The Perfect Storm last night, and quite frankly, I was disappointed. First of, what was up with that Diane Lane character? I couldn’t stand her from the get-go (as she ran to Mark Wahlberg’s character and jumped on him squealing, I turned to Fred and said "I can’t imagine ever being a woman like that."), and she just got more annoying as the movie went on. I didn’t know Cap’n Billy Tyne, and he certainly may have been a deep thinker and all, but I’d bet dollars to donuts that he never said anything close to like the Hollywoodized speeches George Clooney kept pulling out of his ass.
As I told Fred, what bothers me most is that I know the movie was based on a true story, and therefore every idiotic-sounding line that came out of George Clooney’s mouth was something Billy Tyne very likely not only never said but never thought of saying, and it just really bugged me.
Let’s move on, shall we?
I heard on the radio this morning as I was cleaning up after Fred’s popcorn orgy from last night an ad for Lasik eye surgery. In this ad, the announcer announced that if you called RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND to get information about the surgery, they would enter you in a drawing so that you might win this surgery for free!
Now, to give y’all some background, I am very very spazzy about my eyes. If I were to, oh, break an arm or something, I very likely might say "Oh, I’ll just wait a day and see if it gets better on it’s own…" But if there’s the slightest indication that something ungood is happening with either or both of my eyes, I’m at the doc-in-a-box in thirty seconds flat. I am very careful to take my contacts out every night and clean them, and some weekends I go without my contacts just to give my eyes a rest. If you make a movement like you’re going for my eyes, I will scream, cover my face and fall to the ground before you can pull that piece of fuzz from my face.
In other words, Robyn is a total spaz about her eyes, comprende? If you understand that, then perhaps you will understand my horror at the thought of Dr. Craig Whatshisface performing Lasik eye surgery for free. I could just imagine Dr. W standing over the "nonpaying" patient, jovially chatting with his assistants, and thinking to himself, "Oh, I don’t need to be careful or anything – it’s not like this chick is PAYING for the surgery!" No thanks, Dr. Whatshisface, you keep yourself and your laser on the other side of Huntsville, if you don’t mind, and I’ll just go rinse off my contacts with a little saline…
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11/15/2000