* * * I hate my house. I hate the way all the doors are white and need to be scrubbed down because weird little stains develop at knee level and below and there’s just nothing in this world I want to do less than scrub DOORS, I hate the way if you think about brushing up against the wall a mark develops, I loathe the carpet on the stairs and the assholes who looked at this house before we bought it and tromped up the stairs and got mud on the carpet on the stairs in odd places, mud stains that I have been unable to get out lo these 2 1/2 years, I hate the way dust bunnies generate themselves in the corners of rooms and hallways, and then instantly regenerate, taunting me as they wave gently in the breeze, hate the spiders who create webs and then abandon them with shells of bodies still caught in the webs, and if I find a spider who has abandoned his crappy-looking web, I will smush without a second thought, I hate the way I manage to pile crap everywhere so that the house looks all cluttered, I hate the way three days after I’ve mopped the downstairs there are kitty paw prints on every exposed inch of the library floor. HATE. I hate my hair because I have to go to the friggin’ hair place every six weeks and have it colored and cut, otherwise I walk around with half-gray, half-colored hair that gets in my face, and I can’t stand that, and the chick who cuts my hair is perfectly nice but I hate the whole hair-coloring process because I hate sitting there in the chair for hours at a time with stinky shit on my head, trying to read my book, but wanting to fall asleep. Why is it that I always get so friggin’ tired when I have my hair done? I hate the spud’s school because their web site sucks and all I want to know is where the fuck I’m supposed to go for the parents-of-9th-graders orientation Thursday night, and there’s nothing anywhere about that, and it pisses me off. I hate my neighbors because why on earth would it not OCCUR to a grown man that running his damn sander in his garage WITH THE DOOR WIDE OPEN might wake people up who prefer not to be awake at 11:30 pm? And it pisses me off that it relieved us that when Fred went to talk to him the other night, the guy was both nice and apologetic. You’re goddamned right he should be apologetic, he should beg forgiveness! HATE. And damn that spud and her eyeballs which get more nearsighted every year, requiring new glasses and DAMN the eyeglass place where it still cost ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE DOLLARS to get new lenses in the same frames. ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE DOLLARS, what the fucking fuck is up with that? Do little kids in sweat factories have to create the lenses with their teeth and nails, or what? Are they made of GOLD? JAYZUS.
The mighty hunter stops to chomp on a healthy snack of green weeds, keeping his coat shiny and his eyes bright.
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