PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: SURVIVOR IS ON TONIGHT, NOT TOMORROW NIGHT AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S GOING TO BE REALLY REALLY GOOD.
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So what with all the venting I’ve been doing about the fact that the fucking stores have had Christmas displays up since the day after Valentine’s Day and the radio stations are playing Christmas songs and FUCK THAT, I haven’t mentioned the fact that I’ve gotten about half my Christmas shopping done.
Of course, half of THAT was gift cards I ordered online, but that’s not important.
Yesterday marked one month until Christmas day, and I have about half my Christmas shopping done. This is a banner year indeed, folks – this NEVER happens.
And later today? I’m going to the mall with the spud. On the day before Thanksgiving. To do some more Christmas shopping and to pick up some Christmas cards, for which I will begin taking names and addresses on Friday.
Somebody stop me!
So when I asked my sister what she wanted for Christmas, she told me and when I said “Like this one?” and provided a link, she said “Actually I hate that. I prefer one like this.” and provided a link. So I went to Spiegel.com and placed an order, and one of the things I ordered was a mini chopper,
this one to be exact. The order arrived yesterday and instead of receiving a mini chopper, I received a hideous
valance.
Now, can one chop with a valance? I think NOT. So I immediately returned the valance along with a strongly worded letter indicating that since this was their screw-up, I expect to receive the correct item via express mail,
tout de suite. And I didn’t use the word “motherfuckers” even once!
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Okay, it’s the afternoon now, and I’m back from the petstore, Target, and mall. We were only gone about two hours and I got a couple more people taken care of. Dare I say Christmas is going to be less of a pain in the ass than usual this year? THAT’S the Christmas spirit.
It continues to completely amaze me how oblivious people are to the world around them. If they’re walking down the aisle at the Hallmark store and see something that interests them, well hell! They stop, blocking as much of the fucking aisle as humanly possible, and they stare at said fascinating item with their mouth hanging open, neither knowing nor caring that someone might try to get around their GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASS.
I love people, oh yes I do.
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Speaking of bastardly people, I admit that it horrifies me that as of this very moment TubbyThatBastard has received 141 votes as being your favorite. The Bean is far, far behind him with 83 votes, and Miz Poo has a paltry 70. MORE PEOPLE CLICKED ON THE “NONE OF THE ABOVE, I JUST WANTED TO VOTE” BUTTON THAN VOTED FOR SPOT.
Poor Spot.
Anyway, in honor of you Tubby-loving bastards, I’ve put up a new movie of the week. Click on the link over there to the right. I won’t tell you what it’s about, but this should give you a hint:
Bastard.
I should just have a raffle and send his Tubby ass to the winner. Or the highest bidder. Or the person who promises to beat him on a daily basis. One or the other.
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“Only 14 people love me. MR FANCYPANTS DOESN’T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE AND HE GOT MORE VOTES THAN ME GODDAMNIT. But I’m not bitter. At least I got more votes than Spot.”
A year ago: If you think you can have too many smiley-face stickers, you are sadly mistaken.
Two: The phrase “anthrax in my pants” is FUCKING FUNNY when it’s spoken by a sixty-three year old woman.
Four: Kitten update]]>