back a $5,000 tip HE left and leave $300 in it’s place WHEN IT WASN’T HER MONEY is maybe not the gal for him.
People and US will be having a field day with this, you know they will.
And lastly, maybe someone should tell Jennifer Lopez that she doesn’t have to marry every guy she dates. She doesn’t seem to understand that.
* * *
So. I bet MY weekend was more exciting than YOURS.
Friday night, 10:30ish, I was sound asleep. I heard a very very loud noise and jumped out of bed and fumbled with my nightgown. Any other time, I can just pick it up off the floor and put it over my head without any fumbling, but this time I was so freaked out that I ended up putting it on inside-out and backwards.
I was fairly certain that the noise had come from inside the house, and thought for sure that one of the cats had knocked over one of the big bookcases somehow. I went out into the hallway, and Fred opened his door.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” I said, surprised that he was so calm.
“I think it was an accident up at the end of the street,” he said. Then he stopped and looked at me. “Wait, you heard that?”
“Yeah, it was loud as hell!” I said.
“Then it must have been on the back side of the house,” he realized, and we went back into my bedroom. We looked out the window.
“There’s a truck by the side of the road,” I pointed out. “Maybe he hit a dog.”
“Oh my god! There’s someone in our back yard!” Fred said. “Call 911!”
“What?” I said, wondering why I’d need to call 911 if someone was walking around our back yard. Fred was in the closet getting dressed, and he yelled “You don’t see them, they’re upside down in the corner of the yard near the neighbors! CALL 911!” Which is when I saw a car sitting on it’s side next to the fence that separates our yard from our next-door neighbors.
I called 911, and while I won’t recount the entire conversation, I will say that I’m pretty useless in an emergency. The 911 operator wanted to know where we lived, and I told her, but then told her that the ambulance needed to come to the busy street running alongside the back of our yard, and I got confused and switched street names, and so on. It finally occurred to me that I needed to go out into the yard to see what was going on, and I went downstairs, dodging really freaked out kitties on the way, shut the window so the cats couldn’t go outside, and then went out into the back yard.
Fred and another man – the one who owned the truck that was by the side of the road, which I’d seen from our bedroom window – were standing by the car, bending over a man who was laying on his stomach on the lawn.
I was certain that he had to be either dead or dying, and I could not force myself to go any closer than the middle of the lawn. The 911 operator transferred me to the ambulance service, and the operator there asked me questions that I had to ask Fred – is he breathing? is he conscious?, and the like.
When she finally started asking how to get to the house, I got confused and ended up handing the phone to Fred, and then retreated to the edge of the patio.
Moments later, the police and ambulance were there (I make fun of the fact that we live in YuppieTown, but we’re very close to the police and fire stations, for which I was very grateful Friday night), and only a few minutes later they had the guy on a stretcher and out of there. The police began asking the witness (the guy in the white truck) what had happened, and Fred turned and realized that I was still in my nightgown, and suggested that I go get dressed. I did as quickly as possible, and went back out.
We spent the next hour and a half or so talking to the police and our neighbors, and watching the tow truck pull the car out. Fred took a ton of pictures as well (AFTER they took the guy away), and to see his side of the story and some pictures, you can go
here and
here. I believe he’s going to put up more pictures later today, as well.
Fred called today to find out the guy’s name and where they took him, and then called the hospital to find out his condition. They’d never admitted him to the hospital, which probably means that they treated and released him, which just amazes me.
(And to be sure he hadn’t died on the way to the hospital, I checked the obituaries for the weekend and today, and my heart almost stopped when I saw that two people with his last name had died over the weekend, but they were both elderly women.)
Because he had no insurance and the owner of the car had no insurance, we will be paying for the repair of our part of the fence ourselves. No, we won’t turn it over to our homeowner’s insurance so that they can go after him, because as a result our insurance would go up, and the repair to the fence would cost less than our deductible anyway. No, we won’t be suing him for the costs of the repair to the fence, because it wouldn’t be worth our time to do so and we are very sue-averse, not to mention the fact that we can afford the repair to the fence (which we know because we’ve already got an estimate). We’re only relieved that it didn’t end up worse than it did.
Once we got back to bed – sometime after midnight – I tossed and turned and slept horribly. Saturday – once Fred and the spud got the back yard cleaned up – we fell into our usual pattern of watching a crappy movie and hanging around the house.
Saturday night, Fred’s parents came over to watch
The Blue Collar Comedy Tour with us. Fred’s seen it twice, and knew that his father would enjoy it a great deal.
They came over and inspected the back yard, and then we sat down to watch the movie. Fred had a big bowl of popcorn for a snack, and I debated about what to have for a snack. I thought about skipping the snack for once, but my stomach was rumbling, and I decided on a bowl of almonds.
About halfway through the movie, my stomach started feeling slightly sour, and I debated going upstairs to get a Maalox, but decided to wait until the movie was over.
Fred’s parents left a few minutes before 9, and I turned to look at him. The “sour” feeling had increased quite a bit, and I was on the edge of feeling nauseous.
“Do we have any Maalox down here?” I asked him.
“No, just upstairs. Why?”
“I’m starting to feel nauseous,” I said. “Could you grab me one?”
“You wouldn’t rather take Pepto?” he asked.
“No,” I said, the thought of drinking that peppermint-flavored crap making me feel even more nauseous. He went up and changed into his comfortable hanging-around-the-house clothes and brought a Maalox back down with him. I chewed it and then got a Diet Coke to sip while we sat in the living room and watched TV.
As we sat and watched, the nausea only increased, and soon it reached that level where you know that there’s no forcing it back. I ran for the bathroom and couldn’t even get on my knees in front of the toilet before I was throwing up everything I’d eaten that day. And might I just say that beef burritos, while yummy going down, are NOT what you want to have coming back up. And also, I am a very very loud vomit-er. Fred stood outside the bathroom door and when it was silent asked “Can I do anything?” To which I responded by vomiting yet again.
After I was done and had cleaned up what hadn’t made it into the toilet, I went back out into the living room. I felt much better, though a bit shaky, and we decided to go upstairs and watch TV in bed. As we lay there, I began to feel crappier and crappier, and exactly an hour after I’d vomited the first time, I went for a second round.
Between 9 pm and 3:30 am, I vomited violently every 30 – 50 minutes, and GODDAMN it hurts when you have nothing in your stomach and your body is insisting that there’s still something you need to get rid of. Fred ran out for ginger ale and rubbed my back and then finally went to bed around 11:00, since there was really nothing he could do for me.
They aren’t kidding when they call it “praying to the porcelain god”, are they. Folks, I thought I was gonna DIE. Every time I vomited, I went back into the bedroom, sipped ginger ale until I couldn’t stand it anymore – because it hurts less to barf when there’s something TO barf – and then dozed for almost exactly 30 minutes, when my stomach would start hurting again, and I’d sit up and wait to see if it would go away (dreamer!) or get worse.
When the whole thing ended, I fell asleep and slept hard. When I woke up Sunday morning, my eyes were swollen and full of burst blood vessels.
(click on either picture to see the full-sized version)
Today, my eyelids are less swollen, but my eyes look creepier.
I tried to put my contacts on this morning, but my eyes are too swollen for me to wear them comfortably, so I’m wearing glasses. I was a little worried that lifting weights would put pressure on my eyes (they ache when I bend over), but weight lifting went fine. Now if my eyes would only go back to normal so that I don’t frighten small children…
* * *
Oh, please. I know why you’re really here. You’re really here for the Nekkid German Men!
AKT decided to go simple for this one. I think the boots and socks are definitely a nice touch. And laying in a backhoe – well, really. Nothing says sexy like that! Also, the first hint of a smile from AKT. Almost looks like a nice guy, doesn’t he?
(click on the picture to see the full-sized version)
* * *
How can this possibly be comfortable?
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(click on the picture to see the full-sized version)
Robyn- my God what a week-end! I’m so sorry you got so sick. xoxoxoxoxo
Hope youre feeling better..
hey, do you know what to do for recently pierced ears? i cant get two people to agree on what to do..Needless to say, i think my ears are infected..they are red and hurt..
Any suggestions?
Thanks !
OMG! Two things to scare me in this entry — your eyes and his penis! Eek! Hope you are feeling better!
I think MY weekend WILL be more exciting this coming one, though.
LuLu–Make sure you are turning the earrings in your ears atleast once a day and putting peroxide on a q-tip and cleaning them.
Robyn,
I’m really sorry to hear that you are sick. And I must say that your eyes look rather Halloweenish and painful. I hope that you get feeling better soon !!! Myself, my husband and 11 year old son are all sick from the cold or flu like thing going around here. And as far as the car ending up in your backyard, that’s just freaky and a little scary. We often set in our backyard at night and have a bonfire and cookout. I’m just glad no one was seriously hurt. :o)
~Denise~
Wow…that is all I can say..
To be woke up that way for one would be so freaky and then your poor eyes!!! My sister had that happen from pushing so hard in delivery of her 1st daughter (the wrong way with her face instead of her butt) and they go away but take a week or so.
Too bad it is not Halloween yet..hehe you could really make a freaky costume to go with those eyes!! LOL
Hope you are feeling better and the kitties get their backyard back soon!
What a weekend! I bet you never complain again about having a boring one! I’m sorry you got so sick..I agree..there is nothing worse than puking when you have nothing left to puke..except maybe when you have it going at both ends and have nothing else left to give yet your body wants to get rid of more. That guy was so damn lucky..I saw the pics on Fred’s page last night and I can’t believe the guy wasn’t hurt badly, or worse!
Hope your eyes are feeling better soon!!!
Denise
Oh and that guys winky reminds me of those coral things in the bottom of the ocean!! LOL
Who will Jen marry next? Eminem? Puffy? Justin? Kid Rock? Scarier yet, Britney and Ben are both single now. OMG, I am feeling nauseous now. Hmmm, on the upside, the German guy is available…maybe we can fix Jen or Brit up with him.
Your eyes look like hell in these pics. I don’t think Visine is going to fix this. Hope you are feeling better. Rest well.
Ew…it just dawned on me that someone is taking those pictures of the German guy. They were probably nauseous, too.
Just saw the car wreck pics. Incredible pics. Can’t believe the guy didn’t get treatment somehow, someway.
Oh my poor sweet baby Robyn! Your eyes look horrible! Tell me you feel better!!!
Sloppy hugs!!!
xoxoxoxo
NO PEROXIDE ON NEW PIERCINGS!!! Ack! Use unscented, uncolored liquid antibacterial soap, like clear dial or softsoap antibacterial in the shower!
Thanks, y’all, I’m feeling SO much better today. I even lifted weights with no problems. It looks worse than it feels, believe me. I expect to be able to go back to my contact-wearing in the next couple of days.
But for a while there, I sure thought I was gonna DIEEEEEEE!
ZB – I seem to recall that Britney had herself a bit of a crush on The Affleck a few years ago! I bet a Britney/Affleck pairing would knock the Justin/Cameron pictures right off the covers!
Robyn, Oh my! You had the definition of a craptacular weekend. Do you know if your nausea was due to food poisoning or a stomach virus? Blec!
Our weekend was better. We adopted a kitty from the shelter! She is a 1 year old siamese mix/torti point and she’s just beautiful! We named her Daisey but already we are calling her Dot, Dizzy, Ditzy, Doll, etc. The shelter is a great place to get great cats!
That’s no German! That’s Billy Bob Thornton!
Holy crap! Your eyes look freaky, Robyn! Are you sure you aren’t possessed by a demon or something? Did your puke look anything like pea soup? Have you felt the need to curse a lot? Possibly using the Lord’s name in vain? Wait…there’s nothing new there. Nevermind…. Hope you’re feeling groovy again soon. 🙂
What I will never understand is how men walk around with those things flopping around.
Girls are so neat and tidy in comparison. At least our bits don’t flop around and get draped over our leg and stuff.
Ick.
Oh, Robyn, so sorry to hear you were sick this weekend. 🙁 I’m glad you’re feeling better. And Fred’s entries about the wreck are amazing. I can’t believe he wasn’t more badly injured, especially since he landed on a pair of SCISSORS of all things!
You know how we say a guy is a “catch”? I’m imagining that the German equivalent of that is “scoop” and AKT is using the backhoe to illustrate how he is quite the scoop, mein fraulein!
Good Lord! I hope your eyes recover quickly. You poor thing!!! *snickering to myself….glad it’s not me!*
Also — don’t fool yourself, Ben and J.Lo are totally faking the breakup. They will get married soon, and THEN break up, in ten months or so.
I’ll agree with the peroxide on newly pierced ears, since I have had both of mine pierced a total of 12 times (relax, I went thru a punk phase, and now I wear only 2 earrings, if any), and that’s what I did for every single piercing, and I never had an infection. Make sure to turn the studs at least once a day, too. They’ll be red & sore for up to a couple of weeks–you just put a puncture wound into your skin! 🙂
Robyn, you weren’t kidding about having an exciting weekend. You poor girl. Your eyes make me hurt just to look at them. Bless your heart.
I once heard a loud crash and was the first on the scene to a very bad one-car wreck. I ran back to the house and called 911. I was so frantic that I almost couldn’t remember where I was. The guy in the wreck that I saw did make it, but he did spend some time in the hospital. I’m not good at those kinds of situations.
Could someone refer me to the part in Robyn’s journal where she explains why she is posting nekkid German guys with wierd winkys? I’ve been gone for awhile and I’m curious as hell. Just tell me what date to read up on. Thanks!
I’m glad to hear you’re skipping the contacts. Give your eyes time to heal. Take care of yourself. I hate big puke-o-ramas. I hope you feel better.
Vicki – start here. 🙂
Vicki, Robyn finally got tired of all the email asking her when she was finally going to get a freaking job and is now making a couple K a week by matching hot German bachelors with single North American women.
I’ve got an order in for a blond that she’s been ignoring now for a week…
The more I read you the more I think we’re soul sisters. You poor thing! I can so sympathize!
Kat, shhhh, that was supposed to be on the down-low!
Hmmmm ya look like I remember you as a kid……dont’ know what all the fuss is about. *ducking*
I’ve actually laughed hard enough to burst blood vessels in my eyes, a few times. My closest friends think its hilarious, me not so much so 🙂 But at least I no longer feel like a freak. Robyn apparently feels my pain. Its because when I find something really funny, I guffaw until there is no air available and end up hiccuping a few ticks away from unconsciousness.
The German guy, well he just looks so compact, right? Like we could roll him up tight in a taquito and dip him in salsa, except he’s all deformed and strange….so unsexy, that he’s quite cool. His 15 minutes of shame are turning into weeks of odd bizarre admiration….
Last time I puked, I gagged so much and so hard (because I suffer from emetophobia and I was trying to make sure I got it all out so I wouldn’t have to do it again) that not only did I break blood vessels in my eyeballs … I broke blood vessels all over my entire face. For two weeks, I looked like I had Scary Face Disease.
I’m sorry your weekend was so horrible! Hope you’re feeling better now!
Zombie eyes. 🙁
That IS an exciting weekend… but I bet I can top it!!
I GOT ENGAGED!! 🙂 yay.
Awww, congratulations, Stephanie!!! That’s the good kind of exciting. 🙂
Delusive – that’s the perfect description!
Wow, I hope you feel better…but I must admit your eyes look wickedly cool. I think I shall surprise my husband and use it as our pc wall paper hehe
To bad it ain’t halloween. lol