Things on my recent List of Annoyances.
1. The company that provides our phone service and internet. I’m pretty sure they’re trying to make me have an aneurysm. SLOW SLOW SLOW FUCKING SLOW. Every single day I can be found in front of my computer screaming “EVERY DAY! EVERY FUCKING DAY! GODDAMN YOU TO FUCKING HELL EVERY FUCKING DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” And what’s worse is that we thought we were SO FUCKING SMART, that we decided to host our own server, and with the slowness and the always going down, guess what? Every time the internet goes down ALL OUR FUCKING SITES GO DOWN TOOOOOO.
Fred was instructed to find us a new host while I was on vacation, but didn’t even pretend to look. Fucker.
So tell me about your host, but only if you think they are the BEST! HOST! EVARRRRRR! (Or, you know, if you’d like to bitch about your host, too, go for it. You know I feel your pain!)
2. Fred
a. Laying in bed the other night.
Me: So, I was listening to Bob and Sheri, and this female rocket scientist called in, and she said that she was ditched in the middle of a blind date. It was going well ’til the guy found out she was a rocket scientist, then he went to the bathroom and never came back.
Fred: Huh.
Me: What is it? Do guys not like smart women?
Fred: (long pause as he considers the question) I don’t know.
It took him a long moment and a “Hmph!” from me before he realized what he’d said and started laughing.
b. I want a netbook. I WANT A NETBOOK. Lugging the laptop to Maine and back reiterated to me that I WANT A FUCKING NETBOOK. I know I bought one from Woot last year and it didn’t work out. I know I only travel a few times a year and hardly ever use the laptop while I’m at home, but did I mention? I WANT A NETBOOK.
I cannot get Fred to even feign any kind of interest in my need for a netbook.
“You’re not even feigning interest in my desire for a netbook!” I whined the other day.
“That’s because I’m not interested,” he said.
“I WANT A NETBOOK!”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t HAVE a netbook,” he said. “I just don’t know anything about them and I’m not interested.”
I sent him an email that said I’m thinking that when it’s time to buy a netbook, we should go for either the Dell Mini or the Toshiba Mini – I’m thinking the latter. They both got pretty good ratings on Amazon, the Toshiba’s ratings are slightly higher, and I’m leery of Dell.
His response? Okay.
Is it too much to ask that he pretend to be interested in the topic? Apparently so. HMPH.
You guys love me, right? What kind of netbooks do you recommend? I’m leaning toward the Toshiba, but I’m open to suggestions.
3. We were watching Friday Night Lights the other night, and there was some important play or another going on, one that could take them to… the semifinals? State? Something like that? But anyway, this play was going on and the camera panned to the sidelines, where several of the players were standing watching the play with sweaty intensity.
“Huh,” I said. “That looks like an important play.”
“Yeah….?” Fred said.
“So why are QB1 and the running back and the greasy Tim Riggins* standing on the sidelines?”
“Because defense is on the field,” Fred said.
“So?”
“Because it’s a defense play, not an offense play.”
It took a long time before I understood. Apparently in football, a team does not have its offense and its defense on the field at the same time.
I am 42 years old. I have watched (though not particularly paid attention to) many football games. Both my brothers played football when they were small. I was a CHEERLEADER when I was 8. WE’VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO, WE’VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW ‘BOUT YOU??? Also when I was 8, I declared that I was going to be the first woman playing football in the NFL.*
(You see how that worked out.)
How did it escape my notice for all these years that a team’s defense and offense are not on the field at the same time?
Days later, this still BLOWS MY MIND. I keep trying to find the loophole. In the car yesterday, I said to Fred “But if one team’s offense fumbles the ball, the other team’s defense could take the ball and run it to the goal, right? THEN AREN’T THEY ACTING IN AN OFFENSIVE MANNER, MAKING THEM THE OFFENSE?”
Yeah. He seemed unimpressed with my argument. I can’t imagine why.
*I jest. Tim Riggins seems to have taken a shower over the summer.
**Can you imagine? Coach would be all “Anderson, it’s time for you to take the field and lead us to victory!” and I’d be all “But the defense isn’t on the field yet, Coach!” I DODGED A BULLET THERE!
4a. Arbitron, a marketing research company, called the house in mid-June. I squinted at the caller id, and doesn’t “Arbitron” sound like it could be a company that hires software engineers? Well, it sounded like it to me, so I answered the phone in hopes that someone might be calling Fred for an interview. (This was before he got the job where he is now, and is deliriously happy, might I add.) Anyway, I answered it and the woman told me that they wanted to conduct a radio survey in my area, blah blah blah, would I be willing to keep a diary of the radio stations I listen to?
Because I was feeling charitable, I agreed, and then we hung up the phone. The next day, Arbitron called again to let me know my radio diaries (I agreed that Fred would keep one, too) were on the way. A few days later, I got a letter from them with a crisp dollar bill in it, letting me know that, hey, my diaries are on the way! A week later, the diaries, each with a crisp dollar bill, arrived. Arbitron called to let me know that I should have my diaries. They took to calling every single goddamn motherfucking day. I stopped answering the phone. They called twice a day, hanging up on the answering machine each time.
I filled out the goddamn diaries (and we got yet another crisp dollar bill in a letter letting us know that the diary-keeping period was over and we should send the diaries back) and I sent them back but CHRIST ALMIGHTY, let me tell you what. Next time Arbitron needs me to fill out a diary detailing my radio listening patterns (and I spend maybe 20 minutes a day TOTAL listening to the radio, unless I’m going somewhere), they are SHIT OUT OF LUCK. Talk about your needy motherfuckers.
b. UAH, Fred’s alma mater, wants to put together an alumni directory. They desperately want Fred’s contact information. Fred is uninterested. Every 10 days or so, we get a postcard in the mail letting us know (in case we’ve forgotten in the past 10 days) that the deadline is approaching, and they want to be sure Fred’s information is correct. Fred doesn’t call them. I don’t call them FOR him. It sounds like UAH is shit outta luck. Maybe they could get together with Arbitron and start up a needy relationship where they call and write each other constantly.
5. “He actually swore yesterday,” Fred said, of a coworker.
“Really?” I said. “What did he say?”
“‘Shit.'”
Now goddamn it, I OBJECT. I will never fucking understand why “crap” is not a swear word, but “shit” is. THEY MEAN THE SAME GODDAMN THING. But “shit” is always bleeped out on TV and “crap” never is. NOT FAIR.
6. My hair. My HAIR. GOOD CHRIST ALMIGHTY ON A CRACKED PEPPER AND OLIVE OIL TRISCUIT WITH A BLOP OF ONION DIP ON TOP, my hair is driving me NUTS.
(Don’t be fooled. I took one step outside and it went POOF.)
I SUPPOSE, if you must be technical, it’s my own damn fault. Back when Fred first lost his job, I was in “I shall spend not one penny more than I absolutely must!” mode (pay no attention to those cat toys behind the curtain), and I cancelled my hair appointment the first week of April. Then Fred got a job, and I didn’t make an appointment. And my hair grew. Three months later, here we are: a big frizzy shapeless mass of what the fuck.
I have a hair appointment tomorrow, and that shit’s going to be chopped off, believe you me.
7. Cats. Seriously. See the next section for the “WHAT THE FUCK?” of THIS weekend.
I was preparing to get into the shower yesterday morning, and I heard Fred come upstairs and down the hallway. There was a pause, and then a knock.
I opened the door and said “What?”
Fred found himself a feral kitten. Going out into the back yard, he saw something dart from next to our fence to the massive boxwood bush a few feet away. The neighbor who was in his back yard practicing his fishing technique, told Fred that he thought it was a rabbit. Fred thought about just going out to do his chores, but his innate nosiness overcame him, and he went to investigate.
Hello, feral kitten.
He had to do some chasing before he caught the little guy, who fought and hissed and growled like a good little feral. Fred put him in a carrier and then came up to get me. I took my shower (come on, I had hair color on my head and needed to rinse it out!) and then went downstairs to check out the situation. In the carrier on the front porch was a little guy, voraciously eating the canned food Fred had given him.
He had fleas (I put Advantage on him), he’s got the big round belly that usually indicates worms, and he desperately needs a bath, but all in all he seems to be in pretty good shape. But this morning with the help of Gerber Chicken and Gravy (which is like crack to kittens), not only did he let me pet him, he stood on my leg and kneaded, and then he rolled over and presented the belly for rubbing.
At the moment he’s not in the house, but once he’s been tested (which he will be in a few hours), we’ll bring him in. Or maybe we won’t – the shelter manager might have a lead on a foster home for him. We’re not going to name him just yet – if he goes to another home, his new foster parents can name him. (Annnnnd, not ten seconds after I wrote that, Fred informed me that he’d like to raise this guy ’til he’s ready to be adopted. I… guess we have a new foster!)
He’s a boy, a brown and white tabby, and initially I thought he was 7 or 8 weeks old, but this morning I weighed him and he’s just over a pound, so maybe 5 weeks old? I don’t know, I’m terrible at aging kittens. In any case he eats well, he’s lively, and he even played with a toy mouse briefly this morning.
I suspect there’s a mother and/ or more feral kittens out there somewhere, but we both went all over the property yesterday morning looking, and found nothing at all. We’ll have to wait and see.
I guess this is the year of the stray for us!
Los Gatitos are doing well, their first weekend here. They spent a lot of time sleeping (they had their first vaccination Friday night, which always knocks them out for a day or two), and I could hear them up there playing, and they spent plenty of time keeping a wary eye on me. Sofia and Pancho were the first to break and come to me for petting.
This is Sofia. Don’t get too attached…
Sofia’s already been adopted!
She goes to her new home tomorrow.
This is Pancho. He’s the friendliest of the bunch. You walk into the room, and he comes over and falls at your feet. Silly boy. (His eyes are green.)
Evita’s a little shy, but give her some time. She’ll warm up, I’m sure of it.
People have asked whether any of these kittens are deaf. Initially we thought that Hermano (the blue-eyed boy) was because he wasn’t responding to any of the noises I was making. However, on Saturday he was sleeping, and I rattled a toy behind his head. He woke up and turned around to look, so he’s got at least some hearing.
The rest of them appear to hear just fine, too.
Bolitar and Elwood.
Bolitar. I love this guy; he cracks me up. He likes to get whiny and howl at me, and I say, in a mocking voice, “Wahhhh! I’m da babyyyyy!”, and he howls again.
He doesn’t mind being mocked.
Sleeping Reacher.
Four nights ago, I hit my limit. After being woken up every half hour by marauding Bookworms, I decided I’d HAD it. The next night, we put the Bookworms in the guest bedroom and shut the door. There were some puzzled meows, but they were quiet all night.
I got a great night’s sleep.
And now at night, the Bookworms go into the guest bedroom, and I sleep most of the night through without cats climbing all over me.
I find that when I get a good night’s sleep, I can put up with the daily cat-related annoyances a lot more calmly than I do when I’m sleep deprived. Go figure!
Elwood is going to be a big, big boy.
Previously
2009: No entry.
2008: No entry.
2007: Goddamn squirrels.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: No entry.
2002: OR I may have thought to myself, well, every author is entitled to a horrid piece of excrement or two.
2001: I’ve been packing in a desultory and lazy fashion this week, and have about half the upstairs done.
2000: I think if any of the kitties lose their mind and go on a human-throat-gnawing spree, it’ll be her.
I was fooled! Your hair did look good to me! However, I commiserate with your hair anger. I keep bumping my hair appointments out a week to see how long I can go without giving the sweet, adorable hairstylist, Cassie, all my children’s college money. I freak right the heck out though the few days before, and don’t
DARE tell me my hair looks fine, liar!
I’m sorry I don’t know anything about the internetses, concerning your sites, or net books, although I am interested!
Thank you so much for fostering kittens! And letting us all see/read it! I love your photos and seeing those funny babies!
Robyn, YOU ROCK!
My biggest current rant is a hovering husband who wants on the computer so much I can’t even formulate my rant because I have to get off or cause a war. So I jumped on here while he was in the shower. He turned it on for me in thanks for all the waiting on him I’ve been doing right? Ha ha in my dreams!
Sofia is gorgeous-lucky girl and lucky new family. I love the white and brown new foster guy-his coloring seems very unusual.
Sofia’s eyes are truly amazing, lucky girl for getting adopted already!
If you and Fred aren’t careful, you’ll end up doing what I do — constantly rescuing strays like is happening now. I lost count how many I’ve helped, either took in as my own, found homes for, or have neutered/spayed and continued to feed (at my own expense). If you have any kind of cat food outside, the strays WILL find you. Not that it’s a bad thing: once you see how many ferals are slinking and hiding all around, you may become like me: unable to stop feeding them. I still keep a cat buffet out for neighborhood cats — some stray and others obviously eating at several houses.
I am just SO grateful that we were already Challenger’s House fosters when we moved here – given our relationship with Challenger’s House, we’re able to get kittens who show up here adopted out, THANK GOD.
(I’m still expecting the rest of this guy’s litter to show up!)
Did you notice if Sofia seemed deaf? Odd-eyed white cats very often are deaf from birth or go deaf.
She can definitely hear – I’ve tested her a few times.
Both my sisters and I have a Toshiba Netbook NB200. (one pink, one brown, mine black). Absolutely love this wee machine. Does everything I need. Thought I might dislike not having a cd/dvd player on board, and I did have to buy an external one to upload my software, but everything else I do is via internet and downloads so I haven’t used the external player since I first bought it.
It fits in my purse. True battery time is 6 hours (not the 9 it claims), but that’s more than 3 times longer than my previous laptop so I’m still thrilled.
I have beefy paws for hands, yet find the keyboard a good fit. I’m used to Toshiba products, so the outlay was similar to my previous machine.
Only downside I have is the speakers – I have to use my headphones. But I’m also quite hard of hearing, so for regular folk they may be just fine.
Oh, on 1 of my software programs I have trouble as the screen doesn’t show everything that is there. Works fine if I plug it into the tv with a VGA cable though. I don’t use this software often, so it hasn’t been a hassle.
Feel free to email if you have any questions about it.
You got me with “beefy paws”. 🙂 Thanks for the input!
Elwood! You look like one of those former football player (offense or defense, your choice) types that has gone into business and their bull neck is force fit into a collar and tie! Son! Back away from the buffet! 😉
Robyn! Your hair…no, just kidding. Please tell B hi for me, and ask her if she got my sister to talk to her. Hee!
I think everyone hates their own hair, to be honest. I hate mine! It sucks that hubby’s haircuts are like $6 bucks, and mine are $50. WTF?
By the way, are those two old yellow spine Nancy Drew books that I spy in the bookshelves behind you?
Those are indeed old Nancy Drew books! I took that picture in my parents’ basement the day I left Maine. 🙂
We have this one, which at the time I could only find to buy at Sam’s Club: http://www.samsclub.com/sams/shop/product.jsp?productId=prod910782&navAction=
It was $400 when we got it, and we like it a lot. The screen is small so that’s annoying if you’re watching video or something, but it works for most daily usage for us (email, browsing, Google reader).
One thing to remember is it does not have a DVD player, so you’ll need an external one to watch movies or install software that comes on a disc.
It has Windows 7 Mobile edition, and as far as I can tell the only thing we can’t do it on it is change the desktop wallpaper. I have no idea why they’d restrict that, but there it is.
Also typing on it took some getting used to. My partner threatened to throw it out the window a few times when we first got it, because the ball of her hand would brush against the touch pad while she was typing and the mouse would jump all over the place. I find that’s gotten easier with practice (you definitely can’t rest your wrists while you type) and she hasn’t threatened to throw it in months.
Other than that, we really like it. The battery lasts a long time, too.
Thanks for the input, Desi! Would you believe I had a tab open with a link to that exact netbook when I read your comment? 🙂
Okay, I got fooled because I really like your hair. That style suits your face and frame perfectly.
The cabinets behind you in that pic? I love the handles and hinges on them.
I’m convinced that cats in trouble KNOW to migrate to your house. Only kitties can see the halos that you and Fred wear – the rest of us know they’re there but can’t see ’em.
Sofia’s beautiful and will be reigning queen in her new home very quickly, I’m sure.
That’s in my parents’ basement, in the room I sleep in when I’m visiting. My father basically built that room with his own two hands – the basement was nothing but a big cement room when we moved in. They’ve done wonders with the basement. The whole house, really!
My gawd – Elwood looks HUGE in both those photos! Which made me wonder just how big your adult cats are? I think my two are relatively on the smallish side. Chip is just 12-13 pounds and Amber is 15-16 but I swear 2 lbs of that is her ridiculously long hair. Her face is very petite. That’s what struck me about that pic of Elwood – he looks like a freaking offensive lineman! (you crack me up with your football “knowledge”).
I can’t remember the exact numbers right now, but Elwood’s at 12ish pounds right now, and is only outweighed by Tommy. I think. Maybe he’s outweighed by Sugarbutt and Tommy? I should add their weights to their pages, is what I oughta do!
Elwood’s at just about a year old (maybe a few weeks older), and I suspect that by the time he’s done, he’ll hit at least 20 pounds. He’s our new Tubby!
I used to have a Asus eepc, which I loved. It was the older one with the smaller screen. I used it mainly for email and websurfing and the occasional reading of PDFs, and it was adequate, except the sound was not so good. I admit that I have an aversion to Microsoft, so it was a Linux flavor. I bought it off of eBay, used, when the bigger screen versions came out so it was really cheap.
For my graduation in May, friends and family got together and bought me an iPad.
BEST GIFT EVER.
Words cannot describe how much I love this new toy. I love the touch screen. I love the book reading capability (so it works as my “kindle”–first purchase? NO LIMIT!!!!). AWESOME games, and I am not a game geek at all, but now I love to play games. I love the specialized apps for news services, like NPR and NYTimes. I can subscribe to Newsweek on it, and read the magazine like a book. For emailing and websurfing its great. There are so many cool apps, too, and they’re not expensive. A lot of things I did on the web have special apps that work better on the iPad than the web applications (like google maps).
I have the G3 version, although I haven’t set that up yet, since I’m currently only in a temp job. I use it both at home and work on a wireless network. It connects and syncs with a PC–in fact, it won’t sync with my Mac, since I didn’t upgrade the opsys, so I have to take it next door to sync with my neighbor’s windows PC until I can afford to replace my aging Mac with one with the newest opsys (at this point, it makes more sense to do that than pay to upgrade the opsys).
Only downsides–cannot hardwire into a network connection (only works through WiFi or G3), which so far hasn’t been a problem at all, except for the pesky opsys thing, and won’t play Flash video, which is just plain annoying. But it does play youtube videos, so there is that. Typing takes a bit of getting used to, but now I am. If I used a cell phone, it would probably have been easier (I’m actually deaf, so I try not to use a cell phone with my hearing aids).
I really really really love it.
Can I tell you? An iPad is what I would really really really like to have. I can’t seem to convince Fred that I need one, but do you think I’m going to give up? I am not! I’ll wear him down one day, I promise you that!
1) That pic of Elwood looks as though Mr. Boogers was photoshopped to do a Marlon Brando/Don Corleone impression.
2) I have an iPad and I love it to death, but it is nowhere near the same as a netbook. It does not have a camera in it, and the crazy steve-jobs-ifying of it not allowing Flash is outright frakking annoying. I only have the WiFi version not the 3G version since I live in the middle of nowhere and already have a cell phone. If it is a netbook you are craving, I do not think the iPad will suffice for what you want, given the cost. The fact that you can’t say, chat online while you surf because it will only allow you to do 1 thing at a time (which might change once the newer version of the OS comes out in the fall, I’m unsure) is a big pain in the arse on it. But there are so many other things i love about it… but yet, still have a netbook that I will not get rid of, because an iPad simply cannot replace it for me yet.
3) I have one of the first Toshiba netbooks and it has the TINIEST KEYBOARD EVAR. I did not realize the keyboard size, and how silly those keys are. Over time I have got used to the silly keyboard, but I used to travel with a USB keyboard in my suitcase for if I felt I would do excessive typing while I was out of town. Now, I believe that the newer Toshiba netbooks are a lot better keyboard-wise, however my number one advice to you would be to get thee to a store nearby and actually place your fingers on the keyboards of the netbooks you are contemplating ordering online first. Make sure you can handle the tiny keyboard. I never, ever, ever would have bought mine (in fact, I didn’t really; I made note one day of, “I think I’m going to google this Toshiba netbook I saw at the store and see it’s reviews” to the husband one day, and he went out and bought it before I ever did that) if I had realized how uncomfortable that darned keyboard was. My friend bought a netbook (one by HP) at the same time as I did, and the keys were normal sized on it.
Thanks for the input regarding the iPad, Kaye – I didn’t know you can only do one thing at a time on the iPad, and since I always have about three different things going at a time, that could be an issue for me.
I have a couple of appointments tomorrow that will take me right by Best Buy. It’s good advice to actually handle the netbook (and type on it) before buying, so thanks for that, too!
Elwood = Mister Boogers + Marlon Brando = HEE!
yes, do not get me wrong, the ipad is totally awesome and i love it, i preordered mine as soon as i could for when they were available in canada, and i got mine the day they shipped here. massive ipad love coming from me, i play so many little games, i installed the ‘pages’ app for word processing, i can check my email and surf… but everything must be done one-at-a-time. it’s a great toy, but truly at this point it is like a gigantic ipod touch.
This isn’t related to anything, but I see you have a new job…
http://failblog.org/2010/07/14/epic-fail-photos-kids-meal-toy-fail/
Congrats??
DAMNIT, my cover is blown! 😀
Oh my LORD Sofia’s a beauty. And it’s probably for the best that she’s already been adopted, because otherwise I might be in the car headed for Alabama when I got out of work.
He is not greasy Tim Riggins, he’s HAWT Tim Riggins. Stay away from my kool-aid woman.
Hey Robyn – can you give us and the Love and Hisses audience an update on Mr. Coltrane?
Of course – I’ll snap pics next time he comes around and update y’all!
“Now goddamn it, I OBJECT. I will never fucking understand why “crap” is not a swear word, but “shit” is. THEY MEAN THE SAME GODDAMN THING. But “shit” is always bleeped out on TV and “crap” never is. NOT FAIR.”
YOU KILL ME.
I also think shit is a much nicer word than crap. Shit sounds nice and solid (and is very satifying when a swear is needed) whereas crap sounds runny. Bullshit is a much better word than bullcrap, which I find both lame AND offensive, and you hear it ALL the time.
That feral kitty sure is cute. Good luck to Fred resisting keeping him.
YES – crap DOES sound runny! It’s just a nastier word than shit, in my opinion. And shit rolls off the tongue a lot more nicely.
Um.
You know what I mean.
The directory spam may not even be from UAH. There are spammy companies that buy the alumni lists and try to hoover up your contact information PRETENDING to be the school. Then they will probably try to sell you this useless directory. Bastards.
I did not even CONSIDER that. You’re probably right!
I have a Dell Mini 10 that I got from Dell Outlet (Refurb) for $180.00. It works perfectly for what I want. I only got it to take on trips. I can read blogs, check my email & browse the web without any problems. I wouldn’t want to use it on a daily basis or for heavy typing. It is running Windows XP, 1GB RAM, and 160 GB hard drive. It is small and fits in my litle half backpack.
If it helps, I LOVE my Toshiba Netbook. I use it for school, and cart it everywhere with me. It can even fit into a large purse.
I don’t have a netbook, but I gotta say, I LURVE Toshibas. Both my laptops have been Toshiba and they’ve been great — the only reason I have two is I decided I couldn’t live without a laptop that had a number keypad. I used to fix people’s computers for them and while I’ve never had to work on a Toshiba, I’ve had to try (keyword try) to fix a crap ton of Dells and they’re all worthless!
I JUST bought my husband an Acer Netbook from Costco for $299 and it’s flippin’ awesome! It has everything, including a 2yr. Costco warranty (included, of course). It got great ratings, and I have two classmates that use them and love them. I specifically went with the Acer for the keyboard and mouse. It has larger keys that are separated from one another, and they’re larger than the HPs and Dells I looked at. It also has actual buttons under the trackpad (which is also texturized, making it really, really easy to use). The HP just had “touch” buttons which were ANNOYING. My husband is 6’6″ with a 7′ wingspan and huge hands – he has no problem typing on it or using the mouse.
I forgot the specs: It’s 10.1″ LED screen, 160GB HDD, 1GB ram, 3 USB ports, a monitor connection, 6-7 hour battery (so far, we’re getting 7+ our of it), webcam, 2 year Costco Warranty/90 day return.