Month: April 2004

* * * 1. What do you do for a living? I started as Assistant-Princess of the Universe, then became Princess of the Universe, and am currently enjoying my role as Queen of the Universe. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that within the next sixth months I’ll be promoted to Ruler of the Universe. 2. What do you like most about your job? The money’s not bad. Also, shooting fire out my eyes to fry people in their tracks when they annoy me is kind of fun. 3. What do you like least about your job? People always wanting shit from me. “Queen of the Universe, if you give me a new car/ new house/ new job/ a million dollars/ great big boobies that look natural, I’ll love you forever!” Sh’yeah. Liars. They never appreciate my hard work. 4. When you have a bad day at work it’s usually because _____… The people. Damn people. People who love people need to be smacked. 5. What other career(s) are you interested in? Like I said, I’m hoping to be promoted to Ruler of the Universe, and I think after that I’ll be gunning for God’s job. American Idol will be something to see when I’m in charge, by god. I’ll send some damn angels down to blow that damn Simon out of the water.

* * * Someone (I’m too lazy to go back and see who) posted in my comments yesterday and asked me to let them know how Lost, by Joy Fielding was. It was EXCELLENT. I was so stressed out toward the end that I thought I was going to have a stroke, but the end was excellent. I started Carrie Pilby this morning, and I started wondering whether the protagonist was autistic, because the tone of the writing reminded me so much of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Speaking of books and such, if you check out my reading list, you’ll see that I’m on my 21st book for the month. Since today’s the 16th, I’d say I’ll probably not only meet, but exceed my goal of a book a day for April. Go, me! (And, yes. It IS nice to have all that free time so I can spend allllllll that time watching TV and reading AND still have time to exercise for an hour each morning AND write an entry five days a week. Very fucking nice, indeed.) * * * My two favorite things in the world. A super-size Diet Coke from McDonald’s, and Miz Poo. Miz Poo would dearly love to try the Diet Coke, but cats can’t use straws. Duh. ]]>

* * * Get your taxes done? I’m glad to report that we had ours done and electronically filed by the middle of March. Our refund was deposited in our checking account a few weeks later, so we’re done with the tax thing. Personally, I’d love to be able to turn all our tax stuff over to the accountant by January 2nd, but we always have to wait for the W-2s, and then we have to wait for the accountant who does Fred’s company’s stuff to get her part done, and then we have to procrastinate for a while, and finally we turn everything over. We switched accountants this year, because Fred was having some difficulty getting our old accountant to call him back. The old accountant is pretty old and not in the best of health, but he always managed to get us a pretty damn good refund back, so every year we’d pray “Please, PLEASE let Chuck live another year!” But like I said, Fred never could get the guy to call him back this year, so we switched accountants. And? Not only did we get a nice refund this year, but the new accountant found something the old one missed, and we’re going to get money back for previous tax refunds, just had to file amendments. Too fucking cool. Our new accountant rocks, even if Fred did spit at her. But anyway, even if you haven’t gotten your taxes done yet, fret not. I understand that Suzanne will fax the forms to you, if you ask her nicely. (hee!)

* * * I followed a link from a blog which will remain nameless to a site where you can, basically, for a fairly small sum, order a background check on anybody. The background report contains information like their age, possible current address, 20 year address history, phone number, possible roommates, and a myriad of information. The really fucking scary thing is that I plugged in my name and state, and it not only came up with my city and state, but all the previous city and states where I’ve lived. Which means they’ve linked up my married name with my previous married name AND my maiden name. That is some scary fucking shit, right there. You will, of course, understand if I don’t provide the url where you can order background checks, since I don’t want any of you crazy stalker types ordering one on me and showing up on my doorstep. * * * It’s a rough life. ]]>

* * * I’m having Cat Issues lately. The Bean, whom I love to death, is such a pain in the ass sometimes, especially in the morning when I first come downstairs. I sit down to check my mail, and he hops on my desk to look around. Yesterday he attempted to steal a pen from me and gave me a dirty look when I took it out of his mouth (yes, he was walking around with a pen in his mouth) and put it back in the pen cup. Then he walked over and knocked a couple of things off my shelf, knocked over one of my speakers with his big klutzy back foot, jumped down between the trash can and the wall to investigate, jumped back up onto my desk, tromped across my keyboard, stomping on F11, necessitating a call to Fred (“What the fuck did that bastardly cat step on that made my Internet Explorer go all funny?”), and for his super-special finale he walked across the scanner, which is set atop my CPU, and jumped onto the recliner on the other side. When he jumped, he knocked over the scanner and all the crap atop it. Little bastard.

* * * Latest Mean Husband Quote: Me: “If I get the Alzheimer’s and end up in a nursing home, will you come visit me every day?” Him: “If I don’t, you won’t remember, anyway!” Me: “Har de har.” Bastard. * * * The entries are kind of short lately, huh? That’s just ’cause there’s not really anything going on around these parts. Sorry ’bout that. * * * I have that picture of Spot and the Bean that I posted last month as my wallpaper, and every time I see the Bean’s goofy little face, it makes me laugh. Silly Bean. ]]>

The Newlyweds, I DVR’d their variety show Sunday night, despite endless mocking from Fred. Last night, while Fred was taking a bath, I sat down to watch it. Oh. My. Eyes. That was the worst fucking imitation of a ’70s variety show I’ve ever seen in my life. The worst part? When Jessica and Jewel were singing Who Will Save Your Soul. Now, I love that song and have loved it since the first time I saw it, but when Jessica started singing, IMITATING JEWEL, WITH JEWEL RIGHT THERE, I cringed. I continued to cringe as the song went on, and then I could stand the pain no longer, and I had to forward through the song. When Nick started singing with KITT (you know, the fucking CAR from Knight Rider), I finally gave up and erased it. Good god almighty, what can they have been thinking? Please PLEASE let there not be a second one!

* * * Movies rented today: Kill Bill Volume 1, Timeline, and Shattered Glass. I want to see House of Sand and Fog, but all the copies the movie store had were out. Fred actually went out and bought the last Matrix movie when it came out last Tuesday. He was pretty excited to see it and thought I would be, too. He was amazed that I had no interest at ALL in seeing it. “You can watch the first two and not want to see the last one?” he said. “You bet.” It’s not a decision I regret. Especially after he and the spud watched it, and I said “How was it?” “It was really good,” he said. “Mostly because I slept through about half of it.” Heh. * * * So, I have an email address that I use only for subscribing to notify lists. I’ve had it for, oh, I don’t know. Six months? Something like that? I use it to receive notify emails and nothing else. I’ve never published it on my site anywhere. I’m currently receiving 150+ spam emails a week at that email address. Luckily the spamcatcher catches the majority of them, but one or two a day make it through that net. If you’ve ever wondered whether yahoogroups or notifylist.com sells your email address, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that the answer is yes. * * * Hey, it’s open nomination time for the Diarist Awards. If you have a journal, go nominate someone. I suggest Nance and Jane for the “Mother of Doom” awards. Heh. * * * “How YOU doin’?” ]]>

Heh.

* * * Congrats to Shelley and M! That’s going to be one stylin’ baby. (Also, if it’s a girl, I think they should name it Jezebel Tallulah.) * * * When I said on Friday that one of my goals for the weekend was to dust and vacuum the garage, some of you got confused (and some of you made fun of me. Hmph.). Yes, dust and vacuum the garage, like such: For the record, I did vacuum, but never got around to dusting. Which desperately needs to be done. Luckily it was pretty dark when I was exercising this morning, so I couldn’t really see the dust laying around, thus I didn’t feel guilty. I also didn’t weed outside. Slacker. I’ll get around to it one of these days. I did get mostly caught up on my email, though – I only have three or four left to respond to, go me! * * * Hey, you know how I always say Ben Affleck has a humongous noggin? Well, a few weeks ago he was on The Ellen Degeneres Show, and I snapped a picture of the screen, and for comparison purposes, here is the Affleck noggin, compared to the Degeneres noggin: Look at that! His head is like THREE TIMES the size of hers. One of these days he’s going to be minding his own business, and that huge melon of his is going to start tilting to the side before he can stop it, and his neck is just going to snap. You heard it here first. * * * Pet store kitty pics are hither. Also, there’s a new movie of the week up of Miz Poo chasing a laser beam. Exciting, no? Click on the link in the sidebar under “other”. As always, please right-click and “save as.” * * * Such a Bean. ]]>

Steven Cojocaru to slap some makeup on me really quickly, and he refused because a reporter from Town and Country was coming to interview him. I begged and begged, and he refused, and I ran out saying “I’m going to remember this, jackass!”, to which he responded with a husky laugh, saying “Don’t they all…” I got in my Jeep and drove to the nearest drugstore, writing a journal entry in my mind about what a jackass Steven Cojocaru is, but the drugstore had no makeup and then there was a fire drill, and I didn’t win the Emmy because apparently you can’t win if you don’t attend. It would have taken, like, 10 seconds to slap some mascara, eyeliner, and blush on my face. Stupid Steven Cojocaru.

* * * I took the spud shopping for new bras and shorts and a bathing suit this morning. We went to Kohl’s, because it’s close, and you can get pretty good deals on stuff there. It was a huge pain in the ass, though, because all the kids are out of school today. Kohl’s was packed, and there was a lot of traffic on the road. I hate shopping for bras – I wait until mine are practically two threads held together by a clasp, and then I haul my butt to Lane Bryant and buy 8 at a time so I don’t have to deal with it for a good long time. Shopping for bras in a department store is a huge pain, because there seems to be little rhyme or reason to how everything is arranged, and she doesn’t like underwire bras, and blah blah blah. I finally found a couple of bras in different sizes and sent her off to the dressing room. She came back and told me which one fit the best, and I made her go back tot he dressing room with bras four different times. Once the bra shopping was over, I made her try on shorts, and then we went looking for bathing suits. Unfortunately, the only bathing suits we could find were bikinis (which she won’t wear) in the petite section (which she’s not), so I told her we’d look online when we got home and see what we could find. She went off to look at the purses, I grabbed some pillows for the couch (the old ones are getting pretty threadbare), and then we were on our way. When I got home, I called Fred to tell him how much money I’d spent, and he gasped (hey, bras are expensive!), then said “I KNOW bras are expensive. That’s why y’all should burn them and let it all hang out!” Yeah, I’m sure. * * * The two things I want to get accomplished this weekend: weeding in the back yard, and cleaning (vacuuming and dusting) the garage. Oh, and getting caught up on my email. But don’t hold your breath on that one! * * * Another sunset from our back yard. The Bean, serious. ]]>

Janet started a Whitney, Britney and Courtney blog. Talk about your trainwreck! Heh.

* * * Is it wrong that I find this amazingly creepy? I mean, seriously creepy. As creepy as I found that stupid dog picture with the human face. CREE-PY. (Thanks for creeping me out, Karen! 🙂 * * * I just finished Twisted, by Jeffery Deaver. Excellent book, I highly recommend it! The title is very appropo – each story takes a twist you don’t expect at all. I just started Operating Instructions, by Anne Lamott. She’s hilarious! I had no idea. * * * The spud has tomorrow off, so I’m taking her shopping for bras and bathing suits and shorts and whatever else she needs. We’re going to start at Kohl’s, then hit Target if we need to. I hate shopping, have I mentioned? But bras and bathing suits are really things you need to try on rather than ordering them online. I did a little shopping the other day, because ever since Fred and I switched beds so that he has the king-size bed and I have the queen-size, I’ve only had one set of sheets. It’s a huge pain in the ass to have to take the sheets off the bed, wash them, dry them, and then put them back on the bed all in one day. I prefer to take a good long time when doing laundry (a couple of days, usually) and I hate having to go upstairs, take the sheets out of the dryer, and make the bed at the end of the night. Sheets are expensive, though – at least the 250 count Percale ones I like are – and I kept putting it off until I got a 15% off coupon for Bed, Bath and Beyond last week. I bought the second set of sheets (exact same sheets, actually), and now I’m sitting (laying?) pretty. I need to get more towels for the master bedroom too, one of these days. The towels we have now are getting pretty ratty looking. I haven’t decided whether I’ll still with the bluish gray towels we already have, or go in another direction. Lime green would work. (Kidding!) * * * Some months ago (February, in fact), I posted a picture of the sunset from our back yard, saying that it would look a whole lot better if it weren’t for all the wires in the way. Reader Chrystal took the picture and made it so that the wires weren’t in the picture: I was right – it DOES look a lot better! (Thanks Chrystal!) * * * Spot was sleeping in the Bean’s usual spot (in the cat bed, on the couch), so the Bean (or should I say Mister Boogers) pulled the blanket off the arm of the couch and made himself a nest. Pushy little bastard. (Don’t you want to grab him and squeeze him ’til his guts come out?) The Bean has started to learn how to go through the cat door without being shoved out it. Sunday, he started to go out, then caught sight of birds in the yard, and sat there, frozen in place, for several minutes. Goofy Bean. (picture taken by Fred)]]>

this recipe on Joelle’s site, and decided to give it a try. The only problem is that not only do we have no white wine in the house, but that we’re not wine drinkers (cannot stand the taste of the stuff, and yes – we’ve tried the expensive stuff and it still tastes like crap to us) and have no idea which kind of white wine would be dry. We were laying in bed talking about it the other night, and finally I said “Well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be dry – the recipe said ‘or whatever white wine you have laying around’, so I guess any white wine will do.” “Oh,” Fred said, then thought about it. “You should get a Cabernet Sauvignon. I’ve cooked with it before, and it’s a good wine to cook with.” Now, from that sentence, wouldn’t you come to the conclusion that Fred is recommending that wine because it’s a white wine? Apparently it’s a red wine. Who the fuck knew? (I substituted chicken broth for the white wine in the recipe and it came out just fine, by the way) While making his snack last night, Fred opened one of the little bottles of wine to give it a try. See, while we both just detest the taste of wine, we kind of wish we didn’t, because wine drinkers always seem to ADORE their wine. Our palates are too immature, I suppose. Anyway, he took a swig of wine, swished it around in his mouth, and then spit it out. “Yep,” he declared. “Still sucks!” The spud, who was standing there at the time, asked if she could try it. He handed her the bottle – call DHS! – and she got a tiny bit in her mouth, spit it out, and declared it “Nasty!” Heh. Hopefully she’ll feel the same about all alcohol!

* * * Speaking of alcohol, my mother said that the hotel she and my father will be staying at in Hawaii will have free Mai Tais by the pool on Thursdays. Now, Mai Tais I can handle! * * * Fred has a new name for the Bean. Mister Boogers. He’s been calling him that for quite a while now, but I guess I wasn’t really paying attention until the other night when we were in bed, and Fred cooed “Hey, Mister Boogers, what are you doing?” For some reason, it made me laugh so hard I cried. It still makes me laugh. I have no idea why it amuses me so, only that it does. “If you write about it,” Fred said. “You MAKE SURE that you spell out ‘mister’, don’t abbreviate it!” Freak. * * * Why is it that the cats can be scattered to all corners of the house, dead to the world, but the instant I start mopping, they come and tromp their little kitty paws all over my nice, clean floor? Bastards. * * * Pet store kitties from Monday are hither. * * * “Mister Boogers” seems an appropriate name, no? ]]>

* * * Meme found over at Kym‘s: [Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says] “hope to read, and changing his manner of dress, and coming over here every time I turn around, and just making a plain nuisance of himself.” (Miss Julia Hits the Road) [Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?] My Biggie Diet Coke from Wendy’s. [What is the last thing you watched on TV?] Discovery Health National Body Challenge. We watched the first episode and DVR’d the second. They found some seriously likeable people this time around. Watching them do the obstacle course made me need a nap – and also made me wish there was something like that around here I could try myself. [With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?] That damn Bean sitting in front of the window chattering at birds. He sounds like he’s in pain. Also, doves cooing. [When did you last step outside?] This morning, on my way out to check the mail, go to Sam’s, and stop by Bed, Bath and Beyond. [Before you came to this website, what did you look at?] Fred’s new forum. [What are you wearing?] A green pullover shirt (with short sleeves! Woo!), gray cotton pants, a pink bra and off-white pan-tays. [Did you dream last night?] I had the most fucked up dream involving myself, a pilot, Gatlinburg, and a little girl who could read our minds. The pilot went insane, kept screaming “I can feel her in my mind!”, and as soon as he said that, I could too – a feeling like ants in my brain. We got into some kind of airplane, took off, and the pilot turned the plane so that we were headed straight up. The plane fell into pieces, and I started falling toward the Earth (we were pretty damn far up). I woke up scared to death and discovered I was shaking. Then I realized I wasn’t shaking – the Bean was laying up against me, purring so hard he was shaking both of us. [When did you last laugh?] This morning, looking at the Bean pictures on Fred’s latest entry. The last one in particular. (Scratch that – I laughed just a second ago when Fred sent me an email saying “I need this” and a link to this bumper sticker) [What is on the walls of the room you are in?] A couple of calendars, a bulletin board with many things hanging from it, a frame with a bunch of Tubby pictures, a sketch of Miz Poo, a couple of framed postcards from the Nashville Zoo, a signed picture of Tony Sirico and Steve Van Zandt (Paulie and Silvio from The Sopranos), and my phone. Also a couple of framed Escher prints I gave to Fred for his birthday. [Seen anything weird lately?] I think the way the Bean is flying through the air in that last picture on Fred’s page is pretty damn weird. [What do you think of this quiz?] It rocks the casbah, baby. [What is the last movie you saw?] Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the remake. Damn it was bloody. I spent half the movie with my shirt pulled up over my face. [If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?] A house on the coast o’ Maine, of course. [Tell me something about you that I don’t know.] I was 16 the first time I kissed a boy. [If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?] I would make me the Queen and Supreme Ruler, and I would routinely kick the ass of everyone who annoyed me. [Do you like to dance?] As long as no one else is around. [George Bush.] This video, which makes me laugh every time I watch it (you have to have RealPlayer to see it, but it’s worth it) [Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?] She was, and I named her Danielle Leigh. Fred and I agreed a long time ago that if we had a child and it was a girl, we’d name her Samantha Jayne. I’m also starting to really like the name Molly. [Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?] Seth Forrest. Although (shut up) ever since I read The Red Tent, I’m liking the name Judah. (I said shut up) [Would you ever consider living abroad?] Definitely. But I don’t think I could live abroad indefinitely – a year or two, yes. Forever? Probably not. ]]>

When I was walking for exercise, I would walk by that trailer every day, and I’d wonder about the people who lived there. I’d stare at the trailer, trying to see in the windows (which were always covered), and each time the guy who lived there drove away (I’m 99.9% sure he was a cabdriver) I’d try to catch a glimpse of him. That trailer seemed like the last stand against the Yuppieville Madison is becoming, and I always liked seeing it sitting there, rough but proud. Several months ago I happened to be driving by, and saw that the trailer was being torn down. Apparently the people who owned the trailer had sold it and gone looking for greener pastures. It makes me a little sad each time I drive by it – and I drive by it a LOT – because it always interested me. The trailer was in rough shape, but it wasn’t a cookie-cutter subdivision house. You don’t drive by houses in a subdivision and wonder about the people who live there – well, I don’t, I guess I can’t speak for you. It makes me sad to think of the people who lived there living in a subdivision. Maybe they took the money they got and moved to Florida, and are living in another trailer. I hope wherever they are, they’re happy. And I hope they got an assload of money for that plot of land.

* * * That whole time-change thing always screws me up for three or four days afterward. I woke up this morning and it was just getting light out, and I thought “Oh, with the time change, that means it’s not the time it usually is when it’s getting light out… It’s probably only, like, 4:20!” I looked at the clock and it was 6:21. Duh. I was thinking it would start to get light outside earlier instead of later. I also spend the first few days after we’ve changed the clocks thinking “It’s 9:00, but it’s REALLY 8:00…” It’s mighty cool to have it light outside until 7:30 though, that’s for sure. Even if it IS FUCKING COLD OUT THERE GAHHHHHHHH! (Yeah, yeah, cry you a river. I know. Bite me.) * * * ]]>