Allison said in her journal that she was hooked on Newlyweds (the MTV show with Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson), I looked to see when it was on, and voila! It was on yesterday afternoon, so I made a special point of checking it out. And I’m embarrassed to admit that I think I’m hooked, too. That Jessica, though, I don’t know about her. On the first show, they were eating something with tuna in it for dinner, and they’re sitting on the couch eating, and she says “Is this fish or chicken that I’m eating here?” And Nick gives her the “Please, babe. I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME!” look and says “It’s tuna fish. We’ve had this before.” And she says “Well, why does it say “Chicken of the sea” on the can?” Oh my lord. And then they interviewed a maid to come organize their messy-ass house, and they were sitting and talking to her and Nick says “So, how much would you charge?” And the maid doesn’t come out and say “Oh, I charge blah-blah per hour”, she just kind of shrugs and stares at them, and birds chirp in the distance, and then finally Nick says “Well, let us show you around, then maybe you’ll have a better idea” and they show her around, and then she’s about to leave, and he says again, “So how much will you charge?” and the woman SHRUGS AND MUMBLES SOMETHING, and he finally says “Well, we can discuss it Wednesday when you come…” So she comes Wednesday and spends, like, 6 hours folding and putting away clothes and maybe cleaning the kitchen, and when she’s done for the day, he’s all “Okay, how much do I owe you?” AND SHE STILL WON’T COME OUT AND GIVE HIM A NUMBER. She shows him a check with a number on it or something, and he’s like “120? 140?”, and they finally decide on 120, so he goes and gets some cash and pays her, and then he’s talking to his friend (or maybe his brother) about whether $20 an hour was too much, and I’m thinking: Kids? Should you have not settled the money issue BEFORE she left the first day? These kids need someone to come organize their lives is what they need. And I think Jessica Simpson’s parents must have been about 10 years old when they had her, they’re so young looking. Nick was auditioning dancers for his video and Jessica was dealing with the jealousy of it all, and I thought “You know, I’m sure glad Fred’s not a singer who has to make videos with girls rubbing their booties all over him”, and then I remembered how Fred reacts when someone flirts with him, and I decided I’d kind of like to see strange girls try to rub their booties on him, just to watch him run screaming from the room. Any volunteers?
Tail feathers, and some Tubby hair.
I checked outside a few times through the evening but neither saw nor heard him again. The cats were a tad freaked out that the window was closed, and Spot walked around meowing his squeaky meow for a good part of the night, but this morning the little bird was nowhere to be seen. After we went and fed the cats at the pet store, we came home and Fred sat down to his computer and his coffee, while I headed upstairs to take a nap, because I hadn’t slept very well last night.
I’d been asleep about half an hour when I was startled awake. I took out an ear plug and heard a squeaking noise. I sat straight up and saw Fred running through the door. “Where did he go? Where is he?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, and there was another immediate squeak. Fred dropped to his knees and looked under the bed, then began scolding Tubby. Eventually Tubby dropped the bird, and Fred held him up so I could see him. He was certainly bright-eyed and pissed off, squeaking and squawking and looking around. Fred grabbed a box and put him in it, and after thinking about it, decided to run him over to the vet’s office.
This afternoon Fred called the vet’s office to check on the bird, and unfortunately it had died before the vet could get to it.
Poor damn bird.
Evil looking, isn’t she?]]>