off back from the rug (I guess it’s a good thing we have an open floorplan, eh?) and the cats were completely freaked out. Meester Boogers and then Miz Poo walked all over the rug, sniffing every inch of it, and then looked at the living room furniture in the kitchen, and you could almost hear the gears in their heads grinding as they tried to figure it out.
Once the computer room is done, I need to do the area of carpet between the master bedroom and laundry room; it’s looking pretty bad.
All this cleaning is making me lightheaded.
* * *
I think it’s about time to sue my cable company for emotional distress. Last night after I cleaned the living room carpet, I decided to sit down and watch yesterday’s Oprah, which I had taped using the DVR, because it was the show about the 550-pound woman who’d lost 300 pounds, and also there was going to be an update about Wynnona Judd and her relationship with her mother. I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS SHOW, okay? I sat down and started watching it, and then I missed something Oprah had said, so I tried to rewind.
And the fucker locked up on me.
“Oh!” I said, stomping across the wet carpet to disconnect the power. “Oh, of COURSE! You goddamn piece of shit! Why do you never lock up on the shows I don’t really care about YOU FUCKING THING!!!!?” I rebooted the DVR and decided that I’d just watch the show without trying to fast forward or anything. I watched the first ten minutes of the show, then it FUCKING LOCKED UP AGAIN.
While I was mid-conniption, Fred wandered into the room and I looked at him all wild-eyed, and I said “You call those fuckers tomorrow and tell them to come get their fucking piece of shit! We are getting a TiVo RIGHT NOW!”
“I can call them right now, actually,” Fred said, and picked up the phone and called the cable company.
“You tell them that we’re getting a TiVo because this DVR is such a piece of shit!” I instructed. And then I looked around the living room, and said “Don’t let them come tomorrow, though!”, since the rug might not be completely dry by then.
He hung up the phone and said “They’ll be here Wednesday between two and four.”
Then he got on his computer and ordered a 40-hour TiVo (we don’t need the 80-hour one, we really don’t) from Amazon – $179 and a $100 rebate. Whoo! We even opted to pay for shipping, so maybe it’ll be here by the end of the week.
A girl can dream, anyway.
And then I wandered off to check my email and Fred sat down to watch TV, and he yelled “Bessie, come here!”
I went into the kitchen, and he picked up the remote and tried to rewind the TV to show me something.
“Hmm,” he said. “It won’t rewind!”
“Will it pause?” I asked. He tried it. “No!”
“Odd,” I said. “Maybe we should reboot the box. Let me look at our list of taped shows…”
I hit “list”, and what did I see? I saw a message from THAT GODDAMN CABLE COMPANY saying that we weren’t authorized for blahblahblah service. It appears that they’d instantly taken away our DVR service. Which I guess is what they were supposed to do but I HAD SO MUCH STUFF TAPED THAT I HADN’T WATCHED YET, GODDAMN IT!
That’s the second episode of ER I’ve lost. The second episode of Desperate Housewives (thank god they rerun it on Saturday nights), Boston Legal, and god knows what the hell else there was.
AGH!!!!!!
“We lived without it before,” Fred said reasonably. “We’ll survive without it for a few more days!”
“Shut up!” I snarled. “People lived with outhouses, too, but that doesn’t mean I want to live that way. THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE!”
God I hope that TiVo gets here fast.
* * *
Meester Boogers is a bossy little bastard these days. At 9:00, when we’re through watching TV for the evening, Fred goes upstairs and I generally come into the computer room and check my email one last time. Sometimes I get caught up in an email or a journal entry and I am still sitting in front of the computer five minutes later. Which is when Meester Boogers comes downstairs and meows bitchily at me. “Dad’s upstairs,” he seems to be saying. “Now you have to be upstairs, too. It’s time! It’s after 9, you have to be upstairs!” Usually I give in and come upstairs immediately, because he has a very loud meow when he’s being bossy.
I guess that, just like his daddy, Meester Boogers likes his routine and dislikes it when anyone deviates from it.
* * *
“What?”
* * *]]>