could be removed, and a Staples employee came up beside me.
“Can I help you with anything?” he asked.
I smiled. “Nope, just trying to decide which one.”
He stood in silence for a few minutes while I continued looking at the cheapest keyboard and chanted “Goaway goaway goaway” in my mind.
He stepped forward and indicated another keyboard. “This one seems to be our most popular keyboard.” I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled politely, all the while thinking “goooooo awaaaaaaaaaay”, and then he finally said “Well, let me know if you have any questions!”, and he went away.
Now, I have probably not mentioned this in the past, but I am very suggestible. I’m a salesman’s wet dream, and so usually if there’s some buying to be done that can potentially become expensive – such as a new washer and dryer – Fred accompanies me so that I won’t be suckered in.
I’m not kidding about being very suggestible. If I’m in the grocery store I have to stay out of the shampoo/ hair styling aisle, because if I wander by and glance up and see “Anti-frizz gel!”, I will stop and get stars in my eyes and think “My hair! Is frizzy! And to make it not frizzy, I need anti-frizz gel! I must buy! I must have! This gel will give me beautiful hair!”, and thus the reason I have a drawer full of gels and mousses and finishing cremes and all manners of crap.
(What I really need is to shave my head, except that I would then bear a striking resemblance to Pruitt Taylor Vince.)
So anyway, after the Staples guy wandered off, I glanced up to be sure he was gone, and then I sidled over to look at the keyboard he’d pointed out. And it was a Logitech! Cordless! Keyboard! And it was only $30! And I went all starry eyed and imagined the many wondrous things I could do with a cordless keyboard, like I could put the keyboard wherever I wanted on the desk, because it would not be TETHERED by a CORD because it was CORDLESS. And if I wanted to, I could LEAN BACK in my chair and PUT MY FEET UP on the desk, and I could PUT THE KEYBOARD ON MY LAP, and Oh! Happy day! Or I could even sit across the room and relax and type away!
Without another thought, I bought the fucking thing, and it wasn’t until I was driving home that I realized that my keyboard was sitting in front of the monitor NOT because it was TETHERED by a CORD, but rather because that’s where I LIKED it, and also chances were nil that I would lean BACK in my CHAIR and put my feet on the DESK and my keyboard on my LAP, because if Erin‘s tiny little tummy is a Buddha, then my stomach is the pagoda he sits in, and leaning back with my feet on the desk would render a lap nonexistent.
And besides, I’m not really a lean-back-with-feet-on-desk kinda gal.
Further, while I certainly COULD sit across the room and relax while type-type-typing, there’d be no mouse usage, because the mouse IS tethered to a cord, but the point there is moot, because while I could relax and type, there’s no way in god’s green earth I could ever SEE what I was typing, because I practically have to sit with my nose to the screen as it is, because that bastard won’t let me buy a big BIG monitor, because he’s mean. (But that’s okay – I get back at him by LOUDLY announcing every time I have to reboot my computer, which is quite frequently lately. Not that that has anything to do with the size of my screen, so let’s move on, shall we?)
So basically I paid twice as much for a keyboard as I would have on my own for no good reason, all thanks to that Staples employee, may he rot in hell.
The camera is upstairs and I don’t want to go ALL the way upstairs to retrieve the memory stick, so you’re stuck with a picture of my brother’s dog. Adorable, isn’t she? Also very slobbery. That’s one thing about cats – for the most part, you don’t have to worry about them slobbering on you.