could be removed, and a Staples employee came up beside me.
“Can I help you with anything?” he asked.
I smiled. “Nope, just trying to decide which one.”
He stood in silence for a few minutes while I continued looking at the cheapest keyboard and chanted “Goaway goaway goaway” in my mind.
He stepped forward and indicated another keyboard. “This one seems to be our most popular keyboard.” I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled politely, all the while thinking “goooooo awaaaaaaaaaay”, and then he finally said “Well, let me know if you have any questions!”, and he went away.
Now, I have probably not mentioned this in the past, but I am very suggestible. I’m a salesman’s wet dream, and so usually if there’s some buying to be done that can potentially become expensive – such as a new washer and dryer – Fred accompanies me so that I won’t be suckered in.
I’m not kidding about being very suggestible. If I’m in the grocery store I have to stay out of the shampoo/ hair styling aisle, because if I wander by and glance up and see “Anti-frizz gel!”, I will stop and get stars in my eyes and think “My hair! Is frizzy! And to make it not frizzy, I need anti-frizz gel! I must buy! I must have! This gel will give me beautiful hair!”, and thus the reason I have a drawer full of gels and mousses and finishing cremes and all manners of crap.
(What I really need is to shave my head, except that I would then bear a striking resemblance to Pruitt Taylor Vince.)
So anyway, after the Staples guy wandered off, I glanced up to be sure he was gone, and then I sidled over to look at the keyboard he’d pointed out. And it was a Logitech! Cordless! Keyboard! And it was only $30! And I went all starry eyed and imagined the many wondrous things I could do with a cordless keyboard, like I could put the keyboard wherever I wanted on the desk, because it would not be TETHERED by a CORD because it was CORDLESS. And if I wanted to, I could LEAN BACK in my chair and PUT MY FEET UP on the desk, and I could PUT THE KEYBOARD ON MY LAP, and Oh! Happy day! Or I could even sit across the room and relax and type away!
Without another thought, I bought the fucking thing, and it wasn’t until I was driving home that I realized that my keyboard was sitting in front of the monitor NOT because it was TETHERED by a CORD, but rather because that’s where I LIKED it, and also chances were nil that I would lean BACK in my CHAIR and put my feet on the DESK and my keyboard on my LAP, because if Erin‘s tiny little tummy is a Buddha, then my stomach is the pagoda he sits in, and leaning back with my feet on the desk would render a lap nonexistent.
And besides, I’m not really a lean-back-with-feet-on-desk kinda gal.
Further, while I certainly COULD sit across the room and relax while type-type-typing, there’d be no mouse usage, because the mouse IS tethered to a cord, but the point there is moot, because while I could relax and type, there’s no way in god’s green earth I could ever SEE what I was typing, because I practically have to sit with my nose to the screen as it is, because that bastard won’t let me buy a big BIG monitor, because he’s mean. (But that’s okay – I get back at him by LOUDLY announcing every time I have to reboot my computer, which is quite frequently lately. Not that that has anything to do with the size of my screen, so let’s move on, shall we?)
So basically I paid twice as much for a keyboard as I would have on my own for no good reason, all thanks to that Staples employee, may he rot in hell.
The camera is upstairs and I don’t want to go ALL the way upstairs to retrieve the memory stick, so you’re stuck with a picture of my brother’s dog. Adorable, isn’t she? Also very slobbery. That’s one thing about cats – for the most part, you don’t have to worry about them slobbering on you.
OK, my husband isn’t big into weirdo stuff like Six Feet Under, but he’s DROOLING at the mere mention of season 2 coming out on DVD. He LOVES that show (We’re HUGE OZ fans also)! Also, I’m not a ‘Tom Clancy’-‘Spy Games’ kinda gal but boy oh boy do I love me self some Alias. Just rent them and make him watch them, he’ll enjoy it and thank you for all eternity…hey, maybe he’ll even buy you a big 21″ monitor (I had to steal mine from the husband, because I had the same problem you did, aren’t men bastards?!) 🙂
My shih tzu does drool on me more than my cats, but I have had two cats now that insist on cleaning me as well as them when I’m snuggling up with them and a book. And man are those tongues rough!
LMFAO!! Um, I have one of those keyboards…and I bought it thinking the same things you did. And no, I haven’t done any of it either, but it does come in handy when trying to keep my two year old from typing random nonsense when I’ve walked away for a bit, by removing the temptation easily.
But that’s not an issue you have to deal with. LOL!!
I’m a sucker for gadgets though…which is why I recently bought the fancy washer/dryer with the electronic touchpads. And my dh did nothing to stop me because the stars were in his eyes too. It’s a good thing I LUV the damn set, because I know I’m stuck with it forever. :::slinking away now::::
Oh yeah, Chris Keller don’t play. There’s this one scene with him and some boots and nothing else… I will never EVER be able to look at him without feeling creepy. He totally repulses me.
Yvonne – I have to say, I probably would have been suckered into buying the electronic touchpads washer and dryer – probably a good thing Fred was with me. 😉
Sharon – You’re right, those cats have some seriously rough tongues. I figure the reason they have so much fur is to protect their skin from those tongues!
Turtlemama – that’s kinda what I was thinking. He was actually not all that into Oz at the beginning, but he ended up liking it as much as me!
I just read your three-years-ago entry, too…and don’t you just love those left-handed compliments men give? I posted this on Sasha’s blog a few days ago, but the best left-handed compliment my husband ever gave me: “You’re not near as bad a cook as your mother.” The statement was made probably five years ago, and I’ve never let him live it down. I use it for ammo all the time! And now, I’m spreading it all over the internet, too.
Say – he was MIGHTY scary in the last episode of season 2. Why do I have to wait to see season 3? Whyyyyyyyy?
Melanie – Oh, I still bring up the “You look prettier with makeup” from time to time. I figure if you harp on that sort of thing, they’ll get the idea of the things they’re NOT supposed to say! 🙂
have you seen this kitty?
http://home.wanadoo.nl/annekebroenink/maukie2.swf
And here’s another one for the upcoming book “If you’re from Mars … just shut up”: “God, Kay, I love that outfit. You look like a completely different woman.” I did give him a chance, I really did – thunderbrow, slight snarl and all that. But no, he had to give it another try. “You know … as if you had class.”
Sometimes I wonder if he has a death wish. 🙂
Oh, how I miss Keller!
Amber – Yes, and I love to drive Miz Poo crazy by making it purr. Hee!
Kay – I think I just snorted half a pint of water into my lungs. “As if you had class” indeed. Hee!
“You’re sexier than a hedgehog”. I kid you not. And he can’t pull that english-as-a-second-language bullshit because he knew exactly what he was saying.
He’s gotta grovel at least another decade before that one’s forgiven…
Robyn: I just wanted to tell you that I had a dream regarding Bitchypoo last night! I guess it’s ’cause I’ve been reading & sometimes posting in these comments. I dreamed that you held a big Bitchypoo picnic somewhere down there in Alabama, for all your readers to come to. It was a VERY strict requirement that everyone bring a covered dish or whatever, because you did not want to have to make food for the (hundreds!) of people that showed up!
I remembered more of it upon waking, but that was at 6 this morning and a lot has faded since then. Anyway, just wanted to share; thought you’d be amused. 🙂
Oi! I have a soft spot for Pruitt Taylor Vince!!
And I’d recommend 24 wholeheartedly except that only season one is out.. whoa is me when I finish these last 2 episodes.
I’ve always like Oz and Six Feet Under.. canNOT stand Alias – or more specifically – that Jennifer Garner chic. My sister has recommended, and I’ve only just started watching Queer As Folk and Dead Like Me.
WHOA is me? LOL .. Woe is me. 😛
Well, all the shows I like you have already seen — cause we are like the same person. This disturbs your brother no end. I would see queer as folk, but your brother would have an apoplexy. I AM a feet-on-my-desk kinda girl, but I don’t like the cordless cause it “rocks” in my lap.
And that’s all I have to say, I suppose.
Kat,I hope you bring it up OFTEN. Hee!
Elizabeth – you never know. There could be a Bitchypoo picnic one day! I hope everyone brings something good… 😉
Kris – I think I could get him to go for 24. MAYBE.
Kate – Tell him it’s better to be like his sister than to be like his mother! (Because I am NOTHING like my mother!)
I tried to watch Queer as Folk, but I was so worried about Danielle walking in in the middle of a sex scene that I had to turn it off. Of course, I suppose I could watch it during the day while she’s in school!
kris – 24 s2 came out yesterday…but sams club had it in on sunday, cause that’s when we bought it. My hubby did a little dance when he saw it on the shelf.
>>WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO WATCH NOW???
Jo – we should, shouldn’t we? 🙂 Unfortunately, we no longer have Showtime, because we cut out our 48,000 channel extravaganza in an attempt to cut down on bills, and only have all the HBOs now.
Cats don’t drool? Someone needs to tell mine that. Her nickname is “Hooch” (as in “Turner & Hooch). Once upon a time, she was lying on my S/O’s chest being petted and was so happy she hooched in his EYE.
The poor cat is still embarrassed about it.
Awww, poor Hooch!
We must all tease her about it now… 😉