Dear Uterus:
Sincerely,
Your Employer.
EVICTION NOTICE.
To: Uterus of Mine
We are terminating your tenancy and want to evict you from the following property: 101 South Abdominal Way, Apt #2.
Our reason for evicting you is because: You suck, you leave detritus all over the damn place with no warning, and you cause your landlady emotional and physical pain.
You must move from the property or remedy our reason for evicting you by the following date: Oh, honey doll, there is NO REMEDYING THE REASON. You are OUT OF HERE as of mid-January!*
If you do not agree with this eviction notice you have the right to legal advice and may contact a lawyer. NO YOU DON’T. YOU ARE THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! HA! NO RIGHTS! YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS! NONE NONE NONE!
Name of Owner or Agent: Me.
DO NOT LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE LINING ON YOUR WAY OUT!
*Fred won’t let me tell you the exact date because he’s afraid you’ll come stalk me or steal my uterus. He doesn’t know I’ll be Twittering all over the place before and after, mwahahaHA.
So, yes. Last week I had an appointment with my gynecologist to follow up and see where we were to go from here, with the labs and the ultra-sound not showing anything amiss, and the three different birth control pills not helping at all.
(My period came two weeks early. I think you can imagine how thrilled I was.)
She came into the room, and she looked through my tests and we discussed how the labs and ultrasound showed nothing amiss, and it seemed pretty clear to me that she was going to pussyfoot around some more, and I finally asked if, at this point, a hysterectomy was a possibility, and she jumped on that with both feet.
A hysterectomy is, indeed, a possibility. And it’s gonna happen. AND I COULD NOT BE MORE PLEASED. My ovaries and cervix will be staying, thank you very much, unless she gets in there and sees something weird going on with an ovary, in which case she’ll remove it. (Given that she did an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and all looked fine at that point, she doesn’t expect that to happen.)
So, in a few more weeks (see the note at the end of the last section about how Fred won’t let me tell you exactly when I’m having it done) that hysterectomy will be PERFORMED and the constant goddamn bleeding will be done and over with.
CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?!
(I can feel my stupid uterus getting ready for one last period, though. STUPID UTERUS.)
Thanks, y’all, for your book suggestions! I spent a lot of time last night looking through them at Amazon, getting sample chapters (sample chapters on the Kindle: BEST THING EVER!) and making notes of books I want to try in the future.
In a few hours, I will leave to take Gus and Mike…. somewhere. Where they will ultimately end up in their new home. NO DETAILS.
Details tomorrow, I promise. 🙂
I am going to miss these guys SO much, I’m telling you.
Mike and Crazy Jake check out the feather teaser.
Cats on a tree!
Gus is skeptical.
Hello, have I perhaps mentioned ten million times that I LOVE THIS KITTEN? Make it ten million and one!
Mike and Gus sharing a snooze with Hydrox.
“Don’t hate me because I’m beyoootiful.”
“Okay, right. Funny. HILARIOUS. Now PUT ME DOWN.”
A bit dusty, and a piece of some sort of string on his head. My guess: he’s been rolling around under the bed.
Two Wonkas + two Cookies, mix together, shake lightly = a recipe for CUTE.
It hurts me to look at him, he’s so gorgeous.
Keebler and Mike were hanging out in the cat bed, and Keebler got a little too vigorous with the kneading and slurping. See Mike’s claw? He was like “Okay, kid. Calm it down, now. Tryin’ to snooze, here.”
I think the Cookies are going to miss Mike and Gus, too!
We call this Maxi‘s “Tony Soprano look”, because she’s got those flat, dead eyes going on. You SO don’t wanna mess with her, Chris-tuh-FUH will come mess you UP on her behalf.
Previously
2009: Meet George and Gracie.
2008: No entry.
2007: Oh look! It’s been two years since the last time we adopted a dog.
2006: Home again, home again.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: How we met.
2000: And that’s all I have to say ’bout that.
They are soooo going to Nance’s. *chuckles*
Congrats on the hysterectomy (since you wanted one, I can say congrats, lol). I hope everything goes as planned and you can keep you ovaries (early menopause would suck)!
I’ll sing it…hallelujah! I got my useless uterus evicted 10 years ago and haven’t regretted or missed it one day since. You go, Grrl!
I love me some grey kittehs, damn but that Gus is a cutie patootie. Happy thoughts to the new lucky humans getting adopted by these boyos.
Wow! Nance is going to add to her furry friends population!
HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!
Did you know you can set up a Kindle wishlist on Amazon? I just discovered it yesterday.
I wish you the speediest recovery!
I’ll miss seeing pics of Mike and Gus, they are both so sweet and cute!
Glad you are finally getting what you want for your own body. It’s about time the dr. agreed with you. Love the three sweet boys sleeping in the one bed picture. Lucky person/family getting those two sweet guys.
Halleleujah!
If I hadn’t gone into menopause at 45, I would be right behind you on the next gurney into surgery-town. Kudos for standing up for what you want! Or is that laying down? Whatevah!
I’m sending my early congrats to you for a successful eviction of your unwelcome uterus. As the girls in my office call themselves, you will become one of the ‘Hyster-Sisters’. I, so far, still have mine and am in no hurry to evict. Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery. I’m sad to see Gus and Mike go, too. I’m sure someone equally as cute and lovable will take their place soon. Best of luck to their new owner.
I had the same surgery, kept the cervix and the twins. I have never regretted it for a second. Congrats!
I will surely miss Gus’s ear floof.
Congrats on the hysterectomy! Mine was 1 year ago, due to cancer. I had periods like yours though. I kept my overies and have felt wonderful!
I said adios to all my girlie bits last March due to complications from my cervical cancer and subsequent treatments. Best damned thing I did! I feel better than I have in years!!!!
Great resource for questions and answers (other than those of us who have been there and done that) hystersisters.com
Yeah for you!!!!!!!
Thanks for the site, Lynette – I’m going to go check it out right now!
And (not surprisingly), not one person had said “I had a hysterectomy and wish I hadn’t!” to me. 🙂
Ms. Robyn, could I kindly request something in regards to the pictures you post? Well, actually, a friend of mine was complaining, so I told him I’d put in a request. 🙂 You see, when you click on one of the pictures in your posts, say, for example, this one Keebler and Mike were hanging out in the cat bed, and Keebler got a little too vigorous with the kneading and slurping. See Mike’s claw? He was like “Okay, kid. Calm it down, now. Tryin’ to snooze, here.” the version we are taken to is great ‘n all, but we want to see a larger version. Would you be able to rectify that? We’d so much appreciate it!
and please excuse my misspelling of Miz as in Miz Robyn. Ooops. 🙂
Danielle, tell me this – if you click on the picture that takes you to Flickr, does it not show you the links at the top of the picture that says “all sizes”? (It does for me, I just assumed it did for everyone else, too!)
Also, could you click on this link and tell me if you can see the larger picture?
I don’t mind at all changing what I link to so y’all can see the bigger pictures, I just need to know if you can see them on Flickr, or if I should self-host them. 🙂
Hi Robyn!
No, for some reason, when I click on the picture of Keebler and Mike (as referenced in my first comment), there are no options to get “all sizes.” I know I’ve seen that in other Flickr albums, but not after clicking the photo in the post.
However, that being said, when I click on the link you mention I get the larger version plus the other available sizes option as well.
But! Hold on. 🙂 My friend and I just figured out what was going on. If we sign in to Flickr (i.e. Yahoo!) then the “all sizes” option shows up. The weird thing is, is that I was signed in to Yahoo! but on another tab. So I guess when I click the photos in your posts, somehow it doesn’t get recognized that I am already signed in, and I have to sign in again.
My friend and I are using different browsers, he is using Firefox, and I’m using Chrome, not sure if it might be different in IE.
Anyway, the mystery is cleared up and we are thankful that we can get large versions as well. My friend really wanted to see how far into Keebler’s head Mike’s claw was going. LOL
Thank you for checking into this. You rock! 🙂
No problem at all. I think what I’ll do from here on out is link to the larger picture, so everyone can see the big picture whether they’re signed into Yahoo or not. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, it never occurred to me that not everyone sees what I see. 😀
Robyn, Flickr uses the Creative Common licenses to prevent other users from seeing “all sizes” iirc. So you may have to loosen up the CCL to let other users see the “all sizes.” I could be wrong, but I think that’s what fixed mine in the past.
Robyn! I got the fleece cat beds on your recommendation for my boys and They Love Them! We are moving to a house with a huge bay window and I had planned on them having the beds there. Then it struck me, DUH, they should have the beds now so they can fuzz them up and scent them or whatever, so they will be happy and secure in the new house. So I got them and the boys love love love them. Hold your computer up, you can hear them purring! Thank you Miz Robyn!
Hi Robyn
I had a hysterectomy 9 years ago just before my 40th birthday. I now refer to it as my birthday present to myself. I had similar issues I think. I kept my ovaries as well…same deal she wanted to check them when she did the surgery and see if they should come out. I just wanted to tell you to check with your doctor about leaving your cervix. Mine recommended it be removed because cervical cancer is more common as you get older. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Anyway, it was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done. Good luck!
whoops…8 years ago… apparently I don’t know how old I am!
Congratulations on the future hysterectomy. I had mine 4 or 5 yrs ago and it was THE best thing I did. Make sure you check out hystersisters.com THey are a wealth of information with tons of articles, advice, boards, etc.
Poo, Don’t you stare at me with those dead eyes, you church bitch! I immediately regret saying that.
(Eastbound and Down quote, sorry, I can’t help myself.)
And congrats on the Uterine eviction. I’m hoping to be able to convince somebody to let mine go into the hazardous waste pile myself. Good job!
tony soprano-eyes cracks me up. I don’t normally sympathize with the Jersey stereotypes, but I’m a Bronx-born Jersey girl and our neighbors/good friends growing up had a son named Christopher and I think to this day I still say it like that, Chris-to-fuh. Sorry!! I am soooo going to miss pictures of Mike:( Glad that those two won’t even ever see the inside of the shelter though, you must be relieved.
I had my uterine eviction almost 5 years ago for symptoms that sound like the fun you’ve been having. I tell everyone that it was like having my windshield cleaned. I had a little more energy and everything seemed brighter. Recovery was a snap for me since I had the laproscopic procedure. Still and all, take it easy for a week or so.
I do hope you have a safe drive out to California to bring me Mike and Gus. I mean, you are doing that right? Please!?!?!?! Me want!
Congrats on the hysterectomy. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Had my uterus removed eons ago. Best damn decision I ever made in my life! You will be so very happy, too! And the recovery period? It’s a breeze!
I had a hysterectomy several years ago. To this day, it is the best gift I’ve ever given myself. I felt better when I woke up in recovery, than I did when I arrived at the hospital. Living without almost constant pain, gave me back my sense of humor and zest for life. That sounds corny, but it’s so true. Congratulations!
Evicted my uterus & cervix a year ago. Yay! Why do some not take out the cervix too? Doesn’t it become like an appendix once the uterus is gone? Serving no function and only able to cause problems down the road? It was no fun to go through, specially since I was living with my soon-to-be-ex at the time, but once you get to the other side (and move out of a toxic situtation in my case) it’s so much better. And you have Fred, who’s amazing. (But don’t tell him! Just read his book again for new year inspiration.) Here’s to an uneventful surgery and speedy recovery!
Good question, Pat – and one I’ll ask the gynecologist when I see her for my pre-op appointment next week!
Hey – before you commit to the surgery, ask about thermal ablation. Same results – less invasion. Outpatient and a great option. I’m a hyster sister because of fibroids and desperately tried to have the TA, but couldn’t. I know lots and lots of ladies that have had one, many for convenience, just to be done with the damn period.