We call them the Naysayers.
When Fred and I began our weight loss journeys, we - for the first few months, at least - got only supportive "You're doing so well!" - emails. And for the most part, that has continued, emails from readers or people who have just stumbled upon our sites, people who tell us that we inspire them, that they love watching our progress. I'd say 98% of my email consists of such email.
But in the last few months, since I've crossed the 100-pound (gone) mark, that has changed. Now about 2% of the email I receive is from people who, on the surface, are congratulating me, but underneath - not buried deep, mind you - there is the sense that they not only think I'll fail, but hope that I do. The unspoken "I can't wait until you put it all back on and more" is there.
Honestly, I just don't understand that. Even before I began losing weight, I'd read the weight loss journals of others. I'd be thrilled when they lost weight, be sad if they didn't, and I just hated it when, after a few months and 20, 30, 40 pounds, they stopped updating. I think that most people want to see others succeed, because if they can succeed, we can too.
It used to hurt my feelings, the emails from people who want me to fail, want me not to reach my goal and stay there. But you know what? I've managed to step back and realize it's not really about me, it's about them.
Fuck 'em.
You'll realize that losing the weight is the easy part, keeping it off is the hard part, goes the majority of those emails.
Really? Huh. Well damn, I didn't realize that this was the easy part.
I didn't know that getting out of bed 6 days a week when I'd much prefer to stay in bed and sleep for another hour, was easy.
I didn't know that loading myself down with water, grapes, and orange juice two days a week so that I can walk 9 miles over 3 hours was easy.
Silly me, I didn't know that slogging through ankle-deep mud so I could cross the main road at the end of my street and continue on for another 8 miles was easy.
I didn't know that watching what I eat the majority of the week was easy, and that eating a peach or an apple when what I'd much prefer was a 2-pound bag of peanut m&ms was easy.
I didn't know that getting up and fighting with the devil on my shoulder 3 mornings out of 4 (and winning) was easy.
What I find myself wanting to say is that when I wake up and want to go back to sleep, I think of the Naysayers, of the people who say Losing is the easy part and Just between us, Fred, I don't think Robyn has what it takes, and I think Fuck you, and I get out of bed and get my ass in gear.
But the truth is that I don't really think of the Naysayers much at all. They're barely a blip on my screen, and the reason I roll out of bed and get my ass in gear is because I must.
I'll tell you a secret about myself that I don't think comes across to the average reader, but my husband can certainly tell you that it's so.
I am tenacious. When I want something, I get it, and that is the flat-out truth. I may give up from time to time, but if I truly want something, I will go back and go back and chip away at what's holding me back, until I get what I want.
Can you look at the results, that I've lost 122.5 pounds in 11 months, and believe that I'll ever give up? That I'll throw my hands in the air and say Fuck it? Could you ever possibly believe that?
Because if you could, you really don't know me at all.