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2003-03-06
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I have to announce that I haven’t watched one single moment of Married by America, and I have no plans to start. I might have, except that during the blizzard of commercials Fox tossed at us, there was this girl – I think it was Billie Jeanne, but I can’t swear to it – who said, at the end of the commercial, “Pleeeeazh. No lewwwwwzherz”, and she sounded JUST FUCKING LIKE ROGER RABBIT, which is fine and dandy if you’re a cartoon rabbit, but I swear to each and every one of you that if she had been standing in front of me when she said that, my hand would have reflexively shot out, and I would have beaten her to death.
I don’t think I’ve ever taken such an instant dislike to anyone before in my life, but I find myself, at odd moments, imitating her, and if you could bottle the vitriol in my voice when I do it, you could probably use it quite effectively in the War on Terror.� Something about her is like biting on tinfoil to me, and I writhe in hatred every time I think of her.
Of course, I just did another imitation of her for Fred, and I think I make her sound more like Carol Channing. Roger Rabbit, Carol Channing, same diff. I still hate that girl, no matter who she sounds like.
And besides – someone who’s going on a show to have the country pair her up with some stranger is requesting no losers? Honey, you’re already there.
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An acidic and hostile place: since 1999