this made me laugh really hard yesterday. Hee!
* * *
I put too much perfume on this morning and now I’m sitting here with the stank rays shooting off me in every direction. I won’t be spending much time in public today – a run to the grocery store and then maybe the post office later – and thank god for that. I hate to be one of those women you can smell coming from three aisles away.
I’m wearing
Pleasures today, by the way. I bought a purse-sized solid version of it (it looks like a little lipstick!) when I was in Maine. I didn’t realize how concentrated it was, though, thus the stank rays.
I smell good, though. Strong, but good.
* * *
If you didn’t read Fred’s entry from yesterday, you must go
check it out now. There are some incredibly awesome pictures of the Bean.
Let me point out that I’m the one who came up with the idea of pretending to yawn so that the Bean would get all yawn-y. That cat just cracks me up.
* * *
The spud came into the computer room the other night wanting help with a homework assignment. When Fred asked her what the assignment was, the spud seemed to enter another dimension, one where only about every third word was coming through. The child made NO sense at all.
“And the thing and the teacher and the Greek gods and then the today?” she said.
Fred struggled with her for a few more minutes and then turned to me.
“Do you have any clue what she needs?” he asked, and I allowed as to how I was clueless.
Finally, she came back downstairs with the sheet of paper detailing the assignment.
“God LORD,” Fred said. “Why didn’t you just SAY that?”
Please tell me that they start making more sense when they get older.
* * *
I was apparently under a cloud of Dumbassery this morning. I opened the back door to let the cats wander around in the yard because there were two squirrels hanging around the bird feeders, and Miz Poo, Spot, and the Bean were losing their little kitty minds. After I opened the back door, I went out into the shed and grabbed a garbage can to block the hole in the fence that Spanky went through the other day. And then I wandered off to eat breakfast. I got up every few minutes to check on them, and they were mostly wandering around by the bird feeders and paying the fence no mind. I got caught up in a conversation with Fred, finished eating my breakfast, and then went back to the door to check on them again.
Spot and Spanky were sitting on the patio, but Miz Poo and the Bean were nowhere to be found. I went back into the house to see if they had gotten cold and were hanging out in the living room, but they were not in sight. I went back outside and walked around the yard, even stopping to look under the shed.
Nothing.
I went back in the house, checked every nook and cranny, hoping they’d been scared into the house by a particularly noisy truck or car driving by on the other side of the fence.
Nada.
I finally got a clue and shooed Spot and Spanky back into the house (Tubby was already in the house, hanging out at the top of the stairs) and shut the door so that they didn’t go missing as well. I grabbed a rattly toy and went back out into the yard, calling alternately for Miz Poo and the Bean (“Little kitty! Little kitty, come play!”), and looked under the shed again.
Still nothing.
I came back in the house, double-checked all the usual hiding places, and even checked the places they couldn’t possibly be, like under the sink and in the cabinets. I had just picked up the phone and turned it on, about to dial Fred’s phone number and cry at him about how I’d lost our favorite cats (he told me this morning that he thinks the Bean is his Miz Poo – that is, he feels about the Bean the way I feel about Miz Poo), when I heard a howling at the door. I opened it, and the Bean shot through the door, howling and chirruping the entire way.
But still no Miz Poo. I checked all her hiding places for a third time and came up empty. I picked up the phone and called Fred.
“I’ve lost Miz Poo!” I told him, and stepped out into the back yard.
“What? Really?” he said.
And then I saw a Poo-shaped cat on the other side of the fence – the BUSY ROAD side of the fence, and about ten feet down, behind the neighbor’s back yard. I ran over to the fence and called her name, and she chirped and meowed frantically at me. I walked along the fence, calling her name, and pulled the garbage can away from the gap in the fence Spanky had gone through the other day. She couldn’t even get her HEAD through the gap, let alone her body. I continued walking along the fence, calling her and looking to be sure she was following me. She did, stopping every few seconds to cringe and flatten against the ground when a car or truck drove by.
Finally, we reached the other end of the yard, the part of the fence where the guy
hit it with the car last September. When the fence guy came and replaced that part of the fence the following Monday, he left a gap between the bottom of the fence (or, I guess I should say, when the guy cartwheeled his car through the fence, he gouged a lot of the lawn that had been at the level of the bottom of the fence, thus causing a gap under the fence). I didn’t think Miz Poo would fit through the gap – and I didn’t know what I was going to do if she didn’t, but now that I think about that, that’s a stupid thing to worry about, because she got OUT there, didn’t she? There had to be a way for her to get back – but in that way that cats have of somehow collapsing in on themselves, she slipped through the gap, and then stopped and stared up at me, howling her fool head off.
I’m such a big baby that I started getting all teary-eyed from the relief.
I just KNOW that Miz Poo would never have considered going under that gap in the fence if that troublemaking bastardly Bean hadn’t done it first. Bastard.
* * *
My roses, a week later. Holding up well, and looking mighty gorgeous. From now on, these are my favorite flowers, Fred. And I understand Valentine’s Day is right around the corner…
This is the tidal river which is next to The Muddy Rudder. This picture would have been a whole lot better if the sun had been out.
I think this picture was around ’75, though I could be off by a year or three. Check out the fakey smile on my face. Even then I was perfecting the “Take the picture damnit” look. I can’t guarantee it, but I believe Randy got in trouble for – as my father claimed – blinking faster than usual so he’d be caught in a blink in the picture. He looks like he just got yelled at, doesn’t he? (That’s him on the left in the back row) And – hee! – look at Debbie, not even looking at the camera at ALL.
Miz Poo on the “night vision” setting.
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I thought it seemed that Fred was getting mighty attached to the Bean!
Awww….I just want to give you a hug. I totally understand that all rationality goes out of the window when you can’t find one of your cats or a disaster is avoided. When you do find them, you then bawl like a 3 year old. Our wonderful cats turn us into sobbing puddles of goo.
Tiger got caught behind the entertainment center (where we did not think he could fit) and started yowling. I didn’t know if I could get him out, and I was blubbering and crying the whole time, trying to catch him as he charged through the house (after I got him out) to make sure he was ok. I was bawling and squeezing the life out of him because I was scared he was really hurt.When did I turn into a blubbery girl?
I don’t let my cats outside because I would be watching them EVERY second and worry if they could get lose or hurt.
Glad you were able to get Miz Poo and the Bean back!
Not a WEEK after we brought Gizmo home, both cats went missing and I found the basement door standing WIDE open. I crawled through the woods for a solid hour — crying and scared they’d be eaten by hawks. I bet you can GUESS where I found them…
Under the bed, of course. Bastards.
Our cat got out the front door once when we were moving some furniture in, and he wasn’t being watched like he should have been.
We searched the neighborhood for what seemed like hours, and then finally found him under the front porch, eating a piece of pizza that he had dragged off the counter before running outside. Bastard.
Yes! Another Pleasures girl! I love it and wear a light spray every single day, going out or not! And the teenage knuckleheadedness – ummmm – no, it gets worse before it gets better. You heard that the earth revolves around them, right? I myself missed that particular memo, but I’ve survived it with 3 teenagers! There’s hope! And – that is my mom’s old gold couch and her cuckoo clock, I just know it is! Our family home was so fashionable, let me tell you! And it stayed that way until the Big Renovation of 1994! Oh – and your Dad’s photo yesterday – what a looker! He was a handsome man!
Robyn, my favorite is Pleasures Intense…have you sniffed it yet? Yummy…………
Robyn,
I read your journal every day and I’m not a cat lover at all….I really don’t like cats….but I gotta say, that Bean is just adorable. I think I have to stop reading for awhile, since my boyfriend, who’s a huge cat lover, now says “seeeee they are so adorable”….”let’s get one”. Ugh I’m in trouble!!
Have a great weekend!! 🙂
Hannah – if it’s at all possible, Fred’s even more of a softy when it comes to the cats than *I* am! 🙂
Michelle & Kate: Isn’t it just the scariest thing? I was so freaked out, because I knew that Miz Poo must have gotten under the fence somehow, and the only way that I could have gotten on the other side of the fence would have been to get in the Jeep and drive all the way around, and who knows what would have happened in that few minutes? Dumb scaring-the-momma kitties. ::sniff::
Elaine, that absolutely cracks me up – it’s like he knew he’d be hungry, so he “packed” a piece of pizza to take with him. Hee!
Valerie – that horridly ugly couch? When I got married and moved into an apartment with my first husband, my mother GAVE US that couch. And it was still in pretty good shape! In fact, I think when my ex and I got a new couch and loveseat set from Sears, we gave that old couch BACK to my mother, and it sat in my parents’ basement for a few more years. That was one seriously comfortable couch – they don’t make ’em like that anymore!
Karen – I haven’t smelled Pleasures Intense yet, but I’ll keep an eye out!
Colleen – you just *think* you’re not a cat person. Seriously, when my friend Liz was visiting in November, she fell in love with the Bean and still asks about him every day. All you need is the right cat! 🙂
And THEN that lovely couch came to ME. I have pictures of Brian as a new born on that couch;)
2 words re The Spud: Hormonal Storm. Ya know how we moms get airheaded with pregnancy….it’s called “anoxia of pregnancy” because that extra life growing in us just leeches our air?? Well, with teenagers they are such a bundle of raging hormones, the same thing happens. Only don’t worry about the spud: I don’t think she realizes her hormones are whipped into a frenzy, thank god for you. I went through that with a daughter and I did live to tell the tale. But I am sure she called ME the Big B word SEVERAL times heheheeee
I was so relieved you found your kitties. Once my baby Emmy ran right out into the road and it happened so quick and my heart just went right up into my throat……thank heaven I live in the sticks and no one was headed down the road…..now I am super careful because the front isn’t fenced in and her silly lil mind doesn’t know enough so I have to protect her from herself.
When I had had my little Snoopy-cat for less than a year, I came home from school one afternoon to find that my apartment had been broken into, with the back door left slightly ajar. I couldn’t find Snoopy for only a few minutes–she was up under my bed, huddled as close to the wall as she could get, and didn’t want to come out for love or money–but the whole time I was looking for her I was shaking and crying, scared she’d either been stolen for what I was sure was tormenting purposes, or had run out the door in her kitten-confusion. And when I DID find her, I cried even harder from relief and gratitude. I’m convinced now that that event traumatized her, because she has ever since been frightened by the sound of someone at or coming to the front door, and of strange voices in the house. My poor baby.
The funny link- it was not so much the rapping chubby nerd kid that I got a kick out of, but the Sesame Street homeland security rating. That I thought was hi-larious.
OK, never mind- I was thinking of dooce’s link- I have too many blogs open at once. How sad is that? Dooce’s link was http://www.likeariot.com
But your link sounded very spud-like.
Ack! I swear, I think pets sit around dreaming up ways to scare their mamas. I’m so relieved Miz Poo was smart enough to follow you along the fence. Funny, even when you’re mad at bad cats, doesn’t that little chirpy sound make you want to pick them up and hug them? 🙂
When I’d only had Cricket for a couple of weeks, I brought her over to my boyfriend’s house one afternoon. Suddenly, I couldn’t find her, and then I saw the door that he’d (stupidly) left wide open to the back yard.
Well, I went balistic. I’d just lost my precious Tasha to liver failure only a couple of months back, an I was in no shape to face the loss of another kitty. Plus, I’d just brought her 425 miles home from Michigan, and now, here she was lost in a totally foreign place. I was afraid if she was lost, she’d never find her way back to me.
In seconds, I was out in his back yard, alternately sobbing and shrieking hysterically for her, while screaming at Jeff’s now fully- excited Lab puppy to get the hell away from me. It was not a prety sight, and I am sure that Jeff was afraid he was going to have to call the psych-hospital to come and get me. After awhile, he spotted her way in under a huge pine tree. I couldn’t grab her, and she kept inching away from me, and then she finally ran out and into the neighbor’s yard. we chased her in circles aound their pool for several minutes, and then the little shit started to shimmy up a tree. I clamped both arms around her just as she was about to climb out of my reach.
I was so relieved, but at the same time, I wanted to kill the little monster for putting me through that. She’s lucky she’s so cute (a Tortie who could be Poo’s sister).
So, I know exactly how you were feeling, and I am SOOO glad that Miz Poo is safely home with you.
Love the Poo!!!!
there’s a guy at work who must bathe in a vat of cologne every morning. Thankfully I don’t work in the same wing of the office as he does otherwise I’d die. He stinks up the entire office every day.