2/10/06

Okay, I like Madonna. I, personally, thought she was cuter back when she was all Material Girl in the ridiculous clothes, before she became scarily super-toned and in shape and started to take herself too seriously. Also, the faux-British accent gets on my nerves. But anyway, I like her. I think it’s cool that she’d had a career that’s spanned centuries and is still going strong. You go, girl! But. But. Good christ, the leotard.

I cannot STAND the leotard. She’s wearing the freakin’ leotard EVERYWHERE. I imagine the booking agents at the talk shows are having a cow: “Yes, we’d like to book Madonna – okay, okay, MADGE. We’d like to book MADGE on Letterman for the 15th. To sing and interview, that’s correct. She’ll be the first guest. Oh, and please, for the love of all that is holy can she leave the leotard at home? Because she’s worn the fucking thing so many times it’s got to be fraying in the ass. She’s in fabulous shape, WE GET THE IDEA, please. PLEASE. No more leotard!” I don’t know if she’s wearing it with the attitude of “BOO-YAH, bitches! You said I was a has-been ten seconds after Holiday broke, and I am still HERE, and look at my fine ass in this tight overworn leotard, and I have more money than you could count in a million years, so BITE IT!”, or if it’s more “Look, you fat cow on that couch in Alabama, get OFF your ass and do sixteen hours of yoga a day and eat 1 bean – and on the wild days a scoop of protein powder directly into your mouth – and YOU can look like this too! Come on sister, get moving!” Anyway, Madonna’s cool, but I’d like to see the leotard go directly into the trash. Unless maybe it’s a magic leotard and the source of all her powers? Also, the 70s ‘do. I’m not diggin’ it, Madge.
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A couple of days ago I was flipping through the guide for the WE channel, and came across Secret Lives of Women because I – perhaps you didn’t know this? – am a woman, and if there are lots of women out there having secret lives, perhaps this is something I need to get in on? Do I need a secret life? What kind of secret life do I need? Where would I find said secret life?, I set up to tape a couple of these Secret Lives of Women episodes, specifically the Late in Life Lesbians and Sex Trade episodes. They seemed like a good place to start, you know? (No, I am sad to say, I am not a Late in Life Lesbian. I am not a lesbian, period. I’m not nearly cool enough.) So yesterday I sat down and watched the Late in Life Lesbian episode while I cross-stitched, and it was pretty good. It featured three different women who’d been married and had kids, and came to the realization – usually in their thirties, now that I think about it – that they were gay. They all had partners, and one of the women – Jocelyn – had a partner who was a retired Marine. For the entire show, Jocelyn’s partner’s face was blurred because, you see, if it came out that she was a lesbian, her VA benefits would be at risk. Which pisses me off, really. I mean, I know if it comes out that you’re gay while you’re in the military you can be discharged, but they can TAKE AWAY YOUR BENEFITS, the benefits you’re given because you served your country, if they find out you’re gay. Seriously? That is fucking ridiculous. Anyway, I think they called her “Ellen”, and they always had her in shadow, or if they showed her with Jocelyn and Jocelyn’s daughters, they had her face blurred out. And then at the end, they showed “Ellen” standing in the foreground in her camoflauge uniform with her head down so you couldn’t see her face, and in the background were Jocelyn and her daughters, and then “Ellen” raised her head, and she said “I’m a lesbian,” took her hat off and finished “And I’m not hiding anymore.” Oh, the TEARS, how they FLOWED, because it just got me right there, y’know? I think that Secret Lives of Women might be my brand new addiction.
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Brudderly love. “What the -? What are you -? NO, don’t TOUCH MY TAIL. I don’t CARE if it looks so soft and fluffy you’ve just gotta touch it! Good god, that’s MY TAIL! Don’t you know that you don’t TOUCH a man’s TAIL without asking first? JESUS!” I was trying to get a picture of how Miz Poo, when she sits on my lap, just HAS to put her paw on my boob, but I ended up with this one instead. She looks all cross-eyed, and I like how you can see her little row o’ teeth.
All uploaded pictures for today are here.
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Previously 2005: “Life’s too fucking short to read books that suck.” 2004: Damn you, DVR! I WANT to love you, but you’re toying with my emotions! 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: I’m not sure what effect, if any, it had on her.]]>

21 thoughts on “2/10/06”

  2. I totally agree about the Madonna leotard – I immediately turn the channel everytime I see her lately.

  3. Thanks for giving me another show to watch and become addicted to. I’m giving “Secret Lives…” a a try.

  4. Thanks Fred… after seening that Madonna photo I fear I’m scarred for life. That was seriously frightening.
    Hope your feeling good, Robyn… I finished reading all your WLS posts yesterday. Boy, they sure did make you wait, didn’t they!
    -Nancy

  5. I may be three years younger than Madonna and have a body that looks twenty years older, but by god, I don’t have to schlep my pre-menopausal body out for a BRAZILIAN WAX, and for that, I will trade being able to wear a leotard on television.

  6. Fred that photo is way too scary! And I’m totally with you on the British accent – it wavers like a boy whose voice hasn’t broken. Unlike the bloke who plays Spike in Buffy (James Marsterson? Not sure…) – I was convinced he was southerner Brit with a hint of the East Midlands thrown in, but no, it turns out he’s American!

  8. Had to stop reading right where I was and stop to tell you that you made me HOWL with that Madonna riff. Girl, you crack my $hit up! Work sucks today – thanks for the giggles!!!!

  9. Thank you Miz Robyn for that perfect recount of Madonna and her leotard, ugh, and the hair. GAWD the hair. I just about died. I don’t think I liked the flippy bangs when they WERE cool. Ok, maybe I did but it was the 70s, it was OK to like it then.
    ALso I have noticed she tries to bring back old trends on her own and it never flies. Heh. I don’t see anyone else flipping their bangs on the Red Carpet anyway, if they are, don’t tell me, I can’t look.
    I think she looks a little geriatric in the leotard. Don’t get me wrong she looks WAY better than I but something in the crotch area that reminds me of my grandma.
    I am just sayin….

  12. Oh, I can’t stand Madonna’s hair. I can’t wait until she changes that ‘do.
    Cutest. Cat. Pictures. Ever. Today. Robyn. Thank. You.

  13. Big Madoonna fan here. Not diggin the current outfits either.My God I use to tie panty hose on my head as headbands, cant stick my ass in a leotard no way doesnt she care about her fans any more?!!
    Anyway, so not a cat person but I sure do love your cats. My 2 year old loves to see BIG CATS BIG CATS. Thanks.

  14. Saw the Secret Lives of Women “I work in Porn”
    One woman funded her political documentatary work with $$ from directing porn.
    One women was in the biz for 10+ years and has 2 teenaged boys who “don’t want to join the family business…”
    All educational. Definitely worth a look.
    P.S. I have been so over Madonna after she left the “material” world and entered the “holier than thou” world. P.S. Madge, don’t go lecturing us about being obsessed with earthly possessions when I caught a glimpse of your digs in England in last year’s Vogue spread.
    I guess if I too lived in an English castle, I could stop concerning myself with worldly possessions…since I had them all.

  17. Yep,Madonna’s fake English accent HAS to go.
    I lived in England three and a half years.
    While I began to use the English versions of commonly used words instead of the Yank versions,there was no morphing of my fast California drawl into an English accent.
    If anything I began to sound more Canadian. I spoke more clearly and slowly-enunciating my words so folks could actually understand me better. I love Canadians…

  18. Re ‘tard pic: So it appears that Madonna can contort herself so as to see whether they missed anything with the Brazilian wax!

  19. On the bright side it will be no time at all and she will have a completely NEW look. We can only hope anyway. The leotard get up and flippy hair make her look seriously OLD. Like she was in her prime in the 70’s – early 80’s and won’t give it up. Heyyyy, she WAS in her prime in the early 80’s! 😉
    That said I bought her latest CD for my 8 year old daughters who SO wanted it. Sigh.

  20. Okay, so I followed the Madonna links. So, she DIDN’T write “Frozen”? Court ruled she stole it. Too bad, it was one of the few Madge songs I actually can tolerate.
    Leotards don’t even look good on kids, they look ridiculous on middle-aged women (no matter how toned the women are).
    BTW, the Marilu Henner blog entry link is hilarious in a very creepy way.

  21. Ummm… I work for the VA, and i don’t think your benefits are at risk if you come out after your discharge. Now, if you got a dishonorable discharge for coming out while in service, that would be different. But I don’t think your VA benefits are affected otherwise. You can’t claim a same-sex partner as a dependent, though.
    I work at the benefits office rather than the hospital, so I don’t know what the VA hospital itself requires. Also, there’s defense, finance, and accounting services (DFAS) who pays retired pay benefits.

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