6/5/09

Ever see the movie Snatch?

Maybe… is Snatch the movie where you can’t understand a fucking word they’re saying? Because I think we made it about ten minutes before we turned it off.

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There was a man,convicted of many counts of murder,who killed prostitutes and fed some of them to his pigs, here in my province. It happened in a suburb of Vancouver, BC not too long ago. Google Robert “Willy” Picton

AGH.

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Robyn, surely someone has sent you this from CNN.

Our chickens really like donuts, too. But we don’t make ’em cross the road – we deliver!

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Did Beulah and Bessie get adopted yet?

I have been deliberately ignoring this question all week because I knew y’all would have a cow if you knew Beulah was sitting in a cage at the pet store.

Now I can announce that she has, in fact, been adopted – I guess she was adopted on Tuesday. Bessie, however, is still there (in fact, I’ll be seeing her in a little while when I go to clean cages at the pet store!). There seem to be a large number of black cats and kittens available right now, so it could be a little while before she’s adopted, unfortunately.

I can report that I saw both Beulah and Bessie last Friday when I cleaned cages, and they were both perfectly happy to be out and about, and they ran and played and let me snuggle with them.

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The guy in the cat yodeling video who holds the cats looks a LOT like Fred!

It’s that whole geeky engineer thing.

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I don’t know how you wash your bras but you aren’t sticking them in the dryer, are you?

Nope! I wash them in the washing machine on the “hand wash” setting, and then hang them up to dry. I suppose I should be actually washing them by hand if I’m really concerned about making them last, shouldn’t I?

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About your cart-stealing “person:” I’m surprised how people manage to get through life being so clueless. I would not have the nerve to take someone’s stuff out of their cart and throw it somewhere. Could they have, oh, I don’t know, gotten the cart when they first came in the store? It’s too bad you didn’t come out and catch her (him?) in the act. Now THAT would have been a great entry!

Oh, I’ve gone into stores and not gotten a cart when I first walked in, but instead of STEALING SOMEONE ELSE’S CART when I realize I need one, I haul my ass back to the front of the store and get one.

I’m getting steamed about the whole damn thing again – whoever stole my cart is just LUCKY that I didn’t walk out while they were stealing it, because I was so pissed about the whole bra-trying-on thing that I probably would have bitch-slapped them.

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Did you watch the I’m a celebrity get me out of here telehorror last night? We laughed our you know whats off. I think this might be my guilty pleasure this summer along with Wipeout.

I didn’t – I ought to check it out. I hear those annoying kids from The Hills were total whiny-bitch babies.

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i used to have cats all the time as a kid and they had kittens so i use to have cats and kittens, i just moved out to my aunts and she lives in a different provence than my mom and dad. she got her first cat not too long ago, it was a stray that was kind of thrust onto her or something. anywho she got a cat, its a small thing fully grown , and it goes in heat none stop more then a regular cat should , she does not have the money to get it fixed at the moment as she is a single mom with 2 teens and 1 kid . i came to help out but i don’t have the money eather at the moment anyway , the kids let the cat out when she was in heat about 3 weeks ago and i can tell she is prego , this is my aunts and her kids first pet minus the beta that they had that the cat ate on arriving here . and no one is happy about the joys of kittens , is there a way other then bringing her to the vet and waiting out the 64 days, to see if she is prego and how do i get my aunt and cuzs more cuddly to the idea and ready for them if she is.

I don’t know that there’s a way to find out for sure if she’s pregnant or not – I am married, after all, to a man who thought that Maxi was pregnant again, only to find out that he was apparently feeling her liver rather than a kitten’s head – so I’m going to throw this out to the readers. Anyone know?

As far as getting your Aunt and cousins cuddly to the idea and ready for them – well, I’m at a loss there, too. Readers? Help?

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Wow. Are these gardens and animals all at your house? Would you like a 10 year old for the summer? She is a hard worker and it would save me money on camp..she’d have a blast!

I would LOVE to have a 10 year-old helper – however, have you ever seen the way a very hungry kitten is when you try to take away her food? She gets all growly and hissy and smacks at you with her sharp little claws? That’s how Fred is about his farm chores. He does NOT like to share.

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Yes, what is that scary thing on the nest?

That’s a red wasp. Evil-looking, aren’t they?

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I know you guys have a lot of chickens but wow…when you see a bunch of them in the yard like that, that’s a lot of chickens!!

And that’s not even counting the approximately 50 chickens (mostly baby chicks) that are in the maternity yard!

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how the heck do you tell George and Gracie apart? Is one bigger than the other? They sure are purdy, love seeing pics of them on “duty”

George is quite a bit larger than Gracie. And in my opinion, Gracie’s way prettier than George – smarter, too. George is a great big loveable lunkhead – he’s the muscles of the operation, and Gracie’s the brains.

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What ever happened with the Copper Marans?

They’re mingling with the rest of the flock in the Maternity yard right now. Of the 40 eggs we started out with, we have 7. It was a complete balls-up and a waste of money, in my opinion. Fred’s offered them up for sale, but so far we’ve had no takers.

So many people have shown interest in Buff Orpingtons that I’ve tried to convince Fred that we should have a flock of Buffs, instead. Their eggs don’t sell for as much, but they’re a pretty popular breed of chicken.

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Have you ever thought of making Tomato Jam with your tomatoes?

I can’t say that I have – though now that you mention it, I feel like someone might have sent me a recipe for Tomato Jam (maybe it was green tomato jam??). I’ll have to dig through my recipe pile and see if I can’t find it!

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I have a request for you Miz Robyn. I need a little favor and you are just the person with the skills to meet my needs.
I am in need of a private go to rant/mantra that I can recite to myself, silently since I usually need it at work. The rant needs to be foul, aimed at the useless, talentless, asshat mother####### who make my life miserable through their stupidity. I could have used it 3 times this morning before 8 AM. I need your help Obi-Wan. You are my only hope!!!!!

Really, the only suggestion I have is the simplest: Fuck. You can make it short and concise as you mouth it to yourself: Fuck. Or you can drag it out: Fuuuuuuuuuuck. You can make a sentence out of it: Fucking fuck fuck FUCK. Start quiet (in your mind), go loud. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUUUCK. I don’t think there are any other words in the English language that are as satisfying.

If someone has said something in particular, you can repeat what they’ve said to yourself, adding “fuck” as many times as possible. “Elaine, have you got the TPS Report? I need it by noon!” can become “I’ve got your fucking T(fucking)P(fucking)S Re-fucking-port right the fuck here, you fucking fuckface and you can go fuck yourself I’ll get it to your stupid fucking face when I fucking get around to it. Fucker. Fuck noon! Fuck yourself!”

Just be careful not to let it gain volume so that you end up saying it out loud.

Then you’d really be fucked!

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Robyn, could you handle taking a Vitamin B (complex) supplement? Vit B makes your blood smell and taste terrible to mosquitoes. I haven’t been bitten by a mosquito in about 20 years. And they used to LOVE me.

Thanks, all y’all, for your mosquito-repelling ideas. I do take a Vitamin B complex, but I’m kind of lackadaisical about it, so maybe I’ll step it up and see if that works. Also, I’m going to give the “Off” clip-on a try, and also the “Bounce” suggestion.

I say throw everything at the problem and see what sticks, eh?

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Also, why not sell your extra tomato sauce, like you did the HabJam?

‘Cause it’s frozen, not canned – and since tomato sauce has to be pressure canned, I can only can four jars at a time. AND making tomato sauce is a pain in the ass. I much prefer to cut up the tomatoes, dehydrate them, and use them for stir-fries, put them in lasagna and chili, stuff like that. Worry not – not one single tomato will go to waste, I’ll make sure of it!

It’s kind of funny, how much I’m looking forward to the tomatoes this year. I used to LOATHE tomatoes when I was a kid. Now I can’t get enough of ’em.

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What you need to know about Phyllis:

Girlfriend has got some LUNGS. And if you don’t do what she wants when she wants you to do it (ie, give her FOOD), she lets you know how displeased she is.

I made the mistake of giving the kittens Gerber chicken and gravy – yes, baby food; it’s like crack for kittens – and now they won’t touch any canned kitten food. I’m trying to fatten up Phyllis, who is TINY (she weighed 1 pound, 3 ounces on Sunday), and she’s not much interested in hard food, and she turns her nose up at canned food, so baby food it is.

Spoiled brat. But I really have no one but myself to blame!

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Previously
2008: I’m surprised the mail lady hasn’t demanded a color-and-consistency report.
2007: Y’all don’t fuck with Sheriff Twitty, now.
2006: Do not, if you’re going to be more than 5 minutes away from home, wear brand-new underwear shopping.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Fred always says “You blame EVERYTHING on the fact that you’re about to have your period, having your period, or just HAD your period!” Well, duh.
2002: 26 things you may not know about me.
2001: No entry.
2000: Why, oh why, does writing snotty letters amuse me so?