That BASTARD! He never shared any of his Tim Tams with ME!
Big thanks to reader Raqual, who sent the scanned article to me about an hour after she found out what I needed. You Aussies rock!
(For the record, Fred’s more amused by this than mad. Mostly because it makes him giggle with glee to think of the Australian Men’s Health editor saying “Oh, no one will ever know…” a few months ago, and then coming into his office today to find emails and phone calls letting him know he’s busted.)
* * *
Pet store kitty pics are
here.
* * *
If I had been successful in setting up a TV-and-movie blog last night, I would be able to direct you there, where I’d have a movie of William Hung singing She Bangs with BACKUP DANCERS on the
American Idol special last night.
However, although I created the blog, I wasn’t able to get the frickin’ entries to archive by category (wouldn’t it be a good idea to archive the entries by category, so that someone could click on, say, the
American Idol category and read all the posts in that category?) and although I tried following the instructions I found online, I couldn’t get the damn thing to work, so I gave up in a huff and deleted the blog.
Damn you, Movable Type! Damn you!
Speaking of
American Idol, was that a great show last night, or what? I mean, just seeing the Bulgarian girl with the really deep voice was worth it, let alone seeing William Hung sing TWO songs. The only one I wanted to see but didn’t was the girl whose voice was creeping Randy out, because every time she’d sing, lightning would crash outside.
Seeing William Hung with backup singers was funny as shit, especially the way they all waved their arms in the air when he did.
* * *
Ever since I’ve been driving the Jeep that used to be Fred’s, I’ve been enjoying it. It has all the little amenities that my old Jeep didn’t, like seats that warm up (we’ve always called it “ass”, as in “DAMN it’s cold in here, give me some ass!”), a sunroof, a kick-ass stereo (in my old Jeep, the stereo sucked so badly that I could only listen to it out of the front right speaker, and that only as long as I didn’t turn the bass on), and leather seats. I mean, forgetting that we’ve spent way too much on repairs in the past year, this Jeep really rocks.
There’s one thing that doesn’t rock at ALL, though, and that’s the door that lifts up so that you can get into the very back of the Jeep. You know, where you put groceries since there’s no trunk. The door opens just fine, and lifts up just fine, but as for staying up? Not so much. I discovered this lovely little fact when I was loading groceries into the back last week. As I turned to grab another bag out of the grocery cart*, the door swung down and smacked me on top of my head.
And it fucking HURT, believe you me. I yelled “OW!”, and told myself to be more careful in the future.
Since then, I’ve been smacked in the head two more times, each hurting more than the last. When there are things like big-ass bags of cat food in the back of the Jeep, and I need both hands to pick it up, and it APPEARS as though the door is going to stay up, I tend to take the chance.
One of these days instead of slowly swinging down, the door is going to fly down at a rapid speed when I least expect it and
::clunk:: me on the top of my already sore noggin and I’ll drop like a bag of shit, and Fred’s going to come home from work to find me dead in a puddle of blood in the middle of the driveway, surrounded by melting groceries.
And when that happens, dear readers, I expect you all to hound Fred so that he feels guilty until the very day that he dies for passing such a lemon on to me.
(Perhaps it’s all part of his plan to kill me off so he can get his hands on Miz Poo?)
* They call grocery carts “buggies” here in the south. For some reason, that cutesy word drives me NUTS. I loathe it! Gah!
* * *
]]>
looks like stumpy beany is singing his own rendition of “She Bangs.”
Robyn, get that door fixed! We can’t have you die on us! What would I read then? Those closer things aren’t that much. And how do you resist sticking some of those kitties in your purse and bringing them home with you?
Damn, that’s a fine picture of Stanley. Who took such a great picture? 😛
I have had the same problem with my Pathfinder’s back door -for two and a half years ! Do I go out and spend twelve dollars to get those new thingies to fix it ?? Noooooo ! I swiped an old,heavy, broom handle type of stick from my Dad and keep it in the back. The stick also comes in handy for pushing/pulling cargo around that my too stubby arms are unable to reach. I imagine if I were ever attacked whilst loading groceries I could use the stick to pummel the bad guy. Sticks are good,yup.
Robyn, it’s really quite easy to get category archives functioning in MT. I do it on my site and I’d be more than happy to help you out. Let me know! 🙂
It IS a lovely picture of the Bean isn’t it, Frank? My boyfriend Jimmy took that picture.
Kym – I may take you up on that! 🙂
Just wondering if you are going to pursue any legal action with the magazine. While I understand, it is amusing it’s also illegal for them to steal your pictures and story. You have copyright protection on Fred’s blog and book. I’m not suggesting that this becomes a big money lawsuit, just something to remind the media that stealing isn’t acceptable.
Could it be “Frank’s” Jeep?
He could have come all the way to America to switch his crappy Jeep with Fred’s beautiful, back hatch piston-keep-the-hatch-up-not-dropping-Robynlikeabagofshit?
You know how those evil twins are!
Did he at least leave a few Tim Tams for you?
=)
I had a trunk that did that and my hubby said it was the hydraulics in the cold weather. When it warmed up it stayed up. Go figure! This of course was also because it was old. My new car I do not notice a difference in the way it stays up in the cold or heat.
In Virginia (where I grew up), we called them “carts.” In North Carolina, every-damn-body says “buggies.” I hate that word, too, Robyn! It makes me think of the horse-drawn buggies that folks like the Amish still use, NOT of the thing you push around at the store.
I drive a Civic hatchback, and I had a similar one-time experience like what you’ve described with your Jeep, except the trunk door DID come crashing down really fast, and because I was leaning way over into the trunk, it landed on my shoulder blades and smooshed me. I’m sure I made quite a sight with the bottom half of my body sticking straight out of my car’s trunk for the few seconds it took me to recover & get out. 🙂
Don’t you mean that it drives you buggy – what they call shopping carts down south? ;-0
Calling a grocery cart a buggy is much better than the term my best friend uses: “baskart” or “basscart”. Not sure how she spells it, but it cracks me up every time I hear it. Mostly in Virginia we say shopping cart.
Fred has a much better attitude about “Frank” than anyone I know–including me. I’d be pissed.
I just thought you might like to know that Sebastian sat here for 10 minutes and “talked” to that pic of the Bean. Then he promptly fell asleep.
Love the photo of the Bean…his whiskers are so defined and his tongue so cute and curly. On your pet store kitties page, I LOVE Daisy!
My yankee husband and I have been having the buggie vs cart argument for five years running now. There’s nothing wrong with the word buggy! Nyah!
It was a great night for reality tv. First, the backup dancers cracked me right up – my husband and I were dancing right along, waving our arms. I see much drunken Hung-dancing in my future. Second, on the Average Joe finale? Did you watch this? The Fabio twist? What the fuck? I laughed for half an hour at my H saying “Heeeyyyyy…” and then saying, “Oh, no, wait, that’s Fonzie. Who’s Fabio?” And that’s a real T-Rex yawn the Bean is doing there.
i’m suprised the bean hasn’t broken his jaw with all that yawning. boy, he makes me sleepy!
First the TinyTams, now the Jeep? What else is “Frank” hiding from you Robyn??? All I have to say is if he had of bought the Yellow Beetle, NONE and I repeat, NONE of this would ever have happend, that damn TinyTam hoggin’ buggy drivin’ bastard, remember Robyn you can always come and stay with me in Canada. Only downfall, no cats.. the little guys make me have some hives… itchy!
How odd. I’ve been in NC for over 35 years, and I have never heard a shopping cart / grocery cart referred to as a buggie before.
All of this week’s pet store kitties were adorable. I hope that they find good homes soon.
Hey wait, though–I have a question:
I realize that MH: Australia wouldn’t have thought y’all would find out about their theivery…
…but how DID you find out about it!?
I’m interested in hearing the story!
I saw a new yellow Beetle the other day and thought of you! I think a dangerous door like that is a good reason to get a new car, like a shiny new yellow Beetle. 🙂 Will Fred agree?
I just had to stop my gay bandwagon for a moment to add that in England shopping carts are called “trolleys” if memory serves me correctly.
C., who isn’t gay but couldn’t resist 🙂
I wonder if Frank has also given his wife, (whose name is Sparrow I have heard), his old jeep?
And their daughter, Tater? Wonder how she is doing?
What a coincidence that their cat’s names are Buckwheat, The Legume, Speck and the ever so popular portly Miss Piglet. They did have sad tales such as the day their cat, Mister ScmancyDrawers went missing and of course the sad day they lost their beloved ‘Chubby’.
Robyn, I *loved* that freaky, deep-voiced chickie. “I can read your mind… [hack, cough] Oh, that wasn’t good. I can read your mind…” By the way, you *can* see her video on USA Today’s Web site: http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2004-01-13-american-idol-premiere.htm#worsthouston.
I’d also like to say that I thought the little Army girl was *awesome* last night, and I really hope they bring her back for the wild card show.
Hey Robyn,
Just left Fred a note, but wanted to let you know, too: I have lost 24 lbs since I started reading his book. Just a few changes here and there in my thinking and eating habits (haven’t started exercising yet) and I weighed in at the doc’s office today 24 lbs lighter. I just happen to mesh with the way he wrote the book…it just works for me somehow. I am shocked, but delighted. Youz two are great folks. And you still crack me up, esp. when you swear like a sailor! Hugs, Lori fka ZB
I would be SO mad about the article thing!I hope you all share when you hear back from the magazine.That is so cheap!
I also wanted to know how can you get the book at Walmart if they are gone? I’ve been wanting one but thought the books are all gone & not being published!
I hate bascart more than buggy but buggy sounds country! LOL! I like cart or shopping cart.I am in KY & we use buggy most of the time. ;o)
I’ve busted my head on our trunk like that & it hurts.It will make you bleed.Please get it fixed..I don’t want to see you hurt!
I hate it when they call them buggies as well. I have even heard people call them carriages. Yuck.
Kathleen – Yeah, I thought Amy was really good, too. She’s adorable!
Twinkie – that’s awesome, congratulations! 🙂
Shannon – Books are still available through the distributor Fred signed up with, and we sent the majority of what we had left to them. They’ll be available through bookstores and Wal-Mart (and Amazon, of course) until all copies are gone.
“Posted by Journaler and (soon-to-be-published) AUTHOR Ethan Hawke Robyn ”
now you gotta get the spud on the journal/blog track and everyone in your house can be a published writer.
Robyn:
Take the Jeep to a local auto parts store,not a shop, a regular store. Go in and act helpless, tell them that you’re having a problem with the door staying up. They SHOULD be helpful, they are here up north, most of them will sell you a new shock/strut thing for it, and install it for free, for about $30-35.00~~~worked for me!