2 Words meme, seen many places, most recently on my brother’s diary.
The idea is to answer each question in two words, but I’m too damn lazy to work that hard, so I’ll use AS MANY WORDS AS I WANT TO.
1. When was the last time you shaved?
Tuesday morning.
2. Explain what ended your last relationship.
Divorce! I’d say we just grew apart and had very little in common.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
I was either feeding Maddy, or in the shower.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Looking at my CT scan results.
5. Are you any good at math?
Not “good”, but competent in the day-to-day dealing with numbers.
6. Your prom night?
Which one? My Junior prom, I hung out with a lot of friends, went to the prom with a guy I had a crush on, and had a decent time. My Senior prom, my date (upon whom I had a crush; different guy than the Junior prom guy) and I went with another couple, and it was a fairly crappy time.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
I AM the famous ancestor. In generations to come, they’ll be talking about the Crazy Cat Lady and her penchant for boring others online with her daily musings.
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
I did.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
I don’t have a song on my myspace profile, but if I did, I’d probably know the words to it. At this point I have no desire to add a song, though.
10. Last thing received in the mail?
A bunch of magazines.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Two – water and hot cocoa.
12. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine?
Yes, but no one ever listens to them (DEBBIE), they just call and say “I saw you called. What’s up?” With everyone having caller ID, no one even needs voicemail or answering machines anymore.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Great White and Judas Priest. Unless you count Shaun Cassidy, which I don’t really.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Nope; never have.
15. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
Having my wisdom teeth out 12 years ago.
16. What is out your back door?
In Madison, a yard, a couple of trees, and a fence. In Smallville, a ton of land, a bunch of trees, and a pond.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Working on the Smallville house. It’s like date night!
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Yeah, I kinda like the windblown look.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Yes, and they’re AWESOME. Haven’t had one in many years, though.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
I’m sure I have, but I retain no memory of it.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Yes. We reuse them for about a week. Why not? You’re CLEAN when you step out of the shower and dry off, after all.
22. Some things you are excited about?
Cats, books, the new house.
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
I don’t really care for JELLO, but if forced to choose, maybe strawberry.
24. Describe your keychain(s)?
Nail clippers, #1 Mom, a light-up Maine keychain, and a metal keychain with an image of Miz Poo lasered onto it.
25. Where do you keep your change?
In a gallon-size water jug. Well actually, in a smiley-face mug near my desk, and when that fills up, I dump it into the gallon water jug in the kitchen.
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
I don’t remember. I don’t want to remember, I’m sure my voice got all shaky and I sounded like an idiot.
27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
A yellow jacket I got from Land’s End a few years ago. I couldn’t wear it before now because (although it was supposedly big enough for me) it didn’t fit. Now it’s too big, but I’m still going to wear the damn thing. It’s yellow!
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
I don’t for the life of me remember.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
I start out the night with it cracked open, but the cats run back and forth and knock it all the way open.
* * *
Yesterday morning I opened the blinds in my bedroom windows as I do every morning, and then I stood and looked out at the yard. As I always do. Over by the fence I saw something white, and I stared down at it, wondering what it was. I decided that perhaps I was seeing a yellow leaf that had fallen from one of the trees, and it just looked white, and then I shrugged and my mind wandered off and I followed it and thought no more of the white thing.
After I’d eaten lunch yesterday, I was settled in at my computer looking at bras (I think I’ve found the perfect bra, but I cannot say for sure until I get more of them and can make sure the one I have that fits perfectly isn’t just a fluke. I will report upon this when I can reliably say that it’s the perfect bra.) when Spot came running inside and stopped behind me and made a funny squeaky noise.
I turned, and he had something on the floor in front of him and was chewing on part of it.
“Whatcha got there, buddy?” I asked, and he looked up at me with a guilty face. I went over to investigate, and found what appeared to be the bottom part of a McDonald’s biscuit.
“Dude, that’s gross,” I said to Spot, who didn’t care and gave me a nasty look as I picked it up and threw it away.
“Don’t give me the dirty look,” I said further to Spot. “You shouldn’t have brought it inside if you didn’t want it taken away from you!”
And then my mind wandered off and I followed it and thought no more of the fact that there had been a biscuit in our back yard for some reason, though last time I checked, biscuits don’t belong in back yards.
But this is Alabama. Possibly they’ve passed a law stating that there must always be a biscuit within two hundred feet of your residence and I just didn’t hear about it.
Later, after Fred got home from work and we lay on the bed talking, I thought to tell him about the biscuit.
“I bet some fucker walking by our back yard, or driving by our back yard, threw a fucking McDonald’s biscuit into our back yard,” I said, immediately incensed at the thought. “Fucking fuckers!”
“Maybe so,” Fred said, unconcerned, his mind clearly wandering.
A few minutes later he went outside to play with his new tool (heh. Sounds dirty, doesn’t it?) and I said “Look over by the fence and see if you see anymore signs of a biscuit or wrapper or anything.” A few minutes later he came back inside and said “I think I found the top to that biscuit.” and he threw it away.
Now I ask you. You’re wandering or driving along with a biscuit, and you suddenly realize you don’t want it anymore. WHY THE HOLY FUCKING HELL would you toss it in someone’s back yard?
Fucking fuckers.
* * *
Last week I was upstairs, just out of the shower, about to blowdry my hair, when I heard what sounded like Spot downstairs meowing. Now, I know I’ve mentioned before that Spot has a weird, squeaky meow because when he was a bitty kitten and showed up at Fred’s back door he howled and howled and howled, and did damage to his vocal chords, so now all he can do is squeak out a weird, eerie meow.
Anyway, the sound I heard last week sounded like that meow, only much louder. I heard it a second time.
“Spot!” I yelled, hoping to shut him up. I heard it a third time, and it dawned on me that there was something going on and I should check it out. I walked out of the bedroom to find Sugarbutt and Miz Poo sitting at the top of the stairs staring down toward the first floor, their eyes dark.
Another meow. I walked past Sugarbutt and Miz Poo and started walking down the stairs. I heard the sound I’d thought was a meow yet another time, and that’s when I realized it was the sound of a pissed-off cat screaming, and then Tommy went flying by me, and I knew exactly what I was hearing.
There’s a black and white cat who lives somewhere in our neighborhood, and he apparently exists solely to irritate our cats. He’ll show up in our back yard, get them all freaked out, and as soon as Fred or I steps into the back yard, he flies over the fence and away from us.
Actually, when he first started showing up, I think he wanted to be friends with us, but we didn’t want to encourage him to hang out in our back yard, so we’d shout at him and wave our arms, and he quickly came to realize that we weren’t interested in being friends.
Really, when it comes down to it, we’re very protective of our cats, and this black and white cat looks like he could kick some serious ass.
So last week when I heard the sound of a pissed-off cat screaming, I knew without a doubt that the black and white cat had come into the house through the cat door. The idea scared me (like I said, I think he could easily kick some And3rson kitty ass) and I screamed and picked up the pace.
I FLEW down those stairs, y’all, and ran toward the room we call the library (because it holds nothing but a couple of bookcases and Fred’s grandmother’s secretary), and as I approached the doorway between the hallway and kitchen, Mister Boogers went flying by me, and the black and white cat flew into the living room.
“Get out of my house!” I said, like a great big fucking idiot, because how was he supposed to get out of the house? The back door wasn’t open, and I was between him and the cat door, and he was a little scared of me (though not as much as he SHOULD have been). So as he stood as far away from me as he could, I opened the back door and I waved my arms and reiterated, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
And he did.
And I didn’t see a single damn one of our cats, who were most likely cowering under various beds and other bits of furniture, for at least two hours afterward.
* * *
I think I’m going to cross-stitch “
There aren’t any extra points for suffering“, frame it, and hang it somewhere where I’ll see it every day.
* * *
I let Maddy stay out of her room almost all day yesterday, and she survived the experience. In fact, I do believe she started a fight with Tommy at one point and he just good-naturedly swatted at her ’til she went away. She gives Miz Poo a wide berth, though – I guess she’s learned you don’t mess with the cranky old lady of the bunch.
One of my (many) favorite things about Maddy is the dot of gray above her mouth and the dot below. It looks like she’s got a little kewpie-doll mouth.
I love her tangle of whiskers in this shot.
More pictures
here.
* * *
Such a rough life.
* * *
Previously
2005: I hate those stupid tests. I always think I’m going to find out some deep, hidden truth about myself, and then I get “Oh! You should be an artist! You’re the artistic type!” Bah.
2004: No entry.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: TV talk.
2000: I’m about the laziest chick in the world, I think.
1999: Yeah. I’m a bitch.]]>