So, yesterday I said that today I’d tell y’all about my visit to the plastic surgeon. I went for my consult, and before I could see the surgeon they had me watch a couple of movies. Then they got a full history, I got undressed from the waist up, and the surgeon came in.
Long story short, I’ll be going in for surgery on February 11th. I’ll be getting a breast lift (no implants), upper arm lift, and neck lift.
I’m not going to lie – I hesitated to write about the fact that I’m going in for those surgeries. Because let’s be honest, JUST HOW FUCKING VAIN AM I, AFTER ALL?
It’s a lot of money, and Fred was out of work for 7 weeks last year. The money could be used to, you know, clothe the homeless, care for more cats, provide clean water to those who go without, or on a personal level we could renovate the kitchen, finish out the top floor of the garage, the list is endless.
But in the end, I wanna do it, Fred is okay with it, we’re not going into debt to pay for it – the money’s been set aside for a while now – and when it’s all over I won’t be able to sling my boobs around my neck like a scarf.
(I can’t really sling my boobs around my neck like a scarf. I think. I haven’t actually TRIED to sling my boobs around my neck, if I’ve gotta be honest. I’ll give it a try and report back.)
Y’all have my permission to vehemently disapprove of this non-essential plastic surgery business. Hell, I vehemently disapprove of it, even though my heart skips a beat of excitement every time I think about it. I’m a shallow bitch, what can I say?
(Fred said “Next you’ll be going for the full Lara Flynn Boyle, won’t you?” Nope. After this, I’m done with nonessential surgery. NO more surgery, thank you. I can feel my appendix preparing for battle as I type.)
February 11th. Which will be one year and one day after I had my hysterectomy! This time around, instead of the hospital I’ll be recovering at a fancy plastic surgery center, which is pretty damn nice.
Those of you who’ve asked about Fred’s site: it’s gone for good. When we moved my sites to the new host (before our current host, we were hosting the sites ourselves, and what a fucking mess. Every time our internet was down – and it was down A LOT – our sites were down too.), he made the decision not to move his site over. When I asked him last week what was going on, he told me that he’d decided it was best if he just killed the site.
Now that he’s an employee rather than owner of his own business, he didn’t relish the idea of any of his coworkers stumbling across his site. So down it is, and down it’ll stay.
(I kind of hope he changes his mind in the future, because I loved wandering around his site, but I’m not holding my breath.)
I think I mentioned, in the rambling monstrosity that was yesterday’s entry, that I made a batch of Meyer Lemon marmalade and it boiled over and burned to the stove top. What I didn’t mention was that once the marmalade was done and canned, I gave that marmalade a try, and while it’s tasty, I have a gripe.
It just doesn’t taste very lemony.
Now, I know that Meyer lemons are a cross between lemons and oranges, and I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that marmalade made from them isn’t all that lemony, but I was disappointed all the same. Saturday, I picked up a bag of regular lemons, and I’m going to try making marmalade from those. I love me some lemony tasting stuff.
I don’t know why I’m so gung-ho on making marmalade that’s super lemony because how often do I eat jam and marmalade? Pretty much never. Which is ironic, given the number of jams in this house (hell, this ROOM). But it’s become a challenge, and if I make a batch of marmalade with regular lemons and it sucks, I’ll likely give up and tell all lemonkind to go fuck itself.
So, the new girl. Here’s her story:
On December 16th (Thursday), I was scooping litter boxes when Fred came through the door. He’d walked out onto the side porch, and as he did, a small shape ran down the steps and toward the front of the house.
“I think that’s a kitten!” he thought to himself. “Or maybe a small possum.” Then he followed the small shape to the porch at the front of the house. By the time he made it to the front of the house, the small shape – definitely a kitten – had settled in the heated cat house on the front porch. When she saw him come closer, she darted out of the house, paused at the other end of the porch, meowed at him, and then ran under the huge boxwood on that side of the house.
He came inside to get a flashlight and tell me about her, and I put on a jacket and followed him out. She was still under the boxwood, and we circled around the bush until we could get a good look at her. She appeared to be a little bigger than Marcia Brady, and we called and talked to her, but she was supremely disinterested in what we had to say. We couldn’t reach her, because she was so far under the bush.
Fred went off to find a trap, and I stayed and kept an eye on her. We discussed where to put the trap and what to bait it with (mackerel, of course). Finally, he set it on the front porch, put a big plate of mackerel inside, and we went to Blockbuster to rent some movies.
By the time we got home, she was inside the trap.
It’s my own personal rule that cats do not come inside the house until they’ve been tested, so Fred set up a heat lamp in the blue coop (the first coop he built, which used to be our chicken coop until he built the big one in the back forty), and we put food, water, and a litter box out there for her. She was one scared little girl, and kept going into the nest boxes to hide. The real trouble came when we wanted to put Advantage on her (I didn’t see any fleas, but that’s another rule of mine, and so far we seem to be flea-free in the house), and she was so wild we couldn’t get hold of her.
Friday morning, we got her in a carrier, put her in the garage, and dismantled the nesting boxes. We moved everything out of there so that when we were done, there was nowhere for her to hide. She seemed less frantic than the night before and allowed Fred to pet her a few times, but she didn’t really like it. When we went into the coop and sat down, she’d run over to the corner and glare at us. Fred went out there a lot and spent a lot more time with her than I did because he has a love for the intense, crazy-eyed girl cats (examples: Kara. Maxi. Stinkerbelle.) I wanted to get her up to the vet for testing, but Fred preferred that instead of traumatizing her, we wait a few days and I could take her on Monday.
By Saturday evening, she was letting Fred pet her.
By Sunday evening, she was letting him hold her for brief periods of time. I had Fred take the scale out to the coop and weigh her. She weighed 2 pounds, 11 ounces, which was only a few ounces more than Marcia. We guessed that she was probably 10 weeks old, or thereabouts.
Monday I took her to the vet and dropped her off for testing. The shelter manager happened to stop by the vet’s, and took a look at her. She called me.
“She’s six months old,” she said. She suggested I take a look at the Bradys’ teeth and then look at the new kitten’s teeth for comparison purposes.
When I brought her home from the vet’s office, we installed her in the downstairs bathroom. She stayed in there exclusively for several days, and then Fred started moving her to the guest bedroom – so she’d have room to run around – during the day, and then put her back in the bathroom at night. Last week, after getting the okay from the shelter manager, we introduced her to the Bradys.
It’s so hard to believe, given her size, that she’s more than twice as old as they are. She’s bigger than they are, but not by much. She doesn’t hesitate to wield the Paw o’ Doom if they get too close, and Cindy is a little afraid of her. The more time she spends around them, the more comfortable they all are, though, so I’m hoping that they’ll end up as friends.
I named her Alice Nelson because, well, we already had a Brady Bunch theme going on – she’s certainly not the motherly type, and I couldn’t think of any other Brady names (though I did suggest Kitty Karryall – Cindy’s doll – to Fred).
She’s still a tiny thing, but she’s got a definite appetite and loves her snack time. When we had the Bradys spayed and neutered last Thursday, Alice went and was spayed, too.
I took pictures of her introduction to the Bradys, of course, and I’ll share those in tomorrow’s post.
We asked around, and of course no one who lives around here has any idea who she is. Given her age, Fred thinks it’s likely that she’s from the same litter Martin came from. I’m pretty sure, given how quickly she came around and allowed Fred (and eventually, me) to pet her, she has definitely been around people before (Fred, of course, would prefer to believe that he’s a magic feral kitten wrangler, but I DO NOT BELIEVE that a feral 6 month-old kitten would come around that quickly. Ergo, she’s been around people!)
Have I perhaps mentioned that Peter Brady is one beautiful boy?
Greg’s not so bad, either.
Jan and her huge ears.
Marcia Marcia Marcia!
Bobby’s tail across Marcia’s eyes cracks me up.
::slurrrrrrp::
Previously
2010: Robyn’s Super-Tasty Black-Eyed Peas
2009: No entry.
2008: I really haven’t had any desire to eat squirrel (yes, I’ve eaten it, but it’s been many years. Tastes like chicken, right?).
2007: Awww, it’s been three years since we first met Joe Bob! (He was Moon Man back then, though.)
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: No entry.
2002: Links.
2001: What sad, sad lives y’all must have led, to never experience the delight of whoopie pies.
2000: I’m feeling like total crap.
Sorry to disappoint, but if you want the surgery and can pay for it, who am I to disapprove?
Unless, of course, the other option would be to renovate MY KITCHEN, in which case, hellsnoyoucan’thavethesurgery. 🙂
::slowly marking “Jean’s Kitchen Renovation” off the envelope:: 😛
Screw a kitchen reno, love your homey kitchen. Bring on the Robyn Reno!
Fred really does attract homeless kittens doesn’t he? My hubby has NEVER found one, ever!
I agree w/Jean. Not sure why you felt you needed to explain yourself. I think we all knew for some time that you wanted the surgery and that most people do have plastic surgery after losing such a large amount of weight. no judgment here!
Mostly, I wanted to circumvent the people who think I haven’t considered what we COULD be doing with that money. I once had someone (online) tell me it was, basically, a crime that I would consider altering the body god gave me (ROLLING MY EYES, here) and I should just shut up and accept what I’ve got. She’s also the one who told me I should shut up and be grateful Fred is willing to put up with my shit, so I guess what she really wanted was for me to sit down and shut up. 🙂
You go, girl and like the other commenters, who gives a rip what anyone else thinks? I would love a boob job (tired of the lemons in tube socks look myself) but I’ve had too many non-elective surgeries the last couple of years to consider it anymore. I’ll live vicariously through you. You are gonna feel so great when it’s done and you are healed up.
I’m planning on a Perky New Year. 😉
I third the nomination to approve your surgery if that’s what you want. You went through so much to get to where you are so, dangit, why SHOULDN’T you get the finishing touches??? That is, of course, provided that you grace us, your adoring fans, with before and after pics. 😉
You go for it! You have worked hard to lose the weight and deserve it! We only go around once and why shouldn’t it be a wild ride!
Enjoy the perks! ;0)
I approve those surgeries! Regarding your 2001 entry about whoopie pies–I made/had my first one a couple months ago and yum! I used your recipe for the cookie part and then made a malted white chocolate filling. So if you noticed anyone constantly searching your site for whoopie pies back in November, it was me:)
Suddenly, I’m craving whoopie pies. 🙂
But if GOD wanted you to have perky boobs, etc etc etc… heh. Feel better now?
Hell, I wish I could get an upper arm job. Of course, I’d have to lose weight first and then save money and… sigh. I’ll live vicariously through you, if you don’t mind 😉
That’s what I’m here for! 😉
Glad to hear your boob slinging days will soon be ovah!
I have decided exactly what course of action Fred should take, now that his site is dormant (strike that: I mean dead)… He should take over the Saturday and Sunday entries on your blog! A perfect opportunity for those of us who miss U on the weekends…..
oooooooh that’s a nice idea!
I really like that idea, too. I’m going to start working on him!
I third this idea!
And I… uh… umpteenth the “woooohoooos!” on your surgery 😀 Enjoy!
~Juby
Robyn, I wouldn’t worry at ALL about whether you “should” be doing this or not. Because you should – you want it, you can afford it, and you’re going to feel better for it. (I’m currently saving up a total of $16k to pay for two surgeries to deal with the excess skin after I lost a bunch of weight several years ago. Sure, it’s a nice chunk of change, but I figure I earned it with all that diet and exercise. Also, anyone who thinks otherwise is welcome to eat a dick.)
How many calories in that? 😉
If we are seconding around here today, I second Beth’s suggestion! Excellent idea, Beth.
So exciting about your surgeries. You deserve it… and so much more! I will stand at the door and swat any naysayers.
Don’t you feel guilty for one second about your reconstructive surgery, you hear me?! I had scar revision with some liposuction of my back fat and let me tell you, I am a super model! A 51 year old super model with a belly. But still. It feels darned good!
Oh wait. I just read your reply to Nicole about messing around with the body god gave you. I’ve changed my mind. No breast reduction for you! Also – you need to divorce Fred because God did not create the internet!!
Only ’cause Al Gore got to it first! 😀
I love Alice Nelson. Is she a foster? Or is she Fred’s? LOL 😛
She’s a foster! She’s integrating into the Brady Bunch – if she gets over her hissyness and stops swatting at them, maybe they’ll even play with her!
Marcia must be quite annoyed because she is not the prettiest Brady kitten anymore. Alice is a sweetie petitie. Is she a type of calico? She is a beautiful little girl.
I agree about the surgery too. It’s your money and your body and anyone who disagrees needs to f#*k off. They are probably just jealous anyway. Most people in your position with the money and the lack of fear would go for the surgery I think.
An occasional guest visit from Fred on bitchypoo would be a fun idea.
I think – and anyone can jump in here to correct me – that she’s considered a calitabby, ’cause she has those tabby patches. She looks like she could be from the same litter as the Bradys, doesn’t she?
Aww, Alice reminds me of my own midget kitty. (My shelter workers had no idea to check her teeth, apparently.)
Good luck with the lift! I’m sure it will be be sucky and painful but it’s worth it. Good for you – you can afford better boobs and you want better boobs so ROCK ON.
I’m risking my Creepy Stalker title by commenting, so you know this is important.
I am SO! JEALOUS! of your surgeries! I had RnY two years ago and I hate my upper arms and boobs with the fire of a thousand suns. I have to get my shirts a size bigger than I really wear because my arms don’t fit in a medium.
I’m hoping you post all the gory details and pictures and whatnot so that I can live vicariously through you.
Also, our beautiful 17 year old calico passed away last night, so it was a happy surprise for me to read about your new calico girl this morning. She’s gorgeous!
Of course I will!
And I’m sorry to hear about your sweet girl. 🙁
Aw Erica,
sorry to hear about your kitty. Hugs.
also living vicariously though the neck & boob lift. (We are a vicarious-living bunch of readers, aren’t we?) Can’t wait to see the results!
Our calico-rescued-from-freezing kitty will only let my husband pet her. And like Alice, she’s the master of the one-eye narrowing…
I loathe people who go around dictating what others should or shouldn’t do when it is clearly NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS!!!! Okay, rant over (for now).
So, Robyn, good luck on your surgeries – you’ll do fine, as always.
Sorry to see Fred’s site go. In his position, I’d do the same. Sad but necessary.
You and Fred are wonderful, as usual, for taking in the new kitty. She’ll be running the place in no time. 🙂
I used to make Meyer lemon marmalade all the time and it was really lemony. But, my lemons came off an old tree in my mom’s backyard. Maybe store lemons aren’t as good? Or maybe your recipe wasn’t the best.
All the rage about Meyer lemons the past several years makes me smile, because my mom always wished she had a “real” lemon tree. Everyone here (Los Angeles) had a Meyer lemon tree back in the dark ages when I was growing up.
Oops, forgot to wish you well with your surgery. And, I’ll bet the idiot who said you shouldn’t change what god gave you was uglier than sin.
I think that it is great that you are getting the surgeries. At 39 I just got braces and although I feel like I’m 12, I really think that I’ll be glad that I did it.
I’ll say a couple of prayers for you for your surgeries though — that they go well and you recover quickly!
😉
I had braces at 38, removed just before my 40th. Best thing I’ve ever done! Just be sure to wear your retainer at night even if the ortho tells you it’s ok to stop. Your teeth WILL shift again. Ask me how I know. At 51 I went through a year of braces on my top teeth to straighten them again. All because of not wearing my retainer. Now I wear my retainer every night.
Robyn I say go for the surgery. If I had the money I’d do it too. I lost 60lbs. and have loose tummy skin and small flabby boobs. Unlike you I’d have implants. I’m an A cup on a good day!
Awww… she’s a spitting image of my elderly semi-feral Handy. Handy’s FATHER, btw, was semi-stray that semi-belonged to my neighbor, and I called him Alice (after Cooper).
We each live in our own bodies and I can’t think of anything more empowering than doing what we want with them.
It’s certainly no one’s business how you spend YOUR money and I’m really happy for you that you are able to do this for yourself!
Alice is a real cutie and I bet in no time at all she will have a beautiful shiny coat with all of the good food she’ll be getting.
I too will be looking forward to seeing Fred on your blog 😉
Your money, your business what you do with it. You are still stimulating the economy, anyway! Nobody gets a say in how you spend the money you earn. We are not yet a totally Socialist society! YET! 🙂
Robyn, if I had the money, I’d get braces and not a give a hoot what anyone thought. (I’m 58….so..maybe I’m too old for them now.) If it makes you happy to have your surgeries, go for it!
Little Alice is a doll and yes, I do think Fred is the Cat Whisperer. 😀
Hey Robyn, you go and get that surgery and don’t look back. Anyone who would scorn you for doing it is a waste of oxygen. After all of the wonderful things you and Fred have done and are doing for our furry friends I think a reward is certainly due you. And this is with me sitting here with post surgery soreness still. Best of luck and I know you will be thrilled with the results.
I do have one question, what is an upper arm lift? Did I miss a description? I am picturing marionettes with their arms over their heads. Probably not the look you are going for.
I like the idea of Fred as a visiting blogger, especially if he brings videos…
Miss Alice is a doll. There is something in her eyes that caught my heart.
Talked to Jennifer today. Her son was back to school Monday and that night the animals, including Jack and Percy (formerly Starsky and Hutch) were all over him, talking up a storm and letting him know just how much they missed him.
Missed commenting yesterday. I was so sure you would have a Cuteoverload calendar that I did not get one for you. My bad.
An upper arm lift is officially known as a Brachioplasty, and it removes the loose skin from the inner part of my upper arm. In other words, no more bat wings! 🙂
I might have a few questions for you about the lift once everything’s settled down, but they’ll be off-the-record type questions, ahem. Also, my dear, the TECHNICAL term for what the brachioplasty eliminates is BINGO wings.
The picture with the tail across the eyes is a really wonderful shot. Every time I look at it, it looks like something else, but before my brain can decide what it looks like, it resolves into the cats. That “looks-like-something-else”-ness (shut up, if this were German that would totally be a word) turns it from a good picture into a compelling picture. Excellent.
I had never ever heard of bingo wings before!
And there must be something about that tail-across-the-eyes picture, because I keep going back and looking at it. 🙂
Well I had breasts that I really COULD sling over my shoulders and worse, that got trapped under my armpits when I slept and hurt like a bitch-muthah when I rolled over on them and I had breast reduction and a lift a few years ago and every day in the shower I thank myself for doing it! It was the BEST, best, best ever thing I ever did for myself and I don’t begrudge a penny of it! I love my smaller, prettier, more upright (meaning they live on my chest now rather than roughly around my belly button like before) It’s a shame I can’t stash entire encyclopedias undernieth them anymore when I need an extra pair of hands, or walk around with a pencil, my checkbook or the cell phone tucked up under there like I used to without them ever falling out or even budging, but I can wear NORMAL SIZE bras and off-the-wrack tops fit me and I just feel like a human shaped woman being rather than a YETI which was how I always felt before so you are getting nothing but two thumbs up and a couple of nipple kudos out of me. (speaking of nipples? I had never actually SEEN mine! They were always DOWN THERE somewhere.)
Oh, and I can’t tell you how much I love it that you rescued that little girl kitty. Think of the life you saved her from: sickly, undersized and underweight, but soon to be carrying a litter of kittens the moment she came into heat; doomed to a life of starvation, illness, etc; I know you know all this but please also know how much I just LOVE you and FRED for the rescue and foster work you do for the kittens of the world! Yay!!!
Oh and before I forget: get some bags of frozen store-bought peas to keep for after the surgery. Not to eat! To lay across your chest they work wonders because they don’t bear any weight and really, REALLY help with the pain and swelling, etc;
I love how one of her eyes is black lined and the other tan! What a pretty girl!
You “go girl” on the surgery. Like others, I will be content to live vicariously through your sharing. (just like I do with your animal fostering).
Happy New Year!
Girl, If I had the money I’d get my twins lifted, too, and maybe a little renovation to decrease the cup size. I hope everything goes well. Let me know if y’all need anything!
Alice looks like she started putting eyeliner on and then forgot to do the other eye. I’m glad she’s got friends now and hope they are all getting along. She knew where to come for help even if she wasn’t sure she wanted it!
I concur with all the other comments re plastic surgery. Have you ever used the Ace of Cakes staff for kitty names? Your new kitty put me in mind of that show…you’d have Duff, Geof, Mary Alice…
Oh, what a great idea! One would have to be Elena since she is a huge kitty lover too.
Oh, that sucks re: Fred’s site. I was going to get on him about his Phat Man story. I’ve been following you guys since 2002 or so and I would love to hear how Fred’s doing keeping his weight down, fitness level up, etc so on and so forth. Do you guys still work out? Or does maintaining Crooked Acres keep you in shape?