The back yard is a bit larger than ours, there’s a cute deck, and – as the realtors put it – “mature trees” in the front and back yard. And the porch on the front isn’t much to write home about, but it’s a porch! Let’s see, what did I do today? The spud’s laundry, began packing the spud’s bags, and… well, a little cleaning, but that’s about it. What the hell was I going to write about? Oh yeah. Did y’all see Fear Factor Monday night? For the uninitiated, Fear Factor is a show where they start out with a group of 6 people and have them do scary things the first day. Whoever can’t or won’t do the first scary thing gets disqualified, and the rest go on to do another scary thing, and so forth until there’s one person left standing, and who wins $50,000. The host of the show is Joe Rogan, formerly of Newsradio, who seems particularly smarmy as hosts go. Give me Jeff Probst any ol’ day. ANYway, this week, the first scary thing the group had to do (it’s a different group of people each week, did I say that?) was jump from the roof of one semi to another while both were in motion. Calm down, they were safety harnessed up. Though it would have been much cooler if they weren’t. Damn, that would be an excellent show, if people could die in the process of doing the scary things. Would as many people be interested in the $50k, I wonder? After the first round, there were two guys and one girl left. The next morning, they ended up in a mausoleum. The scary thing they had to do was get in this huge container and be covered by worms for 4 minutes. (The people last week had to get in a container and be covered by rats) The girl of the group immediately screeched and covered her mouth and acted all freaked out like a wimpy girl. Now just let me add here that I understand wimpy girl behavior – I am, in fact, guilty of wimpy girl behavior myself. However, if I were competing for $50,000 and knew beforehand that I would have to do scary things, I would steel myself to DO scary things, and instead of screaming and running around in circles, I’d give Smarmy Rogan a stoic smile and ask if I could go first. Smarmy Rogan went on to tell the contestants that some of them might have to actually EAT some of the worms. There were three pieces of paper in this big bowl of worms, containing instructions on how many of the worms the contestants had to eat – 0, 1, or 5. Screaming freaky girl started CRYING. “Why are you crying?” Smarmy asked. “Is it because you’re a freaky vegetarian and can’t bring yourself to eat any living thing?” While FreakyScreamyCrying is, in fact a freaky vegetarian (oh shut up, I understand one would be a vegetarian, but Kimmie from Survivor 2 has tainted all y’all with her annoying self), the reason she can’t face eating worms is because they’ll make her throw up. So one of the guys goes first, draws the “Eat no worms” paper, gets in the container, gets covered with worms, and bitches about how they’re biting and hurting him. FreakyScreamyCrying continues to blubber like a big wimpy girly-girl, holding her hands up to her mouth and reeling around and just generally acting like a total fucking idiot. This is where I lost it. “SHUT UP!” I bellowed at the TV. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BIG STUPID CRYING SNIVELING DRAMA QUEEN BITCH!” Why the FUCK do people have to make such a FUCKING production out of shit? I mean, either DO IT or DON’T, but don’t snivel and sob and act like a big fucking idiot about it, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Sniveling and sobbing, she drew the “Eat 1 worm” (I think), and sniveling and whinging, she quit. Girls like that, they give us all bad names. ]]>
06/20/2001