check ’em out!
* * *
I was laying in bed reading
Life of Pi last night. I put it on my wish list after Pamie
said it was good last year.
Seriously, that’s all it takes. You say “Hey, this book was pretty good” and I add it to my wish list. That’s how I ended up reading that goddamn
Mulvaney book, so sometimes believing what other people say about books gets me in trouble. Of course, if someone rants about how much a book sucks, I tend to buy it, because I foolishly think “Oh, p’shaw. It can’t be THAT bad!” I’m sure some of y’all do that, too, which probably means that I’ve sold an assload of copies of that FUCKING Mulvaney book.
I swear, if I ever meet someone who has the last name Mulvaney, my fist will probably fly out and strike them on the chin automatically.
But I digress.
So I was reading Life of Pi, which isn’t bad so far – neither amazingly good nor horridly bad, and I do want to see what-all happens next – and I was suddenly absolutely dumbstruck, out of the blue, by the fact that I’m going to die.
I’m going to DIE. Someday, I’m going to die. I’m going to die, you’re going to die, Fred will die, the spud will die. We’re going to DIE. All of us. Before you point out that 35 is awfully old to come to this striking realization, let me point out that I’ve always known, in a vague sort of way, that we’re all going to die, but it never hit me with such clarity. I stared in the ceiling and thought to myself “One day, I will be laying in bed, and I will know that I’m about to die.”
That, of course, is assuming that I don’t die screaming in some horrible car or plane wreck, or am tripped while going down the stairs by Stanley-bean, and break my neck, black out, and die.
I was actually shaking with the whole realization that I was going to DIE some day, just laid there and thought about it for a good ten minutes or so.
Then I ditched that deep, introspective shit, picked up my book, and kept reading until I was tired.
* * *
This morning I came to yet another realization.
You might die someday, but
I am going to live forever.
* * *
I tried an experiment this morning. Last night before bed I turned my computer off (we usually keep our computers running all the time), and this morning I wouldn’t let myself turn it back on until I’d exercised and showered. I have the tendency to sit at the computer and put off exercising, which is why lately it’s been noon or later before I get around to taking my shower.
Today I sat down in front of the computer having exercised and showered right after 10:00.
I would call the experiment a success.
* * *
Speaking of last night, I sat down at the computer to check my mail one last time before bed. I jiggled the mouse to disable the screensaver, and found that SOME BASTARD NAMED FRED had made that creepy fucking picture I linked yesterday my wallpaper.
Fucker.
* * *
Look at how close they’re laying to each other! They’re practically cuddling!
“MEH!”
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About the dying thing…welome to adult hood. Those thoughts increase exponentally with every year after 35!
Well, me old bod will die, but me sweet soul will go on forever!
I’ll be Fred for halloween!! Them’s chillin’s in my ‘hood need a good scare heee!
I think about the dying subject every once in a while, too, and out of those times, rarely do I ever really GET it, you know? I think about not existing, which of course our minds can’t comprehend, I think about the world going on without me being a part of it, rather than the world coming to an end, AS IT SHOULD. 🙂 But seriously, it does freak me out at times. When I really sit there & let it consume me. I can’t really get to that place at this minute because my mind is too hyped from other stimulating thoughts, but I just wanted to let you know I feel ya. And I’m 24!
About the book/wishlist thing…I now WANT to read the ‘Mulvaneys’ simply because you hate it so….is that weird? 🙂
Yeah, I’m dealing with that same “I’m gonna die” thing since my mom died. It’s nice to know that you aren’t though.
Fred’s pic from yesterday would make a good Halloween background…nah…too creepy!!
And I don’t know how many times I have read a book or went to see a movie that someone loved only to find I thought it sucked!
On the death thing,,one night I was lying in bed and couldn’t sleep I looked at my husband and thought “Wow someday I will look over there and he will be gone or vice versa..” it was too surreal and I quickly went on to happier thoughts, it CAN and will really freak you out if you think about it too hard.
ok, here is my book recommendation of the day http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/031242227X/qid=1067374105/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-3226143-4092952?v=glance&n=507846
it is fabulous, i promise and i can even provide references from other actual people who agree 🙂
and i love tubby so much! MEH INDEED!
Wow, Robyn- I can totally relate to that feeling that you got while reading. I, too, have always known in a vague sort of way that I will die; that we’re ALL gonna die, but it really hit me when I was watching that movie “A.I.,” the Spielberg film. I was watching it in the theatre and the little alien boy was asking his mother if she was going to die, and she told him yes. My heart just sort of lurched and I got the chills and was freaked out in general. Brrr.
I hit that realization at 14. I’m so advanced. Although that’s not a good age to make the dying realization, because I was pretty insufferable after that. Why do my algebra homework, if I’m just gonna DIE?
Robyn, I had the longest, most involved dream last night that I was living with you, Fred, and Spud. It was the craziest thing. Now I feel so close to you. 😉
Oh my god, I just read Stevie and Angel’s story. I’m sobbing over here in my cube – I’m sure my coworkers are wondering what’s up.
I am sending in my donation TONIGHT.
I had the same thought about death being real just a couple of short weeks ago…and I’m 44! You’re ahead of the game! But really, can you imagine a world going on without you in it? I wonder the same thing – only without ME in it! Very weird! I’m just that when I die the world will actually cease to exist!
Turtlemama – not weird at all. If I still had my copy, I’d send it to you so you could witness the horror for yourself. 🙂
Kate – I prefer to remain shallow and clueless. 🙂
JenB – I have that book! I haven’t read it yet, but I have it. I read another one by him – Sellevision – and enjoyed it a great deal. 🙂
Aidan – what exactly were we DOING? 🙂
I know that one day I will die, that doesn’t scare me. It’s HOW I die that scaresssss me. Anyone else afraid they will go before they accomplish everything??? Ya know……the ultimate orgasm, a total feeling of peace, etc, etc.
Totally off topic but just in case you didn’t watch Ellen today… Jeff (of Survivor fame) was on and said this is the week to watch if you are a fan. He said there is a twist that has never been done before and it will change the whole game. After last weeks tease about “your past coming back to haunt you” maybe Lil IS coming back. heh He also said something about how some of the people thought they had figured out a game plan and that what happens to one of the guys as a result of that is something some of them may regret for a very long time. OMG..ya don’t suppose Rupert is voted off?????
I haven’t quite hit the “oh my god I’m doing to to die someday” moment yet, but I did freak out the other day because I realized I only have about eleven good childbearing years left. I’m only 19, aren’t I supposed to start flipping out about that stuff when I’m 28? Sigh.
doing, going. my typing is so wonderful.
Die? Kids are into this mortality thing- keep asking if I am going to die- I don’t want to say yes and scare them- don’t want to say no and lie- Damn Death!
Loved “Life of Pi” but my boss hated it (strange bastard)- I thought it was different and interesting. Don’t even want to try the Mulvaney books- if you hated them then thats enough for me!
Robyn — nothing at all, you dirty minded thing! 😉 I have no idea why I was living with you, but we celebrated Spud’s birthday with cake. Then I went to the post office with you. Then I accidentally walked in on Fred in the bathroom going number 2, and he yelled at me, but not in a mean way.
It went on so long that by the time I woke up I felt like I HAD been living with you guys and knew you very well. But of course, I realize it was just a dream. Bizarre.
Do you get notified of comments on posts that are five years old? I’ll take a stab at it…
This morning I came to yet another realization. You might die someday, but I am going to live forever.
A friend of mine once said, “I fully intend to live forever. Everyone thinks it’s impossible, but that’s just because no one’s done it yet. Everyone thought airplanes were impossible, too.”
Makes perfect sense to me…