We have chickens. Here’s why.
Except that one bastardly Booger had decided to jump up on the table, and when he did, he landed with his back paw in the bowl, and when he did that, the cloth went downward into the bowl, and his big stupid foot got all covered with sticky red syrup, and he thought to himself “Hmm. My back foot is covered in sticky red syrup. How ever shall I deal with this dilemma? I know! I’ll shake my big stupid foot so that sticky red syrup will go everywhere! And then I’ll jump down and I’ll run around in random directions, shaking my big stupid foot, until I have covered as much of the dining room, kitchen, and computer room with red sticky syrup as possible!”
And then he did.
So instead of quietly checking our email and then going to bed, we spent the next half hour wiping sticky red syrup off the floor, the table, the chairs. It is only by the grace of god that my laptop – sitting right there on the table not a foot away from the bowl – didn’t get a single drop of red, sticky syrup on it.
I was ENRAGED. Wiping up all that sticky fucking syrup from the table, the chairs, the floor, I swore the entire time, and I’m pretty sure the words “WHY CAN’T WE EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE?!” came out of my mouth. And what’s worse is that we got it all cleaned up, went to bed, and I realized I needed to get something out of the computer room. Walking across the dining room to the computer room, I discovered three more sticky spots we’d missed when we were cleaning.
And then all day Saturday I’d find yet another random spot of stickiness, and I’d swear loudly and then have to go get the rag and the cleaner, and clean it up. I was so ready to send that fucking bastard out to live with the chickens.
Ah hets him.
“Ah hets you, too.”
It appears we have a chicken who consistently lays double-yolkers.
and left for my appointment (note to self: find optometrist closer than Huntsville. There’s gotta be one.). I got to the eye place a little early, popped out my contacts, put on my glasses, and walked in. Since I was early, I had to wait even longer than the usual fifteen minutes, so I watched people pick out glasses, and read magazines.
Turns out that I don’t necessarily have a brain tumor. Instead, it seems that my vision has improved since last time I was there. If I recall correctly, at my last visit my vision had improved since the time before.
At this rate, I’ll have perfect 20/20 vision right around the time I turn 100. I just won’t be alive to enjoy it.
I bought boxes of contacts in the new prescription and tried on several frames before I found ones that I liked. I ordered them, and will be picking them up later today.
Using the Litter Robot (I think she actually likes to get in there and just kick the litter around sometimes)
Hanging out atop the cat tree.
Working on the Look o’ Het.
She’s so purty.
(Not documented in pictures: this morning she picked a fight with Miz Poo, and Miz Poo slapped her but good, then she picked another fight with Miz Poo, and Miz Poo slapped her even harder, and THEN she picked a fight with Miz Poo, and Miz Poo smacked her so hard she went rolling across the bed. Not a fast learner, this one.)
They circle her, staying just out of reach of the Paw o’ Doom.
Circle some more…
Get a leeeeeettle closer…
And then run off to nap, leaving Miz Poo to sadly ponder why no one will play with her.
My optician took the (unopened) boxes of lenses back and exchanged them for the new prescription. Maybe yours would do that? Worth a go!
When I lived in central Pennsylvania, our egss always had so many double yokes. We used to get them from the grocery store but they were from the Amish that lived in the area. Maybe happy well cared for chickens just lay more double yokes. Well atleast thats my theory.
Oh man, I would love double yolk eggs! Thats the best part!
That second picture of Miz Poo and Boogs should have the caption “[Miz Poo:] You talkin’ to me beyotch?!” Heh.
I know 1-800-contacts takes back unopened boxes if your prescription changes, your eye doctor may do the same. It’s worth a shot with so many of them. Good luck.
-Nancy
I had to laugh at your story – our first night in our new house, after unpacking EVERYTHING and falling exhausted into bed, we were woken up around 3am by this odd “thump SMACK thump SMACK” sound. Turns out there was a sticky rat trap left out somewhere by the previous owners and Puff had gotten her paw stuck in it. There was sticky stuff EVERYWHERE and we had to use Goo Gone (on orders from the ER vet) to get it off. GRRR!!!!
Aw poor Miz Poo. Her bitchiness is her curse.
Pickle’s favorite thing in the world is to follow Keeka around the house, irritating the shit out of her. And she makes such nasty noises when they fight – which is often around 3am.
I need to FIND my contacts today – there somewhere in the house, in a box. *sigh*
Many hens will lay double-yolks as they are getting started on their egg-laying journey. The double-yolks will slow down after a month or so of consistent laying.
Enjoy them, though, they are a treat! Making boiled double-yolk eggs for deviled eggs is a funny treat to city folks. 
PS: I love Mz Poo, I’ll come play with her. Even if it involves a smackdown or three.
You might try donating your contacts to the Lions Club. I know they take glasses, since I have taken my old sets there for years.
I had to laugh at “can’t I ever have anything nice”. That’s exactly what I said when our sweet loving fat tub RC (gag) ripped the crap out of our brandnew thousand dollar couch. Except I was sobbing while saying it. Now we have to cover the damn thing in plastic every night. This seems to confirm to our European visitors that all Americans are crazy.
Eventually once you are up to your ears in excess eggs, I want to see a jar of Pickled Beet Eggs on your shelf! Those were always a treat when we went to Gramma’s house and I make them every summer. Have you ever had them? They really are fun and yummy! If not that, you’ll have to do a search on 7 egg cake recipes and such.
I do not like to see Miz Poo being picked on. She’s such a sweetheart and doesn’t EVER do anything WRONG. Hmph! She just needs more LURVE. Work on that, will ya?
You can maybe give them away on the giveaway page. Surely one of your many readers would be able to use them. Why is it illegal to sell them? Just curious.
That Maryanne is precious! I was so tempted to get with your shelter to adopt her! That is, until the kittens we were trying to rein in on our front porch showed up this weekend…with two kittens! The older ones can’t be more than 6 months, and now they have 2 babies! One of them hasn’t been around since the first time they showed up & with this heat, I’m worried it didn’t make it. Mama and baby hung out here last night (pics on my flickr page). If I can convince my husband to keep up the feeding regime while I’m gone, I’m gonna go all commando on them when I get back and corral as many of them as I can catch to the vet for assimilation. Beau won’t know what hit’m!
United Poultry Concerns (upc) is a great organization that fights for the humane rights for chickens, etc. People always laugh, but what companies do to them is not funny.
I went to the SPCA yesterday and saw a kitten sho looked just like Maryanne. Why, oh why do I have cat allergies?????
Totally off topic: I had a salad today with chicken strips and the chicken was… too chickeny. I totally know what Fred is talking about. Five hours after the fact, I’m still going “Ugh, too chickeny. Toooooo chickonony. Blarg.”
Do you have a VA clinic/hospital in your area? I donated all of my un-used syringes there, along with prescriptions I had leftover from when my strength changed. As long as they are still in the prescription bottle or in your case, box, they should take them. Worth a shot,if you’re looking to donate them & your eye doctor won’t take them back.
Um, okay, so the Litter Robot looks like a cement tumbler. The cats should come out and freeze in statue pose, like on the cartoons.
Do your cats ever fall off of the cat tree? Darby was sleeping on the very top level on Sunday and he rolled too far to one side in his sleep and fell off. He bounced twice on the other levels before he finally hit the floor. Then, he just stood there for a second with all four feet spread out like an X and an expression of WTF?! on his face.
Hmmm…I was curious about the double yolk thang. Here’s an explanantion I googled:
If double yolk eggs are as rare as twins, why did I get more than one in a container?
There are approximately two hundred egg producing barns in B.C. These eggs are graded barn by barn at the grading plant. Most double yolk eggs are produced by young birds, so therefore barns that contain young flocks have a large concentration of these eggs. Usually a young bird will lay a small egg, but if the egg is a double yolk, it tends to be either large or extra large size. This tends to be true in humans as well, where expectant mothers tend to become “larger” for multiple birth pregnancies. Knowing all this, if you look at the extra large and large eggs coming from a young flock, the chances of it being a double yolker are actually quite high. So chances are, the container with lots of double yolk eggs is from a young flock of birds. If you got a single double yolk egg, it probably came from a more mature flock.