Month: March 2004

* * * We watched the first hour of Kingdom Hospital last night. We DVR’d the second hour, but I don’t think we’re going to bother to watch it, or the rest of the season. It was just too goofy. I love Stephen King to death, but I don’t think he has any business writing TV shows. I haven’t liked any of his miniseries aside from The Stand, and we didn’t even bother to watch Rose Red last year. But the next Dark Tower book come out on June 8th! Whoo!

* * * Tonight, Survivor! I can’t wait to see what happens – rumor has it it’s something big! * * * The spud and I spent an hour last night going through the course catalog and choosing classes for her to take next year. It was so friggin’ confusing, they way they had the course chart set up, but I think we got it right. Driver’s Ed is available to her next year, though she has to have her learner’s permit. Hell, she even gets half a credit for the class! When I was in high school, I took Driver’s Ed after school through a Driving Instruction company, and at the end we were given the test for our learner’s permit. I also didn’t get any credit for it. They have such cool classes available at her high school. I got gypped, going to a small high school! They have a HORTICULTURE class, they have an aerobics and body sculpting class, Floral Design, Family Dynamics, Housing Decisions, Robotics, Southern Literature, just anything you could imagine, they have a course for it. I think I need to go back to high school. * * * It appears that my father will, in fact, be going to Hawaii for three months and that my mother will be joining him for most of that time. The spud and I are going to go out for a week in July. I’ve never been to Hawaii and the flight there and back will suck, but it should be seriously cool. Hawaii! * * * He’s disgusted by something, god knows what. Maybe I was singing to him at the point that Fred took the picture… The Stump Cave!]]>

faaaaaaaaamous? (Scroll down to the March 2nd entry) You all have to refer to me as “Journaler and (soon-to-be-published) AUTHOR Ethan Hawke Robyn And3rson” from now on. I insist! Of course, the interesting question is, how do I explain this whole blog/ journal thing to my mother. Maybe I should just say nothing, and when the book turns out to be a runaway best seller and we’re all on Oprah I’ll make sure she doesn’t watch that episode. Oh! Or I’ll just fake my way through! “A bunch of women? On Oprah? Really? And they have what? What on EARTH are “BLOGS”, Mom? Huh. And she looked just like me, and when Oprah addressed her, she laughed goonily and drooled out the side of her mouth? Well, lord KNOWS it wasn’t me, I’d never do THAT, I’m FAR too classy. They say everyone has a twin, don’t they? What? She has the same NAME as me? That’s so odd! Gotta go! Bye!”

* * * I guess now would be a good time to tell y’all that I’ve restarted OneFatBitchypoo in another location. * * * Judging by the fact that I’ve seen no fewer than five dead possums laying by the side of the road in the past two days, it must be Spring. Also, it’s 60 degrees outside right now – it hasn’t even had a chance to get as warm as it will today! – and they’re saying it may get as high as 80 by Friday. This is absolutely the time of year when I am SO glad that I live in the south. Daffodils are starting to bloom – I even have one ready to bloom in my back yard! For some reason, the daffodils in my back yard are a little slower than those growing in other yards. There’s a big clump of daffodils in a deserted plot about a half mile from here, and every time I drive by, I think about stopping and picking them. Happy little daffodils. They make me happy just to see their sunny little faces! * * * You know, for a long time I liked James Patterson’s books, but it seems like in the last few years he just kind of lost his shit and started putting out a book every six weeks. He’s got the Alex Cross series, he’s got the Women’s Murder Club series, and he’s got random other books that aren’t part of a series. He needs to slow the fuck down, because every time I turn around, there’s another book by him coming out. I’ve stopped reading him because it’s overwhelming. I mean, I hate the fact that I have to wait a year between Stephanie Plum books, but part of the enjoyment of the book is that year of anticipation. Speaking of authors worth reading, I’ve devoured every book in Margaret Maron’s Deborah Knott series, and I highly recommend them. * * * Okay, I have three episodes of China Beach burning a hole in my DVR, so I think I’m going to go watch them. Have I mentioned that I adore my DVR? * * * “How YOU doin’?” ]]>

That BASTARD! He never shared any of his Tim Tams with ME! Big thanks to reader Raqual, who sent the scanned article to me about an hour after she found out what I needed. You Aussies rock! (For the record, Fred’s more amused by this than mad. Mostly because it makes him giggle with glee to think of the Australian Men’s Health editor saying “Oh, no one will ever know…” a few months ago, and then coming into his office today to find emails and phone calls letting him know he’s busted.)

* * * Pet store kitty pics are here. * * * If I had been successful in setting up a TV-and-movie blog last night, I would be able to direct you there, where I’d have a movie of William Hung singing She Bangs with BACKUP DANCERS on the American Idol special last night. However, although I created the blog, I wasn’t able to get the frickin’ entries to archive by category (wouldn’t it be a good idea to archive the entries by category, so that someone could click on, say, the American Idol category and read all the posts in that category?) and although I tried following the instructions I found online, I couldn’t get the damn thing to work, so I gave up in a huff and deleted the blog. Damn you, Movable Type! Damn you! Speaking of American Idol, was that a great show last night, or what? I mean, just seeing the Bulgarian girl with the really deep voice was worth it, let alone seeing William Hung sing TWO songs. The only one I wanted to see but didn’t was the girl whose voice was creeping Randy out, because every time she’d sing, lightning would crash outside. Seeing William Hung with backup singers was funny as shit, especially the way they all waved their arms in the air when he did. * * * Ever since I’ve been driving the Jeep that used to be Fred’s, I’ve been enjoying it. It has all the little amenities that my old Jeep didn’t, like seats that warm up (we’ve always called it “ass”, as in “DAMN it’s cold in here, give me some ass!”), a sunroof, a kick-ass stereo (in my old Jeep, the stereo sucked so badly that I could only listen to it out of the front right speaker, and that only as long as I didn’t turn the bass on), and leather seats. I mean, forgetting that we’ve spent way too much on repairs in the past year, this Jeep really rocks. There’s one thing that doesn’t rock at ALL, though, and that’s the door that lifts up so that you can get into the very back of the Jeep. You know, where you put groceries since there’s no trunk. The door opens just fine, and lifts up just fine, but as for staying up? Not so much. I discovered this lovely little fact when I was loading groceries into the back last week. As I turned to grab another bag out of the grocery cart*, the door swung down and smacked me on top of my head. And it fucking HURT, believe you me. I yelled “OW!”, and told myself to be more careful in the future. Since then, I’ve been smacked in the head two more times, each hurting more than the last. When there are things like big-ass bags of cat food in the back of the Jeep, and I need both hands to pick it up, and it APPEARS as though the door is going to stay up, I tend to take the chance. One of these days instead of slowly swinging down, the door is going to fly down at a rapid speed when I least expect it and ::clunk:: me on the top of my already sore noggin and I’ll drop like a bag of shit, and Fred’s going to come home from work to find me dead in a puddle of blood in the middle of the driveway, surrounded by melting groceries. And when that happens, dear readers, I expect you all to hound Fred so that he feels guilty until the very day that he dies for passing such a lemon on to me. (Perhaps it’s all part of his plan to kill me off so he can get his hands on Miz Poo?) * They call grocery carts “buggies” here in the south. For some reason, that cutesy word drives me NUTS. I loathe it! Gah! * * * ]]>

new logo at the top, this one created by the lovely and talented Kat. My GOD I love that picture of the Bean!

* * * NEEDED: An Australian who can buy a magazine (in Australia, naturally), scan an article, email it to me, and then snail-mail the magazine to me. I’ll pay you back by purchasing something for you from your wish list, fair enough? Time’s of the essence, here. Email me if you’re up for the task. (Note: I’ve got it! Big, big thanks to reader Raqual, who rocks!) * * * Following the link from Gwen‘s page on Saturday, I took this test at Match.com to determine what kind of look I find attractive. This is my new boyfriend. I call him Jimmy. It’s a difficult test to take, because it’s hard to tell anything about a person from a picture. I mean, how do I know that Jimmy isn’t one of those close-talkers or fast-blinkers? What if he just sits there with that smile on his face? I mean, the smile is probably what I like most about Jimmy, but if he just sits there and smiles like that all the time, I might begin to think he’s a bit simple-minded. Here’s what else my test results said: Interestingly, a lot of the features you liked are not especially popular. They’re not what usually defines “mainstream” attractiveness for men. Although you quickly knew who was not appealing to you, there were only a few common features that set them apart. See this short list below. Obviously, you just know what does and does not work for you physically. Looking at over 10,000 women in your age group who have taken the test, about 17% are attracted to the same types you are. You are open to seeing a variety of men as handsome. Sure, men with “movie star” good looks catch your eye, but you are often equally wowed by more normal “cute” guys. You’re not one to judge people based on their looks. In fact, you’re genuinely drawn to men that others might dismiss. Maybe it’s because you don’t buy into society’s checklist for “mainstream” attractiveness. You have a more open and accepting view of what makes a man handsome than a lot of other women your age. In the test, you didn’t pick the most “popular” men, but instead seemed to focus on your own personal tastes. Your choices suggest you like what scientists call the “Meso-Endomorph,” body type. In other words, you like big, strong guys. If he didn’t play defense in high school football, he was probably on the wrestling team. He has “big bones,” which you’ll notice in his wide shoulders and thick wrists. He has muscular shoulders, which are perfect for resting your head on, and big strong arms to wrap around you. I’d say the results were pretty accurate, for the most part. Fred took the test, too, and his results came back saying that he’s very picky when it comes to choosing women. I, on the other hand, am not picky at all. Heh! (Edited to add: Fred thinks that Jimmy looks strikingly like Francis on Malcolm in the Middle. I can definitely see the resemblance, and I do think Francis is pretty cute!) * * * This made me laugh out loud: I am currently being chastised by a woman who freely admits that she didn’t vote in the last presidential election and “could care less who wins this one”. She is outraged by the fact that I didn’t watch the Academy Awards and is calling me un-American. * * * Know what’s kinda cool? This. * * * Several people have recently asked whether the Tubby “Meh” swag would ever be available again. Let it not be said that I don’t love y’all – click on the “Bean Swag” picture over there on the sidebar, and it’ll take you to the CafePress store where I switched all the pictures back over to Tubby’s “Meh” picture. While I’m talking about the sidebar, you can see the new “Movie of the Week”, located under the “About” heading. This movie stars one whiny little Miz Poo who only wants lurrrrve. As a special treat at the end, you get to hear my goofy-ass high-pitched talking-to-the-kitties voice when I speak to Spanky, who wants to know why the HELL Miz Poo keeps whining. Is their food involved? And can he have some, please? * * * I have no idea what he was staring at, but he stared at it for a long, long time. (No, there were no birds up in the tree, I checked) So pretty. So dumb. Gotta love the Spanky.]]>