2004-01-23

Why, why, whyyyyyyyyyyyyy? ::sob:: (Also, heh!) I, for one, did NOT see this one coming from a mile away. (If you don’t want to click those links, or they’re long gone by the time you read this entry, those links both have to do with the breakup of Jennifer Lopez and the large-noggined Ben Affleck) Oh, and while I’m thinking of The Affleck, Kate mentioned in my comments the other day that she thinks Scott Peterson and Ben Affleck were separated at birth. I can see the resemblance, although Ben’s big, bloated, scary head (seriously, seeing that head come toward you has got to be a scary thing) is twice the size of Scott Peterson’s. For the record, I don’t dislike The Affleck at ALL. I’m just frightened by his noggin. You know, the older I get, the more everyone seems to resemble someone else. Last night we were watching an episode from the second season of The Shield, and I thought Boy, that Connie sure does look like she could be Jennifer Jason Leigh‘s sister! I’ve always noticed that I have a very strong resemblance to Ashley Judd. (In my dreams, that is)

* * *
Fred and I went out last Sunday in search of a shelf unit to fit the kitchen closet. There’s a lot of stuff I keep stored in that closet, and there’s only one shelf, which doesn’t hold all the crap I keep crammed in there. So we went to Lowe’s – within a mile of our house there is not only a Lowe’s, but also a Home Depot – and checked out the shelf units. We found one that would fit in the closet and was less than $20. Fred had to track down a Lowe’s employee to find out that they were out of stock, but “the truck” would be delivering more on Monday or Tuesday. “Do you want to go to Home Depot?” Fred asked as we trudged back out to the car. “I hate Home Depot, but if you want to look…” “Let’s just look!” I said. And we drove over to Home Depot and went inside, and that’s when I discovered why Fred hated Home Depot so much. Because while Home Depot has many of the same items as Lowe’s, something about the way the store is arranged is much less inviting. They also didn’t have anything like the shelf unit we’d liked at Lowe’s, and so we went away empty-handed. Damn Home Depot. “Home Depot is like the Wal-Mart, and Lowe’s is like the Target,” I said. I think I’ve mentioned how much I’ve come to hate Wal-Mart in the last few years, haven’t I? And how much I love Target? On Monday, I had to go out and buy new sheets for my bed. In a non-sex-related act of he-man-ism, Fred managed to rip the fitted sheet and since I had only one set of sheets for the bed and sleeping on a semi-ripped sheet was bugging me, AND since I had a 20% off coupon at Bed, Bath and Beyond, I took the spud and headed out to buy new sheets. After a great deal of looking around, I located the sheets I wanted – I cannot, for the record, stand really soft sheets. I MUST have crisp, cool sheets to sleep on. Once upon a time I bought a set of those t-shirt sheets because that damn OPRAH made them sound so amazing, and I lasted all of ten minutes on the sheets before I got up to take them off the bed and put the old ones back on. Anyway, I found the sheets I wanted – a solid smoky-blue color – bought a couple of extra pillow cases, grabbed a 6-muffin tin, and then decided to look at throw pillows. The throw pillows on our couch are getting rather threadbare, due to the fact that that damn TUBBY likes to sleep on them and get them all covered with cat fur, and then I have to vacuum them, which makes him want to sleep on them all that much more, and so forth into infinity. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the pillows. So I searched in vain for throw pillows, wandering all over Bed, Bath and Beyond, and when I found the correct section, I couldn’t find a single throw pillow that I liked, and I was puzzled. I thought this place had a bunch of throw pillows that I liked last time, I thought to myself. And then I realized I was thinking of Linens ‘n Things. Apparently I’m determined to compare everything in the world to Wal-Mart or Target, because I immediately thought Bed, Bath and Beyond is the Wal-Mart and Linens ‘n Things is the Target! Yep. I need a life. What’s new?
* * *
At this moment, what is your favorite… 1. …song? Girlfriend, by Bob Guiney. I know, shut up, I can’t HELP IT. I mean, YOU listen to the line Could you make a phone call to Jesus to clean up my soul and resist the charms of The Bob, just try it! 2. …food? Lobster, always and forever. But we’re having General Tso’s chicken for dinner tonight, which is running a close second at the moment. 3. …tv show? Survivor!!!!!! ONLY A LITTLE MORE THAN A WEEK! WHOO! 4. …scent? Sand & Sable perfume – it smells like summertime to me. Summertime at the beach. 5. …quote? “Fuck those fuckers.” – unknown
* * *
(All pictures taken by Fred) The Bean yawns. And yawns. Also, he yawns. I call this one “The Bean. Addled.” More addle-ation. The BEST picture EVER. Click on it if you want the full-sized version for yourself. ]]>

41 thoughts on “2004-01-23”

  1. Gah! The Bean is so talented! He makes my cats look boring. Oh, and speaking of the big-headed ones…

  2. Did you know that the song ‘Girlfriend’ was originally done by a band called July for Kings? Supposedly it’s a pretty good disc – that’s what the folk on the morning radio show I listen to say. Bob will be making an appearance at a morning show extravaganza and they have made their traffic lady promise not to mention July for Kings to him in case it pisses him off.

  3. I hate Home Depot with a passion. “Customer Service”, snort. Last time I was there I asked an employee to cut a piece of wood for me. He said, “I’m busy, lady. You’ll just have to wait until I’m done.” He was playing bumper forklifts with another employee back in the lumberyard. I haven’t been back. It’s Lowes or OSH for me now.

  4. Kate: I need to get the movie camera out and capture something interesting, I suppose. Oddly, I was just thinking to myself last night that it had been a while since I’d put one up!
    Nance: That last picture made me laugh so hard I wheezed, I swear. Hee!
    Paula: I went to their site and I’m listening to it right now. I have to say, I really like it!

  5. First of all, that picture of The Bean reminds me of one of the gremlins in the movie, aptly titled, “Gremlins”. Just don’t let him anywhere near your microwave.
    Secondly, I feel the exact same way about all the stores you mentioned. It’s Target, Lowes, and Linens n’ Things for me. Did you know that Linens n’ Things will take your BBB coupon? I NEVER go to BBB with the coupon, even though it’s just across the street from LNT. I always use it cheerfully at LNT.
    Lisa

  6. I’m not a big fan of Home Depot, but its that or Canadian Tire up here. Not a great choice. I guess Home Hardware would work. If I go looking for cheap shelving/furniture, its always IKEA. Mmmm I could go for some IKEA shopping right now.

  7. Why is it that within a mile radius of Lowes, Home Depot MUST put up a new store? I don’t think I’ve ever seen the 2 separated by more than a few miles in each town.
    Our Wal-mart’s parking lot is like a third of the size of other Super Wal-mart lots, so the parking is horrendous. I despise going to Wal-Mart, and have found myself going to Target more recently, so I agree with you on that.
    We won’t even discuss K-mart.

  8. Oh. My. God. There will never, never be a cat picture to top that last one. I can’t stop looking at it and giggling like a five year old.

  9. I buy some things at Wal-Mart and some things at Target. Conversely I buy some things at Home Depot and some things at Lowe’s. I tend to like Linens and Things better than Bed, Bath and Beyond but the latter is closer. Linens and Things is next to a Wal-Mart though 🙂

  10. Roooobbbyyyn – there’s something wrong with Bean. Send the little critter to me, I’ll have a looksie (and I’ll never return ’em, either)

  11. In that last picture, the Bean looks like a crotchety old man who might say, “Hey you kids! Get off my lawn! *cough* *cough*”

  12. Hate Hate Hatey Hate Walmart. Frowny-face. Love Love Lovey Love Target. Happy-face. Keep the mama happy, I always say. We just need the grocery-store Target version in my town. We have the baby one, but hopefully we’ll be all grown up someday!

  13. I hate Hate HATE Home Depot. Bad set up, and the employees can’t seem to do a single thing without have at least two other employees help them. Jeesh.
    I’ve never been to Lowes, but I will take everyone word that it kicks Home Depot’s ass. I live in Milwaukee (Wisconsin), and there is not a single Lowe’s in the STATE! Can you believe that? Lowe’s web site said I would have to drive 218 miles to Chicago to visit one… Heh.
    Gotta love the Bean. I wish my cat was as cool as the bean…

  14. Though I have never tested this out, one of my friends told me that BBB (& perhaps L&T) accepts their expired coupons. So don’t throw them out, if you don’t use them in time.

  15. THANK YOU KATE! I have been seeing this Ben/Scott resemblance since Peterson first appeared in court and no one else I know sees this…I seen a new Afflect Docudrama on the horizon!

  16. You know it worries me just a little thinking about how much time you guys spend chasing kitties around with camers :0P Andrew asked what is wrong with that kitty, decided he ate something spicey and walked away.

  17. If you have a Burlington Coat Factory where you live, check them out for throw pillows. They have a great selection.

  18. Do you think a elliptical machine is better than a treadmil? I walk outside with my son often for a good workout but I want something at home that I can do when my son is asleep or sick.Or bad weather days or at night when I don’t want to walk outside.Which do you think is better & why? I’ve never used either so I am open!!

  19. Terri – good eye! Yes, that’s Spot. Also, that fluffy white thing to the side of the Bean would be Tubby, who was hanging out and minding his own business.
    Shannon – I think it’s a better choice for me, because it’s less impact and thus won’t hurt my feet (or at least not as much). I also like that it’s quiet enough so that I’ll be able to watch (and hear!) the TV while I’m on it. I can’t say whether it’s a good idea for you or not, though – you’d really need to give them both a try in the store and check out all the features and everything before you make a decision. 🙂

  20. Robyn, just wanted to say thank you for writing this journal and please dont ever ever stop. ever. alright have a great day with all those cute cats. specially Tub.

  21. More on the Lowe’s Home Depot thing. Home Depot is building across the street from our Lowe’s this year! Of course Lowe’s ran off National Home Center…heh…
    We do not have a Target and FINALLY they are building one 30 minutes from my house. Even though Wal-Mart is only 10 minutes away, I have the feeling I will be making the trip to Target more often.
    When are you getting the Bean into show business? I am telling you guys, he is missing his calling for cat commercials! 🙂

  22. I can’t even begin to figure out what’s going on with Bean’s back end in that last picture (which made me snort tea through my nose, thank you.)

  23. I agree with Rugbypet, the last photo of Bean looks like Bill the Cat about to hack up a hairball

  24. OK, I can see Keith Richards, Bill the Cat, and even the Gremlins, but the first person that popped into my mind when I saw that last Bean picture: Dean Martin, also after a bender 😉
    Have a great weekend,
    ~Aly in GA

  25. *the Bean says* “urk going to sneeze now. No, not a sneeze, must fart. Noooo, it is a sneeze. But I do feel the need to fart. Might be a snart. Must remember to kick Tub’s ass. I think he made me want to sneeze. Bastard”

  26. t-shirts shirts work only if you sleep topless but wear nylon panties. trust me, it’s the only way, otherwise, you twist the sheets everytime you roll over; you end up cocooned in a web of oprahness of your own making.

  27. I too was led astray by Oprah and her love of the t-shirt sheets. I don’t like them at all.
    I could never get into that Gary Zukov guy either. I watched one of her shows with him twice trying to find anything concrete to take away from it. I finally just quit watching when he was on.

  28. Yes! The Affleck and Peterson could be separated at birth. You can throw Jerry O’Connell (Kangaroo Jack) in there along with them too, for an unholy triumverate. Creepy.
    I sincerely hope that, with the break-up now official, we have heard the LAST of Bennifer. Pleeeeeeaaaase, God, make them go away!
    We don’t have Lowe’s here (Hi Kari, I live in Milwaukee too) so I can’t for the life of me figure out why we have commercials for them here. Weird. Also unfair, because the commercials make me lust for Lowe’s. I’m not too fond of Home Depot either. It’s just a little too warehousey for me. I’ve experienced Lowe’s while visiting my sister in NC. Me likey.
    I was going to say that The Bean looked like a wino on a 3-day drunk, but rugbypet’s Bill the Cat reference was perfect. Absolutely. Bill.the.Cat. ACK!!

  29. The Bean is just too darn cute..he is now my screensaver …every time i see a picture of him it just makes me smile…thanks for the daily smiles.:-)

  30. Because of this entry I 1) couldn’t stop laughing at the Bean picture for a good 30 minutes, and then sporadically giggled throughout the evening for another 4 hours, and 2) had nightmares about being trapped in a Linens ‘n Things, knocking down a rack of dresses (?) and having a fight with the manager and my parents. Nightmares, I tell ya.

  31. I’ll be glad that they can stop ranting about Brandi’s (the Vancouver peeler bar) being the whole reason for the Bennifer’s break-up. I never even knew it was a strip club the year and a half I went to the YWCA and walked past it every day. It’s on the same block as the Y, upstairs from the Keg (a steakhouse chain) and beside a pretty swanky hotel. It’s about two blocks one way from the Vancouver Stock Exchange (really only trades mineral companies) and two blocks the other way from the Law Courts. It’s right downtown- it’s very discrete.
    I still can’t figure out why Bennifer was such a big hairy deal anyway. Neither one of them was an A-list celebrity before they got together were they? Ben was an art-house movie guy, other than being in Armageddon (which always sucks me in every time it’s on TV- I think it’s Michael Clarke Duncan on the chopper screaming “Come and get Poppa Bear!!” as law enforcement bears down on him) and J.Ho was Puffy’s manufactured pop-ho and this just seemed to be her bid to become the Elizabeth Taylor of her generation.
    In fact, J. Lo just might pull that off- early critical acclaim, many many marriages, being massively over-paid for movies that bomb and getting fat and being famous for being famous. That’s who she wants to be. Liz Taylor.
    And Carson from Queer Eye saying she was best-dressed at the Globes. Puh-leeze. That cantelope mess she was wearing made her tan in a bottle look really bad- she’s been in Winnipeg all winter shooting a movie. She looked way too orange.
    I hate her.
    I’m not sure why.

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