2004-10-22 – Bitchypoo

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(click on image to see the full-sized version) When the sunrise was pretty much over and I was starting to get really cold, I went inside and read until everyone else got up, sometime after 8. I took my shower and got dressed and everyone else milled about while I read, and then the great “Where shall we go for breakfast?” discussion began. I cut it off at the knees when I said “Hey, let’s go back to that place we went Monday and get the buffet!” (We fat chicks love the buffet, don’tchaknow.) So we went to the Sea Captain’s House (I keep wanting to call it the Sea Captain’s Table for some reason) for breakfast, then did a little more driving around, checking out the resorts in the area. We stumbled across a nice little trailer park, and I tried to convince my parents to buy a trailer, because the trailer park was within walking distance of the beach and helLEW, why would you need a great big expensive beach house when you could buy a much less expensive trailer? But they wouldn’t go for it.

We went back to the apartment for a little while, and then my mother decided that she was having the shakes since she hadn’t been shopping in almost 20 hours, so she, the spud and I headed out to go shopping. We went to a mall that had outlet stores, but I don’t remember the name of the mall. Oh, here it is – the Tanger Outlet Center. My mother immediately headed for a women’s clothing store, I don’t remember which one. Maybe Liz Claiborne? And the spud and I went into sixteen different stores and went back to find that my mother wasn’t done shopping in the one store. When it comes to shopping for clothes, unless it’s obnoxious t-shirts or maybe baby clothes, the very idea makes me want to stomp and pout and whine “Not cloooooooothes! Clothes are borrrring.” My mother finally left the store after about forty-five minutes with one pair of pants. For my mother, the joy of shopping is in the hunting down the one perfect item that will look perfect with other items she already owns or perhaps an item she might find in the future. She is a shopper – I, on the other hand, am a buyer. I think to myself, “Self, I need underwear.” If I decide I need a certain type of underwear (currently Formfit underwear you can buy at Target) I take myself to the place where the underwear can be found, I spend three to four minutes locating the color and size I need, I pay for it, I go home. Voila! Underwear! Anyway, once my mother was done buying her pair of pants, we headed off to look in the other stores. We stopped in Kitchen Collection, where I bought a small cutting board and a funnel, then we went to Cabin Creek. In Cabin Creek I found a plethora of things I didn’t know I needed. For one, I bought some more coasters, these with a picture of a house on the ocean and a saying along the lines of “Heaven’s a little closer in a house on the ocean…” The spud, to her delight, found a hot pink Moshi hippo (like this, only hot pink and a hippo). She told me it was like a Moshi pillow Ellen had and that it was cool, and I had to agree – Moshi pillows and animals are very, very cool feeling. If you’ve never seen or felt one, get thee to a Linens ‘n Things and check them out. I asked her if she wanted me to buy her the Moshi for her birthday, and she didn’t have to think about it at all – of course she wanted it. So I bought that, and after we were done shopping and were on our way out, I stopped back by and bought a bright fluorescent yellow Moshi neckroll pillow. I have to say, that’s probably the best thing I’ve bought in a long time. Those pillows are awesome. We spent more time shopping. My mother wanted to buy the spud a kind of dressy pair of shoes, so we went into Skechers and they found a pair of shoes for her. We stopped for a drink and then an ice cream cone (lunch!) and then decided we were done and headed for the Jeep. Then we went to another mall, the name of which I cannot recall. It’s on 501 between the Tanger Outlet Center and Barefoot Landing; it’s on the same side of the road as Barefoot Landing, if you wanted to know. My mother went into the department store (I don’t remember the name – it’s one we don’t have around here, though). I went into Waldenbooks and bought a book, and I offered to buy the spud a book if she found one she wanted. She found a bodice ripper that struck her fancy, so I paid for that as well, and then we went back out into the mall, sat down, and read while we were waiting for my mother. We wandered around the mall a while, but there was nothing too exciting – that is, nothing you can’t see in most of the malls around here. We did stop in the record store (do they call them “record stores” these days?) and I ended up buying the newest Warren Brothers cd and (shaddup) the Minnie Driver cd as well as a (again, shaddup) Sheena Easton “Best of” cd. After that, it was time to go back to the apartment and hang out for a while. My parents tried to start a “where shall we have dinner?” argument, but I put a stop to that by suggesting we got to The Great American Steak and Buffet Company, and they both liked that idea a great deal. It was still early, so my parents went for a walk on the beach while I read and then watched Oprah. The water was pretty wild, so before we left for dinner the spud and I went down on the beach so I could take pictures of the water. My father, who should be shot, took pictures of us from the balcony.

And, no. You don’t get to see the full-sized picture where I’m bending over with my ass pointed straight toward the camera. I’m a spoilsport.

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When the spud and I got back up to the apartment, we went out on the balcony and saw a couple of guys windsurfing out on the ocean.

(click on image to see the full-sized version) Dinner was fabulous, as I’d known it would be, and I got my fill of seafood salad. That stuff is SO damn good. I don’t know what it’s got in it, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the primary ingredient is crackcocaine. After dinner we went back to Bargains so I could look longingly at the adorable little bitty frogs in their aquariums and debate whether Fred would be mad if I brought home some adorable little bitty frogs, and then I decided it would be mean to buy a couple of little frogs and immediately subject them to a 10-hour trip in a shaking vehicle. (I did buy some cheap-o t-shirts for the giveaway page, though. Whee!) We went back to the apartment, where my father sat down and watched Laurel Canyon and my mother fell asleep watching TV with the spud.

Talked to Fred for half an hour at ten, then set the alarm on my cell phone for 5:30 am, and went to bed. * * * Thursday morning I woke up feeling like I’d overslept. I looked at the clock and realized it was 5:37 and wondered why the hell my alarm hadn’t gone off. I looked at the cell phone and realized I’d set the alarm for 5:30, but the clock on my cell phone was still on Central time, and I had intended to get up at 5:30 Eastern time. I got up and showered, then woke up the spud. We got dressed, finished packing our bags, and my parents walked down to the Jeep with us. We hugged and said goodbye, stopped for gas, and were on our way home. The spud slept for the first few hours, and I listened to my Warren Brothers cd and tried to make sure I was going the right way.

I have to say, I really REALLY like the Warren Brothers cd. It sounds less country than bluesy rock to me; I especially like “Trouble Is”, “Between the River and Me”, “Goodbye to Neverland” and “Pretty” (the last specifically because hearing the word “Ghet-to” cracks me up). During the entire drive home, I think I listened to the cd at least five times, so I’d say it’s a hit with me. We were somewhere near Atlanta when a truck passed me. I glanced over at it, and started laughing out loud. On the back of the truck’s window were two bumper stickers side by side. One said “Terrorists Want Kerry to Win” and the other said “Jane Fonda is a Traitorous Bitch”. I slowed down so he could pass me all the way, and on his bumper was a sticker that said “Feed Teddy Kennedy to the Homeless”. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve! Gosh, I wonder where he stands on the political spectrum? Once he was back in the right lane, I changed lanes and passed him, hoping to get a picture of the bumper stickers. I wasn’t able to, but I did get a picture of the truck.

I ended up passing him, whereupon he sped up, passed me, and the guy in the passenger’s seat flicked a cigarette butt at the Jeep. Since I wasn’t up for kicking the asses of a couple of good ol’ boys (I could have done it, y’understand. I just didn’t feel like messing up my hair.) I slowed down until they were out of sight. At some point I was switching radio stations, looking for a non-staticky country station, when I heard a voice that seemed familiar. At first I thought it was Paul Harvey so I stopped, but when I heard (paraphrased)”Anyone who can’t make more than minimum wage, who’s trying to raise a family on minimum wage is a loser”, I thought I don’t think that’s Paul Harvey. “Wow,” I said. “What an asshole. That must be Rush Limbaugh.” So I called Fred, who told me he didn’t think Rush would say something quite that rude (ahem) and that though it kind of sounded like him, it was probably Atlanta-based Neil Boortz. I listened to the show for a few more minutes, but he started to sound like a half-drunk college kid amusing himself by trying to be shocking – yeah, we get it! You’re oh-so cutting-edge and shocking! Gasp! – so I put the Warren Brothers cd back in and listened to it again.

(click on image to see the full-sized version) There’s a few miles of wildflowers once you cross the Georgia-Alabama border (the flowers are on the Alabama side). Very pretty. I called Fred when we were about twenty minutes from Madison. He left work and met me near the place where I’d rented the Jeep. The spud and I put all our luggage in Fred’s car, then I filled up the Jeep and returned it. Did I mention I got a brand-spanking-new Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo for a week for $150? That just rocks the casbah, in my opinion. We drove home, the spud and I chattering at Fred the entire way. When we got home we unloaded the car, and Fred carried my suitcase upstairs while I greeted Miz Poo and glanced at the mail. “Bessie,” Fred said, coming down the stairs with something in his hands. “Spot brought you a special welcome-home present!” It was a dead sparrow. And not only had Spot brought it into the house, he’d carried it up on the bed, where it had lain long enough to get cold. So I spent my first ten minutes back at home stripping the bed and tossing the sheets and comforter into the wash, because birds carry nasty things like mites, and ewww. But I was still glad to be home. * * * Side notes: 1. I have never in my entire life seen as many dead animals as I saw on I-20 between Birmingham and Atlanta. We saw three dead deer laying by the side of the road, and various other animals. At one point I saw an armadillo laying on it’s back with it’s stubby little legs stuck up in the air and I thought for an instant that it was a baby piglet. 2. I was going to ask who Pee Dee is and why everything in a certain part of South Carolina is named after him, but after a quick search on Google, I understand that Pee Dee is the name of an Indian tribe in South Carolina. You really do learn something new every day, eh? * * *

What a face. ]]>