new logo! This one was created by lovely reader Carol, a few months ago. Thanks, Carol! And on a side note, I have no logo for December. If anyone’s feeling creative, go for it!
High on a stump was a lonely hen
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely hen
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo
***********************************
Thank you all for your lovely anniversary wishes. I slept in until almost 10:00 (!) and was awakened by a knock on the front door. When I opened the door, a cleaning team was standing there.
“Happy anniversary from Fred!” they chorused. “We’re here to deep clean your house from top to bottom!”
There were so many of them that it took only a couple of hours to get the house gleaming from top to bottom. I didn’t want to get in their way, so I took my book out onto the front porch and sat in the sun while reading and watching the traffic go by, and the birds frolic around the front yard. After they left, I went inside and stepped on the scale to find that I have miraculously lost 15 pounds overnight, without even trying.
I was about to go take a long bath and then wash my hair, but just as I turned the water on to fill up the tub, there was another knock on the door.
“Happy anniversary from Fred!” said a tall man in a suit. “Please get dressed and join me in the driveway.”
Wondering just what in the holy hell was going on, I got dressed and went out the side door.
There, in the driveway, sat a stretch limo. Without a word, the driver helped me into the back of the limo, told me to relax, and we drove off down the road. There was a full bar and a tiny refrigerator, so I opened a bottle of Evian and ate a couple of chocolate-covered strawberries and wondered where we were going.
After half an hour, we pulled up to a full-service spa in South Huntsville I’d only read about, but never experienced.
“Mrs. And3rson!” the woman at the front desk greeted me. “Please follow me!”
I did so, and what came after was the stuff of fairytales: full-body massage, mud bath, facial, pedicure and manicure, a fancy haircut and styling, and all the while I wasn’t required to make polite conversation or do anything but lay there and enjoy the pampering.
When the pampering was over, I went into the dressing room and found that my slobby sweatpants and t-shirt had been replaced by a lovely dress that (1) made me look taller, (2) made me look much thinner, and (3) did not display my flabby upper arms, flabby upper thighs, or flabby stomach. It was a miracle dress, is what it was. I slipped on the dress and the shoes – some Italian designers who didn’t sound familiar to me had designed them specifically for my feet – and after a session in a chair with a makeup artist, I was whisked away in the limo.
I was so busy playing with the stereo in the back of the limo that I forgot to pay attention to where we were going, so when we pulled up to a small airplane, I was more than surprised.
“Happy anniversary from Fred!” said the pilot who descended from the plane. “Please come in and have a seat!” I did, mind boggling. The stewardess brought me a flute of champagne and more chocolate-covered strawberries, and I ate and drank as we took to the air.
It was a fairly short flight, and as the plane began descending, I saw the blue waters and white sand beaches of Florida below. As the plane taxied to the terminal, Fred appeared and beckoned me to him.
“Bessie!” he said, waving his arm expansively. “Are you having a good anniversary so far?”
“Yeah, but WHAT THE HELL?” I said. “How can we possibly afford all this?”
“Let me explain over dinner,” he said, and we got into the limo waiting for us. We were whisked away to a small table on a deserted beach, and served oysters, lobster, and shrimp.
“Okay, we’ve eaten,” I said some time later. “Are you going to explain this to me?”
“Remember a few weeks ago when I had to go up into Tennessee for work?” he said.
“I do.”
“Well, while I was there, I bought a lottery ticket. And I forgot all about it until last week, and then when I checked the numbers, I found out -”
“We won the LOTTERY?” I said. “We won the LOTTERY, and you didn’t TELL me?”
“We won the lottery,” he said. “And I didn’t tell you. But isn’t it a good surprise?”
“It is,” I conceded. “How much did we win?!”
“A hundred billion dollars,” Fred said.
“A hundred million dollars?!”
“No. A hundred BILLION dollars.”
After I regained consciousness, Fred smiled down at me. “We could totally buy and sell Oprah if we wanted to. Instead, I’ve made an offer for an island in the Bahamas and they accepted. We’re going to live on our VERY OWN island in the Bahamas. It’s three hundred acres.”
“Wow,” I said, eyes shining. “Imagine how many cats we could fit on three hundred acres!”
“Well, Bessie? Is this a good anniversary present?”
“You bet your ASS it is!”
And we toasted each other and watched the sun set as we walked along the water, burning hundred dollar bills to keep warm.
Okay, you really had me going there! I started to get suspicious about the time you said the dress fit perfectly. Somehow I just couldn’t see Fred preparing for this anniversary by frantically shopping at every store in the tri-county area looking for the perfect dress! Ha-ha! This was fun to read,though! And Happy Anniversary!
I was hoping for your sake that the cleaning crew part was real.
Happy Anniversary a day late!!!
roflmao sounds like my anniversaries.
Oh, btw I named the other black cat. I sent you a picture of the 2, “jet” and ?. Well what goes with Jet, duh, one of their rivals, the Baltimore Ravens. So, I now have matchy black names, Jet and Raven. lol
Mister Boogers has taught Miss Stinkerbelle the ways of hate well.
I really, really hoped the cleaning crew was “truth” — I was crushed when I found out it wasn’t. Sigh. I was about to email a “cut and paste” to my DH as an example on how to treat one’s wife on one’s anniversary, ha! By the way, ever think about naming kittens after sports team figures? (e.g. Seaver, Jeter, A-Rod, Sparky, Moose, etc.) Just suggesting, ya know.
Good one, Robyn! A hundred million, OK, but a hundred BILLION dollars (insert Dr. Evil face) totally gave it away – LOL! I was about to seriously start hating my husband until I realized that your anniversaries are a lot like mine after all. Happy 9th!!
I was getting very jealous and was thinking OMG I can’t wait to see photos! 🙂 Great story!!!! 😉
Good one. You had me going there for a while.
Seriously, I am going to ask for a cleaning crew for my next anniversary! What a awesome idea!! Oh and ..ahem..my cats are not allowed on our counters either!!!
ROBYN, YOU PUNK, I FELL FOR THAT ALL THE WAY UP TO THE HUNDRED BILLION. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED THAT ONE FOR APRIL FOOLS DAY. THE CLEANING CREW WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE THO’. IF YOU HAVE A SECRET WAY TO KEEP THE CATS OFF THE COUNTER, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
I found you off the NaBloPoMo blogroll – very funny! And nope, no cats on my counters either. Just like there’s no cats drinking out of the toilet right now either. It’s just an animated seat cover that looks like an orange tabby…..
I believed it all the way up until you said you lost 15 lbs. overnight, but I thought maybe the cleaning crew and the limo and spa day were doable and very believable. Fred, note to yourself, remember to do this for either her next birthday or for your next anniversary. I’ve been married for 18 and despite peaks and valleys it gets better and better. Congrats!
Okay, you had me until you got in the limo and just took off because you didn’t say anything about locking the doors to the house. I know. I’ve got detail issues.
You had me until you said you put on a dress and Italian shoes.
I knew it wasn’t true because you would be pissed as hell if a cleaning crew showed up and you hadn’t had a chance to clean up for them first.
Too funny! I was with you right up to the part where you enjoyed a book on the porch while your house was being cleaned by a crew of strangers!
Re: cats on the counter – all my counter/table jumpers are gone now! Vinnie was the last of those. For some reason, Beau doesn’t think he can jump up that high, and at 2 yrs old, he’s yet to try. He only gets on the dining room table when there’s a chair pushed up that he can use (and now you understand why the chairs are all pulled back from the table if you ever see my dining room….).
I was really hoping you weren’t pulling our legs… I too had my finger poised over the copy and paste button to let my guy know how to REALLY treat a lady on an anniversary!
I’m so gullible.
Also, my kitties are totally allowed on the counters. They do a wonderful job of keeping them licked clean! 😉
Dude, you totally had me up until you were getting on the plane. And now I want chocolate covered strawberries for breakfast. Damn it!
Hell, I would have been happy with just a cleaning crew at my house!
Okay, you had me with the house cleaning team (I was just about to go tell my husband how great Fred was, my husband forgot our anniversary last month) but I was on to you when you said you lost 15 pounds over night, haha! Anyway, my question is–have you watched any of Meerkat Manor yet? I’m hooked and I can send you the first 2 seasons if you want. It’s sooo cute!
You had me up until the airplane!
Oh, come on ladies. Did you really think she had lost 15 pounds overnight???
You really are a brat!!! 😛
Is it April 1st? 🙂
The whole time I was reading I was getting April Fool’s jibes.
You stinker!
You had me until the “shoes – some Italian designers who didn’t sound familiar to me had designed them specifically for my feet” . . .
I don’t care how great your husband is, that’s just TOO much of a fantasy! I don’t think my husband’s even aware that I HAVE feet, let alone about the sheer wonder that would be custom-made Italian shoes!
ok my anniversary is in 4 days and I am totally going to steal this (with small changes you know) because that is exactly how my anniversary is going to go down, making meatloaf, homework.
Love it!
Cool fantasy! I believed you up until you lost 15 pounds overnight. 🙂 If only that were possible without cutting off a limb.
You had me until the lottery. I just thought that Fred got a huge bonus and was thanking you for the canning and other farm-wife like stuff you did this year.
Hook line and sinker I was, until the hundred billion dollars. Good one!
I started scrolling down on the 15 pounds too…I would have stayed with you for 5 or 6…better yet, 5.2 pounds.
As I was reading the fantasy, I was like, “I know this isn’t real, but damn, the girl’s got a good imagination!” ha ha ha. Happy anniversary lady.
Good entry and an even better imagination! hehe
I was looking back through old anniversary issues looking for a wedding pic. While I did not find a wedding pic *hint hint* I did notice that the Boogs had his infamous Stare at a young age. The pics of him in the 2003 anniversary entry are classic. It is even funnier seeing that Stare on the wee kitteh.
So, no question for me, just a request. *snicker*
wow! I was about to send a link to this story to my boyfriend for encouragement.
LOL
My belief started shorting out somewhere between losing 15 pounds overnight and nonchalantly getting into a limo with a complete stranger who tells you to “relax” – little bit scary to realize how easy it would be, if you know a name or two, to abduct someone.
And I distinctly saw two cats on the counter in the other day’s picture of snackin’ time.
happy anniversary robyn!!!
…i believed that up until the plane. heh.
you and fred are one of my favorite couples — i wish you both only the bestest in the years to come!!! =)
the 15 lbs. overnight thing gave it away pretty early.
Sugarbutt was on the counter in the snack time picture! You LIE.
I literally peed my pants. 🙂 Happy anniversary, you crazy kids!
P.S. Send me some of that motherfucking money. Kisses.
Hells Bells Woman!!
I’m GLAD it was just a fantasy… you don’t want to live on any old sand covered island any way. Just imagine the bitchez scratching and fluffing in all that grit. AND of course…what would outdoor litterbox duty be like then!! All nine kittys and ALL that sand …
xoxo
I thought the “15 pounds overnight” just meant that you hadn’t been trying and it just seemed to happen “overnight.” But I caught on with the Limo thing. Funny!
OK, you had me too, up to the point where you were in the dressing room with the dress and the italian shoes…from there on it was a bit out there! But it was a fun ride, and maybe Fred will get the hint for next year! Seriously, even just the housecleaning and the spa…that would be awesome!
I’m such a sap! I had tears of joy in my eyes for you as I read about the cleaning crew, limo and spa. When I got to the dress part I wondered how in the world Fred could pull that one off! I was partly impressed, partly suspicious. From there on I started wondering if it was a dream. Thanks for sharing that great fantasy though – sure would be fun if it could come true for each of us though! Happy Belated Anniversary!