2004-07-14

* * * My sister called just before 8 this morning from Newark airport. She and Brian have a five hour layover in Newark, and then a NINE hour flight from Newark to Hawaii. I think a nine hour flight would drive me insane. Also, my ass would go numb and fall off. I’m glad as hell that we’re flying from Huntsville to Dallas, Dallas to LA, and LA to Hawaii. I’d rather have a couple of layovers and shorter flights than a NINE HOUR flight. Three times since she’s gotten home, the spud has informed me that her grandparents (her father’s parents, who live near LA) “Only took five hours to get to Hawaii!”, and three times I’ve responded with “Yes, and they didn’t have to fly across the country before they flew to Hawaii, either.” I expect to have the conversation at least once more before we actually get to Hawaii.

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Looky, looky! It’s a Robyn avatar! You can make your own, here.
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There’s a program here that will supposedly tell you what stars you look like. When I submitted this picture: it said I was a combination of Demi Moore, Elizabeth Hurley, and Chi Hsu. When I submitted this one: it said I was a combination of Sophie Marceau, Catherine Bell, and Elena Obraztsova. When I said I was male, and re-submitted the second picture, I came back as a mix of Jason Biggs, Christopher Walken, and Hugh Grant. Sounds good but… I NEED MORE COWBELL!
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From US Magazine a few weeks ago: US Magazine, I love you, but WHAT THE FUCK? Why the fucking hell shouldn’t men cheat on beautiful women? Are you trying to imply that beautiful women shouldn’t be cheated on BECAUSE they’re beautiful? What, the bitches don’t get enough of a charge from stealing all the attention, now it’s supposed to be a rule that they can’t be cheated on? What? Okay, here’s a shocker: men who cheat on beautiful women cheat for the EXACT same reasons they cheat on ugly women. Because they can. Because they’re assholes. Because their wife doesn’t understand them. Because they have wandering eyes and think that if they look, they must touch. Because their life is stressful and they just need to blow off steam. The question, you stupid fucking US Magazine, is not “Why do men cheat on beautiful women?”, but why do they cheat at all? Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do cheaters cheat? Beautiful women are supposed to get a special dispensation from any kind of pain or horror because they’re beautiful? What fucking planet do you live on, US Magazine? Because I’m starting to think the answer is “not Earth.” Here’s a horrible fact of life, beautiful people: the impact of a beautiful woman or man lasts only a little while. Once you get to know that beautiful person, they become not “That beautiful woman, Mary Jo”, but “My friend Mary Jo. Yeah, I guess she’s beautiful, that’s how men react when we walk down the street. I hate her. No, wait. I don’t, because she’s funny as hell and a great person.” Conversely, Beautiful Person, if your head has been turned by your own beauty and you think the world owes you whatever your little heart desires, people will figure that out pretty quickly and they won’t see your outer beauty but your inner ugliness, and they won’t have any desire to spend any more time with you than they absolutely have to. I hate you, US Magazine. You really piss me off. (Yet I am helpless in the face of your “Stars: They’re just like us!” page. Ugh.)
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I’m outta here. Aloha! ]]>

28 thoughts on “2004-07-14”

  2. I think it would be interesting to send in a photo of a star to find out what star they look like. Maybe I will try that!
    Happy Hawaii!

  5. Have a great time in Hawii! I love Miz Poo’s picture. Those eyes – those eyes! The boys ard handsome also. 🙂

  6. Nancy Griffith’s song, “Drive-in Movies and Dashboard Lights” says it well:

    “Someone should have told her,
    when beauty’s all you offer,
    how soon the world discovers
    that your beauty’s gone.”

  10. Yeah Robyn, have a great trip to Chicago! Or Hawaii, or wherever it is that you are going! You are one lucky chickie to be taking such a great trip! Enjoy it and thrill us when you get back.

  11. Nine hours is nothing! I flew to Bolivia from Miami direct once. And I’m flying to Cape Town, South Africa, from Atlanta next year! So, yeah, the butt numbness. It will be there.
    And, personally, I don’t think any woman deserves to be cheated on, ugly or beautiful. I hate what US Weekly has become. It’s gross.

  15. Oops. I did not proofread my earlier comment above. I meant, “Have fun in HAWAII!”–not Chicago. (I live in Chicago, so maybe that’s why I typed Chicago. I meant to type Hawaii.). D’OH!!!!

  16. Robyn, how old is that Bean photo because there is a piece of road working equipment in the background!

  17. Missing your always great posts already…and you have a grrrrreat trip!!! Aloha…

  18. As you are readying for your sojourn to Hawaii, I am cleaning my chair; you see, one of the highlights of my day after working at the hospital is to come home and ready your daily entry, you never disappoint, it is like having a best friend at my fingertips to brighten my day; but the cowbell comment, well, that and a dropping bladder, (hell, that was TOO MUCH INFORMATION) did the trick; I am 47 years old and I totally peed my pants! I could not stop laughing long enough to crawl to the toilet. Ever since my husband and I saw that skit on SNL, we love to say that line at the most inopportune times; we have no life, and this just amuses the shit of us….you made my day! Have a great trip, girlfriend!!
    Renee, Findlay OHIO

  19. As you are readying for your sojourn to Hawaii, I am cleaning my chair; you see, one of the highlights of my day after working at the hospital is to come home and ready your daily entry, you never disappoint, it is like having a best friend at my fingertips to brighten my day; but the cowbell comment, well, that and a dropping bladder, (hell, that was TOO MUCH INFORMATION) did the trick; I am 47 years old and I totally peed my pants! I could not stop laughing long enough to crawl to the toilet. Ever since my husband and I saw that skit on SNL, we love to say that line at the most inopportune times; we have no life, and this just amuses the shit of us….you made my day! Have a great trip, girlfriend!!
    Renee, Findlay OHIO

  20. Hey! I made the cutest little pic of myself from the link you mentioned…but how in the world did you copy it? Now that I made it I can’t figure out how to do anything with it! It was fun, though.
    Have a great vacation!
    a faithful reader…

  22. Could someone explain the ‘more cowbells’ reference for those of us who don’t live in the US and/or have no access to Saturday Night Live?
    Mazza in Scotland

  24. Mazza- one of Christopher Walken’s classic appearances on SNL featured him in a “Behind the Music” send-up where he played the producer of the song “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. He keeps insisting the song “needs more cowbell” to make it work.
    See http://www.geekspeakweekly.com/cowbell

  28. I miss Robyn! How dare she go off to an exotic island and forget to update us with all her escapades! Hmpf!

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