PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: SURVIVOR IS ON TONIGHT, NOT TOMORROW NIGHT AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S GOING TO BE REALLY REALLY GOOD.
* * *
So what with all the venting I’ve been doing about the fact that the fucking stores have had Christmas displays up since the day after Valentine’s Day and the radio stations are playing Christmas songs and FUCK THAT, I haven’t mentioned the fact that I’ve gotten about half my Christmas shopping done.
Of course, half of THAT was gift cards I ordered online, but that’s not important.
Yesterday marked one month until Christmas day, and I have about half my Christmas shopping done. This is a banner year indeed, folks – this NEVER happens.
And later today? I’m going to the mall with the spud. On the day before Thanksgiving. To do some more Christmas shopping and to pick up some Christmas cards, for which I will begin taking names and addresses on Friday.
Somebody stop me!
So when I asked my sister what she wanted for Christmas, she told me and when I said “Like this one?” and provided a link, she said “Actually I hate that. I prefer one like this.” and provided a link. So I went to Spiegel.com and placed an order, and one of the things I ordered was a mini chopper,
this one to be exact. The order arrived yesterday and instead of receiving a mini chopper, I received a hideous
valance.
Now, can one chop with a valance? I think NOT. So I immediately returned the valance along with a strongly worded letter indicating that since this was their screw-up, I expect to receive the correct item via express mail,
tout de suite. And I didn’t use the word “motherfuckers” even once!
* * *
Okay, it’s the afternoon now, and I’m back from the petstore, Target, and mall. We were only gone about two hours and I got a couple more people taken care of. Dare I say Christmas is going to be less of a pain in the ass than usual this year? THAT’S the Christmas spirit.
It continues to completely amaze me how oblivious people are to the world around them. If they’re walking down the aisle at the Hallmark store and see something that interests them, well hell! They stop, blocking as much of the fucking aisle as humanly possible, and they stare at said fascinating item with their mouth hanging open, neither knowing nor caring that someone might try to get around their GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASS.
I love people, oh yes I do.
* * *
Speaking of bastardly people, I admit that it horrifies me that as of this very moment TubbyThatBastard has received 141 votes as being your favorite. The Bean is far, far behind him with 83 votes, and Miz Poo has a paltry 70. MORE PEOPLE CLICKED ON THE “NONE OF THE ABOVE, I JUST WANTED TO VOTE” BUTTON THAN VOTED FOR SPOT.
Poor Spot.
Anyway, in honor of you Tubby-loving bastards, I’ve put up a new movie of the week. Click on the link over there to the right. I won’t tell you what it’s about, but this should give you a hint:
Bastard.
I should just have a raffle and send his Tubby ass to the winner. Or the highest bidder. Or the person who promises to beat him on a daily basis. One or the other.
* * *
“Only 14 people love me. MR FANCYPANTS DOESN’T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE AND HE GOT MORE VOTES THAN ME GODDAMNIT. But I’m not bitter. At least I got more votes than Spot.”
A year ago: If you think you can have too many smiley-face stickers, you are sadly mistaken.
Two: The phrase “anthrax in my pants” is FUCKING FUNNY when it’s spoken by a sixty-three year old woman.
Four: Kitten update]]>
I voted for Spanky! Was I the only one? 😉
Tubby sucks. You should give him to some cat freak show or something.
Long live the Poo!
I laughed more at Robyn’s “ubadubbaduh” comment than I did at The Pissing Bastard Who Is Tubby.
I voted for Spanky or Spot. I can’t remember which one, but I knew they wouldn’t get many votes. I’m a sucker for the undercats, yes I am.
I didn’t get a chance to vote…missed yesterdays entry… I woulda voted for Spanky or Spot too — can’t seem to remember which one is which. Maybe you could do a special “undercat” page sometime soon.
Where is the Tubby movie????????
I do not see the link!
Okay- maybe everyone loves Tubby and the other faves is bc you subconsciously favor them in your writing. Poor spanky and spot- hardly writing about them at all.
Rach – it’s over on the right, the “Movie of the week” link. Also, it’s difficult to write much about cats who spend 99.998% of the time under the bed. 🙂
Laura – It’s not too late – click on yesterday’s date and vote! 🙂
Jane – Actually, that’s TUBadubbaduh. 😛
OMG, the Tubster sounds like a duck.
What can I say? Tubby has personality!
Thanks for the Tubby movie! It’s the best Thanksgiving EVER!!
I voted for Tubby the Pissmiester because without him, I wouldn’t spend so much time laughing my ass off everytime I read your stories about the BASTARD!
Robyn,
Now that you have conceded it’s ok for Christmas decorations and shopping, may I suggest the following New Year’s 2004 Resolution?:
I will take more pictures of Spot and Spanky. I will post them and tell my online viewers how much we love them so the next poll they will have their own HUGE fan clubs and get many votes.
I did vote for Tubby and I loved his video. Although, I think he was saying – G”et that damn camera outta my face MOM!”
Yep if I had not been reading for long I would not even of known they existed,,it is all about Miz Poo, Tubby The Bastard and Stanley Bean here of late.
Poor Spot and Spanky. I take it that they are either A. Incredibly boring B. So well behaved that they have no bad habits
Val, I have vowed to take more pictures of Spanky and Spot. But they need to come out from under the bed more so I can do so!
Kay – actually it’s C. They hang out upstairs all day long and are never around for me to take pictures of. Also, a little of B as well.
I believe I voted for Spanky by accident, if I’m correct.
But, now seeing hime in that pimp-daddy pose… maybe I have a new lovah.
okay I am offended that no one voted for Spot. Spot, being the nickname of my unborn baby. You evil bastards!
Well! I didn’t vote! But Spot is MY favourite, damnitalltoHELL!
And Fred sucks for not picking me “randomly” for the contest he had. I want his book, but damnit. I’m cheap.
Love, Mo.
I’ll take two raffle tickets for Tubby. He is so adorable, PissyBritches and all.
Robyn! The link to the movie is gone! I watched it from the university, but that computer had no sound, so all I saw was his tubby lips moving. I wanna hear him!!
Nebbermind.
Breathe, Mo, Breathe 😉
It’s a sad, sad day when the link to “I don’t really care I just want to vote wins over spanky and the other one… ummm o yea spot. (Just kidding) Sad to say I may have had a hand in that, voting for that button (more than once too), now I feel guilty, and need to be punished. Send TubbyThatBastard my way Robyn and his fat behind can sit on my neck and suffocate me a little, then I’ll put him on a diet and fedex ThatFatBastard back to you.