12/16/07

Let’s get a rooster. Let’s get a rooster. We need a rooster. Let’s get a rooster. Know what would be cool? A rooster! And instead of listening to reason, wherein I explain to him that we should wait until the new coop is done, and the chickens are ready to move to the new coop, and they’ll be away from the back yard and a rooster wouldn’t be able to attack and kill a cat, and then he agrees that that is a fabulous idea, he instead agrees that that is a well-reasoned, fabulous idea, and then on he goes. Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. Want. Want. Want. Want. I say, “I think 2008 should be the year we start saying NO to ourselves,” and he says “Then we need to get a rooster pretty quick! Haw haw! Also, some goats!” Rooster. Rooster. Goats. Rooster. Rooster. Goats. Goats. Goats. Dog. Rooster. Rooster. Pig. Goats. Rooster. Rooster. Let’s go get a rooster. Let’s go get a goat. Oh, BESSIE. I wouldn’t bring a goat home until I had the back forty fenced in. I know what I’m doing! I’m so reasonable! Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. Goats. Rooster. Rooster. This rooster. That rooster. The other rooster. Roosterroosterroosterroosterroosterrooster. I don’t want a rooster. At the very least, I don’t want a rooster until the chickens are moved over to the new chicken coop and I don’t have to worry about Mister Boogers getting his eyes pecked out (though if he doesn’t stop jumping the goddamn fence, I’ll scoop his eyeballs out with a spoon myself). Don’t want a rooster. Don’t want one. And also? Don’t want one. DO NOT WANT. Rooster. Rooster. Laying on the floor kicking and screaming about a rooster. Agrees that we’ll wait to get a rooster until the new coop is done and fenced in. Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. “Hey, Bessie! Let’s go to Lacon Trade Days and get a rooster!” Because he will not shut the fucking fuck up until he gets his new goddamn toy, off we go to Lacon. And we get a goddamn rooster. And then he has the NERVE to bitch about the fact that I didn’t take “an active role” in picking the rooster. I wonder why I wouldn’t want to take “an active role” in picking the rooster, given that I wanted it SO VERY MUCH. At least he’s pretty. (flickr) Fred’s c0ck. Let him show you it.

 

Given that as much as I didn’t want a rooster, you can multiply that by sixty-three thousand, that is how much I don’t want a goat, so I estimate that he’ll be bringing one home round about next Thursday. GAH. However, with the idea that turnabout’s fair play, I’m going to use his own trick on him. I want a Roomba. I want a Roomba. Roomba. Roomba. Know what would be cool? A Roomba. If we had a Roomba, the floor would be clean right now. Let’s go get a Roomba. Roomba. Roomba. RoombaRoombaRoombaRoombaRoombaRoombaRoomba.

 

An Afternoon in the Life of Sugarbutt. Hangin’ out on the air conditioning unit. Hangin’ with the bros. Going for a run. Doing yoga (balancing on front left foot). Trying to decide whether to go inside or stay out (when he stands like this, he looks like a little old potbellied man). Repeat ad infinitum.

 

Previously 2006: No entry. 2005: You know what I really fucking hate? 2004: I guess it really does pay to be in the right place at the right time, eh? 2003: No one cries alone when Iā€™m around, I always say. 2002: Next week will be a lovely roller coaster ride of stressed-out PMS hormones gone wild. 2001: No entry. 2000: No entry. 1999: Have I mentioned that I sleep in the nude?]]>

21 thoughts on “12/16/07”

  3. Jesus, Jeff is the SAME way when he wants something. It makes me crazy.
    The rooster is pretty though. Will he do his rooster thing when the sun rises or can you train him to do it at like, 9am? DO NOT answer that question in your question extravaganza thing- it was rhetorical. I think. Unless you *can* train him; then I’d be curious to know the answer.

  4. I think I married the same man. But be happy that he wants something that isn’t wildly expensive. My husband will not shut up about motorcycles.

  5. Dear Daughter, What you now have to do is look at the beauty of the rooster, and learn to love the sound of his crowing early in the morning. Then I would suggest you do with Fred’s nagging is what your father does with me—totally tune it out!!! Good luck. We both know they will do what they will do.

  6. Ooooh, Robyn – he IS beautiful, not that I know a damn thing about chickens. Congrats to you & Fred on the new addition. I’m sure he’ll make the girlz very happy.
    I want a Roomba too, especially since last year when my crazy-sister-who-loves-to-vaccuum got one and I didn’t….what a waste! She doesn’t even USE it!! Freak. šŸ™‚

  9. Great. Now you have a rooster and now you will have bloody eggs. Keep in mind Rooster’s jobs are to wake your asses up at 4 am and to fertilize those eggs. Now the poor girls will get humped whether they want it or not and half your eggs will be bloody (fertilized.) I personally cannot stand to eat a fertilized egg. However, he is pretty and I sure wish you’d get a goat! Then you can tell Fred, “You really got my goat this time!”

  10. I see the game Fred is playing…He REALLY wants one thing, like a rooster. But instead of just saying…”I want a rooster!” and you saying “NO!”, he acts like he wants something bigger and more difficult, like a goat or a pig. Then you think, well, a rooster would be the least trouble, and so you agree to the small and managable rooster which is all he really wanted anyway!
    Now, when he starts asking for a goat, a horse and an elephant, you’ll know he really just wants a goat! This could also work for you to get your Roomba. You just tell Fred you want another cat (or 2) and when he says no, you act all sad and disappointed and say, “Well, can I at least get a Roomba?”

  11. I am also curious as to why you got a rooster. Don’t you want to eat the eggs? How will you know which eggs are fertilized and which aren’t??

  12. That is one fine looking rooster! So if Fred is playing the ask for something big and then downsizing next he will be asking for a bull. But he might not really be playing that game and you will end up with a fine looking bull and no place to keep him.

  13. I went to Fred’s website and I must agree with everyone that his c0ck is indeed a wondrous sight to behold.
    I can’t believe how cheap it was. When Fred said the woman told him $8.00 for a rooster, I thought it was a typo! Of course I’ve never bought a rooster. A frozen turkey for $25.00 – yes—a live rooster, nope.

  14. Hmm…not to be an enabler, but if you go here http://www.roombareview.com/buy/roomba/ they tell you how to get one of the newer models (i.e. much easier to clean than the last generation) for $212 out the door.
    I gave in, I could not resist. I mean, even if it cuts the vacuuming in half I’ll still be ahead, right?

  15. You probably have already, but check the reviews on Roomba. I wantd one so bad till I read the reviews. IT seems the only positive ones are from people who just got it. The main complaint is it stops holding a charge. Check it out.

  16. Teri, that’s called the “pony-kitten” trick: When you want a kitten, start off by asking for a pony.
    Robyn, I was snorting quite unattractively by the time I got to the “kicking and screaming on the floor” part. I blame you for the snot on my monitor.

  17. Diane has obviously not read all the posts about the farm equipment that Fred has bought since you guys moved to Smallville. Ah by Fred will say, we needed all that stuff! Sure, moving to Smallville was an excuse to buy large amounts of farm equipment because it is needed. Now we know the truth! Big difference between a rooster and a Roomba!

  18. Robyn, Just go get the Roomba, who cares what Fred thinks! ::snort::: sorry Fred. How much does a rooster cost anyway?

  19. Oh wait until that rooster starts crowing – someone dropped one off at our house (live in the country)and i did fall in love with the darn thing..but i wanted to strangle it when it would start crowing 24 – 7. Instead of just crowing in the morning – the thing would crow at 3:00 in the morning or 10 at night -2:00 in the afternoon you get the picture. What a joy *rolls eyes*. Hey he did get along with our cats and dogs.

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