here.
I am pleased to announce that for the first time since Sunday I can straighten my legs completely. That’s the sort of thing you take for granted until you can’t do it, believe you me.
Okay, anyone have any clue what the fuck kind of language this is? Is it spam? Anyone? This person keeps emailing the same email to me, and I have no clue what they want. And it’s not one of the language Babelfish translates, so I’m at a loss.
merhaba seni aradim ulasamadim.. nerdesin?? d�n anneme kamera aldirdim zorla hehe simdi baya ii cekiyo kamerayi actim izlemek istiyosan buraya tiklat hadi g�r�s�r�z kendine cooook ii bak optum
The other night, Fred and I were laying in bed talking before bedtime. Fred, as is his way, farted.
“I wish I could do that when the spud comes in to say goodnight!” he giggled. It is his dearest wish to fart on the spud when she’s not expecting it. And it’s her dearest wish to fart on him when he’s not expecting it. So far, I believe she’s ahead in the fart wars.
I continued breathing through my mouth – I can’t remember the last time I laid in bed and dared to breathe through my nose – and we resumed chatting.
Ten minutes later, the spud knocked on the door, alerting us that she was there. She and Fred did their “What?” “Hug?” “Yes, I know what a hug is” dorkiness, and she entered the room. Every night when she comes in to hug Fred and I goodnight, it’s generally a long ordeal that involves her stopping to pet every cat in the room, making random remarks (“I did the thingy with the doohickey. I’ll do it again tomorrow”) that make no sense to us. Eventually, she approaches the bed and flings herself down across Fred’s upper body, where she lays like the dead, and would probably stay there the entire night, except that Fred pokes her to get her moving.
On this particular evening, however, she approached the bed and began to lean down. Fred lifted the comforter and top sheet a slight amount, letting air circulate beneath the covers.
The spud stopped suddenly, a disgusted look on her face. “Oh, GROSS!” she yelled, and then giggled. “You FARTED!”
Countries as far away as Afghanistan made note of the momentous occasion.
She continued her drama queen ways, waving her hand around in front of her face and making gagging sounds, punctuated with “Gross!” and “Ewww!”s. Fred was laughing so hard he was almost crying.
After fifteen minutes of discussion about how Fred had farted and it was stinky and gross, I got impatient.
“Quickly!” I yelled, which is what I yell when she’s dawdling, since it always gets her moving.
Holding her breath, the spud gave Fred a quick hug and then rounded the bed to hug me. We hugged, and she bent over to pet Miz Poo, who was laying beside me. As she straightened up, I heard it, like a distant foghorn.
“GodDAMN!” I yelled, holding my nose. The spud giggled wildly and ran for the door.
“What?” Fred said. “What happened?”
“She FARTED on me!”
Fred and the spud laughed as if it were the funniest thing that had ever happened in either of their lives.
You want my life, you know it.
I don’t know if we have just one squirrel that occasionally visits our bird feeders, or if they’ve all been different squirrels, but we were visited by a squirrel this past weekend.
Naturally, I got pictures.
“Mmmm. Damn those Andersons sure are nice to stock the good stuff!”
“Whuh? Did I hear something? It sounded like a whine from a portly animal…”
“What the hell IS that on the other side of the window?”
“Damnit! That fucking squirrel is always too fast for me!”
Yes, I know. The next thing the cats bring into the house will be a friggin’ squirrel. You can imagine I’m looking forward to THAT.]]>
Ok, I must be as immature as Fred and the spud, because you had me laughing so hard I cried.
Dude.
It’s not immature. Do you realize the SKILL it takes to fart like that? 🙂
Me too, Tina.
When my husband farts under the blanket he’ll kind of sweep it over our heads; we call it the Dutch Oven. Like, “Oh, I’ve just been Dutch Ovened!”
We’re weird, too. Seems like with a nine year old boy in the house all we talk about are farts and burps anyway. :/
Oh, and Fred? I can fart on command.
Turkish. That looks like Turkish to me. I don’t know what it says, though.
I’ve heard that squirrels that become pets are sort of dog-like. “Oh, look! He can be our new PUPPY!” haha.
too funny Janet, sounds like my husband and I. My husband likes to tease me about having musical farts!
And Fred, I understand the skill it takes, and I’m quite awed by your fart prowess ;o)
oh and I forgot to say, we also have a 9 year old son as well, so bodily functions are definitely hot topics in this household as well.
Robyn,
I googled and found that Xerox has a “language guesser” tool. They come up with Turkish. The URL is http://www.xrce.xerox.com/competencies/content-analysis/tools/guesser
I then, being the web-aholic geek that I am, did a search for Turkish translators. I came up with this one:
http://www.tranexp.com:2000/Translate/result.shtml
but the results didn’t make a whole lot of sense.
You could translate something fom english to turkish and reply to them.. see what happens. 🙂
-Nancy
I still can’t even talk about the last Survivor – so many questions left unanswered. So was I the only one that seemed to pick up on something between Jenna and Matt – they were wrapped around each others arms the entire show.
Farting – ahhhh the fun of it!! LOL
Babel fish! Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! I got the reference! Now give me a cookie. ~grin~
It’s Turkish. It says:
“Hello. I’ve been looking for you everywhere, where are you? Yesterday I was given a video camera (something about being difficult) and now I take good pictures…(I think something about wanting you to go there) Well, okay, see you, take good care of yourself.
Thank you so much, Leonore! That was driving me crazy! I’m going to guess it’s some kind of Turkish spam. 🙂
Janet – are you trying to steal my husband, you hussy? 😉
Sueellen – I noticed that, and according to a post I read on a forum somewhere (I don’t remember which!), they were on The Early Show Monday morning, and when they were asked if there was something going on, they got all junior-high-school giggly and each told the other to answer. In the end, they claimed to be just friends. Sh’yeah!
My DH has the graceful habit when watching TV, of draping one leg over the back of the sofa. He looks so comfy laying there, discussing the night’s viewing. He will think nothing of “letting a loud one rip” right in the middle of conversation, and having the freakin’ nerve to tell me he has “a leak”! 😮
(I don’t dare fart in front of my old man lately, he would be too totally grossed by the resonance since my back-side has packed on a few lbs!!)
Does anyone in your family have machine-gun farts? That’s the lovely sound that eminates from my 9 year old daughter’s butt!! She’s done another Tommy!!! :-0 And Jenna winning??? Oh please – I am so waiting for The Amazing Race so I can forget that horror story!
You haven’t lived until your cats bring in HALF a squirrel. Our cat, Spot, “The Verminator”, specializes in shrews but the half squirrel (where the hell is the other half and WHEN will I step on it????!!!!) is my personal ‘favorite’.
This is disgusting, but it seems like this is the place to “air” it: Yesterday I was sitting here at my desk at work, when I felt a gurgling from down below. I assumed it was gas, pushed a little to help it out, and promptly shat my pants.
Thankfully, I was alone. And the damage was minimal. And I had a few good laughs at myself as I did the “got something in my pants” walk to the bathroom and fixed myself up. But it was mostly unpleasant.
Jan – I feel your pain! That’s exactly something Fred would do. 🙂
Lori – In the Anderson household, we’ve perfected the machine-gun farts!
Chris – Fancypants brought half a mouse into the living room several weeks ago. I made Fred deal with it and wouldn’t even look. Bleh. The other night, Spot brought in a cave cricket, and he was howling the way Miz Poo does when she’s got the sock filled with catnip. It was pretty damn funny.
Peg – You poor thing! I’ll be sure Fred reads your comment, he’ll be suitably impressed. 🙂