* * * So yesterday morning I had to do what I’d been putting off for a few weeks – go to Sam’s Club. I thought about going when we were down to two cases of water in the garage, but I just didn’t wanna, and Tuesday evening we hit critical mass with the water, so I knew I had to suck it up and get my ass in gear. I left the house around 9:30 and headed for Huntsville. First I stopped at Target, because I needed to look for Christmas gifts for my niece, and I’d gotten guidelines from my mother, and was ready to cross Mireya off my shopping list. I got a few outfits, and looked and looked for a plain, simple, pretty cardigan in the girl’s section, and would you imagine that they’d carry such an OBVIOUS item? Why, no. Of course not. I bought a few groceries, and then wandered around the Christmas section looking for a quick and simple (but cute) way to wrap gift cards, and bought a bunch of that stuff. I thought about buying wrapping paper, but I’ve got a ton of it left over from last year, it’s just a matter of finding it, so I didn’t. I perused the book section but didn’t buy any (NANCE), and by the time I got checked out and out to the car, I’d spent almost an hour in there. Leaving Target, I went over to the pet store to see which of my foster monkeys had been adopted – they do adoptions on Tuesday evenings – and was dismayed to find that of the five who’d been there Monday morning (it’s the KATG(2) bunch, and Rhian was adopted over the weekend), none of them had been adopted. DAMN IT. While I was there, I bought a few things (it’s against the law for me to leave the pet store without buying something whether we need it or not) and then headed out. I went to Sam’s Club, and holy CRAP that place was busy. I don’t know why that surprised me, because it’s always busy – Christmas shopping time, or no. I had a fairly extensive list, but ended up only buying water, toothbrushes, toothpaste, paper towels, and the new Dean Koontz book (hush up, Nance. It’s DEAN KOONTZ. I had no choice, I had to buy it!). Then I got to wait forever to check out because, despite the large number of people shopping at Sam’s, there were only three registers open. It was okay, though – there were plenty of people to watch, so watch them I did. From Sam’s I headed to the mall. When I walked into the mall, I found that a new store, dedicated to girls’ clothes, had opened since the last time I was there. Sure that I’d find what I needed, I went in and… of course I didn’t. Not a simple cardigan to be found ANYWHERE. Figures. It wasn’t like I HAD to find a cardigan – it was just something my mother mentioned that Mireya could use. But the fact that I couldn’t find one was driving me nuts and it was like a challenge. I ended up spending an hour and a half running around the mall going into every friggin’ store that carries girls’ clothes, looking for a SIMPLE, PLAIN CARDIGAN. Is that so much to ask for?! I think NOT. Among the running into stores that carried girls’ clothes, I went into Victoria’s Secret and bought three bottles of So Sexy (I prefer to call it “So Cheesy”, because that is the cheesiest name EVER) shampoo. I was going to buy two bottles, but when I found out that they’re 3 bottles for $21 rather than $9.50 each, I had to go grab another bottle. (And Fred, who uses $1-per-bottle Suave shampoo, is writhing in agony right now.) I was standing in line behind a young woman who was buying something – perfume, maybe? – and as the cashier rang up her order, she said “Do you have an Angel Card?” and when she found out that the young woman didn’t have one, she asked if she wanted one, and as I stood in line I hoped that when it was my turn to pay, the cashier would ask if I wanted to apply for an Angel Card, so I could get all indignant and say “I do NOT want to apply for your Angel Card, THANK YOU, because your interest rate is HORRIFYING, and besides, do I look like a woman who shops here all that often? Do I look like I need a pair of sweatpants that say “Spank me” across the ass? Do I? I DO NOT. I’ll just take my shampoo, THANK YOU.” Except that when it was my turn to pay the cashier just rang up my shampoo and didn’t say a word about any Angel Card. Which made me want to indignantly say “And why do I not DESERVE an Angel Card? ARE YOU CALLING ME OLD AND SHLUMPY AND FLABBY?” But I just smiled and paid and went along my way. I also stopped in Steve and Barry’s, which is the store that carries Sarah Jessica Parker’s Bitten clothing line. I looked in the girls’ section first to look for a cardigan (no cardigan. SHOCKER.), and then I stopped in the Bitten section, and I ended up buying a couple of shirts and a sweater and you just shut up. I tried the shirts on when I got home, but they… well, they TOUCH MY STOMACH and it makes me feel all self-conscious and itchy and why do clothes have to touch you? Why can’t I just buy bubble clothing that only touches me at the neck and knees? WHY? So I left the mall with shirts that I probably won’t wear and NO cardigan, but at least I have my good-smelling shampoo, so the day was certainly not a waste. On the drive home I realized I hadn’t eaten a single thing and it was after 1:00, which probably explained why I had a headache. I stopped at McDonald’s for a salad, and when I got home, I carried all my stuff inside (except for four of the cases of water I’d bought at Sam’s, because I’ll deal with that later), went out to let the chickens into the back yard, checked for eggs, and then I sat down and stuffed my face. And then I surfed on over to LLBean.com and bought Mireya a cardigan. A simple, plain cardigan. In pink, because she’s a girly-girl. I was so sleepy after I ate lunch and answered some email that I went and read for a little while, then turned over and napped for twenty minutes. I didn’t wake feeling too terribly refreshed, but after I’d stumbled around for a little while, I woke up. Today, I have no plans except for vacuuming the house. I’m going to settle in and watch some TV, probably, and I definitely need to go out to the garage and dig around for the wrapping paper and stuff, and maybe some decorations. I might even get started on the Holiday cards so that come Saturday (December 1st, since I refuse to send any out before that), a bunch will be ready to go out. Fred was all appalled at dinner yesterday when he opened the cupboard to get out a plate and found that I’d replaced our regular plates with my Christmas plates. I figure, they need to get used more than once a year, they’re so cute. I’ll store them and put the regular plates back once Christmas is over.
“She thinks I don’t see her back there, but I do. Oh yes, I do. And when she least expects it, I will leap upon her with a furious vengeance, and I will unleash my ninja kitty powers, and she will wish she had NEVER been born.”
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Old Man Spot. Who does NOT look ratty. (Except that he does.)