Valentine’s Day. Holidays when most other people are working.
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Robyn, just thought you might want to know that the free hellcat with every case of water has been extended to the West Coast. Since we’re a bunch of hippies out here, they’ve chosen to offer the special with cases of diet iced green tea. People, please be careful out there. You could end up with a whole herd of hellcats without even realizing it, and they’ll be thundering through the house while you sit there and say “But I just wanted some water! Wha’ happa?”
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That picture of Maxi is seriously one of the best/weirdest/most fascinating pictures I have ever seen of a cat, that wasn’t one of the Twisted Whiskers things. That’s awesome. What do you do to get those great angles, lie down on the floor or something? I am sad to report that all I do is lean down, hold out the camera and snap the picture, without even bothering to look and see what I’m getting. Sometimes they come out looking ridiculous, sometimes they come out pretty damn good. It’s a crapshoot. I particularly like this one, which was taken with the exact same half-assed technique:
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Do your doors swell up when you paint them? I tried to paint a bathroom door and the damn thing wouldn’t close right for 2 months after that. Not that I’ve noticed, but we haven’t been shutting the doors all that much yet. I’ll report back once I’m living there and closing the doors on a regular basis!
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Thats so funny because I do the same thing when I go to bed at night, I lay there with one eye open untill I fall asleep. Should I be concerned? and Hmmm… I do the same thing as Sugarbutt when I first wake up. Lay there with one eye closed. Should I be concerned? (That’s regarding this picture of Sugarbutt) I don’t think either of you should be concerned, unless it interferes with your life. Otherwise, as long as it’s not hurting anyone, go for it! (I, too, might sometimes lay around with one eye closed. I like to believe it means I’m actually catching a little more sleep, because I’m a dork.)
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Hey, I noticed on the link for the prescription food that it is not indicated for “lactating Queens”….hmmmmm I have never heard of cats being referred to as Queens. I am sure they don’t agree;in their minds they ARE Queens and Kings. What the heck does that mean? Any idea? I’ve actually never seen non-pregnant or lactating female cats referred to as “queens”, and only those because I was looking around online for something and ran across a cat-breeding website. I don’t care for the title of “queen” for female cats, but I also don’t care for title of “bitch” for female dogs (why can’t people just say “female”?). I don’t guess I get a vote, though!
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I’m trying not to hate you for being so good at renovating an entire HOUSE, floors, walls, moldings, and all – while I’m still trying to work up the energy to get the crap out of my living room (I will NOT shove it all back into the spare bedroom, no matter HOW tempted I am; it’ll sit in the living room creating a fire hazard until I get my ass in gear). No one should be at all hateful of the fact that we’ve gotten so much done in the new house. The ONLY reason we’ve managed to get so much done is because we’re not living there. I can guarantee that if we’d been actually living in the house these past several months, we would have been lucky to MAYBE get one wall of one room done. I am SO glad that we decided to get the renovating done before we moved in – for one, there is just no way on earth we could have dealt with having the floors done if we were living there. It would have been a huge clusterfuck and I would have taken one look at all the dust (from the sanding) left on our belongings and had a stroke.
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The floors look GREAT! I’m wondering if you are going to change out the kitchen cabinets so it will match the floors? The floor looks better than the cabinets. We’re eventually going to get new cabinets, I think (I kind of like the cabinets, but the doors on every single cabinet are hung so that one door is hanging lower than the other – they’re uneven and it drives me a tiny bit nuts), but since they’re something I’m willing to live with, we’re probably going to wait a few years before we do that.
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Is it just me, or do you think the spud looks like your sister? I’m not sure if you mean the spud looks like she could be my sister, or that she looks like my sister Debbie. I don’t think she looks like she could be my sister, because I think she looks her age (18) and I look mine (39) and I doubt anyone who hears that I’m her mother is like “Oh, you can’t be old enough to be her mother!”, seriously. She does resemble my sister Debbie, though, I’ll certainly agree with that.
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Now for the question – what other Podcast do you listen to? I’m a new Ipod owner – the 30 gig video one. I cannot recommend the Keith and the Girl podcasts enough – but you knew that, because I haven’t made any secret of the fact that I LOVE them. Aside from Keith and the Girl, I also listen to Spooky’s Spooky in the City podcasts – Spooky first showed up on Keith and the Girl, and now he’s got his own podcast (it’s like a spinoff) – and like them because I like Spooky’s voice, but the boy can go on. And on. And on. His eye for detail is a little unnerving, really. I also listen to the Grey’s Anatomy podcasts every week (Betsy Beers and Shonda Rimes crack me up – and I find Betsy Beers’s voice very soothing for some reason). Now this is where y’all come in. I’m about caught up on Keith and the Girl and Spooky, so I need podcast recommendations. Who do you listen to, and why? Leave me a comment and tell me who I should check out next!
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I had my hairs did yesterday. I went a little redder, and quite a bit shorter. In fact, I said “Why don’t you just cut it as short as you can without having to shave my neck?” and she said “Can I cut the back the way I want?” and I said “Hellz yes. Cut it ALL the way you want!”, and she did. It’s a bit helmet-y the way she styled it, but I like it. And I didn’t realize ’til I got in the shower this morning just how short I went. I really like it! Here’s how she styled it: And how I did: I guess not a huge difference, but it looks less helmet-y in my version, I think.
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Smilin’ Joe Bob. It doesn’t matter that there’s nothing on the plate, not a single crumb. He’ll lick it anyway. In an effort to clear off my memory stick, I uploaded a ton of pictures to Flickr this morning. You can see them here.
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Previously 2006: Second of all, we both hate our voices and to release them forth into the world would be a cruelty beyond measure. 2005: Impromptu day off. 2004: I’m going to save a fortune on tampons, that’s for sure. 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: Damn that Sam’s. 2000: Heartless bastard.]]>

2/22/07

* * * The cats have been fucking nuts lately, hauling ass from one end of the house to the other, picking fights with each other, just generally being a pain in the ass. I don’t know if it’s the warmer weather, or the fact that it’s been really nice out and I won’t let them into the back yard (we don’t have a collar for Joe Bob, so I don’t dare to let them out. I’d hate to have to call the shelter manager and tell her I lost Joe Bob!) or what. I don’t mind the wildness during the day, but at night and in the early morning when I’m trying to sleep, it REALLY pisses me off. Yesterday morning I was trying to sleep in a little – something I haven’t done in a while, since I’m on this get-up-at-6 bullshit kick – and the cats were racing around and fighting and being a pain in the ass. I had to yell at them a couple of times, and then there was a period of silence, during which I started to fall back asleep. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a herd of elephants hauling ass through the house, then the bedroom door flew open, and I heard a weird squeaking sound. I opened my eyes, looked toward the closet, and saw the most amazing sight. Tommy was perched halfway up the doorway casing, just HANGING there. I’d never seen anything like it so I stared at him for a minute, then yelled “Tommy, what the hell?!”, whereupon he let go, fell to the floor and raced off. Boy, it sure is a good goddamn thing we put SoftPaws on his claws, isn’t it? I’d hate for him to be able to CLIMB things. Fucker. The SoftPaws don’t slow his stupid ass down at ALL. Last Thursday, because Joe Bob was at the vet’s, I let the cats into the back yard. Not only does Tommy have SoftPaws on his claws, he wears a collar that’s supposed to shock him if he gets too close to the fence. I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I happened to glance out the window in time to see Tommy run across the back yard as fast as he could (and he can move pretty fast for a portly cat), then run UP the tree by the shed, and begin climbing. I went out and coaxed him down – all the while, his collar was beeping, because Fred’s got the electric fence hiked up so the cats can’t, oh, CLIMB THE TREES or they’ll get zapped – and then not half an hour later the little fuckhead did it again. I coaxed him down, then made all the cats come inside and told them it was Tommy’s fault for being a fucking fucker. At least the SoftPaws keep the little bastard from scratching.

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I spent another 10 hours out in Smallville yesterday, and all I got accomplished was to paint the trim in the upstairs bathroom, twice. The biggest pain in the ass about painting trim is having to do all the damn taping, and I used the blue painter’s tape instead of the masking tape. Naturally, when I pulled the blue tape up at the end of the day, paint from the wall came up with it. This has never been an issue when I’ve used masking tape, so I guess I need to go back to using that instead of the blue tape. Sad, really – I had such high hopes for the blue tape. I did get the switches and plugs in the hallway and downstairs bathroom replaced, too, but the day wasn’t a total waste. Actually, it wasn’t a waste at all – I got the bathroom trim painted, and (mostly) finished my bedroom closet, but I had hoped to get more done in the course of 10 hours. Speaking of my bedroom closet, some pictures. This is what I spent the ENTIRE weekend working on. You think it’s going to be a quick job, and those are the ones that always end up taking 63 times longer than it should. First, I had to tape the closet to protect the air intake vent thingy, because we wouldn’t want to get paint on THAT, hellz no. It’s not like it would just wipe up or anything! Actually, once I started covering it, I realized it was just like wrapping a present and wasn’t that hard to do. Unnecessary, maybe, but not hard. I also put several layers of paper down to protect the floor, which was a good damn thing. I was painting the ceiling and managed to knock the container of ceiling paint over. But because I’d put so much paper down, not a single drop got on the floor. Go, me! The top of the closet and the ceiling. The master bedroom was originally the dining room, so I imagine the entire room had this wallpaper border. The brown paper under the border is what the rest of the wall was covered in. I don’t know what the hell this paper was. I wouldn’t think it was wallpaper, but I kind of think it must have been. The previous owners didn’t put this on the wall, just left it there. Looking up at the shelf. The brown wall is that wallpaper stuff; the wall to the right is just drywall (the previous owners had to create a closet in the bedroom, so used drywall). So, I thought all I’d need to do was paint the ceiling and then paint the walls of the closet. I didn’t know what the brown paper was, but thought it could surely be painted over. I got the ceiling – which was covered with white paper – painted, and it almost immediately started to peel. Then I painted the walls of the closet, and the brown paper softened and started to peel as well. Obviously, just painting over the paper wasn’t going to work. I started pulling the paper away, and was surprised (though I shouldn’t have been) to find lovely wooden walls under there. And that’s how I spent the entire three-day weekend – first I had to scrape the brown paper off the walls and the white paper off the ceiling. I found this wallpaper on the ceiling. Yes, wallpaper on the ceiling. I don’t know, don’t ask me. So anyway, I scraped the brown paper off the walls and the white paper off the ceiling, which left a lot of brown crap all over the walls, so I had to go back, wet down the brown crap, scrape it off, then go back again and scrub the walls with a green scrubby thing. Partly finished. I’m completely finished now (forgot to take an “after” picture), and the back and left wall and ceiling of the closet is comprised of this lovely wood. Fred suggested that I just paint over it, but I like the bare wood. Yesterday, I painted the dry wall portion of the closet (the right wall and the inside of the front wall) the light silvery purple that the top part of my bedroom is painted. Now all we have to do is stain some corner pieces and put them up, then put some trim around the bottom of the closet (I actually painted some wood when I was painting the closet originally, because the brown paper didn’t go all the way to the bottom of the wall), hang some shelves, and we’ll be done! I think it took me longer to get the closet done than it took Fred to do the entire damn room. But it’s a fine-looking closet, I’ll tell you that! We made a fire in the dining room fireplace not once, but twice this weekend. My jacket and my purse still smell like smoke from the fire (it was very windy this weekend). I’m doing my best to convince Fred that we should get a pellet stove for the dining room, because my parents got a pellet stove recently, and have nothing but good things to say about it. I’m not sure how successful I’ll be at convincing him, but I’m going to keep trying!
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You’ve all asked a lot of questions in the comments lately, so I’ll be answering those in tomorrow’s entry. If you’ve got any burning questions to ask, now’s the time!
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I haven’t yet had a chance to peruse my US Magazine this week, so I don’t know what the complete story will be, but I’ll say this: If Justin Timberlake and K. Fuckhead really and truly got together to mock Britney, I think they’re a couple of complete and utter assholes. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down – that girl is spinning out of control in the most public way possible, and they’re getting together to make fun of her? Such classy guys. I’ve always thought Kevin Federline was a weaselly little no-good user, but now I’m finding I have no fondness for Justin either. Jackasses. Note: It’s not like I’m a big Britney fan, but I’ve liked some of her music and I think she’s adorable and I cannot help but feel bad for a girl who is so clearly in a lot of emotional pain and going under for the third time. To have her first love and her soon-to-be ex-husband being PALS and getting together to talk shit about her can only be tossing kerosene on the fire.
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Hey. Did you know that if you join the National Arbor Day Foundation for $10 for 6 months or $15 for a year, you get 10 free trees? We’re getting the flowering trees.
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HATE. Smackdown at the Anderson Corral. Smackdown in progress (though it petered out when Tommy wandered off.)
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Previously 2006: HOT MONKEY SEX, that’s what. 2005: I can tell you this – I’m not terribly fond of my mailman right now. 2004: No entry. 2003: No entry. 2002: Not bad, since it’s been ten years or so since I read the play, eh? 2001: Resolutions for 2001. 2000: Well, apparently “coke” sounded like “coffee” to the Einstein taking my order.]]>