January 10, 2005. – Bitchypoo

New logo for the new month, this one by reader Beth, made back in October. Oh, little kitties just crack me up. Thanks, Beth!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So, Sonic lovers, how do you pronounce “route”, as in “I’ll have a Route 44 Diet Coke, please.”? Do you pronounce it “root” or do you pronounce it “rowt”? Because I pronounce it “root”, and the people at the Sonic around the corner act like I’m an idiot, carefully repeating my order back to me “That’s a ROWT 44 Diet Coke?” like I might get the hint. Oh, hell. I think this calls for a poll, don’t you? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Julie at Subversive Cross Stitch is donating 100% of all sales through today to AmeriCares to assist in the tsunami relief effort. She’s got some hilarious stuff over there – go buy, quick! I’ll tell you what – if you want one of the cross-stitch pictures, but either can’t cross-stitch or don’t want to be bothered, buy the kit, send it to me, and I’ll do it for you and send it back. Fair enough? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So yes, the spud and I are back from Maine. In fact, we got back Thursday afternoon to a clean house and kitties thrilled to have us home. The house was clean because Fred called a cleaning service to come clean the house from top to bottom the day before we got home. They did a good job, and it’s always nice to come home to a clean house. (It was actually my idea to have them come clean. It was his follow-through that made it happen, though. He rocks, you know.) Of course, four days later the entire house needs to be vacuumed again. I’d use my earnings from the lottery I won when I was in Maine, but I forgot to play the damn lottery, so there are no winnings for me. Damnit. We did some serious-ass shopping while I was in Maine. We went shopping all but one or two days, and I got some really awesome stuff on sale. I didn’t, you will be amazed to hear, buy any books. Oh, wait – that’s a lie. I did buy one book, but it was on sale and I was already buying a calendar, and – MOST IMPORTANTLY – it was before January 1st, so I was okay. How many people really believe I’ll go the entire year buying no books except for those put out by my favorite authors? Hell, I’m not sure I believe it myself. I bought a ton of stuff on sale (the sales were awesome. Did I mention?) and ended up not only going to one of those places where they pack boxes for you to have the breakable stuff packed and shipped home, but I also filled up an entire suitcase with the unbreakable stuff. This only worked because the spud and I each got a suitcase from my parents for Christmas. Suitcases from Hawaii, by the way. I need to snap a picture of them to show y’all how cute they are. Not only did we shop a lot, we ate out at least one meal a day, every day. I got to visit my favorite restaurants – Vinny T’s twice, the Muddy Rudder, an Italian from The Kitty Korner. I had orange Hostess cupcakes and a couple of whoopie pies – all the food I look forward to when planning a trip to Maine. We threw a baby shower for my brother’s girlfriend at the Muddy Rudder, and there was an amazing amount of presents for her to open. I love checking out all the baby stuff and loved buying a bunch of stuff for them, but I for sure wasn’t having the yearning to have another kid. That might change this summer when I get to meet my newest niece or nephew and hold him/ her, but I doubt it – I don’t think another kid is in the cards for us. My brother’s girlfriend is adorable and was completely taken by surprise by the shower, and even more taken by surprise by the fact that my brother was there. My other brother – Tracy – and his wife, Kate, and their kids were already in Maine when I got there, but our visits only overlapped by a day and a half. I was sad to see them go, but glad to get the basement bedroom back, because it’s hell trying to sleep in a single bed when you’re used to a queen. Kate looked absolutely amazing; she had weight loss surgery back at the end of March and has lost more than 110 pounds. It was so weird to see her in person, because I’ve been seeing the pictures, but seeing her in person was a whole different thing, and I had a hard time looking directly at her at first, because my brain just couldn’t comprehend the amazing difference. So I’d stare at her, look away while my brain thought about it, stare at her some more, look away, and so on. Luckily I got over that pretty quickly; it’s amazing to see a difference like that. She’s a tiny thing now – I was afraid I was going to break her when I hugged her. Also, she turned me on to Jack Link’s Beefsteak Nuggets. That stuff is like crack – I finally went to Wal-Mart this morning and bought some of it because I’ve been craving it. I’m not usually a beef jerky fan, but this stuff is really good. Chock-full of protein, too! Also, Typhoid Kate (hee!) gave me her cold. My parents kept insisting that I stuff as many Vitamin C tablets down my throat as I could, and use the ZiCam spray every day, and I have to say that I actually think it worked. I had a cold for about a week – it still hasn’t completely gone away – but it wasn’t severe enough to stop me from shopping, eating out, or going to the movies. (To be honest, I don’t think a brain tumor could stop me from shopping, etc. I’d be yelling “Yeah, I gotta get out of here, there’s a sale at my favorite Hallmark store. Let’s go, Doc, dig that fucker out!”) Let’s see… Oh, like I said, we went to the movies. We saw Meet the Fockers (sucked), National Treasure (awesome), and Ocean’s 12 (not bad – I just like to see all the pretty faces). I’m surprised we only saw three movies this time, but there wasn’t a big selection of movies we wanted to see, either. I spent New Year’s Eve with Liz. We went to dinner at The Outback, which wasn’t bad. The coconut shrimp was awesome, the honey-mustard dressing on my salad was the best I’ve ever had, but the rest of the food? Eh. I had the ribs and chicken, and probably would have been happier at LoneStar. After dinner, we saw Bob Marley* at the Merrill Auditorium, which is only a few blocks from Liz’s apartment. *Bob Marley the comedian, not Bob Marley the reggae guy. When Liz asked if I’d be interested in seeing Bob Marley, I said “Yeah, sure!”, all the while thinking “I had no idea Liz liked Reggae!” It took about two days for the information that she was referring to the comedian to break through the fog encasing my brain. The guy who opened for Bob Marley – whose name I can’t remember – was funny once or twice, but he relied way too much on making fun of gays and the mentally handicapped for my taste. Bob Marley himself was funny at times, but the crowd was going absolutely nuts over stuff that I only thought was mildly humorous. I sure do sound like a snob, don’t I? I guess part of the problem was that I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying, because it was absolutely sweltering in that auditorium, and the stairs were really steep, and I was scared shitless that someone was going to come along and trip over my feet and go flying. I’m sure that if I’d been comfortable he would have been totally hilarious. Or not – he’s another comedian who relied in a large part on making fun of the mentally handicapped. What the hell is up with that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of the big comedians doing jokes like that. You’d never see Jerry Seinfeld staggering around the stage and expecting us to find it funny, would you? (Yeah, sue me. I think Jerry Seinfeld is funny as hell.) Anyway, I dropped Liz off at her apartment after the show and headed home. Except I decided to drive up Forest Avenue to look for a gas station, so I could stop and get a bottle of water. I found a gas station, but it didn’t look all that open, so I kept going, and got all confused because Forest Avenue ends, and there were traffic lights flashing in all directions and I couldn’t figure out when the fuck it was my turn to go, so I pulled a U-turn and went back to the gas station I’d passed, to find that it was actually open. I bought a bottle of water and headed back from whence I’d come, intending to get on 95 or 295 or whatever the hell it is, only I passed the turn without realizing. So I turned around and passed the turn again, turned around, and passed the turn yet again. Swear to god, y’all, I hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol. Add to that the fact that every single time I so much as thought about hitting the brakes, my purse went flying onto the floor, and you might understand why at 11:50 pm on the last night of the year I was bellowing “WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO FIND MYSELF OUT OF THIS HELL, O LORD?” But I eventually got it figured out and was on the highway and halfway home when I glanced at the clock and noticed that I was ten minutes into the new year without having realized it. I haven’t been up past midnight on New Year’s Eve for probably ten years, now. There was very little traffic on the road, and I made it home safe and sound with no further problems. So, I guess that about hits the highlights. I spent lots of time with my sister and mother, did a ton of shopping, eating, reading, and movie-watching. Did some frantic looking for cheap t-shirts for the spud to get for her friends – on Wednesday, we found that Cool as a Moose in Freeport was moving locations, and was selling their t-shirts for $5 each. I bought several, along with a couple for the spud, but didn’t know that she was on the lookout for shirts for her friends, so didn’t get any for her. The lady working at the location where they were selling the $5 t-shirts said they’d be there until Friday. When the spud told us Wednesday night that she wanted to get t-shirts for her friends, we decided we’d go back to Freeport the next day. We did, but they’d closed the old location and were moving everything out. When we tried the new location on Monday, they were closed for inventory. When we went BACK on Wednesday, they said there’d be no more $5 shirts, but that they’d bring the shirts up from the basement eventually and sell them for $9.99. We looked at some more stores in the area, and finally I said “Why don’t we just go back and get some of the $9.99 t-shirts they already have out, and I’ll pay half?” The spud was amenable to that, because we’d been to all the discount stores in the area – Marden’s, Reny’s, Grand City – and found nothing even approaching a $5 t-shirt. The day we left, we had plenty of time to kill in the airport (my father wanted us to leave the house at 8:00. For a flight that left at 10:55. It takes 45 minutes to get to the airport. I don’t think leaving three hours early is really the way to go. We left the house at 8:30, and still had an hour and a half to kill before the flight left.) and went into the gift shop. I bet you know where I’m going with this, don’t you? Yeah. Maine t-shirts for $4.49. I guess next time we’re going to hit the damn gift shop before we do anything! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ We flew Independence Air this time, and I recommend it. What I do NOT recommend, however, is choosing to sit in the front row. Because you THINK you’re going to have more leg room, but you really don’t. And naturally I’d chosen the front-row seats on every single flight. It sucked, is what I’m saying. The flight attendants were funny and nice (although I have to say that I have yet to have a flight attendant on any airline who doesn’t rock – you have to have a sense of humor in that job, I tell you) and the snacks weren’t bad. They even offered hot towels at the end of the flight, and mints, too! If you have a chance to fly Independence, I say you go for it before they file bankruptcy. I don’t recommend you ever fly into the Portland airport, though. My god, it’s about half the size it needs to be, about five other flights landed at the same time ours did, and only one luggage carousel was working, and every asshole in the vicinity thought the best idea would be to stand belly-up to the carousel so that no one else could get to their luggage. They had a carousel packed with luggage, and just kept tossing it on there. Suck, suck, suck. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thanks, y’all, for the birthday wishes yesterday. I had a very low-key day. We went out Friday for Mexican and had my birthday cake, so yesterday I just opened my presents (books, and new slippers from LL Bean. Whee!), tried to catch up on my journal reading, and took a midday nap. It was a good day, topped off by a dinner of garlic slow-cooked chicken. YumMY. Saturday I got not one, but two bouquets of flowers. A dozen roses from Fred, and an arrangement of flowers from Liz. I do love fresh flowers, and just seeing the vases of flowers sitting in the living room makes me smile.

My mother, while I was in Maine, said “I hate your wish list! There’s nothing but books on there!” I said “Nuh UH! There are movies and CDs on it, too! Cold Mountain is on there!” She said, “Oh, really?” And when I got home from Maine I found an Amazon box waiting for me. Inside were my birthday presents from my parents – Cold Mountain, the Cold Mountain soundtrack, and Return to Cold Mountain. Gee, do you get the impression that I might’ve liked that movie and the music from it? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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