Go Fuck Yourself ‘burb page and you’re not listed, you’ll need to send again. If you emailed me and I haven’t replied, send again. If you have a journal that I read, please send me an email summarizing everything that happened in your life in the last ten days. (I’m kidding on that last one.) A normal person would download a different email client. Of course, I’m not normal, and so I’ve downloaded Eudora yet again. When I’m whining about losing my email yet again in the future, you have my full permission to call me a dumbass. So, the spud and I left Portland yesterday at 9:35. We almost didn’t make it to the plane, because we were sitting by gate number 5, since it said over the gate that the flight leaving at 9:35 would be leaving from that gate. After getting a blueberry scone and orange juice from the Starbucks stand (did you know that Starbucks doesn’t serve soda? What the hell is up with that??), the spud and I sat and ate and read, and then I looked at the clock on my phone and realized that it was 9:20. “Hm,” I said. “Odd that they haven’t begun boarding yet. Wait here, spud. I’m going to go to the bathroom before we have to board.” I walked to the bathroom, did my business, and on my way out I happened to glance at Gate 6. Where they were boarding. Over Gate 6 was a board with our flight number. “Is this flight (whatever) to Cincinnati?” I asked the agent at the gate. “It sure is, we’re doing final boarding. Are you on this flight?” “Yeah. Hold on, let me get my daughter and my stuff!” I said, ran over to where the spud was playing on her gameboy, grabbed her, gave our tickets to the gate agent, and headed down the jetway. We were the last ones on the plane, and we’d barely gotten to our seats when they shut the door and we were on our way. What I hate most about flying is how incredibly fucking boring it is. It’s especially boring when you’re trapped on a plane for two and half hours and don’t have anything to drink other than what the flight attendant provides. (Note to self: Bring a bottle of water next time) We ended up landing in Cincinnati (I swear that doesn’t look like it’s spelled right) about fifteen minutes late due to some headwinds (I think) which caused the plane to fly slower or something. I don’t know, I can hardly understand the damn pilot when he mumbles over the loudspeaker, all I know is we landed 15 minutes late. Oh, I thought. That’s okay, because we had a 45 minute layover, anyway. We won’t have a chance to look around in the gift shops or anything, but we still have half an hour to get to our gate. Shouldn’t be too bad, our flight doesn’t leave ’til 12:53. Hm. Maybe I should double-check that. Yeah, I’m mighty fucking glad that I double-checked, because my flight wasn’t leaving at 12:53. It was leaving at 12:35. And we had to get from the B terminal to the C terminal. AND we were way back in row 30, and the plane was fucking PACKED. So I stood and sighed and rolled my eyes and just generally acted like a big asshole, waiting for the people in rows 1 – 29 to get their carry-on luggage (have I mentioned how much I hate the fuckers with their carry-on luggage? Except for you, my dear sweet readers. I love you despite the carry-on luggage. Unless you’re in my way, in which case I hate you.) and get their asses moving and out of my way. We hauled ass down terminal B (naturally, we were at the far end), waited impatiently to get on the bus to terminal C, and almost knocked everyone over on our way to our gate. We were almost there when three STUPID-ASS BITCHES who worked in Starbucks and were walking across the hallway (for lack of a better word) stopped dead in their tracks, making us veer around them. “Omigod!” one of them exclaimed. “Do you think so??” “OMIGOD!” I said to the spud in my best Valley Girl voice. “Do you think we could stand RIGHT in the way and make people miss their flight? Because that would be so RAD! That would be the ultimate in cool! We could make them miss their flight, and then they’d have to spend another three hours in this shitty fucking airport!” Yes, I’m an asshole. But the spud thought it was funny as hell. As we ran up to our gate, the gate agent looked expectantly at us. “Huntsville, Alabama?” she asked. “Yes!” I handed our tickets to her. “They’ve already shut the door, but I’ll call out to them to reopen it. Hurry!” She pointed the way. We walked up the steps (it was one of those tiny planes) and the flight attendant said “Please be sure your cell phone is turned off, blahblah whatever-flight-attendants-say!” We sat and caught our breath. “There’s no WAY our luggage made it onto the plane,” I said conversationally to the spud. And I was right. It didn’t make it onto the plane, and Fred had to circle around the airport several times while we discussed with the baggage claim chick where our luggage might be (on the 3:35 flight, being the answer) and where we wanted the luggage delivered. So while I hate you damn people with all the carry-on luggage, I’m certainly starting to understand. Next time I’m going to carry a bag that contains all my contact stuff, my glasses, my thyroid medication (and the spud’s), and my birth control pill. Oh, and a change of underwear. And I’ll be sure to store my bag in the overhead bin and take my time getting it out, yes indeedy. Oh, and our luggage was here before 7 last night with no problem. Yay, delivery people!
This is me, holding one of them. Just call me the cat whisperer.
Their names are Cleo and Porsche, but I have no idea which is which. They’re only 6 months old, and I think they’re going to be big cats.
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Good Afternoon. I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday and cannot stop reading. I love your wit and your kitties. I have three and understand your language completely. I will definitely be coming back. I’ve started a blog myself, nothing much quite yet, it’s hard for me to journal without a pencil in my hand..but I can change >smile
Hey! You were sick 4 years ago today! Just thought you’d like to know.
Welcome back 🙂 And yes, damnit, we did miss ya!
LOL on the airport antics. Have had the same thing happen.
Do they not fly regular jets into Huntsville? I =loathe= those noisy turbo-prop pitiful excuses for planes 🙁
I am so glad you are back. I missed you! Fred did a good job of keeping us occupied and supplying us with kitty pics, so that helped. BTW he rocked on the Early Show. 😉
Ha! I love the front page magnet! I love happy bunny, I have a happy bunny air freshener in my car that says “you smell like butt” and a phone book my mom gave me that says “people I don’t hate”. 🙂
I laughed when you were complaining about overhead baggage… I am one of those you hate, but seriously you should also pack an extra set of clothes in your overhead bag… you never know! This older woman was in the seat in front of us on our ride into NYC last week and she had her dog with her on the plane. We were patiently waiting along with the 50 or so other people behind us for her to hurry the hell up as she blocked the aisle putting on her coat and gathering an enormous bag from the overhead bin. All the while talking to her dog ‘walter’. “Don’t worry Walter, it won’t be too cold for mama’s baby, you’ll be all safe and warm in your cozy mama made you!” The dog was about 150 years old, some sort of small spaniel mix. (bug eyes) I looked at Aaron and said “are you fucking kidding me?” yes, I’m the asshole that complains loudly. It was kinda funny though. Walter. heh
Oh gosh, sometimes you just crack me up. I don’t know how you do it, planes and all. I’m such a puss. I’d be hanging on to the rifle dude, crying like a baby.
Welcome Home Robyn!!
Glad you had a great trip….and am looking forward to pics of your hilarious bunny stash and magnets and all….I do like the new front page, but I just loved the “monkeys flying out my butt” one better….heheheheheh
My mom taped Fred for me as I had to work…haven’t seen it yet but I hear he rocked……now you’ll have to share him with His Public.
Glad you made it home safely…
and feel better soon!
I hear ya on the plane story. I did a little too much traveling on my job. Turbo Props stink – they seem to be the only plane that takes off on time. I was in the same boat but in Dallas and they had to make the last van to the plane turn around to pick me up. I also learned my lesson the hard way that you never want a window seat on the turbo props. My neck still has a kink from the two 4- hour flights. It’s crazy to make people fly in a prop for 4 hours!
Also – those cats aren’t going to be big – they ARE big or you’ve become a “little people” person.
Hey Robyn! Welcome home. I live in Cincinnati (yes, its spelled right…just think Cin Cin Nati)However, I like to refer to it as Cincinasty. Heh! And those girls you encountered…they must be clones, because EVERY young girl acts that way around here! Next time I fly, I swear I’m paying the extra money to fly first class…just so I can get off the plane faster!
Welcome back Robyn.
I love happy bunny too. I have a whole bunch of pictures on my cell phone for the background. My favorite one is, ‘you suck and that’s sad’
Just wanted to say welcome home! I’m hoping you don’t get sick! *keeping my fingers crossed*
Welcome home Robyn! I too hate the amount of time it takes people to get their coats/bags/comptuers/phones/etc ready once landed. That’s why I switched from requesting window seats to aisle seats and why I request front of the plane seating if at all possible. (Or as front as I can get behind 1st and business class.)
Yes, Welcome Home! I learned the hard way about what to carry on a plane. I take a big purse and put everything in it that I don’t want to lose. All medications, special jewelry, clean undies, cosmetics, and whatever else I may need. I actually have a sad story involving luggage that was lost forever…awwww. I won’t bore you with the details of that…at least…not now!
I have often wondered why the schedule connecting flights in a terminal far, far away. It’s sadistic.
Fred did a great job (as you already know), but he missed you as his anchor and love of his life.
Glad you and the spud are back safe and relatively sound…..
It’s the damn planes I tell you. We flew to Denver over the break and both my boys and I all came down with sinus infections AND pink eye. God I hate flying.
You’re back!!!!!!
You were very, VERY missed.
So glad you’re back! I was bored silly. Sorry you are feelin’ puny. I hope you didn’t pick up any germs from the assholes with the carry-on luggage.
Welcome home!
Welcome back. On the fligt back from the trip we just took there were at least 7 different connecting flights the attendent called off. Our plane was late by an hour and a half and she was letting everyone know what terminal they had to run to. We were flying into O’Hare and if you’ve never been you don’t want to have to make a connecting flight there. It’s incredibly huge. Well since our flight was late everyone who had a connecting was let off first. One guy sitting next to me said how he had only 15 minutes from the moment we land to make it to his connection. If he didn’t he’d be stuck in Chicago for 2 days. The 2nd day made the 31st and because of that he’d have to wait a whole other month for his divorce to go through and there was no way he was gonna let that happen. You shoulda seen him fly out as soon as the seatbelt light went off. Pretty funny but having gone through a divorce myself I don’t blame him.
And I can completely relate on the people and their overheads. Whenever I have ’em I’m as fast as possible.
That cat you’re holding is almost identical to my Banderling. It’s basically a mirror image, that little smudge on the side of the nose is on the opposite side of what my cat’s is. My boyfriend calls it “the smudge that the maker made.” Says it’s what makes him so special, just that little bit of imperfection on the face, gives him all kinds of character.
Again, welcome back and hope you feeling better.
I cried daily. So glad you’re back!
Just chiming in to add another WELCOME BACK! I missed the Bitchypoo! 🙂
Yet another welcome back to you Robyn! I wonder who missed you more, your readers or Fred?
Welcome home,Robyn ! Fred kept us entertained with a story of “himself” running nekkid through the house-hmmm,I think he was chasing a cat,not sure,cuz the naked bit caught my attention the most !
I just looked at your “three yrs ago today link, “The story of how Fred and I met.”
Awwww,no mater how many times I have read it, it always makes me smile. :o)
My daughter has Happy Bunny socks that say “It’s cute how you think I’m listening.” My Happy Bunny sticker says, “Have a great day you worthless turd.” We’re glad you’re back. 🙂
Good one, The cat whisperer! The bunny is also definitely a keeper – welcome back.
Miss you? Of course we missed you? Where else can we get a daily fix of kitties, humor, bitchyness AND just darn awesome journaling? Nowhere but here Miss Bitchypoo! Glad you caught your flight and returned home safely!
Hey Robyn,
Glad to know that you and The Spud had a nice & safe trip, can’t wait to see all the great pics you took of Maine. Also, I collect the “rude bunny”myself & I have a few pins that I’ve stuck on one of my South Park hats one of them says that says “I know how you feel, I just don’t care”
hehehe Glad to have ya back with us.
~Denise~ in Georgia
Cleo and Porshe are only six months old? Damn, they’re going to be huge cats! So cute though…my cat Betsy is patched like that, but its just black and white with a black smudge on her nose.
Anyway, glad you’re back Robyn! I only found your site a couple weeks ago, so I was in serious Bitchypoo withdrawal.
Welcome back, Robyn. I remember the Portland Jetport well. They didn’t have a Starbucks back in the day, but I could always get served at the bar, no matter that I was only 16-18 at the time. I hate those little planes. That’s the main reason I don’t go home to PI anymore. They only those little planes in there.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you don’t get sick.