reading: The 37th Hour.
Finished reading yesterday: Never Threaten to Eat Your Co-Workers. Not a bad book, though I did find myself skipping some of the chapters (or whatever you want to term them). Far and away my favorite chapters were those done by Dooce, Ali Davis, Mrs. Kennedy, and Wil Wheaton.
* * *
Fred apparently had an epiphany yesterday. I got an email consisting of the following and nothing else:
To: Robyn
From: Fred
Subject: I’ve figured it out.
You know why Christians are always persecuted?
Because they’re so goddamn annoying.
* * *
From my comments:
Hey Robyn…totally off the subject but what kind of Dyson do you have. I’m interested in getting one and I’ve been checking them out online, but there’s a bunch of different ones. Also what do you use it for? Carpet or floors? I think I would use it mostly for carpet.
I have the
Dyson Animal – DC07. I still LOVE IT, by the way. There’s just nothing like vacuuming a room and watching the canister fill up with cat hair and dust and crap. I use it for both carpet and floors. There’s a switch so that you can turn the beater bar thingy (?) off while you’re vacuuming floors and then back on when you do carpets. My only gripe about the Dyson is that it doesn’t really reach all the way under my kitchen cabinets and so I have to get out the attachment (because dirt and crap likes to collect under there), but other than that? Love it!
* * *
A year and a day after she took and passed her learner’s permit test, the spud is now officially licensed:
It took about an hour of waiting around at the Department of Motor Vehicles in a jam-packed waiting room before they called her back, filled out a thousand forms, took five dollars, made me sign something, and then snapped her picture.
Last night I took my life in my hands and had her drive me to the post office to drop off some boxes. This was the first time I’d ever been in a vehicle with her behind the wheel, and I was a little worried, because Fred has told me some very scary stories about the spud behind the wheel.
But you know what? It was fine. She’s maybe a little hesitant to pull out when she should, and she has the tendency to slow down wayyy before she needs to, but those are things she’ll overcome in time. The streets of Madison have a lot of traffic and it can be a little scary sometimes – when I was learning to drive, I had the luxury of a lot of country roads to drive down with very little traffic. There’s really nothing like that here; there are plenty of country roads, but a lot of traffic going down them.
She’ll be fine.
* * *
Okay, this Terry Schiavo thing got me freaked out enough that I located an
Advance Directive form online, printed it out, and have started filling it out.
What startles me is that people are skeptical about Michael Schiavo’s claim that he and Terry had talked about it years ago, and she’d never want to be kept alive in a persistent vegetative state.
“Yeah, right,” people are saying. “I’m sure they talked about it alllll the time.”
Well, I hate to be a party pooper, but Fred and I have discussed that very thing many, many times. The first time was before we were even married, and we discuss it again every now and then. We’re both fully aware of each other’s wishes and prepared to carry them out should the occasion arise.
Which always leads to me joking that at some point in the future I’ll be in the hospital, and the nurse will say “Your wife is resting comfortably, Mr. And3rson” and Fred will bellow “Unplug her! Unplug her!” and the nurse will say “No, she’s just sleeping, Mr. And3rson!” and Fred will say “Unplug her! She’d never want to live like that!”
Okay, maybe it’s only funny to us.
My goal before next Friday is to get the Advance Directive form filled out, signed, and witnessed. I’m appointing Fred my health care proxy, and my sister the backup health care proxy (in case Fred and I are in a fiery car accident, or a safe falls on both our heads), because I know without a doubt that I can trust both of them to make the right decision and that they love me enough to make sure my wishes are carried out.
And now, because jokes can be made about ANYTHING (“Where did Krista McAuliffe go on vacation?” “All over Florida!”), there are jokes being made.
Some of them are FUCKING funny.
Fred sent me an email yesterday, saying:
Someone on Fark just commented that Terri Schiavo is like Michigan J. Frog in that she can sit up, speak, and react when her parents are there, but does absolutely nothing when anyone else is around.
Bless Terry Schiavo’s heart, but that is
funny.
And then today he wrote
this entry and I laughed so hard I almost shot Diet Coke out my nose.
I’m surprised he didn’t try to unplug me.
* * *
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Congratulations to the Spud!
Ditto on the Terry Schiavo freaking out thing. I’m not in a rush for the directive thing – as long as my parents are alive. I too, as well as they, have discussed this issue. My mom will definitely pull the plug for me. Not sure about Dad, but I think he would too. My mom told me last night that “IF I cannot taste it, I don’t want it! Oh, and it needs to taste good too!” So there.
PS = Yes I know I should sign the thingy – heck I work for a law firm with Living Wills in our electronic forms library.
So there are jokes everywhere. . .
Hurray for the Spud! : )
you know, you could paint something on the car.. for example, I saw a truck the other day with “I bought my Lemon at P@ul B@iley’s” painted on the side of it. Nothing like using your imagination. LOL
Congrats to the Spud! π
As for the Terri Schiavo case, my fiance and I have talked about our wishes BEFORE this case came to prominence (and we’ve talked about it since). We are in full agreement about our wishes should anything happen to either of us. It is too bad that a case like this makes people realize how important things such as living wills and DNRs are. Hopefully, we will never have to use them.
To the spud: way to go on getting your license!! Enjoy it. Thanks to both Robyn and Fred for the pictures of the boogerΒI enjoy the cat pictures a lot. Have a great weekend, you guys!
My gawd, when the hell did the Spud go and GROW up?!
The whole Terry Schiavo thing made me worried enough to get off my butt and fill out a healthcare power of attorney with detailed instructions as to what my wishes are. Got the hubby to fill one out, too. (The healthcare power of attorney is one of the options for Ohio besides a living will–if anyone from Ohio is reading this there’s a site– http://www.ohpco.org/living_will.htm –where you can download forms.) I personally don’t think there’d be the kind of family fighting that there is in this case, but just in case I wanted everything spelled out, because no way in hell would I want to live that kind of living death if I were ever in such a situation.
The girl is dying Robyn. Regardless of how you feel about the whole situation, she is still a human being. It’s in very bad taste to make fun of someone who is dying. She is someone’s daughter, sister, and, yes, wife.
Thanks, Nicole. You just won me $20 in the bet with Robyn over who would get the first preachy comment from a reader. π
WOOHOO! Amazon, here I come!
Why don’t you make a joke about killing babies,and see how much that will fetch for Amazon?!!
Congrats to the Spud! It looks like she actually has a decent licence photo too, very nice. I have that ‘where’s the camera?’ look on my face… oops.
Good one, Nicole. Did Jesus suggest you say that to me?
IMO, she died a long time ago, and her family has already had years to mourn.
Actually,no. Funny, though, how any criticism lodged at you is always interpreted as coming from those “crazy Christians”. I am not Christian. I am not a bible thumper. Jesus and I don’t communicate. I’m just somone who thought that the comments made were insensitive. That’s all.
Way to go Spud. I cannot get over how grown up the Spud is. I still feel like she should be a little girl. I’ve been reading to long and I’m old.
Re: The Shiavo murder. I don’t think Fred is going to be the kind of hubby who keeps you hooked up till he gets the money in his hand, and finds some other woman to have two kids with. The whole thing is sad, but the hubby is creepy.
I feel compelled to defend Terri Schiavo. She is one of our finest persistent vegetators.
I suppose Nicole is entitled to her opinion or the opinion that the right wing whackos have shoved down her throat. I mean really, this is where I come to get my all my thoughts, views and beliefs. I always have the option to not come back to this site and to be brainwashed. Maybe Nicole could exercise that option?
On the license thing, I applaud you Robyn for not freaking out. My son turned 16 in January and he still does not have a license nor have I gone for a drive with him but just thinking about it freaks me out.
Thank you for the link about the living will stuff. I just printed out some Illinois forms for me and my husband…
(hi Mister Boogers!)
Congratulations to the spud! You have a very beautiful daughter – when did she grow up?
My family and I have discussed the idea of pulling the plug; most of us are firm on the no heroic measures issue and have written out statements to that effect. One family member is for the life support thing, but we’ll all respect each other’s beliefs.
As someone who used to work in hospice, I had several terminal patients elect to refuse food and liquids to end their lives, as there was no other means open for ending their suffering. Dehydration is actually not a terribly painful way to go – three or four days. Than again, I’ve never seen a healthy individual attempt this, so I don’t know what would happen.
The only thing creepy about Schiavo is that she didn’t get to make the choice. This is why we need living wills!
Don’t some people realize that your readers come here for the bad taste? I mean jeez you are just joking. My dad always tells us if he is ever like a vegatable, wearing a diaper and drooling we are to pull the plug, we just tell him not to worry someone will put a pillow over his face and end it long before that, heh! And I do think that a lot of couples have had conversations about this, I know my husband and I have and we both agree, pull the plug, who the hell would want to live like that!
So Terri’s husband is supposed to stop living because of this tragedy? I for one am glad he had the sense to move on and I betcha Terri is glad he did, too.
This whole issue, IMHO, is about her parents being selfish. They are keeping her alive for THEM. I don’t think many of us would want to linger on for 20, 30, 40 years confined to a hospital bed with no way to communicate, move or LIVE. I can understand not wanting to let your child go but she’s been gone a long time. Now they need to put her body to rest so THEY can move on.
And finally, I *am* a Christian and I laughed at what Fred AND Robyn said. It’s human nature. I have had some of the best laughs of my life during tragic times, one at a funeral. Sometimes you have to laugh to make things bearble.
And Nicole, I’ll have to check my copy of “Things Said in Poor Taste That Are Still Funny As Hell” but I *believe* baby-killing jokes are worth $50 at Amazon but you do NOT qualify for Super Saver shipping.
Sometimes a living will is not enough. It is not legally binding. I’ve seen doctors ignore advance directives in favor of continued treatment. I’ve seen families cave in and continue treatment, all with an advance directive present in the chart at the hospital. I’ve seen staff put pressure on families to continue treatment and I’ve seen the opposite, where the staff pressures the family to stop treatment. It’s one big horrible mess and I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with this in any fashion. May we all drop dead–all the way dead.
Oops, forgot to say: The medical power of attorney is the most powerful set-up. Whomever is designated, you know, legally, (with the correct paperwork), supercedes everyone elses wishes, including the patient’s advance directive and the next of kin. Do it now, folks! And no, I’m not an attorney trying to generate business.
Julie,
I’m not a lawyer either but I do beileve a durable POA is the most powerful.
I think.
Well, that was fast. Someone zinged me an email telling me not to give advice. So, I’m officially retracting all of the above statements made by me, Julie. Find out for your ownselves, all y’all. But gee, I guess I can still wish that we all drop dead, all the the way dead, can’t I? Or is that actionable grounds also. Sheesh. Humans are the virus on this earth, aren’t we?
Congrats Spud!!!!
I still think it’s funny how much her and my daughter look alike.. can’t get over it! LOL
Julie,
Email them back and tell the to shut the hell up.
(Please do not consider that legal advice)
Bonnie,
Thanks! I’ve already written to them to say, “Legally, you must take my foot and shove it up your ass sideways.” Conveniently, I have on my Uggs. I guess I should have said I was taking it under advisement to shove my foot up their ass sideways. Damn, I can’t do anything right.
‘Which always leads to me joking that at some point in the future I’ll be in the hospital, and the nurse will say “Your wife is resting comfortably, Mr. And3rson” and Fred will bellow “Unplug her! Unplug her!” and the nurse will say “No, she’s just sleeping, Mr. And3rson!” and Fred will say “Unplug her! She’d never want to live like that!”‘
This was funny to me, too, Robyn. π
Also – thanks for emailing me back about changing my address for the Giveaway mailing list. I figured it out right after I emailed you.
Happy Easter, and my congrats to the Spud!
Julie: As far as I’m concerned, you can give all the advice you’d like in my comments. π Advise away!
Congratulations to the Spud! And thanks for the info on the Dyson, Robyn.
The most offensive thing that actually made me laugh a little, unintentionally, was in reference to Michael Schiavo having a girlfriend now… “well you can’t expect a guy to go without pussy for FIFTEEN YEARS and imagine what they’d be saying if he was still trying to get with his wife.” Crass enough to make the baby jesus cry.
Fat jokes are still the funniest, though.
My new tatoo? “Do Not Resuscitate” on my left boob. I was gonna put it UNDER my boob, but what if when I’m old and that ol’ hounds ear flops down and hides it?
Great photo of the Spud. And congrats to her!
My goodness! It’s getting dicey in here!!!! 1. Congratulations to the Spud!!! And I think she is growing up so beautifully – plus she looks happy!! 2. I wasn’t offended by anything except that I did gasp at the astronaut/teacher joke. :))))))
Congratulations Spud!!
Know why gays are always persecuted?
Because they’re so “goddamn disgusting!”
If you’re offended by that remark, why do you think your remark about Christians is ok?
Intolerance is intolerance and hatred is hatred no matter who the subject of the joke is.
I think maybe you should look up the words ‘intolerant’ and ‘hatred’, Mary, because I don’t think they mean what you think they do.
If gay people start knocking on my door all the time, trying to convert me; if gay people tell my daughter she’s evil and will be tortured in fire forever because she missed a GLAAD meeting; if gay people march up and down the street with signs saying “Christians burn in hell”; if a gay judge from my state forces his gayness into the state rotunda in defiance of the Supreme Court; if gay people put a picture of a dead Jesus on an American flag where I drive by it when I go kayaking; if gay people accost me when I’m shopping to press a rainbow-colored tract into my hand; if gay people call me names and won’t associate with me because I refuse to believe their fairy tales, guess what?
I’ll call gay people “goddamn annoying”, too, because they WILL be.
i dont think its weird at all that you & Fred discuss these things, M & i have had the conversation many times… i think its sad they cant euthanise her and instead just pull the feeding tube out. isnt that just prolonging the inevitable, torture even? then again im in the Netherlands, where the devil lives according to the fundamentalists *insert eyeroll here*
oh, and way to go Spud!! π
Fred, you are so right about the annoying factor. I am a Christian, but when I moved “Down South” to the Nashville area, I was shocked at how many WACKOS came knocking on my door to try and force their beliefs on me. I finally posted a sign right near the doorbell that said “DO NOT RING THIS DOORBELL IF YOU ARE HERE TO DISCUSS RELIGION, WE ALREADY HAVE OUR OWN AND DO NOT PLAN ON SWITCHING!” It’s been quite effective.
Frist time reader and poster, mother is long time reader. Wow. Look how easily a few comments can generate so much attention. I love it! Totally agree with you Robyn, but dang.. look how quickly people start jumping down the throat of someone with an opinion! *Gasp* Opinions exist?. When the apocalypse hits, it’s gonna be battle royal!
Fred,
Using humor or any means to desensitize people to a particular group is hatred. I don’t need to look it up. It’s one thing to criticize the behavior or ideology of a particular group, it’s very different to condone persecution of that group as a whole (no matter who they are). That was the point of my post. If you cannot see the irony in how you advocate (albeit humorously) the persecution of christians, as a whole, because you believe they are promoting hate or whatever against other groups, then I guess you just don’t get how ignorance and stereotypes result in things like hate crimes and holocausts. Maybe you are the one who needs to do some research. Start by looking up “hypocrite” then move on to a study of the social dynamics of anti-semitism. The same tactics that led to the Nazi persecution of the Jews is what you are engaging in. Hate promotes hate. Rise above it and have an intelligent argument concerning the issues–don’t level engage in the very tactics of those you disagree with.
Uh, oh. Godwin’s Law. Game over. (Fred wins.)
Hot damn, I won another Amazon gift certificate!
Sequence of events:
1. Post reply to comment.
2. Turn to wife and say, “$20 says Mary’s response will invoke the Nazis’ treatment of the Jews during WWII”.
3. Profit!
Mary,
Did it occur to you that you’re being goddamn annoying, and starting to sound like you feel persecuted?
All you’re doing is proving his point! LOL
Barb
‘Which always leads to me joking that at some point in the future I’ll be in the hospital, and the nurse will say “Your wife is resting comfortably, Mr. And3rson” and Fred will bellow “Unplug her! Unplug her!” and the nurse will say “No, she’s just sleeping, Mr. And3rson!” and Fred will say “Unplug her! She’d never want to live like that!”‘
I laughed so hard i snoted it is a good thing i work by myself today.
As if the entry wasn’t amusing enough the notes today have been highly amusing thank you so much for being here. I know where to go when i need a smile.
Was reading at Cat’s site as she is one of the posters on a regular site i visit. Saw this and had to check it out. Love Cats and love being bitchy. My kind of woman. Now I haven’t got a damn thing done today as I had to go read all the archives. Girl you are a hoot! My hubby is out of town and I sat here reading all day on a blog. Do I have a life or what?
Robyn, I laughed at the part with Fred hollering to unplug the comfortably resting you, it was very funny to me, reminded me of the “bring out your dead…” Monty Python bit. This is such a huge thing to people, this case, it’s especially frustrating when people who really know nothing about it other than the bits they hear over and over in the news will weigh in on it publicly. Of course that’s their right, I’d never try to say otherwise, I’d not comment on it to them in their own space, I just say here that it is frustrating. I don’t know why this is so anguishing for me, why this case actually makes me feel ill and brings a real wave of—sadness, I guess. The more I read about it, the transcripts I read, the facts about Felos and Greer and the nursing home, and the sworn testimony about Terri’s responsiveness to her therapy before Schiavo was awarded the care money—-I’m not a christian, I’m not a republican, I’m not letting rightwingers cram anything into my mouth for me to then spew, I’m just reading—and it’s making me sick and very sad for her. But your joke about Fred at your bedside, that was funny. I love to read your daily entries, I think you’ve demonstrated so many times that you are a caring person (over at Smart and Sassy you also seem genuinely sweet!). My post is so rambling, sorry. I guess I’m just trying to explain away some of the bitter comments–not my job, I know.
eek, and now I’m making sure that you don’t think I mean you when I speak of people weighing in on the subject when they only know what they hear in the bit on the news. I did NOT mean you, you didn’t weigh in on it at all, you just made the joke and mentioned you’d found out about the advance directive and that you’d talked about it with Fred.