Okay, those of you who live in the US, it’s Election Day. Didja vote? Didja vote? Didja vote? Are you gonna vote? You’re gonna vote, right? You know there’s an election today? Didja vote?
Feel free to steal this picture (get it here at Flickr) and use it wherever the hell you want. Link back to this page (or don’t, I don’t care that much, really.)
I have a special offer for those of you who live in the US. Every person who votes gets their VERY OWN Crooked Acres cat! Want Mister Boogers? Miz Poo? Sugarbutt? Kara? The list goes on? Want one? You gotta vote!
(This is not a valid offer and you can’t come claim one of my cats. Except Joe Bob.)
(I kid.)
(Or do I?)
Here’s some Election Day fun! (These polls are absolutely anonymous, so don’t worry that The Man will come bust down your door and carry you away!)
Who are YOU voting for?
Who do you think I’m voting for?
Here at Crooked Acres, we have our own elections going on.
Senatorial Candidates
Repurrblican Candidate (incumbent) Stanley J. Boogerton.
“I has been your Senator for a long, long time, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Ah hets being a Senator, but I’m so durn good at it that I cannot bring myself to find another job. Vote for me, fuckers. Don’t make me get mad and bite Suggie on the neck. We’s good friends and all, but I WILL BITE HIM ON THE NECK IF I HAVE TO.”
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Democat Candidate Sugar J. Buttocks.
“I promise a half-eaten field mouse in every paw, a snuggle every night at bedtime, and if Joe Bob comes around and bothers you, I will HAPPILY kick his ass six ways to Sunday!”
Candidates for Sheriff
Incumbent Maxi “Outside Mama” J. Anders0n.
“I have been the ass-kickingest sheriff this farm has ever seen, and I don’t intend to let some little upstart sashay in here and take over my territory! While she prefers to hide her head in the sand upstairs and pick on the little kittens who come wandering out of their room MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS, I only pick on the little kittens who get all up in my shit. I am tough but fair and I don’t pick on the underprivileged homeless kittens!”
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Kara “Upstairs Mama” J. Anders0n
“Contrary to what my opponent states, I do NOT spend all my time upstairs with my head in the sand. I occasionally retreat to the big blue bed to consider my options and how my skills as THE BEST ASS-KICKER IN EXISTENCE can be utilized in ways that will benefit Crooked Acres. I will keep unwanted elements out of the back yard, I will keep my eye on the known “bad” elements of Crooked Acres, I will break up fights between cats who do not get along (HELLO SUGARBUTT AND JOE BOB and TOM CULLEN AND JOE BOB and EVERYONE AND JOE BOB) and if someone looks suspicious I will make sure they know I have my eye on them! The Incumbent might prefer to think she’s a claws-on sheriff, but she spends all her time hiding under the stairs fending off attacks from Crooked Acres residents who CLEARLY know that she’s NOT the cat for the job of sheriff!”
Presidential Candidates
Repurrblican Candidate Lester J. Spankenstein
Looking Presidential.
Laughing to show that he has a zany and madcap side.
(Pardon the lack of PhotoShop skillz.)“The one thing you need to know about me is that Snackin’! Time! is very important to me. Snackin’! Time! should be as important to all Crooked Acres residents, but my opponent – despite his size – claims that Snackin’! Time! is not foremost in his concerns. Well let me tell you something – if there’s no Snackin’! Time!, what have we as a country fought for? What’s the POINT of a life without Snackin’! Time!? As the more experienced candidate, I will tell you that Snackin’! Time! is what will keep this country strong and I will fight to keep the Snackin’! Time! troops fighting for our rights to Snack! if it takes 100 years of warfare!”
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Democat Candidate Thomas J. Cullen
Looking Presidential.
Showing his madcap and zany side.
(Ditto on the lack of Photoshop skillz. Maybe I’ll work on that between now and the next election.)“While my opponent worries about things like Snackin’! Time!, it is, of course, more important to we Crooked Acresans that Change(ing The Litter Box) is the only way to go. How can we face our problems head-on when we carry around the stink of old litter? It’s time for CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) you can relieve in. I am not the status quo, I am young and am I here to invigorate the great citizens of Crooked Acres. CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) has been a long time coming and only YOU can ensure that CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) will happen!”
“Wait. Which candidate supports the legalization of catnip? Someone told me, but I was high on the ‘nip and now I don’t remember.”
Previously
2007: Good thing they’re not our cats, huh?
2006: No entry.
2005: Well, well, well. Look who’s a big tough talker, but when the can of whoopass is opened and a little orange kitten gets to smackin’, Mr. Badass cowers like a great big girly-man.
2004: Apparently I had nothing to write about last year, either, ’cause it’s all meme and comment-answering.
2003: No entry.
2002: Now, THAT is a church name!
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.
1999: She thought “gauze” was plural, so obviously the singular would be “gau”!
Thank you for making me laugh this morning. I needed a little kitty humor.
Oh my god, I bought that chicken hat and have so far failed to get it successfully on the head of my cat (who also looks exactly like Kara in her campaign picture, even though they have different coloring, btw). Craziness.
I voted and now I want the results. This is America! I’m not patient! I wish voting were more like an instant win game.
I have already voted this morning, so I’m claiming Mister Boogers as my Crooked Acres kitty!
Great entry!
Are you going to be telling us who you voted for (in the federal election that is)? Or was that all just a ruse???
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh!
I think it is obvious that Miz Poo should be VP on Tom Cullen’s ticket. Did I mention that you are one brilliant comic writer. The election stuff is classic funny. Only wish they were really our choices instead of what we have to choose from in reality. Le sigh.
The election is definitely not boring for non-US residents by the way. I’m in England Obama to win!
I voted!!! I want Tommy!!!
This was an awesome entry! You’re so creative Robyn, I hope you keep journalling a long, long time.
What a great entry! That must have taken days of hard work to put together. Thanks for the entertainment. Btw, re the “other” election, I sent in an absentee ballot and avoided all the rush.
I had a hard time in the Crooked Acres presidential election. I liked Tom Cullen’s message, but Spanky just looked so durn pretty!
Cullen… wasn’t that the name of the vampire family in Twilight? Dammit, please don’t make me have to go within ten feet of those books again, they’ll suck me right in and I’ll be helpless and disgusted with myself all over again.
Thanks for the photo, it’s perfect! Part of me is kind of into this election and its implications, but part of me is all, Make it stop!
That was brilliantly funny!
My two cats are not voting today, because they are Canadian and asleep (not necessarily in that order).
Robyn,
Thanks for a good laugh. I love Mr. Booger’s picture. I feel like printing it and pinning it to my sweater. I’m proud I voted. Now I will just be watching the DVR tonight until 10 pm sharp. At which time, I turn into CNN for a minute and then go to sleep. I may toss and turn or sleep like a baby depending on what CNN says at 10 pm.
PS – My cats did want to vote in your election, but they said without opposable thumbs, the mouse was just to difficult to handle and they were not willing to share their vote with me. Maybe I’ll have a touch screen monitor for the next big election in 4 years. I did vote, but knowing my boyz, they would not vote the same way.
Since I follow your twitters and I Voted and I know that one of your cats was oh so horribly locked in a freaking closet and needs to be rescued – I claim Kara the Upstairs Mama
I voted for Obama. Well I WOULD have if I lived in the US. From the sounds of it he is doing very well indeed so far!
I have a random-ass question for Friday. What color are the Anderson cats’ toe pads? I know you lurve kitty toes as much as I do…
I have one black-toed cat and a multi-colored-toed kitten. My late kitty had pefectly pink tootsies. So cute!
Today’s entry is SNL skit-worthy!!!
Robyn, you are hilarious. You rock.
Thanks for laughs du-jour
I would have voted for Tom Cullen, but he doesn’t really look too “madcap and zany” in his wacky picture. More like resigned and pissed-off, with a touch of homicidal. We can’t have that in a president. I’m lying anyway, Spanky always has my vote. May I have him as my reward for voting, please?
I voted!
I will vote for any candidate that allows a chicken hat to be placed on his head.
Thanks for the laugh today, Robyn!
oh you’re too funny. lmao.
Hahahahahahahahaha!! Any of these cats would do a better job than the clowns we have to choose between!
Loved those polls! The chicken hat, without a doubt, was overly persuasive and I just had to vote for Mr. Cullen. Who was his running mate?
What fun! Thank you Robyn, I needed the laugh. Did you happen to catch Ellen’s Halloween show? I finally watched it last night and the clips of her scaring people made me laugh and laugh. Did I mentioned I needed a good laugh?
That was a fun entry Robyn! Loved it!
I blame Joe Bob for my current visitors! I had a dream Monday afternoon (my husband works 3rd shift and we have a new baby, so I sleep during the day) that you had posted a blog entry about giving Joe Bob away due to his neurotic behavior. Monday evening we had THREE stray cats come up on our porch. We haven’t had strays around here since we moved in back in 2000. We live a couple hundred feet from a 70mph highway, and there was no way I could leave them out there…especially when I saw that one was declawed! So now we have 23 month old twins, a 3 month old, a (small) dog, 11 resident cats, and 3 temporary fosters while I search for non-kill alternatives. Is it a coincidence that Vistor #1 (I call him Joss) is grey and white? I think not! Anyone in Michigan looking to adopt some adult cats? Photos at my blog!
CAT “comedy!!!” (Say in Jesse Joyce’s voice.) Thanks for talking about KATG on your site. I always assumed it was a local radio station from your area. When Hubby got me a Ipod last Xmas, I thought I would look for KATG on itunes. What a great way to laugh away my doldrums. You and your cast of furry characters always induce good cheer. Thanks for the great site!
Wait. Which candidate supports the legalization of catnip? Someone told me, but I was high on the ‘nip and now I don’t remember.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! =D