12/8/09 – Tuesday

Yesterday, I had an appointment for an ultrasound (so that, theoretically, my gynecologist can figure out why I’m spotting 8 – 10 days out of every freakin’ month). It was originally scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving, but they called and rescheduled. I knew, going into the appointment, that there was no way on earth … Continue reading “12/8/09 – Tuesday”

Yesterday, I had an appointment for an ultrasound (so that, theoretically, my gynecologist can figure out why I’m spotting 8 – 10 days out of every freakin’ month). It was originally scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving, but they called and rescheduled. I knew, going into the appointment, that there was no way on earth I’d be in and out of there quickly, and I was not disappointed (or rather, I was disappointed to be right!). My appointment was at 10:15, and when I left it was 11:45.

The ultrasound showed nothing. The wall of my uterus was so thin that she couldn’t even see the fibroid that showed up during my ultrasound in June (my uterus has been dieting, apparently). She’s ordering copies of the lab work done by the hematologist who did (ordered) my iron infusion, she’s going to look those results over, and then call me.

It looks like we’re headed for an endometrial ablation at this point. We’ll see.

This fucking horseshit sure is moving at a fucking snail’s pace.

 

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If I might inquire: what the holy fucking shit does “Jesus Gay” mean? It appears to be some sort of exclamation one uses to stress one’s point (“Jesus Gay is it cold out there!”), but for some reason I find it EXTREMELY irritating and thus please be warned that using it in my presence (or on your blog, which is where I’m stumbling across it) means you are giving me permission to hunt you down and smack you upside the head REALLY FUCKING HARD.

Other irritants:

1. The usage of “my man” instead of “Bob” (or whatever the fuck his name is). Yes, we know you have a man. Very impressive. Can we grow up now? Also, when you use lots of initials to refer to your children or coworkers or relatives, and they’re all so similar that I don’t have one fucking clue which one you’re talking about. Come up with a pseudonym and keep it simple. (Did I ever mention that 10 years ago (!) when I started my journal, I was going to use pseudonyms for Fred and the Spud and I, because OMG THE INTERNET STALKERS, but I couldn’t come up with ones that fit for Fred and I, so I gave up the idea. Clearly I kept the idea for the Spud, though!)

2. Bloggers constantly flogging their other blogs. (Like, I don’t know, ME and Love & Hisses?) I don’t want to go ELSEWHERE to read your shit, I want to read it IN ONE PLACE. (And thus just this second, I have decided to start posting my Wednesday all-cats posts here (and the weekend ones, too) as well as at Love & Hisses so you don’t HAVE to click over there. I didn’t really start Love & Hisses so you’d have to go elsewhere to read my shit, I started it so that those of you who like to show cat pictures to your kids wouldn’t have to wade through all the goddamn/ motherfuck/ horseshit/ fucking/ assface/ jumped-up-christ on a saltine cracker (etc.) talk. See? I can be thoughtful!)

3. When people go password protected and don’t leave a link to their email address or even a form to send a request, thus making it impossible for you to email them and ask for access. I GUESS I DIDN’T WANT TO READ YOUR BLOG ANYWAY, GODDAMNIT.

4. Those popup ads. Not the ones that pop up into another window (thanks to Firefox, I rarely ever see THOSE, thank god), but the ones that pop up and block the main part of the page, and you have to fucking FIND the “x” to close it, and then if you so much as look in the direction of where the ad came from, it pops up and does another song and dance, and honestly? Whoever thought that shit up should be crucified at dawn. Or sunset. I’m not picky. But DEATH TO THE CREATORS OF THAT HORSESHIT. Also, ads that have MUSIC or TALKING. I was on Dr. Phil’s page yesterday (shut up, I was looking for Alexandra’s blog) and there was this ad up at the top of the page with Hershey’s kisses, and if your mouse went anywhere in the upper right quadrant of the page, the GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING HERSHEY’S KISSES STARTED CLEARING THEIR THROATS IN PREPARATION FOR A GODDAMN HOLIDAY SONG. It pissed me off so much I yelled “OH DR. PHIL, I HAVE A SHOW IDEA FOR YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!”, and then I went and bought a couple of bags of Hershey’s kisses and ate the hell out of them to show them just who the boss is.

5. That you might think I’m talking about YOU. I am not talking about YOU, I’m talking about those OTHER annoying bloggers (unless you have those annoying ads on your site, then I am TALKING ABOUT YOU). You, I love because you obviously have excellent taste.

 

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I’ve had to stop reading Under the Dome (the Stephen King novel) for the time being. It causes me great emotional pain to lug that fucking thing around (Dear Stephen King: You had to use 1,000 pages to say the same thing that I AM SURE could have been said in approximately 500? They really do NOT edit you in any way anymore, do they? Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan.). My Kindle should be here today, and the first thing I’m going to do with it is download the Kindle version of Under the Dome.

Stephen King better be getting kickbacks from Kindle, because I’m SURE I’m not the only one who was pushed into a Kindle purchase by the sheer weight of that book.

I bet the Kindle version of that damn book won’t crack my sternum the way I can sense the hardcover version wants to.

Stupid heavy-ass books.

 

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It is cold and it is rainy and it is gray and ugly outside. I hate the weather this time of year. I told Fred that if we didn’t have so many kittens running around, I would have made a fire in the big fireplace by now. He said “They’re not going to JUMP in the fire! Give them some credit!”

I’d give them credit, except they have marshmallow fluff for brains. I have had to stop Orange and Blue from leaping into the fiery-hot oven at least twice each. Every time I do laundry, I’m paranoid that one of them has jumped into the dryer while my back was turned. On Sunday, I had just seen one of them hanging out by the dryer, and then after I’d put the clothes that were in the washer in the dryer he was nowhere to be seen, and I was worried that he’d jumped into the dryer while I wasn’t looking. So I pulled all the clothes out, to be sure there was no kitten in there. Then I started the dryer, walked away, and became concerned that somehow I’d overlooked a kitten among the wet clothes even though I’d pulled them all OUT of the dryer, so I stopped the dryer, pulled everything out, double-checked, started the dryer… And then went through the house counting Cookies (and Wonkas, while I was at it), just to be safe.

Damn kittens are stressing me OUT. But then they climb all over me, purring like crazy little Fluffheads, and the stress goes away.

Sometimes when I walk through the house, a herd of cats in front of me, fighting with each other, trying to trip me up, rubbing against each other and me and the walls, I sing a little ditty. It goes like this:

Too many kitties up in my shit. Too many kitties up in my shit. TOO MANY KITTIES UP IN MY SHIT.

Sounds like a hit, no?

 

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We have hit the point in time (and it happens with every litter, no matter how old they are, no matter how many of them there are) where I can’t do anything without having to shuffle along for fear of stepping on a cat. If I’m doing something in the kitchen, they sit there and scream at me about how they’re starving to death. Orange, the hungriest of the hungries (which makes it ironic that she’s the lightest of the Cookies – she’s at just under two pounds; Hydrox, on the other hand, is now three pounds. He’s going to hit double digits before Orange makes two pounds, I swear!) has learned to climb up me. She gets as far as my waist, and then she hangs there, howling angrily about her starvation.

Someone’s always growling at someone else. Jake and Elwood don’t understand that Violet and Veruca do not care to have them too close, and some evenings it seems that I hear a hellcat scream from every corner of the house. Those Wonka girls have some LUNGS on them.

The Wonkas have sneezed a few times, but don’t seem to really be developing colds (fingers crossed!). A couple of the Cookies have slight colds, but it’s been a few days, and they don’t seem to be turning into anything too bad. I had thought that I’d get them fixed this week, but it looks like it’ll have to wait ’til next week. Which is probably for the best – that way, Orange can pack on a few more ounces.


The Cookies seem to really like the bigger cats. Jake and Elwood don’t mind when the little ones snuggle up with them.


Of the Wonkas, Mike’s the only one who doesn’t much seem to mind when someone who is NOT of his litter snuggles up with him. The girls will hiss and growl and complain, but if Jake and Elwood are persistent enough, they’ll eventually give in. But they’re not HAPPY about it.


Mike was sleeping in the cat bed on Fred’s desk, when Blue came up to Fred asking for some love. Fred held her for a few minutes, then put her in the bed with Mike. They both sat there for a minute, like “What is THIS happy horsepucky?”….


…and then this happened.


Hydrox will snuggle up with anyone, anywhere, anytime. He’s not picky.


Jake got too close to Gus, and this was the result. Gus is NOT up for snuggling with anyone, anywhere, anyEVER. Unless they’re from his litter. He’s picky about who he snuggles with.


Keebler found yet another stack of cat beds, climbed inside, and declared it good.


Violet and Veruca are all “Do you SEE what we have to put up with?!”


Mike would like to know why Elwood thinks it’s okay to snooze in the foster room. Elwood and Jake LOVE to hang out up there. So does Stinkerbelle, for that matter.


Check out the size of those ears!


Front to back: Veruca, Violet, Mike, Gus, and Miz Poo.

 

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Spanky in a box!

 

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Previously
2008: ::DESPAIR::
2007: Stinkerbelle: “I have put my stamp of love upon him, and now I shall lay here and seethe with hatred for those hussies who think they can have him. THEY CANNOT.”
2006: Newton (full name: Newton “Newtie” McNewterton, the salty country kitty) is pretty, yet aloof. It drives the wimmins CRAYZEE.
2005: “Us”? Who’s this “us” kemosabe?
2004: I suppose I need to actually start buying lottery tickets to make these dreams come true.
2003: And also because you Canadians are so cool that I want to canoodle with each and every one of you.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: God bless the internet and online merchants, god bless their little black hearts.
1999: More Christmas talk.

39 thoughts on “12/8/09 – Tuesday”

  1. Jesus Gay? Really? How very weird. I can see why it would bug you. I completely agree about the stupid pop-ups that jump out at you every time you move the mouse. Hate. The picture of Gus with his ears flattened out is fantastic. Love your kitty pictures.

  2. Amazing that Gus can flatten those ears, given the floof they contain. Hee.

    This is your blog/online journal/home, home on the web. I think you should vent when you feel the need; don’t keep it bottled up inside. Quit sugar coating it and say what you mean. 😀

  4. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until December 24th to download the Kindle version of Under the Dome because it’s not being released until then. This is the first book I’ve seen since I bought my Kindle where they’ve staggered the release of the hardback and Kindle versions. I was pretty annoyed by this because if they had come out at the same time, I probably would have bought both because I collect the hardbacks and would rather read on the Kindle, but since they staggered the release, they lost my $9.99 for the Kindle version because I have already read the hardback version.

      1. I am glad that I wasn’t the one who told you about the Under the Dome thing. It burns my biscuit! But I am waiting for the Kindle version because I’m still in school and I don’t want to carry the hardcover around either. Of course, I might change my mind once I don’t have a test or any more homework to worry about…

        That said, I love my Kindle, and it has revolutionized how I read. You might find that you’ll need his and hers Kindles – if you do, and use the same Amazon account, you can share books! [My husband and I each have our own Kindle.]

        1. To tell the truth, the reason we’ve only ordered one is because I wanted the small one and Fred wanted the big one. We’re getting the small one, Fred’s going to play with it, and decide whether he wants a small one or a big one. I do think we could share one, though – he does most of his reading in the evening when I’m on the computer, and I do most of mine at night when he’s in bed.

          1. I really really want Under the Dome, but I do a large proportion of my reading on the bus, and I think it would be too annoying to haul around. Although I do have about ten days off at Xmas. Ok, is back on the Xmas list.

  5. It’s taking forever for me to finish Under The Dome because it’s damn uncomfortable to hold. Good though so I guess it’s worth the pain! Love all your cat pics!

  6. Yeah, I ended up with the wheelbarrow-format Under the Dome because of the Christmas Kindle release date. I don’t know if that was planned to sell Kindles or if they needed that long just to render the thing in electronic format, but I suspect that there are a whole lot of Kindles being sold just on the heft of that book.

  7. In the first picture, with the Cookie and the Blues Brother, does the Cookie have ear tufts like a lynx? OMG.

    Also, how hot does it get when they are all together … I had ONE cat on my feet this weekend and GOOD LORD he was toasty. I understand their temp is a few degrees higher but this was hot, hot, hot.

    1. Yes! Keebler, Blue, and Pink have those “points” on the end of their ears. They are the cutest things ever!

      They get pretty hot – I can lay on the couch with two or three of them snuggled up against me and don’t even need a blanket to keep warm. The best way to stay warm: kittens!

  10. there’s a girl I’ve worked with for over 4 months now who only refers to her boyfriend as “my man.” We all work at home and one day in the work chat room she just disappeared for 3-4 hours. The next day she announced that the reason she signed off was because “my man” didn’t pay the power bill and her power had gone out. Some “man” eh? Now every time she says it I think of what a freakin loser he probably is. She has never once told anyone what his real name is but she has mentioned that she’s the only one working and they have 3 kids at home. ha!

    1. Much in the way when I hear (or read) “sexy lady”, I think of a guy from the 70s with a cheesy mustache grinning and saying “sexxxxxxy laaaaady” with porno music playing in the background, reading (or hearing) “my man” makes me think of Joy from My Name is Earl screeching “MY MAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

      1. I can see where “my man” could get a bit irritating, but the one that does me in every single time is “hubby.” GAH!!!!! And I can’t decide if it’s better or worse when they add a “my” or “the” – “don’t know what to get my hubby for Christmas,” “don’t know what to get the hubby,” “don’t know what to get hubby” – they ALL make my ears bleed. I’d rather hear a thousand repetitions of “my man” than one instance of “hubby.”

        I do know that a lot of people my age (and I’ve thought this since I was about 25, so “my age” = 25 and up) feel uncomfortable saying “my boyfriend” to describe a non-marriage-based long-term relationship, and struggle for identifiers for people who might not recognize the first name, or just because sometimes using the first name over and over gets boring. Some of my friends/favorite internet people use “my beloved” (which is cheesy but perfect for this particular couple), “the guy” or “That Guy,” and “my gentleman caller.” (Which sounds a bit like “my John for the evening” but I still like it.)

        After 15 years it’s still awkward for me, and I haven’t found one that I think I could use without sarcasm-quotes or feeling stupid… fortunately, since no one seems to want to date me, it’s not much of a problem. Ha!

  11. I agree with your list of things that drive me crazy with journals. Recently 2 of my reads went password and I have no idea how to get the password. But I wasn’t on a notify list for either. I don’t even think they had one. Bla 🙁

  12. Oh, I totally get your dryer fear. I swear that just about every time I use my dryer, I think about how Tommy got stuck in the dryer when he was a kitten. That story has really stuck with me.

  13. I went through the whole fibroid/hemorraghing (sp) for 3 years–didn’t have health insurance so I was put on iron pills and lived with it. It will go away eventually, but an ablation would help.

    I have to read Under The Dome while sitting in my chair so I can rest it on my thigh–heavy damn thing, but a good read nonetheless.

  14. I gave up on Stephen King a while back, when I realized that the guy just no longer has ANY idea how to end a book. None at all.

    His game plan now seems to be:

    1) come up with awesome book idea
    2) write awesome, plot driven book for 400 or so pages
    3) realize you have NO idea how to end book
    4) write another 400 pages, just so that you can end book with one of several variations on the theme “And then they all thought happy thoughts, and loved each other, and the bad monsters went away”
    5) collect royalty check, buy small island nation, and relax by writing cranky old coot column for Entertainment Weekly where you refer to yourself as “Uncle Stevey”.

    Also, while I’ve thankfully missed out on Jesus Gay, I’ve encountered several disturbing instances of “awesome sauce”, used as a sort of compliment. As in “You graduated? Awesome sauce!”. That shit also just needs. to. stop.

  15. My doctor recommended the ablation thing a couple of years ago. Although I still haven’t gotten around to getting it done, I swear when he explained it, it sounded like it could be a DIY with a curling iron (kidding!). I’m not sure if it was his iffy grasp of the English language, or the fact that my ears go a little buzzy when I have these types of converations, but I had a “You want to scorch my innards with a what now?” moment.

  16. #4 definitely!

    But also those ads at the top of a page that expand and contract and what you are trying to read keeps moving up and down.

  17. I’m having pain reading the 800 page softcover The Dark Tower-the hardcover The Dome will be a killer. I would like a kindle eventually too.

    Increbidly awesome kitten pictures. They are all so adorable and it’s really fun to see the litters mixing it up.

    I love your rants. My pet peeve is those ads that give you no choice to leave them-either response makes you stay. I have accidentally clicked on a couple-yes I really believe someone lost 47 lbs in one month. OY!

  18. singing… “Too many kitties up in my shit. Too many kitties up in my shit. TOO MANY KITTIES UP IN MY SHIT.”
    Thanks so much for the laugh. :0)

  21. Awesome seems to be making a comeback. I thought we lost that with Lionel Ritchie. What I was noticing was people saying Yea Yea Yea instead of simply yes or yea. Being on the receiving end makes it seem like the person is actually irritated with you and is trying to get you to shut up. I think it is going away now.
    Miss Gracie Lu was a dryer baby and I am still paranoid about her jumping in. I never started the thing with her in it but I have unloaded it several times thinking she might be in it.

  22. I am a little drunk, admittedly, but “too many kitties up in my shit” made me laugh out loud and then SING THE SONG LOUDLY TO ALLEN. We are now laughing at “cats with sunglasses.” Which is, btw, the new name for your website.

    1. For some reason, the funniest part of that whole question (to me) is that the guy writing in is a vegetarian. So… I’m assuming he’s not going to partake of the turkey; therefore, what does he care whether the guy calls the turkey by name?!

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