logo by the wonderful Michelle at When Cats Attack. Very “me”, dontchathink? Thanks, Michelle. You rock!
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Someone whose ip address resolves to Lakewood, NJ left me a comment yesterday regarding my entry from Sunday, saying, in effect, “Quit your damn whining! God! All you do is sit on your ass in front of the computer, the TV, or sit and read! Maybe if you exercised once in a while, you might not be so fat! Your poor mother! She deserves a better daughter than you!”
This person is clearly under the impression that I sit around all day crying into my Diet Coke and Ben and Jerry’s, sobbing “Whyyyyyyy am I so faaaaat? I don’t GET it! Britney eats Cheetos and Red Bull and she’s skinny! It’s not fair, DAMN MY MOTHER, it’s all her fault. I’m going to go sit on my ass in front of the computer and cry about it some more while I shove huge spoonfuls of crap directly into my big fat mouth!”
Y’know, all I was doing was wondering who I’d be and what I’d look like now if a struggle with food and the urge to overeat was not part of my makeup. Come closer, now, because I’m going to tell you a secret. Are you listening? You might want to sit down for this. Okay, here it is:
I eat too much of the wrong kind of food and am lazy.
I know! I know, it’s shocking, isn’t it? It shocked ME, that’s for sure, but I
saw the
light when the weight loss guru from Lakewood, NJ informed me exactly why I’m fat. God. I mean, who the hell knew? I sure didn’t. All I could think as I sat here on my ass watching it grow bigger and bigger was “Whyyyy is this happening to me? It must be ALL my mother’s fault!” But the answer was right there in Lakewood, NJ the whole time. I eat too much and don’t exercise enough.
Let us address this two-part solution in, well, two parts, shall we?
1. “You are lazy. Get a trainer and hit the treadmill.” To which I say “Well, person who clearly knows me more than I know myself, I exercise five times a week, 30 – 45 minutes each time. Some weeks I exercise less, such as this week, when I had a hair appointment and half the day was wasted, so I will only be working out four days this week. I won’t hire a trainer, because I know how to exercise, thanks. I won’t hit the treadmill, because treadmills are too loud and I can’t hear the TV over the sound of the treadmill. But here’s a solution – perhaps I should hit the elliptical trainer that lives in my garage? Is that a good idea? Maybe I should start doing that! OH, wait. I already do. The aforementioned five days a week, 30 – 45 minutes a day.”
2. “You eat too much.” No shit, really? Well, I didn’t know that. I’ll get right on that.
Hey, Lakewood, NJ, who clearly hasn’t been reading me for all that long, guess what? From my highest weight, I lost 125 pounds. I’ve gained back an ungodly amount of that, but over the course of about 9 months, I dropped 125 pounds. So here’s a secret for you – I know how to lose the goddamn weight, you sanctimonious twit. But I didn’t deal with the underlying issues of why I had 125+++ pounds to lose in the first place and guess what? Some of it came back to roost. You might know that if you actually paid attention to what you were reading instead of reading a few paragraphs and deciding you know exactly who I am, what my issues are, and what I should do about them.
For the record, my husband wrote an entire
book about the amazing concept of eating right and moving more. I had to read the book many times during the writing and editing process. I’m sure you’re under the impression that you’re the only one who knows the Real True Way, Lakewood, NJ, but it’s actually come across my radar in the past, believe it or not.
I have been overweight since I was 10. I dealt with “tough love” for more than twenty years from my parents, from my ex-husband, from co-workers, from kids at school, from strangers on the street . I’ve heard the comments, the suggestions and the snickers. I’ve seen the looks. If what my parents – the people who, y’know, actually KNOW me – said to me wasn’t enough to motivate me to lose all the weight I had to lose and keep it off, what on god’s green earth makes you think that a few lines from someone I don’t know is going to “motivate” me?
But don’t worry – when you said
I will put it bluntly, and I am not saying this to hurt you, but to motivate you. you completely missed the mark. You neither hurt me nor motivated me. You only annoyed the fucking shit out of me. You have, I think, an inflated sense of your own importance and perhaps also an inflated sense of just how stupid this poor whiny fat chick is.
I’ve had this journal online for more than five years and I have had a weight-related journal for more than four. In that time, I’ve gotten an amazing amount of email, and every now and then I’ve gotten the “Um,
duh. Your supposed 2 eat less and exercise more,
stoopit. U R not doin that and that is Y your so fat!” email. Every brilliant “All you need to do is eat less and exercise more!” genius is under the impression that the thought has simply never once crossed my mind. If the diet exists, I’ve heard about it. If the book exists, I’ve read it. If the exercise tape isn’t too annoying, I’ve done it. I’ve exercised to so many Leslie Sansone tapes that I could probably pick out her ultra-perky voice in three syllables from two rooms away. If I could get college credit for my studies of all things diet – diet books, web pages, exercise tapes and Dr. Phil/ Oprah “Look at this fat woman!” specials, among others – I’d probably qualify for a doctorate.
So Lakewood, NJ, the next time you’re tempted to offer up the obvious solution, don’t. You cannot possibly tell me one single thing about how to eat or how to exercise that I don’t already know. The condescending words of a stranger cannot motivate me. Kindly take your tough love and find a better place for it than the comment section of a stranger.
Such as your ass.
Thanks.
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I had actually planned to write my “What if?” entry about “What if I’d grown up a pretty, pretty princess and all the world adored me?”, but instead decided to write a more difficult entry.
I suspect I would have gotten a “You did
not grow up a pretty, pretty princess, so stop
whining about it and accept the life you have!” comment.
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“O Lord, how much longer must I suffer the woman with the flashy light?”]]>