Thanks, you guys, for your advice and positive thoughts in our direction (for the skimmers, Fred is looking for a job). Still no calls yet, but it’s early days yet, right? Right!
Remember how I’ve mentioned before that I have a Gmail email address that I don’t really use, that it’s got my first and last name in it, and I occasionally get emails from the college mates of a Robyn Anderson in Canada, discussing assignments, and sometimes I get emails from the mother of a Robyn Anderson in Texas, that I’ve gotten emails from the frequent flyer program of the Robyn Anderson in Texas, and work emails – once I got a spreadsheet from a coworker of hers?
And that I always respond to these emails with “You have the wrong email address. Please tell STUPID Robyn Anderson that she’s so STUPID she doesn’t know her own goddamn email address”?
(Okay, maybe I just say “You have the wrong email address” with a polite smiley. But the other stuff is totally implied.)
I logged into that email address over the weekend, and found that she had sent HERSELF an email with a list of tasks.
Now not only do I know where she works, I know the boring-ass tasks she tells herself that she has to finish by the end of the day.
I responded back with “Don’t wanna. How come I have to do all the work?” and a smiley, but have received no response as of yet.
Fred thought I should have responded with “Seriously. You don’t know YOUR OWN FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS?”
I’m far too polite for that, though. I prefer to disparage her behind her back.
By the way, I was so annoyed by Firefox’s constant fucking updates, and the way the last time it updated my system was screwed up for an entire afternoon, that I finally gave up and downloaded Google Chrome to give it a try.
I’ve gotta say, I like it so far. There are a few things that annoy me – like, I’m not seeing an “undo” button, and I don’t know how to use the menu to print, so I have to remember to hit control-P (and the print menu that comes up won’t let me just print the highlighted selection for some reason, and that annoys the bejeebers out of me), or control-F for “find”, but I like the bookmarks toolbar at the top of the page. Also, Chrome loads in about a tenth of the time, and hasn’t forced me to update in the four days I’ve been using it, so I’m giving it a cautious two thumbs up.
The water fountain is an endless source of amazement. They’ve all gone swimming in it (accidentally) at one point or another.
I weighed them yesterday. Corbett (above) is the runt, at 1 1/2 pounds. The other three all weigh 1 pound 12 ounces!
Bellied up to the water bowls.
Bolitar, lookin’ for a snuggle.
Hey!
Remember yesterday when I was all GET A LOAD OF THAT BELLEH:
And y’all were all HOLY COW WHEN’S SHE GONNA DROP THOSE BABIES?!
And I was all DO YOU SEE THIS THING?! (Or at least I meant to – I forgot to post the picture, actually.)
And y’all were all HOLY MOLY YOU WEREN’T KIDDING, THAT IS ONE PREGNANT CAT! (Or you would have been had I posted it.)
Well, yesterday morning I decided that the fact that Maura had had herself a dirty behind for the last few days, and acted as though it hurt when I cleaned her off, might mean that she could have impacted anal glands. So I called the vet’s office and made an appointment and I loaded her up into the carrier, and headed for the vet.
She was completely silent all the way to the vet’s office (I am serious when I tell you that this is one laid-back cat), except for a few times when she turned around in circles trying to get comfortable, and I thought WOULDN’T IT BE FUNNY IF SHE WENT INTO LABOR RIGHT NOW, OH THAT WOULD BE HIGH-LARIOUS!
We got to the vet’s office, and I turned her over and sat down in the waiting room. The shelter manager came in while I was sitting there, and she went back to see what was going on. She asked a few questions, and then suggested I just come back so I could answer any questions the vet had. I went back, and as I walked back, the vet was feeling Maura’s abdomen.
The vet couldn’t feel any kittens. And as far along as Maura was supposed to be, she should have been able to feel kittens. She was pretty concerned that Maura might have developed Pyometra (basically, when the uterus fills up with pus), and suggested that she go ahead and spay Maura.
I agreed, and left Maura there.
All day long, I worried about Maura, of course, because I am nothing if not a worrywart. Also, I was a little sad that there would be no wee baby kittens. When the vet’s office was about to close, I picked up the phone and called to see how she was doing.
“Oh, Doc was about to call the shelter,” said Belinda, who’d answered the phone.
I steeled myself for bad news.
Turns out that our Maura, big ol’ pregnant Maura? Huge, ready to pop Maura? Maura with the great big pregnant momma cat appetite?
FAKING IT THE ENTIRE TIME.
NOT pregnant. NOT FOR ONE MOMENT PREGNANT.
NOT suffering from Pyometra. PERFECTLY FINE.
She TOTALLY played us.
She’s not pregnant. She’s just big-boned.
“Look. I never SAID I was pregnant. You just assumed. I went along with it for your sake, because I am sweet and kind and didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
I’m going to go pick her up from the vet’s office in a bit. Then I’m going to bring her home and girlfriend, who’s been living the life of Riley with the eating of the kitten food and the two snacks a day of canned food, is going on a DIET.
In a few weeks, after she’s healed from her spaying and up to date on her vaccinations, she’ll be headed off to the adoption center.
The party is over, sweet girl!
“I don’t believe I care for the sound of THAT.”
“I told you she was fakin’ it. When you gonna trust the Sheriff Mama to know what she’s talking about?”
Previously
2009: (The smell of boiling chicken livers: gag me.)
2008: No entry.
2007: No entry.
2006: Now, I’m sure I’d rather be skinny and bald than fat and hairified, but what I’d MUCH prefer to be is skinny and hairified, thanks.
2005: I think that a more accurate description would be “covered the annoyance of itching by making your skin feel as though you’re being set on fire.”
2004: Meme.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: Fred’s such a bastard.
You were punked!
My sentiments exactly!!!
Punked big time : )
False pregnancy? Has she been watching soap operas?
She’ll have to clean her own behind too.
Bahahaha! Not pregnant. She’s been livin the life!
Also, this may be my favorite pack of kittens so far. They are so freaking cute. I want to kiss them and squeeeeze them!
April Fool’s to you! Karma for the joke you played on us a few years ago… She did try to tell you that you were touching her spleen and not a kitten–you just didn’t want to listen!
Robyn . . on Google Chrome . . be warned that Google will rat you out if you do torrents with Chrome 🙁 A good friend of mine is in Court right now on a lawsuit due to something he downloaded.
Ha! That is too funny! But I was looking forward to all the baby kitty pics 🙁
Oh Maura, what a faker! LOL Too bad there won’t be any baby cats, but you still have the Bookworms (most adorable ever kittens!). I had a female black cat, Tiny, that was nearly identical to Maura — and she got that fat too. In fact, for a period of time she was such a porker I had to wash her behind, cause she couldn’t reach it to clean. Though she lost some weight, she was always overweight. Yep, Maura was living the high life there. I bet someone will adopt her soon, especially as laid back as she is — definitely a rare trait in cats.
ha! that Maura! Crazy girl. I bet she thought she hit the jackpot. You might have to change her name – what was the name of Gilbert Grape’s mom?
Oh Maura had it so good, and if not for that nosy vet would still be living the life. Clever girl.
WTF? Hahah I didn’t expect this news, even tho we talked about this very possibility! I’m so glad she’s not suffering from any maladies, and that she is just big-bonedededed. Wow. You gotta be disappointed after all the intense kitty-watch mode you’ve been in! I’m sure another litter of kittens will just fall into your lap any moment now. DONT’ THEY ALWAYS?
I’m not sure what made me laugh harder, the fake pregnant cat, or the thought that if I sent myself a to-do list and it came back to me with “don’t wanna” that I would probably have a heart attack and then die. Hands down this was my favorite entry EVER.
I can hear Maura snickering now “Can’t you take a joke”. Love the kitten stories. Thanks for sharing them.
You have GOT to start sending Robyn Anderson notes from herself! Like, “Are you sure you’re making the right decision with that thing you’re thinking about?” or “How about that dream last night! Do we have a weird subconcious or what?” Or, if you’re in an earlier time zone than her, send her notes from her future self! “You’ll regret it if you go where you’re thinking of going for lunch!”
Hilarious! Hysterical pregnancy even?
Hope Fred isn’t gloating. Early on he stated that he didn’t feel any kitties in Maura’s belleh!! Give that boy a prize!!!
LOL That is to funny!! I love the little pics with the captions too!!
I have been reading your post for years and this is the first time I EVER POSTED 🙂
Welcome to the dark side, Carrie. 😉
I had a cat that did that once! Thought FOR SURE she was pregnant, but nope!
Also, Bolitar is the cutest, cutest kitten and I seriously want him. Can you just squeeze him through the Interweb tubes for me? Plzkthnx 😉
I agree with Heidi–send that “other” Robyn regular emails “advising” her. Try “We’re going to have a super-dee-duper day today!” hehehe
I was so afraid you were gonna tell us that Maura was critically ill. Glad to know she just played you instead 🙂
Hilarious! You should also send the other Robyn motivational stuff like “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people like me!” 😀
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone sending themselves e-mails on what to do that day! I’ve made lists of stuff to do and then lost the list, but mailing it to myself? Not so much….
Oh Robyn, I think Maura was playing you guys to live with you and the rest of the “Anderson Bunch.” Can’t say I blame her. 😀
Good thing you did not go out and buy and cribs and high chairs. The tub can always be used on the back 40. Hee
My friends had a cat come to her house and we swore she was pregnant too. My friend took her in and gave her a home, and I bought bag of kitten food (big one). All we got was gassed out of the house when she used the litterbox. PU My friend evidently found her a home since she already had too many pets (not nearly as many as you though).
Val
I desperately want to know what the other Robyn’s reaction was to your reply email. I can only imagine that she was either nonplussed about it, thinking, huh, I don’t remember sending THAT email or that she was deeply offended and upset with herself for being so lazy! Or perhaps she has convinced herself that she’s got another personality! Imagine coming to THAT realization! Oh to have been a fly on the wall…
Oh my God – she is the cutest sneakiest little (?) thing. I love Maura. But you know, whenever you posted pics of her hugeness, I thought she looked exactly like my gigantor black cat Jack (a boy obviously)- they’re identical. Maybe it’s just a black cat thing? My Jesse was huge and black too. Either way, She’s adorable and most likely hysterically laughing at you behind your back. Go Maura!! 🙂
Hmmm. Tommy and Maxi – our two black cats – also have weight issues. Very interesting… 🙂
Emailing oneself. Hmmm. I’ve send myself reminders on my phone …
Ok, now I am really in love with drama queen Maura! I wish I could zip down there to get her!
So about Maura, Hahahahahahahaha! That is the funniest thing yet. I knew they were smarter than us and she just proved it. I did not know cats could do that. So freaking funny. I luuuurve her.
Now about the other R.A. I don’t want to diss anyone I have not met. However, if she has to email stuff to herself and sends that email to the wrong address and then does not have an immediate explosion of LOLs when she got your email then she is either:
1. Braindead but walking. Thus she is very scary.
2. Criminally out of touch with her life. Again scary since she apparently drives.
3. Truly not functioning very well in this world for some reason and that is sad.
I hope it is number 1 cause being that stupid and clueless is very funny to me.
I second and third and on and on the cuteness of the kittens. Incredibly sweet.
I’m sad that there will be no McMaos… But glad that Maura is ok, (If a tad plump).
I love your response to the other R.A. who apparently has no clue.
Also…VERY good vibes for Fred & his job search. I hope he does not have to deal with the stupid that I did. That being said, if you want I can point you in the direction of a couple decent agencies (yes, one even specializes in tech folks)
I’ll forward your comment to Fred, MsDarkstar, he may be emailing you for tips!
We don’t live anywhere near Alabama, but if Fred wants to telecommute, my husband has some projects with which he needs help programming. He said he’s looking for someone who knows Ruby on Rails, Actionscript, HTML and CSS. If Fred’s interested, email me and I’ll forward to my husband.
🙂
That’s all geek to me, Andrea (ha!), so I’ve forwarded your comment to Fred – I’m sure if he’s qualified, he’ll email you. (Also, I think you might have made “Ruby on Rails” up. That sounds made-up to me. 😉 )
Oh I so needed a laugh today and the fake pregnancy gave me a first class of much needed giggles! Thanks Robyn and Maura!!
Maura assures you that it’s her pleasure, Jen!
Tell Maura I’m always getting accused of the same thing. She handled it much better than I do, though. I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for Fred’s job hunt. I know he’ll find something awesome.
She TOLD you she wasn’t gonna have no babies.
(I SWEAR, look at this, four days away, and kitteh drama. Robyn, you should start paying me to check your site every day, just to stave off the kitteh drama that inevitably befalls if I let more than one day go by!! Although a fake-cat-pregnancy is the kind of thing that gives you a great story to tell for years to come, so maybe not.)
I used to have a dog, a female. (And she was spayed.) Then I got a cat, a kitten who was really too young to have left her mother but I didn’t know that at the time. After a day or two of getting to know each other, the kitten, seeking comfort, began nursing at the dog. Cue false pregnancy in the dog.
Two years later – two YEARS later!! – the swollen belly had gone away, but the dog was still walking around with milk-filled teats, and the cat was still nursing whenever she wanted. She’d walk up to the dog, yowl, perhaps pop the dog on the nose a time or two, and the dog would sigh and go find a comfortable spot to flop over. Damnedest thing.