6/5/07

* * * I hardly think there could possibly be any more random facts about me that y’all don’t know, but what the hell – I’ve been tagged, and I’m game. Let’s see what I come up with, shall we? 1. My favorite part of going out to dinner is having leftovers for lunch the next day. I’d eat out for dinner every night and eat leftovers for lunch every single day, if given the choice. 2. When I get something stuck to my hand and it won’t fling off – like a little piece of plastic from a tampon or a grocery bag – I try flinging it off twice and then I get really annoyed and I yell “COME ON!” like the guy in the best! video! ever! (only I sound more pissed off than he does) and I fling my hand out really hard, and always the little piece of plastic is frightened by my anger and flies off my hand. 3. I subscribe to Consumer Reports and paid the $19 yearly fee so that I can access all the members-only parts of their web site, but when it comes right down to it, I buy what I wanna buy, no matter what the bastards say. After all, they’re not terribly impressed with the Dyson, and they are WRONG. They couldn’t rave enough about that freakin’ Kenmore Progressive canister vacuum, and I hate the goddamn thing. 4. I am struck with the very strong urge to write a book just so I can name the main character Jug Twitty. I imagine he’d be the hardass – but fair! – sheriff in a small southern town. Y’all don’t fuck with Sheriff Twitty, now. 5. When I am sitting on my ass doing nothing and Fred is outside busting his ass, I almost feel guilty. And then I remember all the ass-busting I did earlier in the day when he was sitting at work busting his ass in a nonphysical manner, and the guiltiness goes far, far away. 6. Ever since I watched the Water Buffalo movie, I have become slightly obsessed with Robert Thompson’s blog, and I’m not sure why. Partly the beautiful pictures from China and partly because of the wry tone of his posts, I suppose. It’s like a hidden gem in the middle of the internet. 7. Seeing what Christa Miller looks like these days causes me actual physical pain. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why women do this to themselves. If I had a nickel for every time I wailed to Fred, “Whyyyyyyyy do they do that? HOW can they think they look okay?!”, I’d be typing this on a beach somewhere whilst being served pina coladas by a nubile manservant.* What gets me the most is the big goddamn rubbery lips some of them go for. People, if you love me you will NEVER have ANYTHING injected in your lips. I myself have the thinnest lips ever slapped onto a person (when god was handing out lips, he got distracted by a fart joke, I think), but I’ll live with the pain. I’d prefer it if y’all never got ANYTHING injected into your faces (HELLEW BOTOX), by the way. And leave your freakin’ noses alone. Of all the nose jobs out there, I can think of one (Ashley Simpson) that actually improved the nosejobee’s appearance. And jesus god in heaven, stop with the bad boob jobs. JUST STOP IT. Let’s age gracefully and look like human beings, shall we? I think I’m supposed to tag other people to do this meme, so if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged. *Just kidding. I don’t care for pina coladas.

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From my comments: Did you guys think about doing raised beds in your garden? That’s what we’re doing, but our garden isn’t as big as yours. I didn’t think about anything when it came to the garden except “Can we make sure we plant zucchini, so I can make 10,000 loaves of zucchini bread?” I’m sure that Fred considered it because the man is an exhaustive researcher, and then maybe discarded the idea because of one reason or another. Also, won’t the cats be able to jump that fence? I know my cats would, but they’re professionals. I am an eternal optimist, so I was all “Oh, they won’t jump the fence!” when Fred raised the idea. And then ten seconds after he hauled his porky ass through the door, Tommy was climbing the tree (CLIMBED! THE TREE! WITH FUCKING SOFTPAWS ON HIS FRONT CLAWS! FUCKER!) and so now once Fred has the last two gates built and the back yard is secure, we’re going to let them out and keep an eye on them and see if it’s a problem. (I expect it will be, though my inner eternal optimist is all “But they can see what’s on the other side of the fence. Maybe they won’t be so desperate to get on the other side of it if they can SEE what’s out there!”) If it turns out to be an issue, we’ll run the electric fence around the back yard and collar up the bastards. Why didn’t you put down weed barrier before you planted? Weeding sucks! Because.. I don’t know? Alls I know is that there’s zucchini and it’s not growing fast enough to suit me. Momma needs a new loaf of zucchini bread! Also, I don’t know what laundry fairy is guarding your wash, but I have a formerly-white bathmat right now that is a lovely shade of pink from being washed with a red t-shirt. Do you not buy any clothes in bright colors, perhaps? Or do you always use cold water? Or…what? I want to know, because I don’t want a pink bathmat. I actually don’t wear many bright colors, though I do have a few red items. I think someone mentioned this in my comments yesterday, but I always wash any new red shirts or… shirts (I guess I don’t own anything red that isn’t a shirt!) alone at least a couple of times before I integrate it with the rest of the laundry. And unless I’m washing towels that are particularly nasty or cleaning rags, I always, always use cold water. I thought everyone always used cold water! No?
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What has caused me great mental anguish recently: I’m not EVEN a punctuation nazi, but goddamn. Surely someone had to approve that t-shirt before it went into production? I had half a mind to buy them all and burn them because I KNOW I’m going to run across someone wearing that t-shirt, and have to kill them. Well, except that I’m sure they’ll be wearing it IRONICALLY and all.
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The knowledge that he’s the Purtiest! Kitty! Ever! makes Sugarbutt a wee bit smug. “*urrrp* Oh! ‘Scuse me!”
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Previously 2006: I wanted to turn around and yell “NO I DIDN’T HEAR ANYTHING! Get out of my ROOOOOOOOM!”, like a grouchy teenager. 2005: No entry. 2004: No entry. 2003: Fred always says “You blame EVERYTHING on the fact that you’re about to have your period, having your period, or just HAD your period!” Well, duh. 2002: 26 things you may not know about me. 2001: No entry. 2000: Why, oh why, does writing snotty letters amuse me so?]]>

18 thoughts on “6/5/07”

  1. I have spent more time than I am comfortable admitting on that bad plastic surgery website. It’s shameful yet fun! Like sex! And junk food! And sex!

  3. God, I love that dancing guy. I never remember to have the camera handy when I lock my husband out… Not to mention, my husband would probably (definitely) not have such a good attitude about being made to dance in front of passing cars or in the rain!

  4. Why, oh, why do people use apostrophes EVERY DAMN TIME they add the letter S to a word? Oh yeah, because most people are really, really stupid. Really.
    There’s a plumbing company in my area with the name “Action Plumbing Supply’s” painted in huge letters on their building. I think that building should be torn down, on principle.

  5. Jesus, Robyn, I let out a shriek when I saw Donatella Versace. She looks like a man–a scary freakish man. And those bad boob jobs are frightening, too.
    Also? I am now in physical pain because of those punctuation pictures. Forming plurals with apostrophes is among my biggest pet peeves. It’s SO STUPID. It makes NO SENSE. Anyone doing it, stop it right now!
    I’m going to have a belt of rum and calm down. Hee!

  6. I H-A-T-E apostrophes after every plural noun. Drives me up the wall. Too many people cut third grade the day the teacher explained the difference between possesive and plural. I will gladly help you hunt down all those t-shirts!

  7. Cold water? No way – my husbands workout clothes, and my son’s grass, dirt, and popsicle covered clothes, need water as hot as possible.
    (I hope I don’t get the punctuation police on me for this post – it seems like too many commas!)

  8. You know what all this bizarre surgery reminds me of? Ever see the episode of the Twilight Zone about a young woman who was so disfigured she spent her life hiding from the world? She goes to a hospital with the hope of some sort of surgical miracle, and the doctors and nurses were so repulsed they could barely look at her. Fast forward to the end — she’s Grace Kelly’s doppelganger, and the hospital staff are walking Pig People.
    It’s disheartening that we’re raising a whole generation who think that women who look like Beverly Hills science projects are the norm. If your mom doesn’t end up looking like this: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/005458.html
    there’s something wrong with her.

  11. Patricia: I never saw that Twilight Zone, but I wish I had! And the Bree Walker thing – we *just* saw her on TV last night (we were flipping channels, I think), and I wailed “She used to be so cuuuuuute!” to Fred. Ugh ugh UGH.
    Nuala: Monkey has got himself some awfully gorgeous swirls. I love swirly kitties. Please commence to kissing Monkey atop his head for me, please.

  12. True story–
    My cousin and her husband named their first child Lar’s. As in Lars, but with an apostrophe! Gah! We haven’t spoken in years and will probably not speak again. Not because of the Lar’s thing, but because that is only a very small part of what makes her a complete moron. Can. Not. Deal. With. That. Much. Stupidity!

  13. We have a Toshiba Satellite U205-S5002 (generally speaking, the U205 series which is here: http://tinyurl.com/2qcntm) and we love it and it was pretty inexpensive. The only downside is that the built-in speakers suck.
    Also, we got it about a year ago, and it came with Windows XP, and I think they all come with Vista now, which generally makes everything run slower and crappier. So I can’t really say how well it works with that – maybe they’ve updated the hardware or whatever to accommodate.

  15. I second the Apple G4 laptop- you can still find lightly used ones on Ebay for a steal. Once my Microsoft-addicted husband used my laptop, he put his up for sale and converted to the Mac side too…

  16. I got an Acer Aspire AS5100 and I love it. It’s a 15.4″ laptop with a gorgeous screen and it’s zoom-zoom fast. Yes, those ARE technical terms. 😉
    I haven’t had a single problem with it and I adore it.

  17. OMG. That “Lar’s” thing is CRACKING ME UP!
    “Hey. This is Lar’s.”
    “What is?”
    Very Abbott and Costello.

  18. Hey, Robyn – you shouldn’t buy those shirts, since the money would only reward those morans.
    However, I think a fun thing to do would be to buy a bottle of Witeout and go “correct” them all and leave them in the store. I would buy one of the corrected ones. –> Oooh, there’s an idea – buy them (to prevent illegality if you’re into that sort of thing), correct them (with something that will withstand washing), and then sell them for a profit.
    (Gee, I hope I didn’t make any grammatical errors here. 😀 )

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