who put Oxi-Clean in the dishwasher over and over and over last summer.”
“Shaddup.”
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Some of you unlucky people missed THE MOST COMPELLING HOUR OF TELEVISION EVER! last week. I speak, of course, of the Dr. Phil show with Marty and Erin. So here’s a quick description:
Erin tells Dr. Phil that she still feels like she can’t trust Marty – she was expecting a check from a vendor. It arrived, made out to her. Marty signed the back and deposited it in his bank account without telling her. Dr. Phil went over the fact that there are two kinds of lies – untruths, and lies of omission. The whole deal with the check is a lie of omission. Marty doesn’t see what the big fuss is, because he wouldn’t care if she had done the same with a check made out to him. Dr. Phil asks Marty if he’s been faithful to Erin. Marty immediately says yes. Dr. Phil asks Marty if he’s been lying to Erin. Long pause, then Marty says no. Dr. Phil is all “Oh REALLLLLLLLLY? You’ve always been where you said you were going to be? Because I have compelling evidence that that might not be so.”
Long, long silence. Marty continues with “I haven’t been lying! She always knows where I am!” Dr. Phil reminds Marty again that he has evidence. Dr. Phil says “I don’t want to be the one to tell her. You need to tell her.”
All through this, Erin can’t take her eyes off Marty, and she’s obviously dying to know what the hell has happened. After more long, long, LONG silences, during which I fully expect Marty to snap and go for Dr. Phil’s throat, he finally says “I’ll tell her.”
It turns out that Marty met up with one of the women he had had an affair with (he’s had at least two – possibly more, I’m not sure. At some point, whether it’s a flashback or he says it during the show (I don’t remember), he points out that he never slept with the women, that they were “intimate”, but never had sex, so I don’t know what’s going on there – probably I missed something in a previous show). As soon as he says this, Erin breaks down and starts crying. Alex embraces her, and if looks could kill, the look Alex gives Marty would have sent his brains splattering all over the place. Marty finally goes on to say that nothing happened, that he didn’t plan to meet up with the woman, he was just getting gas and she drove up and started talking to him. With Dr. Phil’s prodding, Marty says that the woman wanted to get something started (and no doubt this woman wanted to get something started because she wanted to end up on Dr. Phil as the other woman), and he said no, that he was working things out with his wife and kids.
Commercial break, and then Dr. Phil asks Erin what she has to say, and she says that it’s over, she won’t put up with it anymore. I don’t remember if the audience was cheering, but I sure was! At some point Alex and Katherine get to say how disgusted they are, too. Through the entire thing, Marty sits stone-faced with his glittering serial killer eyes twirling around.
And that’s what happened. The next show they’re on is apparently going to show them dealing with the fallout – Marty backstage, swearing and throwing a chair, Erin on the phone saying that Marty is NOT to come back to the house, and then Erin and Alex having it out.
So that’s how the show went. Possibly I got a detail or two wrong or in the wrong order, but that’s basically how it went. I only regret that I didn’t DVR the show so I could have done a blow-by-blow for y’all!
“But where will I hide the body? The back yard’s full…”
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One of the many things that cracks me up about the Bean is the way his ears go out to the side when he stretches. Goofy Bean!
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Previously
2003: No entry.
2002: I am now sporting a fashionable little red mustache.
2001: What? You don’t think bugs would use the word “abattoir?”
2000: Why all of a sudden is her big scary clown face all over the place talking about it?]]>