Best new blog I’ve discovered lately (I’m sure I followed the link from another blog, but I don’t remember which): Waiter Rant.
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So, Sunday I got a bug up my butt (not literally)(at least, I don’t think so) and decided to clean the master bathroom and dust the upstairs and vacuum as well. I hadn’t cleaned the bathroom since the day before I had surgery, which means it had gone for three weeks without being cleaned – sadly, that’s about the average ’round these parts – and the ring around the bathtub was starting to get on my nerves.
Anyway, I cleaned the bathroom, dusted the upstairs, and vacuumed the upstairs, then I looked at the stairs and decided they were horribly disgusting and needed to be vacuumed. Since I’m not supposed to lift anything heavy until six weeks after surgery, I decided I’d vacuum halfway down the stairs with the stair attachment, then ask Fred to carry it to the bottom of the stairs so I could do the other half of the stairs (the Dyson doesn’t quite reach to the top of the stairs, or I would have had him carry it down first). So I left the Dyson at the top of the stairs and started vacuuming. I’d done three or four stairs when I glanced up and saw that the Dyson was starting to tip over a little. I decided to do one more stair, then turn it off and yell for Fred.
I was in the middle of that stairs, when I heard a horrific crash as the Dyson tipped over and started cartwheeling down the stairs. The main part of the vacuum hit me and stopped, and the canister part detached and continued merrily on its way past me, smacking my hand really hard. By this time, Fred had flown out of the kitchen and was yelling “Are you okay?!” at me. I kind of looked around blankly, trying to figure out why the Dyson looked so funny, and then set it upright and turned it off.
“Are you okay?!” Fred asked again.
“Yeah,” I said, then pressed my now-bleeding hand against my side to blot the blood.
“Did it hit you?” he asked.
“Not really,” I said. It had hit my leg, but my leg felt fine.
Fred picked up the canister – which had come open when it hit the bottom of the stairs, scattering dust and crap everywhere, and closed it. Then he came up the stairs, took the Dyson, and set it at the bottom of the stairs. There was a bit of plastic chipped off the side of the top of the canister, but it fit back into place with no problem, and when we plugged the Dyson in to make sure it was working okay, it worked like a champ. So I vacuumed the entire downstairs while I was at it.
I love my Dyson.
But I’m afraid that now it’s tasted human blood, it’s going to require a periodic human sacrifice.
I wonder if cat blood would suffice?
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So, I know I’ve mentioned that Sugarbutt likes to climb in bed with me in the middle of the night and lick my neck while kneading VERY VERY HARD on whatever exposed skin he can find. The thing is, that it really fucking HURTS when he kneads on exposed skin, even if I keep his claws clipped, because they might be blunt claws, but they’re still CLAWS. Finally, I bitched about it enough (and then Tommy tried to climb a tree in the back yard last week) that Fred suggested we give
SoftPaws a try.
I ordered – at Fred’s suggestion – a set of red nail caps and a set of purple. They came pretty quickly – in a matter of days, I think – and Friday night we clipped Sugarbutt’s claws and Tommy’s, too. Then we carefully put caps on all of Tommy’s nails. It was kind of a production, because Tommy doesn’t much like having his paws messed with, and at one point he even growled at us, so we fell into a rhythm of putting one nail cap on, then letting him down and distracting him with a toy. We got four nails on each paw covered, and decided not to worry about his “thumb” nails. He licked at his paws for a little while, but didn’t seem too disturbed by the nail covers, and was pretty quickly back to running around, chasing Sugarbutt.
So on Saturday, we did Sugarbutt. And then we discussed it, and decided to go ahead and cover their “thumb” nails with caps, too, because it became pretty clear that they use those nails more than we realized. And Saturday night when Sugarbutt came to visit me, and he kneaded just as hard as he could, it didn’t hurt at ALL.
Thank GOD for SoftPaws!
I think the red goes nicely with his fur. (He now has a purple “thumb” nail, but that was after we took this picture)
Pretty in purple.
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“Bob! Dude! I don’t want to get nasty, here, but I NEED SOME FREAKIN’ ‘NIP! I’m going through withdrawal, man!”
I guess this is Sugarbutt’s version of working out.
All of today’s uploaded pictures are
here.
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Previously
2005: No entry.
2004: The Bean appeared before me, eyes wide and dark, a sad little
I’m a poor kitty who has lost his way look on his face.
2003: They freaked out.
2002: Um. In yesterday’s entry, I MEANT to link to Fred with the words “nice butt”, not MYSELF.
2001: We got proof today that we, in fact, do not have two gay hamsters.
2000: No entry.]]>
Those SoftPaws look cool.How long do they stay on? Frances Bean is declawed. Sweet Potato still has hers and she likes to remind Frances Bean of it.
I am glad you were not hurt badly in the stairway cafuffle!
Are your other cats declawed? I was wondering how the soft paws worked because both our cats are declawed, but their back claws are nasty sharp even after we clip them.
Robyn… your hand and fingers look thinner!
I’m interested to hear on how the soft paws work out long term… They look like they might fall or be chewed off easily.
My monster – errrr I mean – my cat scratches the couch even though I clip his nails.
Cat Mommy guilt just struck me! Frances Bean does have her back claws. She is not completely defenseless! God forbid the internet think badly of me. Well, she is missing her front claws… so they do. Arrrrgh! The guilt! The guilt!
Sugarbutt and Tom Cullen remind me of Nance now with their fancy colored claws!
Here’s another hilarious blog to visit:
http://porktornado.diaryland.com/catcoffin.html
In this particular entry, he jokes about when his cat dies, but he’s NOT SERIOUS! (I’m pretty sure…)
I used the soft paws on one of our cats for a while and they worked fine at first. Didn’t last very long, though, and after the first replacement they kept falling off. To me it wasn’t worth the expense and the trouble of putting them on.
Love the soft paws-saved my furniture and my skin. I check my 2 cats every week or so and have to replace one or two as they do come off as the nails grow. You can get pretty good deals on Ebay.
I’ll be curious to see how the soft paws work for you.
Also- it’s sad that your Dyson tried to kill you. I hope it doesn’t do it again.
Wow, my cat will barely let me trim her nails without trying to kill me. Do they try to take the softpaws off?
I used them once, but when I lost the glue that came with them I used Crazy Glue and they stayed on for a good two months! Errr… I hope that wasn’t bad but the cat didn’t seem to mind.
Ok, I first look at the pictures and then I read the entry. Now to look at the pictures and not read the text, I was thinking that your cats scratched your hand up for painting their nails. Happy to see that wasn’t the case. They look very fashionable. Sorry about the attack of the Dyson.
3 comments
1st. I just discovered Waiter Rant too and could not quit reading until I read every single one of them. He is great.
2nd. I am loving the painted nails more than I should.
3rd. I was in Lowe’s the other day and a big obnoxious woman was yelling across the store, “BOB, BOB…BawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwB!”
Guess who I thought of? Yeah you would of loved it.
Ok, I think the Dyson has shown it is, indeed, haunted. I really think you should send it to me ASAP and I will take it offa your hands.
Cause I lurve ya.
Um I didn’t mean I thought of you because the woman was loud and obnoxious. It was the BOB part.
I wish I could of recorded her voice. Very hick and throaty! HEE!!!!
Erin in Iowa: I think they’re supposed to stay on for a few weeks, but I think it all depends on how long it takes for them to shed their nails – when they shed their nails, the caps will come off.
Amy: No, but we’ve never had a problem with them sharpening their claws on the furniture, either, so never needed to resort to the SoftPaws ’til now. Sugarbutt and Tom Cullen are just WILD compared to how the other cats were at their age.
Leslie: I haven’t noticed them chewing at the SoftPaws caps much, but who knows what they do when I’m not watching? 🙂
OMG! You blooded your Dyson. It will have to come live with me now. 🙂
Robyn, I have been thinking about softpaws for Harvey and Ozzy for a while now. Do you glue them on?
I can see it now…
As Robyn and Fred lay sleeping, the cats snoring at their sides. The Dyson is down the hall in the closet, slowly, the “headlight” comes to life… brightening evily. It creeps toward the partially opened door, pushing it silently open. (see, there are drawbacks to WD40!) The cord drags eerily behind as it glides on its relentless pursuit down the darkened hallway.
The door to the bedroom creaks slightly as it opens. The Dyson halts its progress as if listening for sounds of movement. Continuing on its pathway, it moves toward the sleeping form on the bed. Closer and closer it moves to the dangling hand over the side of the bed, already scraped up from the previous days experience. Just as it reaches the hand, you hear a voice from the darkness….
“Fred, I thought you put the Dyson up, for heavens sake, put the stupid thing in the closet!”
and then…
“Snork, huh? Oh, ok.”
And thankfully, the Dysons attempt was thwarted.. At least for one night… Bwahahaha.
LOLOL
;0) I’m sure you or Fred could come up with a much better version. Hehehe.
Seriously, glad you are ok 🙂
I think that Sugarbutt is “just styling” in the multi-colored nails. I needed soft paws for my HDAD cat, Andy, but I did not know how I could get soft paws on by myself so – here comes the guilt – I had his back paws declawed a year after the front paws. He is so jumpy that the once the dryer buzzer sent him flying and he left 8 nasty scratches on my big belly!
I also had a Dyson incident this weekend! I was standing in the kitchen at my Mom’s house wondering how in the heck I empty the canister. I pushed a little button and the bottom of the freaking canister opened (did i mention it was a FULL canister???) to spill its dusty cat/dog hair contents all over my feet and legs. Mom walked in just as I let out an “oof!” I am sure she was really impressed with all the money she spent on my college education at that point.
I am totally getting the soft paws for my little girl. She will be pretty in pink!
SoftPaws are a godsend — when we first got Jordan, he was tearing up the carpet (since we live in an apartment, that’s a big no-no). So we put SoftPaws on him for a couple of months, then bought a humongous cat tree. Between the two, he pretty much stopped clawing the carpet, *and* they gave him even better traction on the bathroom countertop and tile floors.
Cat blood will not appease the Dyson in place of human. Cat blood is much too tart for the Dyson and he must have 100% human blood. However, the blood of the innocent will last longer than regular old blood. Not that I know for a fact or anything.