here.
* * *
At 4:45 this morning, I woke to the sound of Fred walking into the bedroom.
“What?” I said, taking out one ear plug.
“We have a problem,” he said. Which is when I realized I heard faint cheeping.
“Is that a
bird?” I said.
“It’s four tiny pink featherless baby birds in a nest that fell out of the chimney.”
I pondered that for a moment. “It was in the
house?”
“Yeah.”
“And the cats weren’t going nuts?”
“No.”
I sat up and turned the light on, and sure enough – he had a handful of nest and brand-spanking-new baby birds, squirming around and cheeping for their momma.
“There’s no way these things are going to live,” he said. “I don’t want them to suffer. What the hell do we do?”
“Why don’t you put the nest in the bush next to the porch?” I suggested.
“The nest is broken,” he said. “They’ll just fall out.”
We dithered about it for a few minutes, I said “GODDAMNIT!” many times, and finally I told him to just lay the nest on the front porch. Either the mother bird would find and care for them – not likely – or something would kill them, hopefully quickly. He went to work out, and I went back to sleep, whereupon I dreamed about raising baby birds who turned into kittens who jumped off furniture in an attempt to fly (one of them was a dead ringer for Sugarbutt as a baby).
An hour later, Fred woke me so we could medicate the kittens before he left for work.
“I think Newt got them,” he said. “When I came back to the house, Newt came from that direction, the nest had been moved about five feet, and it was empty.”
Our country kitties: killing machines. If they’re not murdering little baby birds, they’re killing moles and leaving them on the cement pad out back. (Apparently we have a New York City-sized population of moles on our property, judging by how often we find dead ones on the cement pad.)
Now. I KNOW y’all aren’t going to say that we should have tried to keep and raise the baby birds. I’ll repeat: they were brand-spanking-new, barely moving, and no. Just no. That would be lunacy.
Still, I feel bad for the little guys, and the stupid momma bird who built a nest in the chimney. Also, I feel bad for us, for hiring chimney sweeps who can’t properly install a chimney cap. Stupid chimney sweeps.
(Sorry, no pictures. For once, it didn’t occur to me!)
* * *
I spent two hours weeding amongst the summer squash and zucchini plants yesterday and got about two-thirds of the row finished. This morning I finished the row of squash – note to 2008 Robyn and Fred: plant the squash and zucchini much further apart next time, dumbasses – weeded the row of whatever the hell’s growing next to the row of squash (black-eyed peas? black beans? Fuck if I know), and then went between the row of squash and whatever-it-is with the
Dutch Hoe and chopped up the weeds between the rows.
The squash plants are pretty much on top of each other – being as we’re first-time gardeners, we didn’t know they would get quite so big – so I had to climb in amongst the plants to weed. The plants were absolutely covered with bees investigating the squash blossoms, but they completely ignored me.
If you had told my family, back when I was little and would run screaming “Beechies! Beechies!” every time I saw anything the slightest bit creepy-crawly, that I’d be working* in and amongst bees, that I’d look out my bedroom window every morning to see if the spiders who’ve set up webs right outside my windows have caught anything good, that I’ll see a spider web in the corner of my bedroom and leave it there (as long as the spider keeps it clean, that is), that I’d see a wasp and just smack it with a fly swatter rather than run screaming from the room, that I’d see a big nasty weird-looking bug and get as close as possible to shoot a picture of it, they’d have
known you were on drugs.
Nothing like living in the country to get you over your fear of bugs, I’m telling you. If I flew into a tizzy every time I saw a weird bug, I’d be in a permanent state of running around screaming, and the human body ain’t made to sustain that level of tizziness.
*Possibly the “working” part of that would have shocked them more than anything.
* * *
The kittens are doing well – they’re still little wild things when it comes to medicating them, but we’ve established a rhythm wherein Fred chases them down, picks them up by the nape of the neck, we wrap a small towel around them (to protect me from flailing claws), I squirt the medicine in their mouth, and then we put them down and let them run away, which they do while hissing the entire time.
Poor monkeys.
They forgive easily – at least Tina Louise does, since I have yet to get my hands on any of the other kittens. Yesterday I took a nap in the kitten room with them (a catnap, of course) and when I woke up, Maryanne was sitting about two feet away staring at me with hatred.
It’s a start.
That’s a very Mister Boogers look on her face.
i has a taste
“Dude. Seriously. All the freakin’ time with the DANCING. And not only dancing, but DISCO dancing. It’s no wonder I run around hissing all the damn time. ‘Left the cake out in the rain and now I’ll never have the recipe again’, my tail.”
More kitten pics
hither.
* * *
“I yam a bird and I yam gonna fly! Cowabungaaaaaaaaaa!”
* * *
Previously
2006: “I’d like to suggest, in the most non-harassing way possible, that we go for a hike after dinner.”
2005: Gives a whole new meaning to the term of endearment “Shithead”, doesn’t it?
2004: No entry.
2003: Still no Fancypants.
2002: What the FUCK is going on with Meg Ryan’s hair?!
2001: House hunting.
2000: Any way you slice it, it’s going to be one hell of a long drive.]]>
I’ve worked around animals a looong time, and you’re absolutely right. It is almost impossible to raise newly hatched baby birds.
However. I’ve had some time to thig about the Laundry Situation (That’s right. It’s a situation now.),and I think that you should hang everything sideways.
Sure, they’ll take up more room that way and you’ll be able to hang fewer clothes at a time, but I think it will make the internets go crazy and leave you a bazillion comments about how that is just WRONG and maybe even UN-AMERICAN. And that will make me laugh.
Technically, I’m pretty sure we’re infested with voles and not moles (though I’ve called them moles plenty of times, too).
Vole.
Mole.
I believe the green bug is a katydid.
You will probably catch a bit of flack for LEAVING THE BABY BIRDS TO DIE, but there was really nothing you could have done.
Contrary: Troublemaker. If I did that, there’d be a Laundry Incident, leading to a Laundry War, and then my back yard would be invaded and all the cats and chickens killed!
Fred: I’ve never looked closely enough at the dead things on the concrete pad, so I don’t know which one the dead things look like, but you’re probably right.
WARNINGS! You need to give us WARNINGS when posting pics of bugs for those of us in the CITY and who are still effing scuuured of bugs!
I ♥ Maryanne
Just in case you ever have another problem with new born birds, I thought I’d let you know what we did.
Living in the country as we do, we have many acres, we only cut 2 acres and let the rest grow up into woods and field. The acre around our house has lots of birdhouses. A few times we’ve had to rescue baby birds that have fell out of the nest. Mama bird going crazy squacking for help, so we pick them up with bare hands and set them back in the nest. The mama bird is going ape s— the whole time but as soon as we leave she’s right back to taking care of them. I checked with our nature center and they told us it’s okay, that you don’t need gloves on. Old wifes tale about the scent of a human. We’ve done this 3 times now and every time the mother actually acts like she’s grateful..ha.ha
Also we’ve put nests back in trees that have fallen with the babies in it. Seeing as yours was a chimney then that would be hard to put back. If it ever happens again just put the nest as close to the chimney area up high so their safe and believe me the mama bird will do the rest.
Wait till you start finding stray dogs in your yard sitting looking for the owner to come back. Breaks your heart. We had one collie that sat a week in my neighbors yard and would not budge just looking and waiting for the owner to come get him. So sad. There’s something about country living that makes people think they can drop off their unwanted pets and they’ll find a good home. I wish I could find these idiots that do this and show them a picture of their pet looking so sad and abandoned. I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but if it does I know the strays will be in good hands till you find them homes. ha,ha,ha
You are definitely over the bug thing – taking a picture of the big bug getting and eating? the fly! Ewwwww.
So – what will happen if Joe Bob is still at the store? Come on – you live in the country and what’s one more kitty? You loved Joe Bob. I loved Joe Bob. We all loved Joe Bob. Poor kitty – who’d return such a sweetie?
When I lived in an apartment baby birds were falling out of their nests all the time.
I called a local vet and he gave me a number for a place close by that would raise them and then set them free. All the little kids in the apartments would bring them to me to take to the bird savers.
I also gave a (very) little donation to help them when I would bring the babies.
Our infestation is with moles, not voles (judging by Fred’s pictures). Little Girl kills about 1-2 a day (that I can see). Must be mole/vole season?
And I wouldn’t stress about the birds. They were so little, whatever the cat did to them was probably quick and painless.
Tizziness – hahaha – will be using that!
Along with WTBF, thanks to Sundry!
Robyn: You are still the Queen of Captions!
Hi Robyn!!!
First of all I have to say I love your page!!! I love all the kitty pictures and the hilarious captions you come up with.
Second, I was my clothes just like you. Unless it is absolutely discusting it all goes together and is washed in cold water. I do not hang clothes out though…the dryer is just way easier and faster.
Last but not least…I absolutely love Maryanne. She is just beautiful…and she does look like Ashley Olson. So how do you find homes for your little foster cats? Do you usually take them to the pet store? Also how do you get little foster kitties? I think it would be cool to have little foster kitties, but I also wonder how hard it would be to give them up when the time comes.
Stripey kitten bellies! So cute!
We have a mole killing kitty as well. She brings them to the door and leaves them on our cement pad and chirps as if she is bringing us home a check for a million dollars. This morning, I had just let her out and 5 minutes later, I heard it….the “mole meow.” I said to myself, “Shit, (yes, I said shit!)that is the mole cry.” Sure enough, there it was, fresh kill. Someone told me once that cats bring stuff to the door as presents for their masters and that you are supposed to make of them when the do or they think their offering wasn’t enough and they bring more. I do wish she would find some other way to contribute to the house. Perhaps Walmart is hiring….