Proud owners of a second home – at least for the next several months.
I can’t wait to get started!!!
* * *
Things that have made me laugh out loud lately:
Fred did both of these, but the one that really made me laugh out loud was this one, which he posted over on
his site:
All of the three above are in the vein of
this, in case you’re wondering.
Sent to me by reader Penny. I opened the picture and looked at it, and literally laughed out loud.
* * *
A few days ago Fred and I went to the water and sewer authority to have the water/ sewer service at the new house turned over to our names as of… why, today, as a matter of fact. Anyway, there was a form I had to fill out with our names and social security numbers, and all that good stuff.
One of the questions was “List ALL individuals who will be residing at this address”, and I was equally torn between writing down “Fred And3rson, Robyn And3rson, Danielle HerLastName, Spot J. Buhhhdy, Spanky Q. Annoying, Miz Pootie McPooterson, Stanley J. Boogerstein, Sugar Buttocks, and Thomas Cullen the Third, along with temporary resident Miss Maddy Mack (Mack! Mack!)”, and just writing down “That is none of your goddamn business, you fuckers, as long as the water and sewer bill gets paid, you just don’t worry your PRETTY LITTLE HEAD about who-all is beneath MY ROOF. GODDAMN GOVERNMENT.”
In the end, I just opted to put Fred’s, mine, and the spud’s names down. No need to send out the announcement that we’re freaks just yet, I suppose.
* * *
I’m seriously considering changing my name. Not my first name (I am nothing if not a “Robyn”, after being “Robyn” for 38 years) or my last name (since I share it with Fred and about 16 million other And3rsons), but my middle name. I don’t like my middle name – Leslie – and have never really liked it. Which is not meant to insult any Leslies out there – it’s a perfectly nice name, but I just don’t like it as MY name, you know?
What I’ve been thinking of changing my name to is Robyn [My Maiden Name] And3rson. Obviously I’m not going to tell y’all what my maiden name is, but I like the ring of having my maiden name as my middle name.
So how does one go about changing their name, someone tell me. Do I need to go to court and swear to the judge that I’m not trying to dodge a crime or bill collectors, or is it just a matter of changing my name with social security?
I know someone out there knows the answer to this. Tell me!
* * *
Last week, I started having some slight abdominal pain, right around my belly button. I thought perhaps I’d overdone it in the previous few days, so I took it easy for a few days, and the abdominal pain never really got better, so I started to worry. It wasn’t hurting all the time, or all that badly, but of course my immediate thought was that I’d been lifting too much too soon, and popped a hernia.
I waited for a few more days, hoping it would go the hell away (sometimes that works, you know. Just wait and it goes away. Like magic! Or like there was never anything wrong…), but Tuesday was the worst day yet and so I resolved to call and make an appointment with my primary care physician the next morning. I called promptly at 8:00 when the office opened, and got lucky because there was a 9:30 cancellation. I took that, and a few minutes after 9:00 I headed for the doctor’s office.
After waiting for an hour (thank GOD I brought my book), I finally got to see the doctor, and she felt the area and found the part where it really hurt the most, directly above my belly button.
“Please tell me it’s not a hernia,” I said.
“I don’t think it’s a hernia,” she said. “But I need to get some x-rays and bloodwork.”
She asked several times if I was having any urinary problems, I guess thinking that it might be a urinary tract infection, but I hadn’t had any problems, and I told her so.
After bloodwork and an x-ray, I sat back in the exam room and waited for her to come in and tell me what was going on. She did, and guess what?
I’m full of shit. Literally.
“There’s stool backed way up,” she told me. “I’m pretty sure the problem is that you’re constipated. Get an enema and take a couple of Dulcolax and stay near the bathroom.”
“Really?” I said. “But I’ve been going just fine, no problems.”
She repeated the bit about the stool all along my intestines, then told me she was sending me for a CAT scan, just to be sure.
“Also, there’s a bony abnormality on your right hip, and I’d like to have that scanned, too. It’s probably nothing, maybe arthritis that developed when you were so overweight. ” She showed me where the “bony abnormality” is, but I’ll be damned if I can find it again. My right and left hips feel exactly the same as far as I can tell. And I’ve never had any problems with my hips.
I went by Wal-Mart for the enema and Dulcolax, and when I got home I used both the enema and the Dulcolax and sat back, waiting for the wave of poo to crash upon Casa And3rson, but I’ve gotta say (TMI! TMI!), the results were fairly underwhelming.
So today, after getting up early and eating breakfast, I got to fast for six hours and go in for a CAT scan. And guess what I got to have? OH LUCKY ME. I got to spend almost an hour choking down two HUGE cups of barium. Even just typing the word “barium” gave me goosebumps and made me shudder. Because that stuff if FUCKING NASTY, I know y’all know that, but let me repeat: FUCKING NASTY. It’s like liquid plastic with a little soupcon of ass and maybe a sprinkle of dirty feet, all mixed together and treated with a fake berry taste to hide the nastiness.
(It doesn’t work.)
I choked down the first one, then had to chew gum for a few minutes to get the ass taste out of my mouth. I got into a rhythm of drinking as much as I could before I started gagging (at first, that was four or five sips. Toward the end, it was a single sip at a time.), then flipping through a Martha Stewart Living magazine (holy god, does that woman cook ANYTHING without oil? Because it would appear not.) to take my mind off the torture I was inflicting on my tastebuds.
I called Fred and my sister to bitch about the nastiness of the crap I was drinking, but neither of them answered their phone so I left messages.
Finally, the CAT scanologist came out to get me, had me take my shirt and bra off and put a classy, stylish, yet FUNCTIONAL hospital johnny on, and then she commenced the scanning.
I didn’t see any cats, though.
At one point, she injected me with contrast and told me that I’d feel warm all over “Especially your bottom.” INDEED.
All in all, it took about 40 minutes to do the whole thing, and the only thing that sucked is that the barium had gone through my stomach so fast that I had to drink some more while I was laying on the table. And it was WARM, and it was citrus-flavored, and if the cold, berry-flavored barium tasted like it had a soupcon of ass added, the warm citrus-flavored barium tasted like they’d added the whole left cheek, and I thought for sure I was going to barf, but luckily I did not and only had to endure the whole thing for another few minutes before she let me go.
I suspect my scan’s going to come back just fine. That, or they’ll need to do another one JUST TO TORTURE ME.
* * *
Last weekend, Fred and I started talking about new cars. Specifically, a new car for me. The spud had saved up enough money for a down payment on a car, and we decided back at the beginning of the summer that she would buy my car from me, and I’d get a new one. I love E’gar, but as someone in my comments posted, the spud has put more miles and wear and tear on it than I have, so why not sell it to her (I owe less than $5,000 on it), since we know it’s in good shape and has low mileage (a year and a half old, and it has about 12,000 miles on it) and it would most likely (god willing and the creek don’t rise) get her through college quite nicely.
What I really wanted was a Toyota Yaris. They’re adorable, not too expensive, and get good gas mileage. We stopped at the Toyota dealership in Huntsville while we were out having dinner Friday night, and they didn’t have any Yaris hatchbacks, so Saturday we stopped in Decatur and I drove a 4-door Yaris. I liked it, but I didn’t want to drive one car and decide that I liked it, so we exchanged names and numbers with the salesguy and went on our way to the fair.
Saturday evening, Fred was looking around online and found that Hyundai has a small car, the Accent, and when he showed me the picture, I decided it was pretty cute and I wanted to drive it. We drove into Huntsville to the Hyundai dealership and I drove an Accent. I liked it, more than the Yaris, actually, but Fred was pushing for me to at least test-drive a Suzuki (they’re inexpensive and we get a “loyalty discount” from Suzuki for buying more than one car through the dealership).
We stopped by the Suzuki dealership on the way home and got a couple of informational flyers about a couple of Suzukis – the SX4, and the Reno.
Monday I picked Fred up at his office and we went over to the Suzuki dealership. I drove a Reno around, and really, really liked it. I decided I didn’t like the look of the SX4, but there was a red Aerio sedan I thought was cute, so I test drove that, and after driving the Reno I didn’t much care for the way the Aerio sedan handled.
So we got me a Suzuki Reno. In red. Yes, I’m back to a non-yellow car, but I like it, I think it’s adorable (I was thinking of getting the blue, but when I saw the red, I thought it was so pretty that I decided I wanted that instead), and I can pay that baby off in just a few years, and start saving for my next, more expensive car.
(Who wants to bet I’ll just end up with another Suzuki?)
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been alluding to this week, when I said that I ran an errand I couldn’t tell you about. We were shopping for, and buying cars.
And without further ado, meet…
Delmar. (Named after Tim Blake Nelson’s character in
O Brother, Where Art Thou?) (“We THOUGHT you was a TOAD!”)
TWENTY miles on it. Time to sell!
* * *
Miss Maddy continues to do well. Last night when we watched TV, she spent the entire evening curled up on me. If I moved a little too much for her liking, she’d lift up her head and meow at me, then go back to sleep. She also started yawning last night! I didn’t happen to have my camera handy when she was a yawning fool, but I think y’all can expect some yawny pics in the near future.
She’s eating well, though for her last feeding in the evening, she hasn’t been much interested in anything to eat. She eats plenty in the morning and afternoon, though, and she’s continuing to gain weight every day, so I’m not going to worry about it.
Someone asked yesterday what I meant when I said I put Maddy up on Saturday. When we’re not home, we don’t let Maddy roam the house, because I trust that most of the cats wouldn’t hurt her, but Mister Boogers makes me nervous with his angry growl if she annoys him and I’d hate it if she got hurt. So I put her in the kitten room (I leave the cage door open all the time now), so she’ll be safe. I’ve thought about putting Tommy in there with her, since he’s the gentlest, most good-natured, and is most interested in her, but then I’d have to put a litter box in there for him (his big butt wouldn’t fit in her little litter box), so no. It’s good for her to learn to play by herself every once in a while, I think.
This can’t end well.
More pictures
here.
* * *
Reader yawny pet pics!
This is Amy’s bulldog, Rene. Amy says,
Robyn – I finally captured my dog yawning! I couldn’t decide which pic to send so I’ll let you choose which is best. This is Rene, she is a French Bulldog. I don’t mean to sound cocky but she is THE best dog in the world. She is hilarious and has more personality in her right bat ear than a 1000 dogs put together. We joke that she is part dog, cat, pig, bat, rabbit and rhinocerous. She is a very special girl – and very spoiled. You can TELL she’s the best dog in the world. I love the way she looks like she’s laughing!
This is
Anita‘s baby, Frank. In the interest of full disclosure, Frankie and Miz Poo have had a torrid… er, lukewarm… er, okay, TEPID love affair going on. They’re both whiny babies whose owners LURVE them to death. Mo says,
I can never capture the little bastard yawning, but I did manage to get him right BEFORE he yawned. Last night he was sitting on top of the tractor wheel, and I managed to get him in between a yawn and a whine. Ain’t he cuuuuuuute? I love me some Frankie, yes ma’am.
This is Jeannine’s Sofie. Jeannine says,
i don’t have a yawny pic but i do have an incredibly cute one of my Sofie. i was on the computer and i looked up and saw this…… This is one of the problems with a flat-screen monitor – the cats can’t quiiiiite fit on top of it. I kind of miss looking up and seeing Spanky’s goofy face.
This is Suzy’s Leo. Suzy says,
My daughter’s cat Leo is a character who thinks he is human and sits to watch TV – its not a yawn picture, but it sure does make him unique! That’s for sure – I expect to look over and see Tommy sitting just like this one of these days!
This is Hulda’s cat Zoey, who reminds me SO much of Tom Cullen, especially the second one down. That is a TOTAL Tommy face. Hulda says,
She is the princess around here and everytime she’s done a number two in her box she calls for me and I have to come wipe her ass with a moist baby wipe. She can’t clean herself because she is so big and she can’t quite reach her bits if you know what I mean, she’s almost 20 pounds and that’s on a controlled diet. Some cats are just meant to be big and that’s just fine as long as she’s healthy 🙂 You know, I was going to say “Now, that’s a dedicated cat lover!”, but really – I think that we all know that if it came down to it, I’d TOTALLY wipe any of our cats’ butts if they needed to be wiped. I’d probably bitch about it, but I’d do it!
Thanks for sharing your pictures Amy, Anita, Jeannine, Suzy, and Hulda!
* * *
Previously
2005: What a fucking day, I tells ya.
2004: Which makes me think he’s out there talking shit about me, of course.
2003: He’s an awfully cute little kitty.
2002: No entry.
2001: I swear, my work is NEVER done.
2000: No entry.]]>
Ok, I can’t help it. I have to say this. You look so much like your mother in that picture, I had to call T and tell him to look. Wow.
Yay for you! You got a new house and a new car and there couldn’t be better day to celebrate. Today is my 5th anniversary…well, it’s Bob’s too. Hah!
Why would someone take their cat on an inner tube on the lake?
I changed my name years ago to add my grandmother’s name as a 2nd middle name. From what I recall, it cost $25, and I had to fill out a form. Of course, that was in Maine, and like I said, a while ago. I did find this website which has a lot of info.
http://www.namechangelaw.com/gen%20procedures.htm
According to them, it may be that by just starting to use Robyn (whatever) Anders3n in all situations, you can change it.
Finally, that cat in the boat (or out of the boat) picture almost made me pee, I laughed so hard.
My cousin had his last name changed and it took a lawyer and $500 I believe it was here in Kentucky. He had it changed because he had been teased as a kid the enitre time we were in school and he was having a kid and if it was a boy he didn’t want him to go through the same thing, turned out they had a girl. Anyway, it was the last name, so it would probably be different at least the cost of it.
I’m not offended by the Leslie thing, that’s my middle name. I never really cared for it much, but I always just put L and not the name unless I really have to. The name came from my dad, his middle name also, so I think it would look bad to change mine.
I forgot to add that when I married Bob, I changed my maiden name to my middle name. I had to go to the county clerk and get some forms and pay a fee. Easy as pie.
Congratulations on the new home 🙂
To change your name you would do it at your local county courthouse. Here I think it’s called a Petition for Name Change. You might be able to only pay a filing fee and fill out forms yourself, or you may need the help of a lawyer. You probably won’t need a lawyer, but if you do it should not cost too much as it’s a simple matter for them to handle.
You do need to know that Social Security will not change your name without some type of legal document. Such as when you get married, you would give them a certified copy of your marriage certificate. You will need a court order for SS that states your name is being changed.
Nice ride!!
I don’t know what made me laugh more, the kids in the boat with the cat all flying out, the black cat watching tv, or your description of a cat scan!
I think the cat scan won. I had the horrible coconut tasting kind of barium to choke down when I had mine years ago. They must have the new and improved “berry” now. I cannot drink a pina colata since.
Am I the only one who doesn’t know why it’s called a harbl?
Damn, even the speedometer on that car is cute. When I read your entry the other day with all the vague references, I immediately thought “Oooo, a new car!” I swear. I are psychic. 🙂
Congratulations on your new home!
Congrats on the new home and new car!
I have to say, I held it together here at work through most of the post until I got to “Sugar Buttocks.” That threw me over the edge, thinking that “Sugarbutt” was just his nickname. Ha!
Congrats on your new home and new car! 😀
Congrats on the new Home and car!!! May you have a zillion happy days in both..
Have a great weekend..
I now like my middle name but growing up I didn’t care for it much, thought it was rather dull, it’s Ellen. I mentioned that out loud to a friend once, said it’s dull and I don’t like it. My mother was standing right behind me, it hurt her feelings, our middle names are the same. I appologized of course but I know she was still hurt. Years later after I grew to like it I let her know. It made her happy.
Congratulations on the house and car!
Robyn, you are going to look so cool in your RED car beside Fred on his RED tractor. Congrats on the new country home,which bye-the-way I love. I am really enjoying the pictures. Keep them comming.
Congrats on the house AND the new car! Y’all are like the Jeffersons – movin’ on up!
Your description of your barium extravaganza made me laugh out loud. Sorry it was so horrible for you but at least it’s over.
Barium swallow= constipation. FYI. My work here is done.
I HOPE the cat/boat pic was photoshopped.
It’s cruel to put a cat in that predicament.
Seconding Von…
I had barium swallow AND enema when I was in 11th grade, and they neglected to tell me it would cause me to literally shit a (white) brick. There should never be a clanging noise in the toilet, is all I’m sayin’! And I had to fast for 2 days and not drink for 12 hours beforehand. The barium testing process seems to have gotten easier over the years.
Can we assume that you’re NOT telling your mom that you want to change your middle name? Yikes! In view of her overreaction to things. . . . . .
And oh! Another great picture of you. Oh yeah, and Fred! 🙂
For the girl above who didn’t know what the hairbl was it’s like his hairy balls…. right???? Or am I just some perv????
As for the cat flying out of the boat… that just about made me lose my cookies, how funny was that?
I believe that hairbl means it’s an emu.
You do not resemble your mother, even if you do.
Robyn LESLIE, I laughed out loud (heartily, and not just because of the six beers!) when I read about the names on the form. Most importantly, your gorgeous blue eyes and lovely smile just bowl me over. You’re beautiful. How did a dork like Fred swing a hottie like you? 😉
I use (first name)(maiden name)(hubby’s last name) too…without hyphen between our last names. All I did was to bring a notarized copy of our marriage certificate to the SSA office and an application form for a new SS card bearing my new name. My new name became official as soon as I got the new card in the mail.
It looks like the kitty flying off the canoe was Photoshopped??
Robyn: a new house, a new car, you look wonderful, great cat pictures, and that dog-pig-cat….what a great post! It made my day! 😀
Robyn, I love that photo of you up there. You are positively teeny. Are you wearing eye makeup???
Patty is right, all you need to do is take a copy of your marriage certificate to the Social Security office and fill out a form for a new SSN with your new name as Robyn maiden name married name. If you were changing your middle name to something else, like Mary, that would require a court decree (or whatever it’s called). This link gives all the details. Name Change – FAQ
1) What in heaven’s name is a “harbl”?
2) I’ve used my maiden name as a middle name for years. It never occurred to me
that anything legal needed to be done, since my maiden name was perfectly legal to begin with, and all I was doing was adding a legal married name to a legal maiden name. For your Social Security, I’d think (but you should check) that taking your birth certificate and marriage
license down to the SS office would be evidence enough that you are who you say you are and entitled to use both names.
And, there is NO law saying that you are
required to use a middle name given you at
birth. It’s just a sort of extra anyway.
Many people (like me) never had one anyway.
3) I sure hope that whatever is going on with your insides resolves itself quickly and without problems. Barium sounds quite disgusting.
Congrats on the new home and car! YAY!
I had no middle name before I got married, but I rather like my married name combining with my original first and last name. It has a particular ring to it that brings up Dr. Hannibal Lecter lines all the time.
Damn, woman! May your insides heal up! I hear your barium story pain….I had barium through the OTHER END (TMI, right?) and was in agonizing pain and ooginess for over an hour while they were snapping film of my insides. Great experience when you are 18!
Hope that you DON’T have to go through that and that everything has a reason….
Have a good weekend…
I have a yaris and its a 4 door sedan in red. I absolutely love it and the price! I am a sucker for little cars so I love you suzuki! Congrats on your cute car and beautiful home!!
Here in Texas, one of the legal versions of a married woman’s name is firstname, maidenname, marriedname. Although most people use the standard firstname, middlename, marriedname, for legal purposes, the former is just as valid. All you’d have to do is change all the documentation your name shows up on (i.e., checks, credit cards, bills, social security card, etc.). I’m sure the law is different from state to state, though, so be sure to check.
I took my maiden name as my middle name when I got married. I hardly ever use it, but I like my maiden name and I didn’t want to give it up. And now my initials are CHA instead of CPA, and CHA is clearly better.
Also- Congratulations on the house. I cannot wait to see how you guys are going to fix the house up. What a very fun adventure.
Also again, no matter what season you are, you look great in pink.
Oh God, that barium crap really IS fucking nasty. Shudder. Thank goodness you have so many good things going on to balance out the health problems. Major congratulations are in order for the new house and car. Enjoy them both in good health! By the way, that picture of Sugarbutt with his face in the oats reminds me of my Ace with his face in the glass of water and the cantaloupe!
That cat/boat picture is hilarious. When I was pondering why they’d be so stupid to take the cat out there… and then what on earth was going to happen to the cat when it landed… or to them if the boat was inflatable… the word Cat-apult came to mind. I sure do hope it was a fabricated picture!
Congrats on the new home and car. And what a great picture of you two!!!
You and Fred look so happy. i’m glad that life just seems to be getting better and better for you!
Sugar Buttocks- hee!!!
You crack me up. Have a serious internet life, and you ask other people about an easy search.
http://www.the-law-store.com/alnachforad.html
Question: BitTorrent. You mentioned in one post that you finally figured out how to use it. Care to share the knowledge? I tried finding some tv shows, not whacky esoteric 40 yr old shows either, and couldn’t get a single results. I also couldn’t find any tutorials either.
Congratulations on the new house and car! Cute car, might look into that as I may be buying one in the next year. Was also looking at the Hyundai accent SE 3-door but liked the 2006 better than 2007, so not sure. I’ve never owned a 4-door so hmmm.
poor Robyn! You certainly don’t deserve any more health issues… I start to cringe now before I come to your site hoping that I am not going to read that you have any more symptoms.With all you have done to change your body, you deserve nothing but great health !!!
We saved that cat/boat picture to our computer, because it cracked up my husband and I so much. Hilarious!
Robyn, I just have to say that you look lovely in that picture– your makeup looks wonderful and you look so happy!
Your CAT Scan comment ‘I didn’t see any cats though’- totally cracked me up! heehee!
One caveat to the varying name-change advices given: Post-9/11, name changes are not as simple as they once were. Used to be you could just start signing stuff “New Name” and answering to “New Name” and when more documents were addressed to “New Name” than “Old Name,” the name change was complete. Now, with the so-called “increased security measures” that are keeping us all oh so safe from the roving gangs of Bad Guys, it’s got to be all done up neatly and officially. Different states have different laws – call a family law attorney (one that offers an “initial consult free”) and ask about the current laws in your state.
lol….actually its not a flat screen (sofie pic peaking)shes laying on the montior top just peeking…lol
new house, new car…your on a roll!!! congrats~~~
Jeannine
It’s super-easy to change your name here in ol’ Alabamy. I’m eventually changing my name back to my maiden name because I miss it, so I’ve been doing research on the process.
It’s just $31, and it’s an easy process. You can get the forms from the county Probate Court, either here online or by going by the office.